A Hole in My Heart

by E. L. Todd

  Hawke wasn’t discreet about it. He looked me up and down with obvious approval in his eyes. He stared at my shoulders then moved down my waist. His eyes moved to my face last, and once they were there, they didn’t leave. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks. You look good in regular clothes.”

  Hawke gave me that partial smile. “I look good in pretty much anything.” He had a playful look in his eyes that told me he wasn’t as arrogant as he sounded. “Are you ready?”

  “Let me grab my clutch.” I stepped inside and grabbed it from the table.

  Marie was standing there like a nosey schoolgirl.

  Hawke spotted her from the doorway. “I recognize you. From the coffee shop, right?”

  “Yep.” She walked to the door and shook his hand. “Frankie and I are roommates.”

  “Very cool.” Hawke dropped his hand. “Seems like a fun place to work.”

  “If you like people who get grouchy over coffee,” Marie said with a laugh.

  “And getting fat from all the pastries,” I added.

  Hawke smiled. “It doesn’t look like either of you girls struggle with that.”

  Marie leaned toward me and whispered, “I like him more.”

  I needed to get out of there before Marie embarrassed me. “Good night.” I grabbed Hawke’s arm and pulled him with me.

  “Night.” Marie waved from the front door like an annoying parent.

  Hawke chuckled as he walked beside me. “You guys are close, huh?”

  “Unfortunately.”

  We reached his truck and he opened the passenger door for me. “Good friends are hard to find. It’s a good thing you two have each other.” He shut the door once I was inside then got behind the wheel.

  “Yeah, she’s great. I do love her…even right now.” I looked at the house and saw her peeking through the window like a creeper.

  He started the engine. “Hungry?”

  “Always.”

  “Good. You like Italian?”

  “Always.”

  He gave me a smile full of amusement. “You’re an easy date.”

  I just hoped I wouldn’t be too easy.

  ***

  Hawke stared at his menu across the table. His shoulders looked nice in his t-shirt. But I had a feeling they would look nice in anything he wore—and if he wore nothing at all. “I hate to ask this…” He looked up from his menu and his eyes met mine.

  I tensed slightly as I waited for whatever he was going to say.

  “Are you twenty-one? I was going to order a bottle of wine.”

  The air left my lungs as I relaxed. “Yes. I’m twenty-two.”

  Relief moved across his face. “Just wanted to make sure.”

  How old was he?

  When the waiter came, Hawke ordered the wine as well as his dinner. I did the same and handed my menu over.

  Once we had nothing to look at, we stared at each other. I could make eye contact with anyone without feeling uncomfortable, but prolonged contact was awkward. However, Hawke didn’t struggle with it. He stared at me openly, but not intrusively.

  I liked it.

  He possessed obvious confidence without being obscenely arrogant. He knew he was good-looking and didn’t hide that fact. But he wasn’t obnoxious either. “So, tell me about yourself.”

  “I hate that question.”

  That usual pleasing look was in his eyes. “Why?”

  “It’s too open-ended. Ask what you want to know and I’ll tell you.”

  He kept his back perfectly straight in the chair. “Then that feels like an interrogation.”

  I couldn’t deny that. “True. Let’s play a game instead.”

  “What kind of game?” He raised his eyebrow like he was intrigued.

  “I’ll ask you a series of questions and you answer them.”

  “And that’s different how?” He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

  “I’ll show you.” I cleared my throat. “Coffee or tea?”

  “Coffee,” he blurted.

  “Waffles or pancakes?”

  “Waffles.”

  “The beach or the snow?”

  “The beach.” He narrowed his eyes. “Now you know so much about me.” Instead of being annoyed, he seemed entertained.

  “Hey, this is important stuff.”

  He chuckled. “Yes, waffles or pancakes is important to know.”

  “What if I want to make you breakfast in the morning?”

