Guarded Hearts (Love in Sienna Series Book 3)

by Laura John

  Well, now this is awkward. Before everything with Crystal, I might have given this a shot. But Crystal is it for me. I just wish I could figure out a way to get her to talk to me.

  No one is helping me out. They aren’t mad at me, but they’ve all told me the same thing. “Crystal needs time to heal. Just give it time.” Well, I’m sick of all this time. I just want things to go back to how they were. For her to be sleeping in my arms again.

  A few hours pass, and Nina is starting to push. This is seriously insane.

  “You’ve got this,” I tell her, holding her hand.

  She stares at me with tears streaming down her face, and she nods, giving one more strong push.

  Then my son is here. His loud cry brings tears to my eyes.

  The doctor places him on Nina’s chest, and I just stare at this beautiful baby boy.

  He has a lot of thick, dark hair, not like my dirty blonde hair or Nina’s golden locks. And his beautiful caramel skin looks so different against Nina’s pale ivory skin. I look at Nina, but she is avoiding my eyes. The nurses have a look on their faces; they’re thinking exactly what I am.

  This isn’t my son. I feel my heart getting ripped from my chest as tears bubble in my eyes.

  “Did you know?” I ask Nina in a hushed tone, trying not to bring any more attention to us.

  She nods, and I feel my blood boiling. I clench my jaw in an effort to keep calm.

  “Then why did you tell me he was mine?” I demand.

  “I was hoping we would get together and you would love me like I love you. In all honesty, I was praying that he was yours,” she says, tears streaming down her face.

  “I’ll take care of your medical bills. You should call his real father. And do me a favor. Don’t ever call me again,” I tell her before walking out.

  I stop at the front desk and give them my information so they can charge me. When I get to my truck, I let out my tears, screaming and slamming on the steering wheel. I feel completely betrayed. Nina was my friend. How could she have done this to me?

  My relationship with the girl I love is over because I thought I was having a son that turned out not to be mine at all.

  I pick up my phone and call Kyle. I just don’t know who else to talk to at this moment. We have become best friends, and I need a level thinker.

  “Hey, man. What’s up?” he answers.

  “The baby isn’t mine,” I say in a shaky voice.

  “Come over,” he tells me.

  I put the truck in drive.

  I can’t be alone right now, because my whole world feels like it’s falling apart. I’ve been so focused on Nina and getting ready for the baby that I haven’t really let my heart grieve the loss of Crystal, but now I have nothing. No baby. No Crystal. No Olivia. Nothing.

  “Don’t chug this one,” Kyle says, handing me another glass of whiskey.

  I nod and take a sip. “What do I do, man? I tried talking to her, but she pushed me out. And I didn’t push too hard because my focus was on Nina and the baby. I thought I was doing the right thing, stepping up and being a man. But now…” I take a deep breath and another sip. “Now I have nothing, and I feel like it’s too late with Crystal.”

  Kyle nods, taking a sip of his own drink. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you. After everything Crystal has been through, seeing those pictures of you and Nina destroyed her. I tried talking to her, telling her that you didn’t cheat, but she didn’t care. Because, in her words, ‘Why would he want to be with us when he can have a real family?’”

  “They are my real family!” I scream. Why can’t she fucking see that?

  I run a hand through my hair. Man, I’ve fucked up big time. Everyone said give her time, but I should have been knocking on her door every day until she let me in and then I should have held her and let her scream and cry for as long as it took until she forgave me.

  “She’s it for me, man,” I whisper, knowing it’s the truth.

  I’m never going to love anyone the way I love her. And Olivia will never feel any less like my daughter.

  “Then fight for her. I know you think you’ve already lost, but it’s not true. She loves you. She’s just terrified. She doesn’t know real love; she doesn’t think she deserves it.”

  “But she won’t take my calls or reply to my texts.”

  “Then get creative,” he says, like it’s so easy.

  I mull the words over in my head.

