Remember

by Patricia Shanae Smith

  “What kind of state was Portia in when you arrested her?” Rose asked.

  “Complete hysterics. She kept screaming at her father. She was under the impression we were arresting him as well and that we had put him in the backseat next to her.”

  “Was that all that happened?”

  “No.”

  “What else did she say?”

  “She asked where Ethan Torke was.”

  The courtroom erupted in whispers.

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you were arresting her because she attempted to kill Ethan?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was she aware she had just attacked someone?”

  “No. She had no idea why she was getting arrested and definitely was not aware she had hurt Ethan.”

  “No further questions, your honor.” Rose smiled and sat down.

  Richard stood.

  “Can you please explain this photo to me, Detective?”

  I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. I had never seen the crime scene photos.

  I put my head down. I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

  Rose whispered, “Keep it up. Everyone is watching.”

  Was this all a game to her? I had really done all those horrible things to him.

  “Oh God.”

  I couldn’t stop crying. The jury was staring at me.

  The pictures showed blood everywhere.

  All over my living room, dining room, front door.

  My house was a bloodbath.

  Ethan wasn’t in the photo. Thank God.

  “When I walked in, I thought for sure I was walking into a homicide case. I was about to call the detective, but the lady told me he was on the way to the hospital. I was relieved. It was sickening though. He was one lucky guy.”

  “Have you seen blood like this before in your career on the force?”

  “Objection. Relevance?” Rose snapped.

  “I’ll allow it, but get to the point,” the judge stated.

  “Yes, but only once before, in a murder case.”

  “With this amount of blood, do you think Portia Willows intended to murder Ethan Torke?”

  “Objection, speculation.”

  “No further questions.”

  I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.

  Then it was Elizabeth’s turn on the stand. I took a deep breath. I wanted this to be over so badly. It was just getting started.

  “Why were you called to this case, Ms. Smith?” Rose asked.

  “I am a forensic psychiatrist. We get called by the LAPD to handle the assessment of a mentally disordered offender. Portia was obviously mentally ill. I wanted to find out why before we talked about what happened.”

  “You recorded everything, correct?”

  It was me. I looked dirty, sick, not myself.

  “Yes.” Rose turned on a video that had been entered into evidence, it was a still frame. “This is when I first met her. She had no idea where she was, who I was, or what happened in the last five years—which is common when an additional trauma occurs with an already traumatized individual.”

  They played the tape.

  “My name is Elizabeth Smith. I’m here to help you. I am not going to hurt you. So you don’t know why you’re here?”

  I shook my head.

  “Whenever you’re ready, I want you to tell me what happened.”

  “Where’s my dad? I need my dad.”

  Rose muted the tape. I kept staring at myself.

  “Basically, your job, and I’ll say it like this for the jury’s sake, is to make sure she is not faking?”

  “Correct.”

  “After these hours of interviews, recordings, and tests, what is your ultimate expert opinion?”

  “Portia Willows has extreme social anxiety disorder. She gets a physical reaction when out in public. Ethan Torke can attest to that. It was left untreated. Loss of memory is just one symptom. What’s even more common is post-partum depression. All of this combined was too much for Portia’s brain to handle. So she shut it all out.

  When Ethan told her the accident was his fault, everything came back. The attack on Ethan was not done by Portia Willows. It wasn’t even her deceased dad as she had claimed. It was her illness left untreated.”

  “Thank you.” Rose shut off the video and joined me again at the table. It had been playing the whole time.

  “Are we going to watch all of it? I don’t want everyone to see me like that,” I whispered to Rose.

  “No. It’s just for the jury.”

  “Dr. Smith, how long before this was recorded was Ms. Willows striking Ethan with a bat?” Richard asked.

  “About twelve hours. Give or take.”

  “Did she have any recollection of what happened?”

  “No.”

  “So she had no idea why this toddler is in a puddle of blood?” Richard pressed a button.

  I gasped again. Who could have taken that picture? My little Pypes screaming, covered in blood.

  Make it stop.

  “I can’t do this anymore. Please. Please.” I start crying again, this time loudly and uncontrollably.

  “Get it together,” Rose whispered. I guess this time, I wasn’t as sympathetic.

  “Is everything okay, counsel?” the judge asked Rose.

  “Yes. She’s fine. May I ask that we take that photo down?”

  “Of course.” The judge nodded to Richard, who continued with Elizabeth.

  “Dr. Elizabeth Smith, you have been an outstanding forensic psychiatrist for over fifteen years, but what happened in 2012?”

  “Objection. Permission to approach.” Rose stomped her way to the bench with Richard. Something was going on. Papers were being passed. Rose came back, not looking happy. The judge motioned for Elizabeth to answer.

  “My sister got arrested for holding up a liquor store. She was schizophrenic.”

  Members of the jury exchanged glances.

  “Did she get out?”

  “No. She killed herself in jail.”

  The jury gasped.