  His eyes darkened in obvious interest. I hadn’t realized how that could be interpreted until it was too late. His mind clearly went to a place I hadn’t anticipated. “Now you can make me waffles and coffee while sitting on the beach.” The slight smile from his lips never faded away.

  “Exactly.”

  “My turn,” he said. “Dinosaurs or sharks?”

  “That’s a really weird question,” I said while laughing.

  He shrugged. “I think it’s important.”

  “Dinosaurs.”

  “Leather or cloth?”

  “Leather.”

  “Rocks or sand?”

  “Sand,” I answered.

  He grinned. “Now I know your soul.”

  “I guess you do.” I kept my hands in my lap and fidgeted with my fingers so he wouldn’t see them. I was a little nervous and I couldn’t fight the feeling.

  “Are you in school?” He glanced out the window before he turned back to me.

  “Webster University.”

  He nodded. “That’s a great school. What are you studying?”

  “Business.”

  He didn’t bother hiding his cringe. “Really?” He seemed to realize how rude he sounded because he said, “Sorry. There’s nothing wrong with that degree. I just didn’t expect it from you.”

  “What did you expect me to major in?”

  He shrugged. “Something interesting. Like art or music.”

  “Well, I’m terrible at both of those things. You should see the finger paintings I made as a child.”

  “I would love to.” He said it with complete seriousness.

  I continued on. “I want to open my own bakery someday. It’s been my dream since I was young. But I wanted to get an education in business before I pursued it. I don’t know anything about running a shop or getting it started. And if things don’t work out, I’ll have something to fall back on.”

  Hawke nodded in interest. “You have a good head on your shoulders. And if all your pastries are as good as the one I tried, it’ll definitely work out.”

  “Thanks.” Some people thought my dream was stupid. It was nice to hear some encouragement once in a while. “What do you do?”

  “I’m an intern.” He released a sigh like he didn’t like admitting it out loud. “I work for an investment company. Basically, we manage all of our clients investments but we don’t actually make any decisions. We’re advisors more than anything else.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “The internship doesn’t pay much so I’m excited to do my time and move on.”

  “They’ll probably offer you a full-time position when you’re finished.”

  “Maybe.” He didn’t sound enthused about that idea. Maybe he didn’t like the company he worked for.

  “My brother wants to be a stock broker. You guys would have a lot in common.”

  “I’m sure we would.” When the waiter returned with the wine, Hawke sipped it and returned it to the table.

  “How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “I just turned twenty-six.”

  “Oh. Happy belated birthday.”

  “Thank you,” he said with a nod.

  “Where did you go to school?”

  “South Carolina,” he answered. “I just finished my master’s last spring so now I’m finally in the real world.”

  I did the math in my head and realized we were four years apart. That sounded like a lot, but I didn’t see what the big deal was. It wasn’t like I was ei
ghteen and he was twenty-two. “Congratulations. It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of.”

  He drank his wine again. “I suppose.”

  I noticed he didn’t like to talk about himself much, at least professionally. Maybe he was just humble. It was nice to meet a guy like that for once. “Do you like sports?”

  “I’m a big sports fan—mainly baseball.”

  “Cool. Who’s your favorite team?”

  “The Yankees.”

  I cringed. “I don’t think this is going to work out…”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Please don’t tell me you’re a Giants fan.”

  I shrugged in guilt.

  He shook his head in disappointment. “Well, the rest of this date is going to be awkward…”

  “Maybe we should just end it now.”

  “Maybe you’re right.” The affection in his eyes told me he was kidding. “But I really like you so…I’ll see it through.”

  “I guess I can put this aside…for now.”

  He released an exaggerated sigh. “Crisis averted.”

  The waiter brought our plates then set them in front of us. I ordered the lasagna and he had the chicken parmigiana.

  “That looks good.” He eyed my plate.

  I took a bite. “It is good.”

  He grabbed his fork then immediately dug into my food. He looked me in the eye as he did it, giving me a playful look. “You’re right. Maybe I should have ordered that.”

  I stuck my fork into his food and did the same thing. “Yours is good too.”

