Stir Until Petrified

by Theda Vallee

  “This job kind of sucks,” I said looking at Luc.

  “You’re the first Osservatori to ever be almost mortally wounded on their first day of work, so I could see how you would think that.” He smiled at me, but his eyes were deadly serious.

  Chapter

  11

  Luc navigated the Porsche through the waking city. Riding in a low-profile car meant every bump in the road jostled me, sending bursts of pain through my leg despite the narcotics floating in my bloodstream. He’d been on his most chivalrous behavior since the mauling. I could feel his worried gaze boring into me as he navigated us toward the bakery.

  “Can you keep your eyes on the road? It’d suck to survive being chomped on by dogs only to be killed in a car crash,” I snapped at him.

  “I’m sorry. You’re so pale. Your head keeps lolling back. Are you sure we should be going to the bakery? I think you should still be in the hospital,” he said softly.

  I’d been adamant about recovering at home. I wanted my bed. I wanted my family. I didn't want the hospital under siege when my family found out what happened to me. It was better if their histrionics played out in the privacy of our home instead of all over the well-meaning hospital staff.

  “I lost a lot of blood. I think that accounts for my paleness. As for my head, I’m on a shit ton of drugs, you do the math.” I closed my eyes and let the blanket of drugs wrap itself around me a little tighter. Just a few more miles till home. Then I could let them suck me under into oblivion. I had to stay awake to play interference when we got home. There’s no way Luc would be able to stride into the house with my gnarled, bloody body and not be torn limb from limb by my nearest and dearest. Not that he didn't deserve it. I hoped all the blood from my clothes was ruining the leather seats of his precious car.

  The steady purr of the engine reverberated through my body, threatening to push me over the edge of unconsciousness. With every bit of energy, I fought the whispers of sleep that were becoming more demanding by the moment. Just a few more blocks. I could make it a few more blocks.

  I felt the car swing around as Luc found a parking spot. Opening my eyes, I saw we were a block away from the bakery. The parking in our neighborhood sucked. There was no way I was going to hobble a block on my ravaged leg while pumped full of drugs. Luc was going to have to carry me. Gross.

  “From the look on your face, I can see you’ve figured out I’m going to have to carry you over the threshold.” He smiled gamely.

  “Don’t make this any weirder than it has to be,” I grumbled, letting my head roll towards him.

  He chuckled in response, hopping out of the car. How could someone that tall get out of a low car so gracefully? It was freakish. He made his way around, opening the door to retrieve me. Reaching across me he unbuckled the seatbelt I’d forgotten I was wearing. Gently he placed an arm underneath me and another behind me, lifting my body slowly out of the car.

  “Put your arms around my neck to steady yourself.” He barely grunted as he straightened. At least he had the courtesy to act like it was a piece of cake to lift me. Between my meaty rump and limp muscles, I’m sure it was a feat to pick me up as smoothly as he had. I wondered if he lifted free weights at the gym.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and nestled against his broad chest, inhaling deeply. The heady scent of a forest after rain filled my senses. It made me want to rub my face all over his bare chest. “How do you always smell like Eau de Mother Earth? Do you sleep in dirt?”

  “I sleep in a bed. I’m part fae, remember? Our bodies emit a unique pheromone that mimics scents in nature. I’m surprised you can smell it. Usually only other fae can detect it.”

  “It’s delicious. If I wasn't mad at you all the time it’d be sexy.” The drugs were giving me very loose lips. If I remembered any of this tomorrow I was going to hate myself.

  “Thanks, I think,” He said as he gingerly made his way up the street towards the bakery.

  Night had given way to the first tepid rays of sun pushing through the darkness. Hopefully none of our neighbors were up. The last thing I needed was some nosy neighbor gossiping about me being carried home by a giant hunk of a man. Had I gotten laid, I probably would’ve been happy to let them talk.

  Luc stopped in front of our back gate, maneuvering his hand to open it without jostling me. If I’d been trying to carry an injured person home, they would’ve ended up on the ground. Was he just naturally graceful? Was it the fae in him? Or was I just imagining all of this because I was high?

