by McKayla Jade
Gareth, with sword still raised, took a step toward him. “Because you are not acting like the Ian Hawkins I know and have known since we were mere boys! You are acting like a buffoon!” With Cassidy tucked safely behind him, Gareth let him know exactly what was happening. “She came up here to clear her thoughts about you. To reassure herself, you really do love her. That you really do care for her. And most befuddling of all, why you have been such a codpiece to her lately!”
“You watch your tongue in front of her!” Hawk bellowed back, but Gareth was not done.
“You imbecile! She thinks you only care about this kingdom and keeping her locked away. I held her to me to comfort her. Yes. Read our thoughts you moron. You will know the truth then. But I tell you this now. If she sees fit to find a way to leave you, I will help her. She deserves better than this. You are better than this jealous, idiotic, rage filled man I see before me.”
“Hawk.” Cassidy spoke up finally and he heard the tears in her voice. He had caused that. Not Gareth, nor anyone else. He had. He saw Gareth hesitate to lower his wing and he was ready to fight. His thoughts were in such turmoil. Then reluctantly, Gareth let her pass.
She stood before him, tiny and yet, defiant.
“Hawk. It is true. I merely sought a place to think. I did not know Gareth would be here. I think though,” She paused and looked back at Gareth. He nodded, as if giving her permission. Looking between the two, his heart pounded. She was his, damn it. His heart beat fast. What were they hiding? Cassidy must have felt his rage. She held up her hand and took a small step backward. Away from him. Was she afraid of him?
“Hawk. You should know. Gareth has become a good friend to me. I can talk to him, but that is all he is to me. A Brother. You are my world. My heart beats for you. I love you. I would never betray you, and yes, as Gareth said, look to my thoughts. You will find the truth there.” She sighed. He could feel how weary she was, but he refused to acknowledge it. She rubbed her forehead, as if it ached. Did she need him? “And Hawk. I Belong to no one.”
Her words stopped him. He didn’t want her to belong to him. He wanted her to love him. He did just as she suggested. First, he connected with her. She had indeed sought a place to think. The night gave her a peaceful feeling that filled her and made her feel complete. Much like his own feelings about the night. It was a revelation to know they shared those feelings. Then he connected with her thoughts about Gareth. It surprised him, he found love there. She loved him like a brother, but nothing more. That shook him. Hard. She had lost her brothers in the same massacre; she had survived. Now he realized why she would latch on to Gareth. Is that how she saw all his men? As her brothers?
Dismissing her, he connected with Gareth’s thoughts. He found there anger, and indeed, he loved Cassidy. Not as a sister. As a lover would love, but he held himself in check. He saw the loyalty Gareth had for him. Gareth had indeed been on the battlements when he happened to see Cassidy appear and he had come to check on her. His first thoughts had been to protect her. They had been hugging and he had kissed her cheek goodnight, when he had sensed Hawk’s rage. Gareth knew that was as close to her as he would ever get.
Frustration, anger, sorrow, and regret hit him all at once and he roared. Catching Gareth off his guard, grabbed him by his belt and his shoulder threw him off the side of the keep. Heaving a deep sigh of satisfaction, he had the answers he needed. He turned around to tell Cassidy he was sorry, and she had once again disappeared. He must have made a sound, because from behind him he heard Gareth say. “She went back to your chambers and your bed, idiot.”
“Why do you insist on calling me names?” He grinned. He knew throwing Gareth off the roof wouldn’t do him any good, but it had felt good.
“Why do you insist on hurling me off the roof?” He wanted to know. He told Hawk just what he thought. “She is living in a world that is all new to her and the one person she wants to turn to, turns away from her. Her heart is broken. All she wants is your trust and your love and all she gets is a good tumble in the sheets. She is already yours and you do not even know it. All you must do is try. She can no more leave you, than you can leave her.” Gareth sighed and ran a hand through his hair, as he sat on the battlements. “Do whatever it is you were going to do; it may be too late anyway.”
“What do you mean by it may be too late?”
