A Hole in My Heart

by E. L. Todd

  “Well, you were a lot older than me.”

  “True,” he said with a nod. “Very true. But Trinity didn’t demand you marry her on the spot, right? She just wanted to know if marriage was in the future. She’d wait years for you if that were what you wanted.”

  “I guess…”

  “Get her back, Slade,” he said firmly. “Your mother and I already consider her a daughter. We really want this to work out between you. Honestly, I have a hard time believing you’ll ever find someone else who loves you as much as she does.”

  I knew he was right. I was hotheaded, bad-tempered, childish, immature, and a pain in the ass. It was a miracle Trinity fell in love with me to begin with.

  ***

  I went to Trinity’s apartment but she didn’t answer. I kept knocking, assuming she was home but ignoring me. When the door didn’t open, I pressed my ear to it and listened.

  There wasn’t a sound.

  I took out my lighter then played with the door handle. Eventually, I got the lock undone then I stepped inside.

  Her apartment was full of blue prints and plans for her fashion company. It was disorganized, and every counter was covered with sketches and papers. “Trinity?” I walked further inside but didn’t see her. I checked the bathroom and her bedroom, but they were vacant.

  She wasn’t home.

  I pulled out my phone and called her. She didn’t answer like I expected. I called a few more times, determined to make her pick up just out of annoyance. The tenth time I called her, she answered.

  “What?” she hissed. “What the hell is the damn emergency?”

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “So?” she snapped. “Just because you want something doesn’t mean you get it.”

  “Where are you?”

  “None of your business. I’m not your girlfriend anymore, Slade. Stop calling me and stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

  “I just want to talk to you.”

  “Well, I don’t want to talk to you.” She hung up.

  I growled then called her back. Of course, she didn’t answer. I kept calling her. Ten times later, she answered again.

  “Seriously, I’m going to kill you,” she said.

  “Just talk to me. Can we meet somewhere?”

  “I’m not in the mood for a booty call—now or ever. I refuse to settle for the status of a whore. If you want to get laid so bad, go find someone else or call one of your bimbos.”

  She’d never been this vicious to me. I really hurt her. “That’s not why I’m calling. I want to apologize for what I said before.”

  “I don’t give a damn, Slade.” She hung up.

  I screamed then called her back.

  “Leave me alone,” she said when she answered.

  “Don’t. Hang. Up.”

  “Don’t. Call. Me.”

  “Trinity, I’m sorry about what I said and I take it back.”

  She laughed, but it was dark and bitter. “You can’t take that back, Slade. You meant every word and you know it. Don’t apologize for something you don’t mean. And I don’t care anyway.”

  “I never apologize unless I mean it,” I barked. “You know that.”

  “This conversation is boring me. Can I go now?”

  I hated this side of her. It was like she was over me, like we were back to the strained friends we once were. I didn’t like that at all. “I’m sorry about what I said. I was just angry and I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.”

  “Yes, you meant it.”

  “No! I was just frustrated I wasn’t getting my way.”

  “Look, I really should go. The metal in your phone and the sound of my voice is probably making you feel like you’re in prison as we speak.”

  I felt my face turn red. “I take it back!”

  “Slade, you can never take it back.” She hung up.

  When I called her back, she didn’t answer.

  ***

  I called Skye and asked where Trinity was. She said she didn’t know. I turned to Cayson next, and he didn’t know either. I made my way through the group, hoping someone knew where she was.

  No one did.

  Where the hell was she? She didn’t have an office as far as I knew. She didn’t have any friends outside the group. The only place I could think of was her parents’ place.

  And that made me squirm in anguish.

  I didn’t want to face her father. I didn’t want to look at him. He never liked me as Trinity’s boyfriend, and I’m sure he loathed me now. He always said I would leave, and now I’d proven him right.

  I could wait until Trinity came home, or I could go to her parents’ place and talk to her. Logic told me just to wait for her to return, because talking to her in private would be better. But after the conversation I had with her and all the times she hung up on me, I was anxious to finish the debate. If she saw me in person, she would see that my apology was sincere. That I didn’t mean a word of what I said. Knowing this visit was going to be dreadful, I drove to Connecticut.

  ***

  When I pulled into the roundabout driveway, I didn’t see Trinity’s car anywhere. It could be in the garage or in the rear of the house. If Mike was home, he already knew I was there. If I drove away without saying a word, he would think it was odd. And he would probably figure out what I was doing.

  I walked to the front door then knocked, feeling my heart about to burst from my chest. My nerves were on fire, and I felt the tension pool in my stomach. Guilt welled inside me for everything I said to Trinity. How could I look her father in the eye and ask where she was?

  Just like I feared, Mike answered the door. Still wearing his suit from work, he looked formidable and deadly. He didn’t glare at me, but his eyes contained his rage. They were usually crystal blue, but right now, they were dull gray. His shoulders were tense like he was restraining himself from snapping my neck.

  I cleared my throat, knowing I had to face the music. “Hello, Mike. Is Trinity here?”

  “What’s it to you?” he said in a low voice. He hadn’t unleashed any threats but he sounded like he wanted to kill me.