  Get creative. Get creative. Get creative.

  I look at Kyle and smile. Yeah, I can do this. She’s mine, and I will get her back.

  Why did I think time off was a good idea? I’m going stir crazy.

  Olivia is out with Katerina today, since she insisted on taking her to the park before she goes to playschool in the afternoon. I made sure she was bundled up nicely; December isn’t really the warmest month.

  My house is spotless, and I just don’t know what to do. Walking to my spare bedroom, I sit down at my piano. I taught myself to play a little after Olivia was born. I like to get lost in the music; it helps calm me, but I haven’t played since the shit with Dustin.

  I let my fingers touch the keys, playing nothing in particular. I just let the music take me where it wants.

  I start playing something over and over. Then I close my eyes, and words start to form.

  Fly away

  Spread your wings

  Let the wind take you home

  You are strong

  You are free

  Be whoever you want to be

  I run to my kitchen to get a pad of paper and pen and start to write down what I have. Pulling my phone out, I make voice recordings so I don’t lose anything.

  After an hour, I have a song written. I smile down at the paper. This is good.

  Me: You free this afternoon?

  Cara: Yep. What’s up?

  Me: Come over. I have something for you.

  I feel happy and giddy. I hope she likes it. I know there is no way I could be a performer, but maybe I could be a secret songwriter.

  “Hey, girl,” Cara says, pulling me in for a hug.

  “Hey. Do you want a water or anything?” I ask her.

  She shakes her head. “Your text was a little vague. What do you have for me?”

  I smile big at her. “A song.”

  “Okay. Let me hear it.”

  I pull out my phone, and she closes her eyes, listening to the lyrics.

  “This is beautiful. Who wrote it?” she asks.

  I feel my cheeks heating. “I did. This morning.”

  Her eyes go wide. “You need to record this. It’s amazing.”

  I shake my head. “No. I want you to record it. Do you think it suits your style?”

  “Hell yes. This would be perfect on my new album. I could actually see myself releasing it as my new single.”

  I smile some more. “Then it’s yours. But I don’t want my real name listed as the songwriter.”

  “Hmmm…how about Chris Byrd?” she asks.

  I giggle. “That’s fantastic. I love it!”

  We spend another hour chatting and going over what we think the instruments should sound like. She wants my opinion on it all since it’s my song, and this is the first time in a long time that I feel excited for something.

  “I’m going to the recording studio tomorrow. You should come,” she tells me.

  “I’ll see if Tia can take Olivia. It’s Saturday, so Katerina is off.”

  “Let me know, but I hope to fast track this and get it out in less than a month.”

  “This is crazy. I never thought I would be writing songs,” I tell her.

  “You shouldn’t stop, either. If you feel the music speaking to you, write more. I’ll happily record more songs for you.”

  I give her a tight squeeze before she leaves. My friends are the best family I could ask for. I know I’m loved by them.

  Just as Cara is leaving, a delivery guy walks up to my door.

  “Miss Barrett?�
�� he asks.

  I smile. “That would be me, but I don’t remember ordering anything.”

  “Sorry, ma’am. I’m just the delivery guy. Would you mind signing for it?”

  I nod, sign, and take the small package.

  “Well, I can’t leave now. I need to know what this mystery package is,” Cara says.

  I shake my head. We head to the kitchen and I grab a knife from the drawer. As I open up the package, I find a note sitting on top.

  My Crystal,

  You need to know I haven’t given up on us. I love you, and I hope one day you will let me in again. Since I won’t see you before Christmas, here’s an ornament for your tree.

  Yours Forever,

  Dustin

  I feel a tear slip down my cheek, and I pass the note to Cara before pulling out the ornament.

  It’s a tiny hummingbird.

  I place my hand on my necklace and take a deep breath. I’ve thought about taking it off so many times, but I just can’t. Walking over to my tree, I hang the crystal bird up.

  “What are you going to do?” Cara asks.

  “I have no idea,” I tell her honestly.