“Her heart may already have blocked you out. I felt it in her when she talked.”
With one arm he shoved on Gareth’s chest, knocking him off the edge of the wall again.
He grinned when he heard Gareth roar.
“Damn it, Hawk!”
He did not think he could feel any worse. First, he had failed Cassidy when he had not been able to save her from her uncle’s abuse. He failed to trust the magic between them. He failed to trust her when she had said she could fight. She had proved him wrong then, and now he had failed to trust her and his best friend. He lowered his head and stared at his clawed feet. He was a demon. One, lucky enough to find a woman who loved him as he was, and he had failed her. He was ashamed of himself. Was Gareth, right? Was he too late? Was her heart already turned from him?
He knew he had made an ass of himself, but he could not seem to stop. Where Cassidy was concerned, he could not seem to think clearly. All he had ever wanted was for her to be happy. Now he was the one causing her to be unhappy. Why were his emotions so different now? He had not felt right in a few days. Was there something the matter with him? Normally he never would have spoken to Alexandar as harshly as he had the other night. Why had he been, as Gareth put it, such a codpiece to Cassidy?
He loved her. He knew that. So why did he hurt her every chance he got? There were so many questions. But none of them would matter if Cassidy had truly turned from him. He had to learn if her heart was still his. Did she still love him? He continued down the stairs to his chamber. There, he found her in their bed. She appeared to be sleeping, but as he got closer, he could tell she was awake. Her face was red and wet with tears.
Tears he caused. He sighed. “Cassidy. We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say. I have said all I wish to already.” She refused him. He prayed Gareth was wrong.
“Then listen, while I tell you what I know.” He sat on the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands. Defeat swamped him. He had never been defeated before, in battle or anywhere else. Yet, this tiny woman, his wife, had done it. He was truly her slave. He could do no other than love her. No matter what his beast might think.
“Cassidy. I love you more than life itself. I know without doubt I cannot bear to live without you. I know I have a hard time thinking of you in danger. But I also know you can take care of yourself. I know, because I have seen, you can fight. Do I like the idea? Not one bit. Can I learn new ways? Yes. It will take time and I was hoping you would understand that. Hoping you would give me the chance.”
She moved closer to him and rested her hand on his tail. He took note of it and continued. “I know I have failed you before.”
She lifted herself up to her elbow and asked. “When have you failed me?”
“When your uncle beat you, tortured you and almost raped you. Do you not recall?”
“I recall my love breaking the door down to rescue me. I recall you saving me from a fate worse than death.” She told him. “Hawk you did not fail me. You saved me when I thought all was lost! The things that man did to me would make most run-in fear. Most men would not want me for a wife, nor their queen!”
He turned to her and took her hands in his. “I am not most men and they would be fools to not have you.”
SHE SIGHED, SHE DID not know what was wrong with Hawk and why he was acting this way, but she knew her heart belonged to him. “How can you say you failed me? You are the only one who rescued me. Not my cousin, they almost killed him. Not my maid, she too received beatings. They would have killed my animals, had they gotten in the castle.” She couldn’t stop her tears from flowing freely down her cheeks. He
r heart hurt and the lump in her throat threatened to choke her. That last night in her uncle’s keep was horrible then and horrible to remember now. Through tears she whispered. “Hawk. It has always been you. I see only you. I hear only you. My heart beats only for you. And at every turn you push me away. The only time we truly connect is when we are in our chambers.”
His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her across his lap. He kissed the top of her head. “What have I done? My only thought is to protect you. I never meant to make you feel this way. Perhaps I have been holding too tightly.” He lifted her head off his chest and looked into her eyes when he said. “Cassidy. Beginning now, I promise you, I will think before I pass judgment.”
She blinked and swallowed the lump in her throat. Could he really be serious? If he would just trust her. Without strings attached, she could show him a whole new way of battle. One even their enemies would question. “Truly?” She had to know.
“FOR YOU. TRULY.” HE told her, laying her back down on the bed and wrapping her in his arms. Her tears soaked his chest, all the way down to his heart. He prayed she was not lost to him. Together they drifted off to sleep hoping tomorrow would be a new day.
