by Kate Swain
12
Tessa
I sat in the car with Lucas. We were driving home from school. It was Judy’s last day with us, and I think the tension was getting to us both. It was going to be hard for Lucas, who had seen Judy every day for all the time he remembered. She was like a parent to him, and I understood that. Judy felt the same way, too. Lucas’s sorrow hung over us like a cloud, making it hard to speak.
I had other things on my mind, as well – mostly wondering what I was going to do when I saw Matt.
I hadn’t been able to focus all weekend. The memory of that kiss kept on playing around and around my head, haunting me. His lips on mine had been so soft, just the barest touch, but they had lit up my whole body and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“What can we do for Judy?” Lucas asked me.
I frowned. “What do you mean, Lucas?” I asked. I looked away from the traffic-light, where we were stopped in a heavy jam, and back to him.
“I mean, she’s going away forever,” he said. His eyes were dry, but they had a strange faraway look, as if he had himself gone somewhere beyond my reach. “I want to say goodbye properly.”
I felt my heart twist with pain. Lucas had lost his mother, and he hadn’t been able to say goodbye to her. I was fairly sure he couldn’t consciously remember that – he had been three at the time, as far as I had heard – but the memory of losing people was clearly close to the surface. I frowned.
“We can make her a present,” I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as I could. “She will be there when we get back.” It was about five o'clock, and that would give us at least an hour before we would sit down for dinner – always assuming the traffic wasn’t heavy.
“I know,” Lucas frowned. “What can we make?”
I bit my lip, putting my foot on the clutch so we could move forward again. “Maybe a necklace?” I asked. I seemed to remember making necklaces out of pasta when we were in kindergarten. Maybe we could do something like that. We certainly had pasta. And we had paints.
“Really?” He brightened considerably. I felt my heart lift, seeing him look more cheery. I nodded.
“Yeah. We’ll make it out of pasta. We’ll paint it all different kinds of bright colors and string it and it’ll look so good!”
He frowned, clearly trying to imagine. At the next stop, I got out my phone and found some pictures to show him. He was still looking at them, clearly getting inspired, as we drove up at the driveway.
“Okay!” I said. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. He was smiling now, but that haunted look was still there. I put the car away and then went to join him in the building, hoping I could do something to cheer him up.
And hopefully I can also get my head straightened out.
I sighed. I couldn’t stop thinking about Matt, and what had happened between us. I was very attracted to him and I couldn’t deny that. I was also starting to suspect that he was, too. The looks that he had given me now and again certainly seemed to suggest that.
“Judy?” I called, as we walked into the kitchen. “You’re still here! Good. It’s your special day.”
She shook her head, smiling at me, but I could see that she was as emotional as Lucas. “No, Tessa…” she protested, grinning as she started to cry. “You don’t need to make a fuss about anything.”
“I do,” I insisted. I reached for the shopping I’d done on the way back – cupcakes, special tea and some lovely flowers. We were going to have a proper farewell party. As far as I knew, Matt was also going to try and make it home from work sooner.
“Tessa…” she protested.
I grinned and started making hot water for the tea. Then I got out the pasta – we had several jars with several different shapes, which was perfect. I went through to the living room to get Lucas settled down. As we painted and strung beads, I made a card – or the basic shape, so Lucas could draw a picture on it. While we worked, I couldn’t stop my thoughts from wondering back and forth from Matt to that night in the rainy street.
“Tessa…” Lucas broke into my thoughts.
“Yes?” I asked. I was cutting along a straight line I had drawn, making an A4 piece of cardboard into shape.
“What will happen when Judy goes?” He asked. He was looking up at me, gray eyes wide.
I frowned. I would have thought his father would have explained to him what was happening. “I’ll stay here all day, instead of Judy doing mornings and me doing evenings,” I said slowly. “So, instead of Judy and me, it’ll just be me.”
“Oh.”
He didn’t say anything to that, and I reckoned that he accepted it, and that his questions were answered. I forgot about it and passed him the finished card to decorate and write in, while I fastened the final knots so the necklace wouldn’t come undone when she put it on.
“There!” I held it up and he grinned proudly.
I was about to go into the kitchen to check how the tea was going when the front door opened and Matt came in.
“Daddy!” Lucas jumped up and ran to him. He looked over at me across the child’s head and I bit my lip, feeling shivers down my back. We hadn’t seen each other since the kiss, and the raw look in his eyes suggested to me that he was feeling something similar to what I was. It was too overwhelming.
I looked away.
“Are we going to have a party for Judy?” he asked. He was crouched down in front of his son, looking into his eyes.
“I don’t want her to go,” Lucas said sadly.
“It’s okay, son,” Matt said, holding him tight. “It’ll be okay.”
I could see tears in Matt’s eyes as he reassured his son, and I swallowed hard, realizing that he was suffering too – the loss of somebody so important in Lucas’ world was reminding him of his own loss.
“Come on,” he said with a voice taut with feeling. “Let’s go.”
We sat down to have dinner and cake in the kitchen, but I could sense we all felt subdued. I reached across to take Judy’s hand, but she was clearly fighting tears. She smiled weakly up at me and I grinned at her. I wished I could make her feel better.