  The smell of fresh from the oven bread hit my nose as we approached the back door. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I’d usually eaten breakfast by now. Fresh bread sounded so damn good. I wanted to take a loaf straight from the oven and wrap myself in it like a blanket, nibbling on it as I lay in bed healing. That would be the life. A bread cocoon of healing.

  I watched as Luc carefully leaned forward to knock on the door. I lived here. We didn't have to knock. Or did we? Did you knock when you came home hopped up on pain pills being carried by your families’ arch nemesis? Maybe that was a rule of etiquette I’d somehow missed.

  The door swung open. A wild-eyed Nonna stood there barring Luc from moving forward. Her floral house coat was open exposing her flannel nightgown. “What have you done to her, you cafone?”

  “Hi, Nonna. Can I have some bread?” I said in greeting.

  “Etta, child what has he done to you?” she whispered. “So much blood. Why so much blood?”

  “Mrs. Massoni, there was an accident. Etta was attacked. I can explain everything but after I get her settled in bed,” Luc said, infusing authority into his voice.

  Nonna blinked slowly, weighing whether let him put me down before she verbally assaulted him. Her concern for me overrode her need to bludgeon Luc as she moved aside to let him pass.

  “Through the arch in the back. I’ll be right behind you.” Nonna’s voice was thick with emotion. I’d never heard her voice quaver the way it just had. Maybe I should’ve stayed at the hospital and pretended I was going out of town on assignment.

  Nonna hovered behind us as Luc climbed the stairs. I could feel his body starting to fatigue slightly from the strain of carrying me. His arms wobbled just a bit as he determinedly placed one foot in front of the other. Dear Lord, please let them hold out just a little bit longer. Rolling down the stairs in a heap with Luc, bowling Nonna over in the process would be the crappiest way ever to end this night. Though, the image was kind of funny. Funny enough that I giggled out loud. And then I giggled some more. Once it started, it was a fountain that bubbled up, overflowing from my mouth. Luc looked down at me, a question on his face. All I could do was grin at him and continue laughing.

  “Through that door there,” Nonna directed.

  “I’m sorry! I’m coming. You don’t have to come up here pretending to send people after me. Gheesh.” Nerina walked out of the bathroom frazzled. My assessment that she would not be able to get up on time to help in the kitchen had been accurate.

  “Oh shit! She’s covered in blood! Oh God! What’ve you done to her? You monster!” Nerina shrieked.

  Nonna was faster than anyone had a right to be at her age. She moved around Luc, holding Nerina back before I had time to register her movements. Nerina emitted a deafening, high-pitched, and guttural sound. My head almost burst from the frequency of her panicked wailing.

  “Let me go! I need to see her! Oh God, what happened to her?!” Nerina’s frantic voice followed behind us. Luc picked up speed to get through the door, slightly banging my head on the door frame in the process. I took it all in continuing my hysterical laughter. I’d expected drama from my family. This was even better than bleeding all over Luc’s seats. They were never going to let him walk out of here with his ego still intact. Or his manhood. That may be removed in the process as well.

  I nestled onto my pillows as Luc laid me down. I smiled at him, inhaling his heady scent again, hoping it would stay in my nostrils long enough to fol
low me into sleep. I could use a triple X dream to wash away the remnants of horror the evening had left with me.

  “You can’t just stick her in bed all bloody like that.” Nerina strode into the room, fire in her eyes. “What did you do? How bad is it?”

  “Dogs ate me,” I mumbled.

  “Dogs ate you? What the hell kind of hospital did you take her too?” Nerina demanded, her face draining of color as she took in my blood-soaked clothing.

  “Hell. It was hell hospital. With dogs, and the never-ending grayness. I didn’t want to stay there.” I tried to lift my arm to point to my leg, but it was too heavy to move.

  “Etta, you’re not helping right now,” Luc said. “She’s on a lot of medication. We went to the hospital to see the latest victim. Somehow, Etta ended up sucked into the dreamscape with one of them. While she was in there a pack of beasts mauled her and the girl she was with.”

  “This happened in a dream? Things can’t hurt you in dreams. How can something hurt you in a dream?” Nerina countered, clearly not believing him.

  “I had to run,” I interjected trying to lift my head. I wanted credit for the forced exercise I’d endured.

