The Complete If I Break Series

by Portia Moore

  “I’d love to take you out sometime when we’re back in town,” he says and I giggle. Yup, I just giggled.

  “Uhmmm, that wouldn’t be such a good idea,” I sigh and he gives me a playful frown.

  “Oh? Why not? Let me guess, you’re married now?” he asks. I run my hand through my hair. I am but not exactly.

  “Engaged?” he asks as if he’s trying to help me along.

  “Separated,” I say.

  Separated sounds perfect and surprisingly accurate.

  “Then that means it would be okay for me to take you to dinner as a friend,” he says as a smile spreading across his face. It’s been such a long time since a man has been so overtly interested in me. It feels good to feel attractive after being alone for two years and the one man I’m attracted to looks at me as if I’m his sister-in-law most of the time.

  “My life is very complicated… things are really complicated,” I confess.

  “With your separtee?” he jokes and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Lauren, you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. You’re sweet, funny and intelligent. A man would have to be out of his mind to need space from you or for him to make you feel like you need it.” It’s funny that he’d use those words and I’m surprised when I start to feel butterflies in my stomach. Jason’s attractive but I never had this reaction with anyone other than Cal…well, Chris. Maybe it’s the liquor.

  “It’s time to go, Lauren,” a firm hand grips my arm and lifts me from my seat. I look back and see Chris helping me up. To my surprise he looks…pissed, maybe even jealous. I hear Jason sigh as he looks from me to Chris.

  “Cal Scott,” Jason says flatly. My eyebrow lifts. God, if he says he’s not Cal… I get my balance and stand beside Chris, whose deadpan stare looks a little familiar.

  “I’d love for you to make a comment on Crestfield Corp's recent acquisition of Maratech,” Jason says.

  “Get in line,” he says coldly as he ushers me out of the room. I look back at Jason who gives me a flirtatious smile.

  “You don’t think that was a little rude?” I ask covering the hiccup escaping from my mouth as we make our way to the elevator.

  “You shouldn’t drink like that by yourself in a strange hotel. What if that guy had slipped you something?” he says accusingly.

  “The bartender made the drink right in front of me. He didn’t just walk over and hand it to me. And, I know him,” I say defensively. The ride up the elevator is short and not so sweet. Lucky for Chris, our rooms are only on the fifth floor. He waits for me to exit first. I walk quickly until I feel a little off balance and have to slow down. I pull out my room key and look back at Chris who is shaking his head disapprovingly.

  “Other side,” he says pointing to the door to the left of where I am now. I knew that. I hear Chris sigh behind me. He closes the door once we’re inside and sits in a lounge chair across from the TV. I roll my eyes. Why is he in here? Why won’t he just leave me alone? I don’t want to be his fucking friend.

  If anyone should be sighing, it should be me. I slam my butt on the bed so he can see how mad I am. I can’t believe his audacity. He didn’t come down there to rescue me from the boogey man. He was jealous that I had an attractive man actually interested in me. He doesn’t have the right to be jealous. If I'm not allowed to show my jealousy, that I'm dying inside whenever Jenna’s near him, that when I hear him talk to her my insides feel like they’re crumbling, then he doesn’t get to be jealous. How dare he not get it? I don’t want any other man. I only want him, and god damn it, this stupid alcohol is making me cry.

  Chapter 54

  Chris

  Lauren is definitely a sight to behold when she’s drinking. She acts like a bratty ten year old. She rolls her eyes, she stomps and pouts. I had to frown to keep from letting her see me laugh. Well, the frown when I walked into the restaurant and saw that guy about to practically pounce on her was real. It took everything in me not to knock him right out of his seat. She didn’t put up a fight when I took her out of there, which was good. I didn’t want to cause a scene but she was coming with me whether she liked it or not. She was funny after the drinks she had, it was cute... until she started crying and now she’s been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes. Seeing her cry makes me feel like the lowest thing on the earth because I know it has something to do with me, or him, but this time I think it was me. I let out a deep breath and finally knock on the door.

  “Lauren,” I say quietly. She doesn’t say anything. So I knock again.

  “Just leave me alone, Chris.”

  “Can you please come out?” I ask.

  “You don’t want me to come out. Trust me. I’m an emotional mess and you are not prepared to deal with this version of me.”

  “I’d love whatever version of you is in there to come out,” I feel a smile spread across my face. I think of the way she smiles, how she bites her lip, how she steals glances at me when she thinks I don’t see. The way she takes care of Caylen, how even when she’s mad and pouting she has the most angelic eyes and kissable lips, lips I’ve never taken the opportunity to kiss.

  “You’re going to make me sing to you from out here if you don’t come out,” I threaten. I think back to the way she looked at me when I played after Caylen went to sleep... it felt like she were seeing me—Chris, not Cal—for the first time. She looked at me the same way my mom looks at my dad.

  I didn’t want to admit it then but Jenna’s never looked at me like that.

  “That’s not a good threat. You’re an amazing singer, Chris,” I hear a little laugh.

  “You’re extremely generous when you’ve been drinking,” I say laughing as I sit down on the floor next to the door.