  “Merry Christmas!” Olivia yells, running to hug Tia and Mikey.

  “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” they tell her, bringing her in for a hug.

  “Thanks for inviting us over.” I give them each a hug, happy to be with my family.

  “Well, you know you’re always welcome here,” Tia tells me.

  I nod. Olivia quickly runs off to play, and I grab a glass of orange juice.

  “So, there are two special presents for you and Olivia under the tree from Dustin,” Mikey tells me.

  I nod again. I’m really not surprised, but it still makes my heart do a funny leap.

  “Thanks for the heads-up,” I sigh.

  I pull out my phone and send off my first text to Dustin since we split.

  Me: Happy birthday. Thank you for the gifts. Can Olivia spend a day with you soon?

  Dustin: Of course! You too?

  Me: No, just Olivia. She misses you.

  Dustin: Do you miss me?

  Me: Don’t push your luck.

  Dustin: Can I pick her up tomorrow? I go on a short tour the day after.

  Me: Sure.

  Tia gives me a knowing look when I put my phone away.

  “It’s not fair to Olivia to keep her away from Dustin,” I explain. “He didn’t hurt us on purpose. I’m just glad he’s making time for her with his new family and all.”

  I sound snotty, like a brat, but it still hurts.

  “What new family?” Mikey asks.

  I want to throw something at him.

  “You didn’t tell her?” he asks Tia.

  She gives him a weird look, almost like she feels guilty.

  “I kind of forgot,” she whispers.

  “Tell me what?”

  “The baby wasn’t his. She wanted him, so she lied. He found out when the baby came out and didn’t look anything like him,” Mikey says.

  “So? Babies don’t always look like dad right away,” I say, still confused.

  “Well, the baby was brown,” Tia adds.

  I gasp. The woman in the pictures was definitely white, so if the baby was brown, then it couldn’t be Dustin’s.

  I sit down, feeling nauseous. I pushed him away because I figured that one day, he would choose them over us. But now, finding out this new information, I’m at a loss for words. Can I trust that he won’t hurt us if I let him back in?

  “Hey,” Cara says, opening the door to Crystal’s house.

  I’m confused.

  “Where’s Crystal?” I ask.

  Cara looks at her feet and calls for Olivia. “She’s out.”

  “She didn’t want to see me, did she?”

  “Look, this is hard on her. She’s still trying to figure everything out. Baby steps,” Cara tells me.

  I nod. “Here. Can you give her these?” I hand her a bouquet of blue irises. “They mean hope.”

  Cara smiles and takes the flowers from me.

  “Duddy!” Olivia beams and hugs me with all her might. “Why did you leave me?”

  She looks so sad. Fuck. How am I supposed to broach this one?

  “I’ve just been a little busy,” I tell her. “I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  She gives me a look, but nods. “That’s what Mommy said. She said you loved me, but were just doing some other things for a little bit.”

  “Yes, baby, that’s exactly it. But those things are done, and I’m here now.”

  She smiles. “Are you going to be here all the time again?”

  “Not right now, honey. It’s going to go back to how it used to be. I’ll be here lots, just not all the time.”

  That seems to be okay with her.

  After I install her car seat, we take off. I decide just to bring her to my house, in case any stupid paparazzi are out. I’ve already made a mess of all of that. I don’t need to put Olivia through anything more.

  My new PR rep, Roger, has done great work to get things straightened out. Trying to explain that the baby wasn’t mine and not make Nina look like a slut was hard, but I think we handled it nicely. For right now, I’m just trying to stay out of the public eye. Well, until I start my mini tour.

  “Can we have pizza?” Olivia asks.

  I smile. It took her a bit to warm up to me again, and it sucks that I hurt her.

  “Of course,” I tell her.

  We eat our pizza and play dress-up. I’m glad no one is here to take pictures this time. But before I know it, our afternoon is over, so I pack up her stuff and take her home.