  “I just want to talk to her.”

  “If my daughter doesn’t return your phone calls and doesn’t want to see you, that’s her right. I suggest you leave her alone. Otherwise, I’ll gladly make you.”

  Man, he hated me. “I just want to talk to her.”

  “I think you made it clear enough that you wasted her time and will never marry her. The nail is in the coffin and there’s nothing more to say. Now go back to the trashy women who entertain you and stay away from my daughter.”

  “Mike, I love her.”

  He stormed out of the house then pushed me savagely to the ground. I hit the concrete hard, feeling my elbows scrape against the ground. It was so unexpected and harsh that I was disoriented.

  He gripped me by the throat and leaned over me. His hand restricted my windpipe, only letting a small amount of air in. “How dare you say that to me.” He squeezed me tighter.

  I gripped his hands and tried to pull them off but it was no use.

  “How dare you say those words then break my daughter’s heart. How dare you rip her apart and leave the remains to the wind. How dare you show up here and ask to see her. You have no right to even look at her. My daughter gave you her heart and you treated it like it was an old condom that you flushed down the toilet.”

  “Mike!” Cassandra appeared behind him. “Let him go.” She grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

  Mike released his grip and stood up, the rage still in his gaze.

  Cassandra kept one hand on him so he wouldn’t launch at me again.

  I coughed into the ground then finally got some air. Then I slowly rose to my feet.

  Mike kept his arms by his sides, but he still looked threatening. “Get off my property and never come back.” He walked back inside, pulling Cassandra with him. Then he slammed the door hard, making me feel as unwelcome as possibl
e.

  Chapter Seven

  Trinity

  “You’ve got a lot of stuff here.” Reid walked through my apartment and spotted the papers all around the living room. Sketches of designs, magazine clips, and business documents were everywhere.

  “I’m not the most organized person in the world…”

  He chuckled then sat on the couch. “It’ll be easier when you have an office.”

  I went to the refrigerator to retrieve two beers. Then I sat beside him on the couch.

  Reid stared at a sketch of a gown. “You drew this?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s nice,” he said. “Do you design men’s clothes as well?”

  I handed him a drawing of a suit.

  He nodded his head in approval. “I’d wear this.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Definitely.” He returned it to the table. “You’re quite talented.”

  “You’re just saying that…”

  “Am not.”

  “If I sucked, you wouldn’t tell me.”

  “Well, of course not,” he said with a laugh. “But I really mean it.”

  I needed all the encouragement I could get at this point. “Thanks.”

  He took a drink of his beer. “So…anything new with Slade?”

  “He called to apologize the other day. I hung up then turned off my phone.”

  “Well, at least he apologized, right?” he said.

  “He didn’t mean it,” I said without doubt.

  “Then why would he say it?” he said curiously.

  “A week has gone by, and now he misses me. He just wants to hook up with me. When people get desperate, they’ll say anything. That doesn’t make what he said any less true.”

  He nodded. “I see your reasoning.”

  “After I keep cutting him off, he’ll eventually stop calling. And then I can start forgetting about him.” My heart ached at the thought but I didn’t have any other choice. I'd always imagined Slade as my husband, the man I loved more than anyone on this earth, but that wasn’t going to happen. I had to let go of that dream. When I remembered our beautiful relationship, it was hard. But I had to remind myself that the love we had was dead.

  “I’m sorry you have to go through this,” he said quietly. “I wish things were different.”

  “Me too,” I said quietly. Reid had been spending time with me often, sharing meals and taking walks around the park with me. He was wonderful company and the only person who remotely made me feel better. I was grateful to have him as a friend. We’d spent all our time talking about my feelings and my heartache. I felt guilty and selfish. “How’d your date go?”

  He shrugged. “It was alright, I suppose.”

  “Why didn’t you like her?”

  “She was a little dull. I had to carry most of the conversation, which is fine, but her responses were extremely bland and boring. I didn’t tell her I would call and I don’t think I will.”

  “Maybe she was just nervous,” I reasoned.

  “I don’t see how anyone can be so nervous they can barely speak,” he said.

  “Maybe you should give her another chance.”

  “No. If she were the one, it would have been clear.”

  “I don’t think you always know in the beginning if someone is the one,” I said. “I’d known Slade my whole life, but it wasn’t until we were together for a year that I realized…” That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. The knowledge hurt like a knife imbedded in my throat.

  He patted my knee. “I’m sorry. It’ll get easier. I promise.”

  I was believing that less and less. The longer we weren’t together, the more I needed him. How was that possible?

  A knock on the door shattered our conversation.

  I turned to him with fear in my eyes. Then I brought my finger to my lips and told Reid to remain silent.

  He nodded in understanding.

  More than likely, it was Slade trying to talk to me. I knew I pissed him off last time we spoke. Since I was at Reid’s for most of the evening, he couldn’t track me down. Reid’s apartment was my only retreat.

  Silence echoed for a while until a voice sounded.

  “Sweetheart, are you home?” It was my father.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Coming, Dad.” I unlocked the door then allowed him to enter. “Hey, what brings you here?”