  “Trust me, I won’t sound as good without the guitar,” I say. I can tell she’s not crying anymore and that was my ultimate goal.

  “Can you come out please?” I ask again. She’s quiet. I hope she’s considering it.

  “I’ll tell you a secret if you come out,” I promise her.

  “A good one or a boring one?” she asks and I laugh.

  “Well if it’s boring I’ll go in the bathroom the rest of the night.” I hear water running and a few seconds later she opens the door and comes out. After a little contemplation she sits down on the floor beside me.

  “Okay, what’s your secret?” Her voice sounds light and airy. I sigh and look over at her, those eyes of hers, full of curiosity. She’s so close she ought to be able to see into my soul. I feel like I’m ready to erase that line between us but I still feel reluctant. I know once it’s gone, there will be no going back.

  “I’ve remembered things,” I say and her eyes widen. My heart skips a beat.

  “You’ve had more memories?” she asks excitedly and I feel terrible that I’m only just now sharing them with her.

  I nod.

  “What have you remembered?” she asks. I let out a deep breath.

  “I remember the first time Cal told you he loved you,” I say and I hear her breath catch in her throat.

  “I remember when you were moving and you said you didn’t see him as the villain,” I continue, swallowing the lump in my throat, and I see her eyes fill with tears.

  “I remember him telling Dexter that he needed you,” I say and take a deep breath.

  “I-I remember how much he loves you,” I say finally and I look over at her, She lets out a breath like she's been holding it for years. She lets her head fall back against the wall and while the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen spreads across her face, an array of emotions, hope, joy, and relief cross her face.

  “And I did my homework. The three things I like about Cal are: he met you, he made Caylen and he brought you both into my life,” I say feeling my heart starting to beat faster. I hear her breathing start to quicken. She stands up and begins to pace the room and shakes her head.

  “Chris, you can’t say things like that to me and think that I can do this with you,” she s
ays like it’s painful. I look at her confused. I stand up and walk over to her, the inches between us disappearing as our chests touch.

  “Do what?” I ask. As she looks in my eyes I think she must be trying to read my thoughts.

  “Pretend I can be your friend. That I’m not in love with you,” she breaths out desperately.

  “Do you love me Lauren?

  “What do you mean?” she asks quietly.

  “I need to know that you love me,” I ask her honestly. She looks at me intently, the time passing between us seems like an eternity.

  “You’re right here. I’m in love with you, Chris,” she says standing on her tiptoes and bringing her lips to mine. She kisses me softly but with such pent up passion that it takes my breath away. I pick her up and pull her as close to me as possible. Before I know it, we’re on the bed. I’m kneeling over her and she looks so beautiful.

  “I want you, Chris,” she says pleadingly, before pulling me down on top of her.

  Chapter 55

  Lauren

  Two years since I've felt a man’s touch. Two years that I’ve been missing his touch. I imagined it so many nights but nothing compared to the reality of feeling him. His caresses release the hopeless longing and constrained emotion, all pouring off me in waves of ecstasy. Each kiss and touch different, but so familiar. His fingers intertwine with mine before raising my hands over my head. He looks at me as if I’m his everything, taking in every inch of me. He slowly raises my shirt over my stomach. His fingers against my skin make me feel alive. I can’t breathe. I’m scared to breathe. If I move too fast I might wake up... if this is a dream, I want to stay in it forever. He lifts me up to him as he pulls my shirt over my head and I do the same with his.

  I take time to get a close up of his body, a body that I’ve known in so many ways. I trace my hands over his chest, then to his stomach, and when my eyes reach his lips I kiss him again and again, first patiently then frantically. He tastes so good. I’ve forgotten how soft his lips are, how good his hands feel on my body. This body belongs to him. How could I have forgotten something I’ve dreamed about so often.

  He grips my waist tightly, pulling me on top of him. His hands go to my jeans, unzipping them. When they slip inside to knead the swell of my butt, I release a soft moan. Everything’s happening so fast but so slowly. I lie back on the bed as he removes my remaining clothes. I thank God I have on good underwear. It’s nothing fancy but they’re brand new. He stops for a moment and looks down at my body. Now, nothing covering it except a white cotton thong. His eyes devour me. My breath catches when he gets off the bed. If he stops now I’ll die. Everything will shut down. But he’s not stopping. He removes his own pants and underwear and I feel every muscle in me contract as I look at him. He’s perfect. His thighs thick and muscular and the one thing that I missed, that I know like the back of my hand, is standing at attention. He lies down on top of me, kissing every part of me. It’s sweet torture. His lips kiss my collar bone, then my neck, then trail down my stomach as his fingers slip beneath the simple white thong and removes it. He takes in my body with his eyes again. I’ve never been so turned on from someone just looking at me this way. He lifts my right leg and begins kissing it, making his way up my thigh. I’m going to die if he’s not in me soon.

  My breathing is short and I can’t control it. I’m so turned on that as soon as his lips touch me there I feel myself beginning to come undone. I pull his hair between my fingers grabbing it as his tongue slides into me. I cry out. His free hand moves to my breast and it's not long before I feel myself shattering. I pull away and he looks up at me, smiling but confused.