  “How did she escape?” Nonna asked, her eyes calm like the eye of a hurricane.

  “I don’t know. They had to give her a lot of pain medication. She hasn’t been coherent enough to debrief fully.”

  “He wants to debrief me? Come on, cowboy! Les see whatch you got!” I slurred, trying to get my arms to cooperate in throwing back my blanket.

  Nerina came over to the bed and sat next to me. Her trembling hand stroked my hair soothingly. I felt like a giant cat. Would it be weird if I started purring?

  “You take my granddaughter to this place with you. You do nothing to instruct her on how to use her magic. You do nothing to protect her while she is there. You have no idea how this even happened to her. What kind of idiot are you?” Nonna’s hands bore the telltale sign that she was barely containing her anger. Normally they would be flying through the air punctuating every word. Instead they lay at her side unmoving.

  “I told you it was dogs. Big ass dogs,” I said, trying to be helpful.

  “What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. DeFiero?” Nonna said, ignoring me. She focused her steely glare on Luc.

  “Cuuuujo. Lots of Cuuuujos,” I garbled at them from the bed.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve been better prepared. The block she had over her magic for her lifetime is almost nonexistent now. I underestimated how reactive it had become. I won’t make that mistake again.” Luc looked at me, his eyes glinting with remorse.

  “Your arrogance could’ve cost her life. You think you have it all figured out. You think you’re wise and knowing beyond your years. Trust me on this, you are a child who understands nothing beyond his own needs,” Nonna spat out, punctuating each word with a finger slammed into Luc’s chest.

  “I think you forget who I am Mrs. Massoni, and the role I play in your granddaughter’s life now. I suggest you pause before you say anything you’ll regret,” Luc threatened foolishly, standing his ground.

  Nonna surprisingly paused for a moment. Her eyes burned with fury. If Luc had any sense, he’d turn tail and run right now. It was a cardinal sin to threaten your elders in an Italian household. Beyond that he’d come into our home, our sacred space, and dared to think he could demand anything of us. I felt the anger buzzing around the room as they stood toe to toe. Nonna was David to Luc’s Goliath, her agile brain calculating where to cast her stone to inflict the most damage.

  “You’re in troooooouble,” I sing-songed. I should warn him to leave. When Nonna couldn’t come up with words, you knew shit was about to hit the fan.

  “Mrs. Massoni, whether you like it or not, your granddaughter is under my jurisdiction. You don’t have to like my methods or how things go down, but you’re not entitled to a commentary on them. Being an Osservatori is dangerous on occasion. I won’t deal with these theatrics every time something happens. Is that understood?”

  Like a whip lashing out, Nonna connected her right hand to the side of his face, showing him just how much she understood. The sickening crack of flesh on flesh bounced off the walls, burrowing into my ears. His head snapped to the left with shocking force. I watched as a red welt the shape of her tiny hand quickly raised on his cheek. Nerina and I gasped in unison. In all my years, I’d never seen Nonna lay a hand on someone in anger. Growing up we’d been swatted with a wooden spoon from time to time, but never with any gusto. She was not a person prone to rage. She’d been able to put the fear of God into me as a child with just a look, but I’d never actually been afraid of her. Who knew that below the surface of that calm facade there lay a woman capable of a ferociousness that would have any sane person running for their life. I was in awe.

  “I’m not a strega, but I’m a witch in my own right. I have other ways to make you understand that I am not someone to trifle with. I will not allow my family to be destroyed by you or anyone else, Osservatori or not. Get out of my house. Get out now. I will not be responsible for what happens if you don’t leave.” Her voice was deep; a powerful timbre that filled the room with its command.

  Nerina leaped up from the bed, doing her best to get between them. “You should go.”

  “I’ll send the doctor with instructions on how to care for her wound,” he said as he stomped out of the room.

  “Nonna, are you OK?” Nerina asked cautiously.

  “Of course, I’m OK. Why would I not be ok? Get that look off your face. Help me get your sister cleaned up. She can’t lay in bed covered in blood.” She sprung into motion, ready to lose herself in the work.

  “It’s not all mine.” I smiled at them both lazily as the drugs finally sucked me under.