The morning came and went, with neither of them wanting to leave the bed, much to Megan’s delight, it seemed. She breezed into the room to help Cassidy dress as if she had been standing just outside the door. According to the chatter Hawk heard from Megan, the whole kingdom was abuzz with rumors of why he and Cassidy had slept so late into the day. There were even rumors of a child to come and bets being placed on when the child would arrive.
As they reached the bottom stair, he kissed Cassidy very gently. They had not realized his men were still waiting on him. They cheered when they saw the couple kissing. He realized it was good for the moral of his kingdom if they knew the king and queen were happy. Cassidy tried to hide behind him. He pulled her up next to him and tucked her into his side.
“I realize we have a late start. However, go and gather the warriors and women. It is time we all start training together.” He told them. He was looking for Gareth, but he did not seem to be anywhere around. “Marcus. Have you seen Gareth this morn?”
Marcus bowed to him. “Yes, Sire. He went to the stables earlier but has not come back to the hall yet.”
He was worried. It was not like Gareth at all to miss meeting with him first thing in the morning. As it was not morning, he would give him leave. He grinned to himself. He had not been able to get out of bed this morning, because last night with his wife had kept him busy. He felt like an untried lad who had just learned what his boy bits were for. He just could not get enough of her last eve. It felt like a whole new beginning for them. He now understood how she felt and how he had made her feel. This would not be an easy road, but he would try. He owed her that much.
Beside him she said. “I have not seen Alexandar this morn either. Do you suppose they are together somewhere?”
He leaned his head toward her. “I do not know for certain, but perhaps they are.”
Jenna walked up to them, noticing the absence, asked. “Your second, M’ Lord?”
“Keith will be my second for the day. Gareth has other matters to attend to.” He was not at all sure what was happening with Gareth, but that is what he would tell anyone who asked.
Keith got everyone’s attention. “We will begin training momentarily. Please gather round. I have given you all orders. Follow them. If there are questions or problems, you will address them to me.”
There was excitement in the air. Even Cassidy seemed to be barely holding back. She was grinning like a fool and could barely stop fidgeting. He wondered for the hundredth time if she could really do well in battle. He promised himself he would reserve judgement. She had indeed fought next to him, but with the protection of his men. Could he keep her safe and keep his opponent at bay? According to Keith, he and Cassidy would be the last to train today. They were to watch the other groups and learn from those more experienced at working together. He breathed easier. The longer he kept her off the field the better he felt. She jabbed him hard in the ribs.
“I heard that.” She scolded him.
He raised an eyebrow. “Heard what dear?”
‘I am merely nervous. I have never experienced this before, and I find it is rather distasteful.’
In their thoughts he was always more open with her. It felt wrong to say it out loud. His ego could not take that. He could not admit it to the others, but change might just be good. He could not admit he might just have changed his own mind. Cassidy could see him clearly through his thoughts. She took his hand into hers and discreetly, rested their joined hands on her rear. She did not care if anyone noticed. Who would say so?
He whispered. “If they dared to say one word, I would have them beheaded.”
She smiled. “You will do no such thing, Sire.”
She did it. She said it. She had said the word ‘Sire’ to him. It was not as much what she said as, how she said it. The way it sounded coming off her lips made him want to carry her off this field and have his way with her. He cared not that others might notice. He was the king after all. She looked up at him and smiled. He forgot once again she could hear him.
They watched as couple after couple battled using techniques he had never seen. Archers were able to shoot with deadly accuracy from the backs of centaurs. Centaurs were able to protect their females by either shielding them with their giant bodies or running to cover. One centaur even charged his opponent. Making him fall to the ground and lose his weapons. Had it been real battle could have stomped him into the dirt.
He was starting to see how some couples were able to work together and defeat their enemies. He needed to set aside his misgivings and give this a chance. He reached his arm around Cassidy and pulled her close. He needed to reassure himself she was as ready as he.
‘I am more than ready. I am excited!’ She told him.