  “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay with you,” she pouts, making me feel like a piece of shit.

  “I have to go on tour again, sweetheart,” I remind her. “We talked about this. But I’ll see you at Uncle Mikey and Auntie Tia’s wedding in February, okay?”

  She doesn’t say anything, and I know she is not okay with it.

  Pulling into Crystal’s driveway, I see Mikey standing at the door.

  “Uncle Mikey!” Olivia cheers.

  I feel rage stirring in my chest. She seriously can’t even see me for two minutes while I’m dropping her daughter off?

  I kneel down and pull Olivia to my chest. “I love you so much. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  She nods. “Love you too.”

  She goes in, and Mikey nods at me.

  “Seriously? When is she going to grow up and talk to me?” I ask.

  I know I’m not blameless in what’s going on, but, in all honesty, I didn’t do anything wrong. I never cheated on Crystal, and I’ve been trying to mend things. If Crystal really loved me, would she push me away so easily?

  “You know what she’s been through,” he says. “She just needs—”

  I cut him off before he can finish his sentence. “Fuck time, Mikey! I’m done waiting. Is she here? I want to talk to her.”

  He shakes his head. “She and Tia went out to get food for the kids.”

  “Fuck this,” I say, storming to my truck.

  Me: Olivia’s home. I wish you would talk to me.

  She doesn’t respond, and I’m just done. I don’t know what else to do.

  How can I mend a relationship that I didn’t mean to break when the other party clearly doesn’t give a shit?

  “What the fuck is this?!” my mother screams at the top of her lungs. Her face is red, and her eyes are dark.

  She’s holding my pregnancy test. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn’t I hide it better?

  Well, to be fair, I did throw it in the garbage can in my bedroom, and I covered it with Kleenex. She doesn’t normally rummage through my room.

  “Why were you in my room?” I ask, avoiding the question.

  She knows what it is. She isn’t stupid.

  “I knew something was up,” she spits out, stepping closer to me.

  I try to back up, but the counter stops me
.

  “How could you do this to me? Your virginity was supposed to be my biggest pay. But you’re a selfish, dumb bitch.” She slaps me across the face, and I wince at the pain.

  “Fuck you!” I spit in her face. “It’s my body. I can do whatever the fuck I want with it. I’m learning to be a whore just like you.”

  Her face twists and she growls at me. Before I even realize what’s happening, I shout in excruciating pain and look down at my hand, which still has a kitchen knife in it.

  The fucking bitch stabbed me.

  “See how your new man likes a scarred woman,” she taunts. “Does he know how many cocks you’ve sucked?”

  I wince at her words, which makes her laugh.

  “You aren’t even together, are you?” she cackles. “Aww, did you think you were special? I may be trash, but you’re no different. It would do you good to learn that fast.”

  I pull the knife out my hand and rush to my room, quickly covering the wound with a shirt.

  I stay in my room for a while, trying to stop the bleeding. I’m going to need stitches.

  I sigh and lie back on my bed, crying. I wish I was dead. Anything would be better than this hell hole. But now I have someone growing inside me who needs me.

  I startle awake, sweat dripping down my back and tears streaming down my face.

  I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep living with this shit bottled up inside me anymore. I need professional help. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “The song has been out less than a week and it’s already blowing up the charts.” Cara beams as she sits next to me with her bowl of popcorn.

  “I can’t believe it. It’s insane,” I say, shaking my head.

  This month has gone by so fast. January is almost over, and in less than two weeks, I’m actually going to have to talk to Dustin. It’s kind of hard to ignore someone you are walking down the aisle with.

  “Everyone wants to know who the mystery songwriter is,” Cara says, elbowing me.

  “Just tell them it’s Chris Byrd,” I say, smiling.

  I made her promise she won’t tell anyone it’s me. I don’t know if I have more songs in me, and I just want to have this anonymity. Cara can help connect my songs with other musicians if I write more and they won’t work for her. But for now, this is perfect.