  He spotted all the papers on the kitchen island. “Just want to see how you’re doing. And clearly, you’re busy.”

  “Work never stops,” I said with a forced laugh.

  “Just like your old man.” He turned toward the living room and spotted Reid. His eyes widened in surprise and he stared at him for a full minute.

  Reid approached him with an outstretched hand. “It’s nice to see you, sir. How are you?”

  Dad eyed his hand then a smile broke out across his face. He pulled Reid in for a hug.

  What the hell? My dad never hugged anybody.

  “I’m great.” Dad clapped him on the back. “How about you?” He pulled away and gave him a look full of joy and excitement.

  “Good. Trinity was just showing me some of her business proposals. Her sketches are great and she has some incredible ideas.”

  “Trinity is incredible,” Dad said with a nod.

  “Yeah,” Reid agreed. “And very driven.”

  “She’s the greatest kid on the planet.” Dad tapped his shoulder again. “And you’re pretty great too.”

  Why was my dad treating Reid like a god?

  “I’m glad to see you in the company of my daughter,” Dad said. “I’ve always liked you.”

  “Oh.” Reid adjusted his tie. “Well, thank you, sir.”

  “Let’s have dinner,” Dad said. “The four of us.”

  Now I realized what was going on. How did I not see it before? “Dad, Reid and I aren’t dating. We’re just friends.”

  Dad acted like he hadn’t heard me. “Are you free Friday?”

  Reid turned to me, silently asking for direction.

  “Dad.” I waved at him to get his attention. “Reid and I are just friends.”

  Dad ignored me. “Or Saturday? How about Saturday?”

  I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

  Reid was put on the spot. “Of course, sir. That would be great. I’m flattered for the invite.”

  “Great.” Dad clapped his hands together. “Cassandra and I would love to spend time with you. You’re a great guy.” He grabbed his shoulder again. “Just awesome.”

  God, I was so mortified. “Dad, you should go. Reid and I have a lot of work to do.”

  “Oh, right.” He headed toward the door. “I’ll let you kids get back to work.”

  I practically shoved him across the threshold. “Bye, Dad.”

  Dad looked past me. “You play golf, right?”

  “I do,” Reid answered.

  “Country club on Monday?” Dad asked.

  Oh my god, this wasn’t happening.

  “Uh, sure,” Reid agreed.

  “Great.” Dad turned and walked away.

  I shut the door and sighed. “He didn’t even say bye to me.”

  Reid laughed. “He seems pretty damn excited by the thought of us being romantically involved.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said, feeling mortified.

  “Don’t apologize. He just wants you to feel better. Let him think what he wants.”

  “No,” I said firmly. “I can’t let him think what he wants. We aren’t together and we never will be. He needs to let that go.”

  “I don’t think he will,” he said with a laugh. “At least not anytime soon.”

  ***

  I spent the rest of the week working outside the house then the evenings with Reid at his apartment. Slade called me nonstop but I never answered. He left so many messages that my inbox was full. But that was fine with me. At least he couldn’t leave any more.

  Skye called and told me Slade had been searching for me. Sh
e was the only person who knew what I was doing and who I spent my time with. Like a true best friend, she kept the knowledge to herself. She didn’t even tell Cayson.

  I didn’t feel bad for Slade at all. This is exactly what he wanted, and that’s what he was getting. I didn’t want to see him anyway. Moving on from him would be more difficult if we kept seeing each other and talking about our relationship. By avoiding him and spending time with Reid, it was helping me let go of the blissful happiness we once shared.

  On Saturday night, Reid picked me up. He wore black slacks and a black vest with a gray collared shirt underneath. His Rolex shined on his wrist.

  “You look nice,” I said.

  “Thanks. You look lovely, like always.”

  I couldn’t help but feel like this was a date. He picked me up before dinner with my parents and we were complimenting each other’s appearance. It made me uneasy.

  Reid knew something was on my mind. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah…this just feels like a date.”

  “Oh.” He nodded his head slowly. “Well, it’s not. Just keep that in mind.”

  “Yeah…”

  Together, we headed to the restaurant. I was aware of my body and didn’t let my hand dangle freely by my side. I didn’t expect Reid to touch me, but I didn’t want the opportunity to be available.

  When we walked inside, my parents already had a table near the window. When we approached them, both of my parents rushed to Reid, making me step off to the side.

  “Nice vest.” Dad hugged Reid tightly then patted him on the back.

  “Thanks,” Reid said as he pulled away. “It’s dressy enough that I can get away with not wearing a tie.”

  “Yeah.” Dad nodded and smiled at the same time. “I’ll remember that next time I go to work.”

  Mom moved to Reid and hugged him with enthusiasm. “It’s nice to see you again. My husband has nothing but wonderful things to say about you.”

  “Oh.” Reid blushed slightly. “Well, that’s very nice of him.”

  Dad gripped his shoulder. “You’re a good kid and an excellent banker.”

  Reid nodded. “Why, thank you.” He turned to my chair and pulled it out for me.

  I was unimpressed by the greeting. I stared at the vacant chair then back at my parents. “Are you going to say hi to me or should I just sit down?”