“Lucas has something to give you,” I said softly, as we finished our tea. Judy would leave afterward – at around five o'clock. Lucas looked solemnly at me, and then presented his necklace to Judy, along with the card he had drawn.
“I made it myself,” he told her informatively.
“You did! Oh, Lucas… it’s beautiful!” Judy took it from him and put it over her neck, then read the card, as Lucas clung to her. She was weeping openly, tears running down her face, and the little boy was sobbing.
I looked away, feeling my own throat close up.
“I’m going to miss you, Lucas,” Judy whispered into his hair. “Be a good boy for Tessa, hey?” She bent down to look into his face.
He looked up at her, gray eyes focused on her brown ones. “I’ll try to be.”
“You always are a good boy, Lucas,” Judy said, kissing his face. “Always… You’re such a good boy.” She squeezed him and they sat cuddling together for about a minute. Matt was looking out of the window, trying to give them space, I thought. After a long moment, Judy stood.
“I’m going now,” she said, working to keep her voice level. “I’ll call often,” she promised, shrugging on her coat. She was still wearing the necklace, I noticed. She slipped the card into her purse.
“Goodbye, Judy,” Matt said, shaking her hand. “Thank you for all you’ve done for us.”
She sniffed and nodded and I could see she was about to cry. She gave him a swift hug. “Thank you,” she murmured.
She bent down and hugged Lucas again, and then, before either of them could start crying more, she stood and walked out of the door and hurried down the hall. I sat where I was, listening as her footsteps faded into silence. Lucas was by the door, watching it.
Matt was by the window, his back to us, staring out over the trees. I didn’t want to disturb him.
Luc
as waited until the door slammed downstairs. When she had gone, he turned and looked up at me.
“You aren’t going to go and leave me too, are you, Tessa?” he murmured.
He was not crying, but I could see tears trembling on his lids, a look of despair that was too great for sorrow. I felt my throat tighten and I shook my head, dangerously close to weeping myself.
“No, Lucas,” I said, and got down so I could look into his eyes. I put my hands on his shoulders, holding his uneasy gaze. “I am not going anywhere, I promise,” I said, wrapping my arms tight around him. “I will be here and stay here and I won’t go away. Not for anything.”
“Good,” he murmured, and buried his face in my shoulder. I squeezed him and looked up as he held me tight, head buried into my neck.
Matt was looking at me, and he had the strangest expression on his face. Stern, judging. Worried, too.
I looked away, feeling sick. I squeezed Lucas, then stood up, wondering what I had done that was so terrible. I was just comforting the child! I felt uneasy.
“I’ll wash the dishes,” I murmured, as Matt turned away again. Lucas was taking off his shoes by the back door, temporarily not too interested in either of us or what we were busy doing.
“Thanks, Tessa,” Matt said, and turned around and walked out.
What the hell did I do?
I finished the dishes, feeling hurt and a bit resentful. I had done nothing! I was just trying to make Lucas feel better – the poor little kid had enough to worry about right now, without his father going strange and judgmental.
When the dishes were done, I tiptoed into the living room to fetch my things. If Matt was here, there was no reason for me to stay on much longer – I would say goodbye to Lucas and head home. At least, I thought with a frown, I could catch the bus.
I’m certainly not asking for a lift again.
I reached for my bag, but then I saw Matt, sitting on the couch. I stiffened in the doorway as he looked up. I was shocked by the harsh expression on his face – as if winter frosts had settled on his soul.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “I was just going…” I grabbed my bag and hurried away, my heart in a knot.
“No!” he called out, half-rising to his feet. “Tessa… wait!”
I had reached the door, my coat over my arm, my handbag in one hand. As he reached out for me, I turned around sharply.
“What?” I asked.
He sighed and shook his head. “Can we talk for a moment?” he asked.
I frowned. “Sure,” I said, feeling my heart twist with foreboding. Whatever he had to say to me right now, it couldn’t be anything good.
He turned back to the living room and I followed him in. We stood there, face to face. He sighed nervously.
“Look… About what happened back there…” he trailed off, sighing.
“You don’t need to explain.” I sniffed, feeling close to tears. Today had been long and emotional – both for supporting Lucas, and for myself. I had lost a friend too! I wanted to tell him that, but I held my words.
“I do,” he said. “I just…when you said that, about not leaving, it worried me.”
“Oh?” Now I was worried, too. I felt my heart start to thud. Was he about to fire me, or what? I couldn’t let that happen! Not now – not after three weeks of believing it was finally going to be okay! I was even thinking about finding an apartment, one I could rent properly.
Besides, I didn’t want to leave him. I felt happy here. I liked Lucas. I liked Matt. Too much.
“You see,” he continued slowly, “Lucas has lost a lot in his life. He lost his mom, when he was just three years old.” He looked at the floor. I knew he was about to cry himself, and I held my breath, letting him get past the tears. “And now, he’s lost Judy, who was like a mom to him in so many ways. He could lose you, too – you can’t know that you’ll always be here for him. You’re part of his family now, and, well… you’re important around here.” He shut his eyes. “Look – please don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
He looked into my eyes and his own gaze was so raw. It felt, bizarrely, as if he spoke not just for Lucas, but for him. I felt my heart well up with feelings and I stared up at him. He looked down at me.