  Oh my God. Poor Elizabeth. No wonder she was fighting so hard.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine how that feels. You couldn’t help her. But you can help Portia Willows?”

  “It wasn’t the same. I am doing my job.”

  “Was your job to coerce Portia into acting crazier than she was?”

  “No.”

  “You took Portia to the cemetery to visit her deceased relatives?”

  “So she could remember on her own.”

  “It’s very unusual for a patient to leave the hospital. Did you give Portia special treatment?”

  “Why are they doing this to her?” I looked at Rose. She was stone cold staring at Elizabeth.

  “Of course not, it was the most efficient way to treat the patient.”

  “Can you tell me the difference between treating and assessing?”

  “I had the opportunity to do both so I took it.”

  “Answer the question, please.”

  “Treating is putting her through cognitive therapy, revisiting places so she could remember on her own and get a sense of reality back. Assessing is just asking questions and recording, writing up a report and giving it to the LAPD.”

  “What is in your job description to do?”

  “Assess Portia Willows.”

  “As, per her own testimonuy, Dr. Smith was treating Portia Willows, and it should be obvious to the court that she was not an impartial assessor, I request these recordings be thrown out.”

  “Sustained.”

  Elizabeth gasped.

  Rose sighed.

  “What the fuck was that?” Rose yelled at Elizabeth in the breakroom during recess.

  “I did my job. This has nothing to do with my sister.”

  “This has everything to do with your sister. If I had known there was a sister I could have prepared for it.
This case is built on you, Elizabeth. She is going to jail. Now, you couldn’t save two people you care about.” Rose marched off.

  Elizabeth rested her head on the wall.

  “I’m sorry. She’s a bitch.”

  “She is, but a good one. Portia, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. If it wasn’t for you, who knows where I would be right now.”

  “Whatever happens, Portia, I won’t stop fighting for you.” She smiled and I smiled back.

  It was time to go back in.

  My character witnesses took the stand next.

  Maddie: “When I met her in grade school, I knew she wasn’t like us. There was something extremely wrong with her. Piper never treated her differently or anything like that. But I knew she should be getting help or something. I knew that even at six years old.”

  Maddie’s mother: “I could never tell her mother to put that girl on medication but all the parents knew she ought to be. Portia was having panic attacks once a week in school. Everyone would hear about it. She never lived a normal life. Ever.”

  Ingrid: “Portia is the smartest, sweetest young girl I ever met. I felt so bad for her even before the accident happened. She was the black sheep of the family. I witnessed it. I witnessed everyone go out and live their life while Portia was at home reading books. She was a lot like me in that way. When her family died, I didn’t know what was going happen. Ethan was great and he gave her something really special. I loved watching their relationship evolve and seeing baby Pyper. She was so happy to be a mother. I can’t imagine how she forgot, but she did love that baby and Ethan very much. They were so happy. I don’t understand how this could have happened.”

  Grandmother: “I didn’t tell her, the same reason Ethan didn’t tell her. I didn’t want to make things worse. She lost her mother, her sister. Let her play pretend. If that’s the way she grieves, that’s the way she grieves. I didn’t see the big deal. She turned eighteen. Susan helped take care of the house. My grandbaby adjusted to a really bad thing that happened. Ethan should have kept his mouth shut.”

  Susan: “Portia’s mother would complain about her all the time. ‘Portia can’t do this. Portia won’t do this. I just don’t understand. Did I mess up as a mother?’ I told her no. It’s just a phase. Your daughter will grow out of it. I went through a shy phase. Everyone has social anxiety when they’re younger. I didn’t know how bad it was. I didn’t know how to deal with this situation. I take full responsibility. This is my fault. Portia didn’t do this to Ethan. I did.”

  Chapter 24

  When it was the defense’s turn, Mr. Torke took the stand. Even looking at him made me anxious. His expression was the same as when Ethan and I had told him I was pregnant.

  “When did Ethan tell you he’d met Portia?” Rose asked.

  “He didn’t tell me right away.”

  “Why?”

  “I think he was processing the situation himself.”

  “If he would have told you right away, what would have said to him?”

  “Leave that girl alone.”

  “Would you have told him to tell her that he was the one who killed her family?”

  “I wouldn’t have recommended it.”

  “Did you recommend treating her?”

  “I tried a few times, but she was beyond my expertise.”

  “So?”

  “Ethan kept on seeing her.”

  “No. My question is, why not call someone? Anyone? Another doctor, social services?”

  “She was of age. Ethan said he had it handled.”

  Everyone started mumbling again.

  It was as if I wasn’t getting it. I was confused, missing the punch line each and every time.

  “No further questions, your honor.”

  Rose was such a bitch. She was being mean for no reason. If Mr. Torke had called anyone, I wouldn’t have allowed it. I didn’t give these guys much choice. None of these people had been there. I was willing to do anything to live my life the way I wanted to live it.