  Chapter

  12

  “Hold still!” Nerina grunted as she bent over my leg, her focus on the shiny pink landscape of my upper thigh. She dug her fingers into the salve Leander, aka “Doctor Sex-On-A-Stick” had prescribed. It was a concoction of moon-soaked botanicals imbued with an extra kick of fae magic. It’d worked wonders.

  The first time the bandages had been removed, we’d sat in shocked silence, staring at the crater of carnage left behind by Scooby Doo gone rogue. The damage had been so extensive I thought it would take months to recover. To my surprise, it was only a week later, and the scar looked months old.

  Despite the aid of magical healing the new skin was fragile. The rapid healing process left the new skin too delicate to withstand any movement during the first few days. I’d been placed on strict bed rest to ensure I didn’t reopen the wound.

  Bed rest might as well be called torture. I’d spent the last week staring at the ceiling and listening to Aunt Sophie snore loudly from the chair by my bed. Today, I was finally allowed to walk on it. I was desperate for a real shower after a week of tepid sponge baths.

  “It’s good enough. Get out of the way,” I grumbled, pushing Nerina’s hands away from me.

  “You’re the worst sick person in history,” she said as she moved from the bed, her concerned face contradicting her annoyed tone. “I know you’re anxious to get up, but please go slow. I’m not going to be able to pick you up if you fall on your face.”

  “Fine. I get it. Snail’s pace blah, blah, blah,” I said using my hand to mimic her blabbering.

  Regardless of how ready I felt, I needed to be careful. She weighed a hundred and seventeen pounds at best. With our height and weight differences she’d never get me up off the floor if my leg gave out.

  I placed my good leg over the side of the bed, firmly planting my foot onto the worn floorboards. I pressed into the smooth wood with the ball of my foot, reassuring myself that the ground was stable. Slowly, I moved my damaged leg over the side of the bed. I repeated the ritual of testing the ground with slow cautious pressure, ensuring the floor below felt solid. I pushed myself to a standing position wincing as a rivulet of pain rippled through my leg. Closing my eyes, I concentr
ated on breathing. I took a slow intake of air, filling my lungs to capacity. I paused, letting the air back out in a slow measured exhale. I was practicing the breathing I’d learned during birthing classes. It hadn't done a whole hill of beans during labor, but it was worth trying on something lower on the pain scale. The throbbing settled itself into a dull ache. It was unpleasant but manageable. I allowed my muscles a moment to adjust to the full weight of my body before trying to take a step. Once I felt stable I took a step away from the bed. Two steps. Three steps. Oh shit. I was dizzy. Too many days spent on my back, and not in a fun way.

  “You look pale. Do you need to sit down?” Nerina hovered within my bubble, ready to try to catch me if I fell.

  “I’m woozy but good. I need food. Let’s go find something to eat.” I said. What’d you expect? Of course the first thing I’d want to do when I got out of bed was eat.

  “You’re in luck, someone is making you breakfast as we speak.” She grinned at me mischievously.

  “Who is it? Is it Doctor Sex-On-A-Stick?”

  Her sly grin said she was stupid happy about whoever it was downstairs. “I wish. I’d eat him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” She licked her lips as if she was imagining eating the good doctor. “It’s the other member of your team, Brady. The guy who’s been on vacation.”

  She smiled at me again with barely contained laughter. Now I had to make it downstairs to see what had her so amused. It was slow going, my leg was stiff from lack of use. The freshly minted skin protested with every step. It felt like a rubber band pulling taut across my thigh with every slight attempt to use those muscles. Leander had said that there might be some permanent nerve damage, but we’d have to wait and see. Magic couldn't fix everything it seemed.

  I pushed through the double doors into the kitchen, stopping abruptly at the sight before me. A gigantic fairy danced in front of the stove, overwhelming the room with his presence. He was as tall as Luc, but his chest was the circumference of a sequoia. He was wearing a tank top that said “I Slay” on it. Enormous emerald wings lay folded down the length of his back, almost dragging on the floor behind him. Whenever the light hit them they flashed an iridescent rainbow that would be spectacular in full sunlight. Every movement he made caused his muscles to flex like he was competing in a bodybuilding competition. His bright red hair was cut perfectly, neat on the sides, but long enough on the top for someone to run their hands through and tousle it.