  “I need you inside me,” It takes every ounce of energy for me to barely whisper that, and just like that, he is. I feel like the part of me that’s been gone is back.

  I feel complete.

  Last night was everything.

  It was the beginning and an end. I felt as if I gave a piece of myself away but was given so much in return.

  Chris. I can’t even describe him. I thought he’d be timid and nervous but it was like he already had a road map of my body, he just took a different route. The way we felt connected was amazing. And everything I needed after two years of loneliness, emptiness and despair was returned to me. I stretch out in bed and realize Chris isn’t in the bed. I wonder if he went out to get breakfast. I go and peep into his room but he’s not there either. I grab my phone and see that I have two missed calls. They’re both from Lisa. I think of the message she left for Chris yesterday. I call it and she picks up on the second ring.

  “Hey, Lauren. Is Chris with you?” she asks nervously.

  “No, I think he went to run an errand or something. Is everything okay?” I ask, concerned by the tone of her voice.

  “It is but I really need to talk to him. Can you let him know it’s really important to call me back,” she pleads.

  “Okay. As soon as he comes back I’ll make sure he calls you,” I promise her.

  “How are you doing?” she asks lightly and I can’t help but feel a great big smile spread across my face.

  “I’m fantastic,” I laugh, seeing myself blush in the mirror.

  “You sound fantastic,” she chuckles.

  “I’ve got to go. My break's almost over but don’t forget Lauren, please.”

  “I won’t,” I say hanging up. It’s 11 am. I’ve slept straight through breakfast. I call room service, order two breakfast plates and turn on the television. I feel absolutely refreshed. I lie back down and call Mrs. Scott to check on Caylen. She confirms she’s doing fine. I admit I feel giddy knowing our family is going to be complete again. Chris has finally come around.

  Everything is as it should be.

  Room service arrives twenty minutes later. I wait a few minutes for Chris but I’m starving so I start to eat without him. I finish breakfast and he’s still not here. I grab my phone and shoot him a text asking where he is adding a smiley face. I decide to hop in the shower while I'm waiting. I wish he were here to get in with me. After my shower, I check my phone and see that he still hasn’t responded. I call him and it goes straight to voice mail. At this point I’m a little annoyed. Why he would decide to run errands or whatever he’s doing instead of being here with me after what happened last night?

  3:00 pm. I’ve called him four times and his phone keeps going straight to voicemail. I’ve called the concierge to see if he left a message for me.

  Nothing.

  I go down to the lobby and even check the fitness center. He’s nowhere to be found. I start to look around the room, tearing it apart to see if he left a note that I might have misplaced telling me where he’s gone.

  4:30pm. I’m freaking out. I want to call the Scotts but I don’t want to worry them if this is nothing. There’s a reasonable explanation for this. There has to be. A chill shoots through me and I scold myself for thinking he went back to Jenna. I’m in panic mode by 6:00. I can’t even sit still, my heart's about to beat out of my chest.

  I’m out of my mind with worry. I’m three minutes away from calling the police and lying about how long he’s been gone when I get a text alert on my phone. It’s his notification. I almost trip over the bed to get it. I pick it up and see it’s only one word.

  What.

  What? Is he kidding? I feel my blood starting to boil. I’m going to kill him. Is he for real? I start to text all of my thoughts with a lot of expletives and then realize that would be stupid. I call his number and he picks up on the second ring.

  “Hey,” he says shortly.

  “Hi…” I say just as short.

  “Where are you? Why haven’t you been answering all day? I was completely freaking out,” I say frantically.

  “Penthouse, Suite A. See you soon,” he says and the call goes dead. I feel my breathing accelerate, my heart beating rapidly. All my anger has melted away, replaced by a sudden chill.

  I go down to the lobby and see if there’s a key to the penthouse suite left for me.


  There is.

  I walk back to the elevator, my thoughts in a haze. With each floor that the elevator climbs, my heart drops further into my stomach. When it stops and the elevator door opens, I have to will my legs to move.

  How the fuck did I end up here? I've spent the last two years imagining what this would be like. Now I’m terrified of it. My heart’s beating like a drum. I’m confused and angry. A sense of guilt is creeping over me. I thought I’d grown, that he couldn’t make me feel like this anymore. Now I feel like I’ve been transported back through time and it’s all a game again. I’m at the beginning of a match that I haven’t expected or trained for. “I can do this,” I mutter to myself. Now, if only I believed it.

  I take a deep as the door opens, my eyes glued to the floor. I’m just waiting for my brain to confirm what it already knows.

  “Don’t tell me you’re scared. That won’t make this much fun.” His words vibrate through me. I can’t ignore the goose bumps popping up on my skin. I look up and see him dressed in a black fitted t-shirt, dark wash jeans, a gleaming Rolex on his wrist and his arms folded across his chest. The only thing missing is that cocky-ass grin on his face. Instead, there’s an angry scowl.

  “Hey gorgeous. You happy to see me?”

  Part IV

  If I Break #3 Beautifully Broken

  If I Break The Complete Series

  Portia Moore

  Copyright © 2015 Portia Moore

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

  may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

  without the express written permission of the author

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