  Richard stood up and walked over to the stand.

  “Ethan struggled with depression and alcoholism growing up, correct?”

  “Yes. He took my divorce pretty hard.”

  “You were protective of Ethan but also trusted him?”

  “What is this? Therapy?” Rose said to herself as she leaned back in her chair.

  “Counselor Harper.” The judge was not a fan of Rose.

  “Sorry, your honor.”

  “Yes.”

  “You wanted Ethan to be happy and you offered your home and a chance at forgiveness?”

  “Yes.”

  “You wanted to help Ethan and Portia?”

  “That’s all we wanted to do from the very beginning. There was never any intention to harm Portia.”

  Rose raised her hand. “Objection. Relevance?” She was getting frustrated.

  “Sustained. Get to the point,” the judge ordered.

  “What did you see when you walked into the Willows house August 29th at nine fifteen p.m.?”

  “I heard screaming and scuffling. Susan was at my house with the baby and she had told me that Ethan was telling Portia the truth. We knew she wasn’t going to take it well, so we were already on high alert, but we never thought Portia was capable of doing something like…that.”

  “What is ‘something like that’?” Richard asked.

  Mr. Torke looked down.

  “I thought I was going to lose him. There was so much blood. He was coughing it up. My baby boy was just lying on the ground. I went straight to him. I told him I loved him and it was my fault.”

  He was crying.

  I was crying.

  “It was the scariest moment of my life. I wasn’t aware of what had happened to him physically. I just saw my boy. My boy.” He cried. “My boy half beaten to the death on the ground.”

  “Where was Portia Willows?”

  “On top of him. She wasn’t hitting him though. She was consoling him, apologizing.”

  “What was she apologizing for? Hurting him?”

  “Objection, speculation, your honor.”

  “Sustained.”

  “No further questions.”

  Ethan’s mom and Sarah said few words. It was almost over. Ethan was going to take the stand, the jury was going to deliberate, and then my fate would be decided.

  “You have to stay strong through his testimony. Okay?” I didn’t think it would be that hard for me but Rose made it seem like I had no idea what I was in for.

  Ethan was being sworn in. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He struggled to look at me. I would catch him periodically glance over, but he was visibly trying not to look at me.

  I wanted him to look at me. I wanted him to stare into my eyes. He couldn’t deny what we’d had.

  “Let’s get straight to the point, why did you let Portia live this lie?” Rose asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Okay. What about Portia made you fall in love with her?”

  “Objection. Irrelevant,” Richard snapped.

  “Overruled. I’ll allow it.”

  He choked. “She looked at me like I was…everything. No one had looked at me like she did, ever.”

  “What was it like living this life with her?”

  “It was hard at times, but for some reason, she had this charm about her that made everything seem okay even though things were not. She wanted to make me happy. It was the beginning of our relationship.”

  “Portia initially wanted an abortion because she didn’t think she could raise a child because of her social anxiety, but you pressured her?”

  “I really thought it would be okay. It was her choice, but of course, I wanted our child.”

  “You thought bringing a child into a world where the mother had daily hallucinations of her own father, the child’s grandfather, would be ‘okay’?”

  “I thought it would s
top, she was getting better.”

  “At that point, had you given up on the fact that you were going to tell her that you caused the accident that killed her family?”

  “I had.” He choked. “Honestly, in hindsight, some things are better left unsaid. Things were really good between us. I thought we could move away from the house and we could live happily ever after.”

  “What did you think would happen after you told her?”

  “Probably a slap. A really hard one.”

  That’s what I’d said. That’s what I would have done. Ethan knew me so well.

  “Do you feel like you deserved what she did to you?”

  “Maybe. I guess. A little bit.”

  “Yes or no please?”

  Rose, give Ethan a break. Fuck.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you still love Portia? Excuse me—are you still in love with Portia?”

  “Objection, relevance,” Richard shouted.

  Ethan looked down.

  I perked up. Please say yes. But if he said yes, what would I do? Hop over this table and go run and kiss him? No. I would still end up going to jail.

  Ethan didn’t answer.

  “Does he really have to answer this, your honor?” Richard asked.

  The judge looked at Ethan.

  Finally, for the first time since I’d walked into this courtroom, Ethan looked straight at me.

  I couldn’t help myself, I stood up and stared right back.

  “Sit down,” Rose snapped at me.

  I sat.

  The judge kept staring at both of us. The courtroom was completely silent. I felt the tension in the air. Rose was tapping her heels.

  “Yes,” said Ethan.

  The courtroom erupted.

  I smiled. The whole trial was worth that moment.

  “No further questions, your honor.”

  I was outside smoking a cigarette. The jury was out. I couldn’t focus on anything except that Ethan still loved me. Rose was talking to the press while I was in a hiding spot at the side of the building. Elizabeth came to find me.

  “There you are.”

  “This is where they took me to smoke.”

  “You did great.”