The whole world stopped. It felt like there was nobody else in it. Just him, and I. And his eyes, staring down into mine.
I cleared my throat.
“I…” I began, wanting to let him know I didn’t want to go anywhere – that, if I had any say in the matter at all, which I might not, given I was also in real danger – I would always work for them.
But I didn’t have a chance to say any of it.
Matt walked across the distance, took me in the arms, and kissed me full on the lips.
13
Matt
I held Tessa to my chest, my arms wrapped tight around her, my lips pressed to hers. They were plump and warm and this time I didn’t hold back. I couldn’t have, even if I had wanted to. I held her tight and felt her soft breasts press to my chest. I shut my eyes and breathed in the scent of her. She smelled of flowers and sweetness.
She let my tongue slide into her mouth, and it felt so natural and so right that it took me a moment to realize what I was doing – that I was standing there with her in my arms and my tongue pressed between her lips. She tasted so good, her mouth warm and clinging.
I stepped hurriedly back, my hand on her shoulder. She looked up into my eyes and I felt my heart tighten in my chest.
“Sorry,” I murmured.
She frowned. Her lips were slightly parted, her eyes soft. I felt my cock respond to that gentle green gaze, so inviting and sweet.
“Don’t be sorry,” she said softly.
I cleared my throat. “I am sorry,” I said, feeling horribly out of my depth. “I mean… I know you and I should be professional.”
She smiled up at me. “Well, it isn’t like we haven’t been thinking about things.”
“Things?” I felt my one brow raise, pretending to be ignorant of what she meant. She smiled.
“That sort of thing,” she replied softly. “Kissing things.”
I felt my body tense up at the teasing note in her voice. I wanted her so badly right now. I had to do something about it. I grabbed her and drew her to me, pressing my mouth to hers again. I loved the way her lips felt, the way they parted underneath mine, the way her body was so soft and curvy, feeling so good and right as I held her close.
She kissed me and I leaned back, breathing tight in my throat.
“I should check on Lucas,” I said softly. It was seven-thirty, or thereabouts. He should be going to bed soon.
She just stood back and let me go through to the living room. Heart racing, I went to my son and lifted him up, wondering absently if my heart was thumping so hard he would comment on its sound.
“Time for bed, isn’t it?” I murmured. He was very sleepy – the emotions of the day must have worn on him, I thought, lifting him up and carrying him in my arms.
“Yeah,” he said sleepily. I squeezed him and set him down on the bed. We went through our daily goodnight, and I made sure we stuck to every part – the goodnight hug, the switching off the light when he was lying down. Routine was important to him, and even more so now, with so much change going on.
When he was tucked in, the light off, I closed the door as quietly as I could and raced down to the kitchen. Tessa was still there.
I wrapped my arms around her, my lips pressing firmly to hers. My body heated up and I felt my cock throbbing, aching to get loose of my jeans.
I held her close, and she pressed her hands to my back, her body molded to mine. I kissed her, thrusting my tongue eagerly through into her wet mouth. She gasped and her head tilted back and I realized that she wanted me too.
Without thinking about it, I lifted her and carried her towards my room. She giggled, but stifled the sound against my shoulder so that we would not wake Lucas. I set her down on the bed.
It was hard not to
stand back and just look at her. Her body was petite, yet she had large breasts and a curved waist, her hips curving out again in a way that made me ache to feel my hands gripping her there. She lay back and those green eyes contemplated me from the mattress.
I couldn’t wait anymore. I knelt on the floor by the bed and started undoing her jeans. She didn’t protest – rather, her eyes were studying me with something that I could only think of as interest. I felt my hands lose their grip and I looked down at what I was doing, my cock aching as I slowly pulled the fabric down, revealing smooth, pale thighs.
It was fortunate that she had taken her trainers off in the kitchen, so I could slide the legs down easily over her feet. I dropped the jeans casually and looked at her. She was lying there in a sweater, her underwear white and frilly and irresistible, thighs just parted.
I bent to take her panties off, breathing in the sweet scent of her as I did so. I stared down at her, unable to control my longing anymore as I saw the dark cleft between her legs. I knew what I wanted and I carefully parted her thighs, sliding my hand up to her wetness.
She gasped and I moved her legs apart, and she lay back, as I looked up to make sure she was okay. She was smiling and her eyes shone. I smiled back, questioning, and she nodded.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I went back to her thighs, unable to control myself as I pressed my face into the gap between. She was so wet, and I couldn’t resist running my tongue across the little nodule of her clit. She gasped and I started to lick it faster and firmer, loving the increasing wetness of her, feeling her twist and strain as my tongue lapped at her, working her faster and firmer.
I heard her breathing change and knew she was getting closer. She was gasping and suddenly, as I gently sucked and bit her folds, she cried out. I leaned back, still licking gently as she lay back satisfied.
“Oh,” she gasped. “That was good.”