He rolled his eyes heavenward and said out loud. “I was afraid of that.”
She just kept smiling. She knew this would be hard for him, but they must learn. Keith walked up to them then, with their horses in tow.
“You two will start on horseback first.” He told them. “You will have a number of different opponents.” Cassidy almost squealed as she prepared to mount Lucifer’s saddle. She was wearing special armor today and it felt strange. Normally she would just hop right up into his saddle. Today he knelt for her. The people in the crowd could be heard murmuring. Most were surprised Lucifer would do that. Some wondered if he was a human shifter.
Lucifer snorted. ‘I am far better than a human could ever hope to be.’
She settled herself into the saddle and told him. ‘Calm yourself. Soon some of them will be your trusted friends.’
Lucifer snorted again but made no comments.
Chapter 20
Cassidy was watching him mount his steed. She licked her lips and he smiled at her. She had already told him, when he was mounted upon his horse, he looked impressive. If it made her lick her lips like that, he would ride the horse into their bedchamber. He had to adjust himself in his saddle. Jenna handed Cassidy her bow and quiver of blunted arrows. He took his sword from Keith, and they moved onto the field.
They waited to see who they would be paired with. They were both a little surprised when a man and a woman stepped onto the field. No horses, only themselves in armor. He watched Cassidy more than the couple. This would be easy. He knew how to fight humans. He wanted to see where her weaknesses lay. She was the first to charge. Sword high she urged Lucifer forward. She was not fast enough. The woman ducked the sword blow and before Cassidy had turned back around the woman had shifted into a large cat. It had to be the size of a large dog. Its tawny colored fur rippled over muscle like that of a bruin. The cat leapt toward Lucifer.
Lucifer reared. Spooked, he tried to stomp the massive cat into the ground. It dodged his hooves as if it took no effort at all. He could not be still and watch anymor
e. He charged in to help and as expected, so did the cat’s mate. Diverted from his course, he turned toward the man and met sword with sword. His attention turned from Cassidy. The men fought as if in real battle, he kept trying to see Cassidy, but his opponent would not yield.
Finally, he was able to turn his horse to the side and while fighting this man in front of him, he was able to see her. She had shifted. She was now flying above Lucifer and the large cat. Lucifer still snorting and stomping the ground. Cassidy was taken by surprise however when the cat shifted back to human and tried to reach for Lucifer’s reins. He saw her falter and almost fall from the sky. Earning him a smack from the side of his opponent’s sword. Realizing it could have been a death blow did not sit well with him.
“Halt!” He called over the commotion. “Halt!”
Cassidy landed next to Lucifer and calmed him while the cat woman slid to the ground.
“We will halt this for today!” He told the crowd gathered round. Cassidy started to protest, and he held up his hand for silence.
“I mean for today. On the morrow, we will continue. However, I want to discuss these battle techniques. I have learned, I need to prepare better.”
Seeing her in danger made him angry. He knew that. He had not counted on the fear. That shook him. Cassidy had indeed held her own this day. She had used her head first, but he found himself distracted. That would get him killed and her put in the path of danger. That was not a possibility he could handle. He saw her smile and knew he had finally said the right words to make her understand. He was proud of her. She needed to know that.
“You have all fought well today. I am proud of you. Let us go and eat. I am famished.” Leaving her no time to respond, he walked away.
EVERYONE TURNED BACK for the castle and a roar like none other was heard. It was not like that of a large cat or from a bruin. It sounded more like thunder rolling across the land. Not a cloud marred the blue sky. It was getting louder and suddenly Lucifer reared up and told Cassidy. ‘Black death comes this way!’ She looked to Hawk but he was already signaling his men. He took one precious second to nod to her. They were warriors. They were ready for anything. Her heart still pounded hard inside her chest. Elite warriors they may be, but none of them knew how to battle this black magic. Tucking her wings tight behind her, she mounted Lucifer and they headed for the cover of the trees with some of the others. Most of the fighting men stayed on the field. Others were taking positions where they would best fit.