  “I have an idea.” He pulled my plate closer to him. “Let’s split our plates.” He gave me half of his dinner then took half of mine. Then he pushed the plate back to me. “Problem solved.”

  “Everyone wins.”

  He ate slowly and didn’t inhale his food like most men I knew. He took breaks and sipped his wine.

  “How was your day?” I asked.

  “Good. But I kept getting distracted thinking about this date.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” The sincerity was in his eyes. “I was surprised when you asked me out.”

  “You’ve never been asked out by a girl?”

  He chuckled while looking down at his food. “No, I have. I just didn’t expect you to ask me out.”

  “Why not?”

  “Not sure,” he said. “I just didn’t expect it.”

  I wondered if he got hit on all the time. With his looks and success, he must.

  “I’m glad you did,” he said. “It’s sexy when a girl makes a move. It shows confidence—and confidence is a quality I look for.”

  “It’s a little unorthodox, but I’ve never been traditional.”

  “And I like that.” He drank his wine as he looked at me.

  He stared at me a lot, but I liked it. He gave me his full attention and didn’t play games.

  “I’m surprised you don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “What makes you think I would?” he asked.

  “You’re easy on the eyes and charming.”

  “And easily bored.” He ate quietly and didn’t say anything more about the subject. Perhaps he had a bad breakup recently and didn’t want to talk about it. Or maybe he just didn’t have anything to say. “Where did you learn to bake?”

  “My yaya.”

  He stilled. “Your what? Sorry?”

  “My yaya,” I said with a laugh. “It means grandmother in Greek.”

  “Oh.” He nodded his head in understanding. “I see.”

  “She taught me everything when I was young, and I just grew up on that knowledge. Now I make up a lot of my own recipes and do things my way. But she started it all.”

  “Did she work in a bakery?”

  “No. She just knows her way around the kitchen.”

  “Very cool.” He finished his plate and left it on the table. He wiped it clean and finished his wine. “I’m pretty limited in my abilities. But I know how to order take out.”

  “That’s a good skill to have.”

  He smiled slightly.

  “Will you excuse me?” I rose from the chair and set my napkin on the table.

  “Sure.” He watched me walk away, his eyes drilling into my back.

  After I did my business in the bathroom, I touched up my make up. My heart was racing because I really liked him. He had nice lips and a perfect body. But he was an interesting person too. He had a good balance of various qualities. And he was older. I liked older men. They were more mature than the guys I met at school.

  And he was scorching hot.

  After I gathered my bearings and headed back to the table, I saw Hawke talking to a woman. She looked his age, and she was pretty. She wore a tight dress with nude heels. Her hair was done in a classy way.

  The closer I got, the more irritated I became. Judging the way she was leaning close to him and flashing him flirtatious smiles, she was either hitting on him or already knew him romantically.

  I didn’t care, but it was pretty trashy to go after a guy who was clearly on a date. There were rules for that, especially between women.

  When I reached the table, Hawke spoke. “It was nice seeing you, Jessica.” Hawke didn’t seem irritated she was there, but he didn’t seem particularly happy either.

  She eyed me up and down quickly. The disappointment on her face told me she didn’t like me one bit even though I hadn’t said a word. “Call me.” She flipped her hair and walked away.

  The fact Hawke didn’t introduce me told me he didn’t want to. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay.” I sat down and crossed my legs.

  Hawke didn’t mention his friend or how he knew her.

  And I didn’t ask.

  The check sat at the edge of the table, and it was clear Hawke had already paid it. “I asked you out. Remember?”

  That usual look of amusement came into his eyes. “I guess I’m traditional in some ways.”

  “Well, I owe you next time.” I shouldn’t assume there would be a next time but it slipped out. It wasn’t common for me to find a guy I really liked. Hawke and I had a connection, and I knew it could go further if we took the time to cultivate it. But I had no idea if that feeling was mutual.

  “We’ll see.” His eyes didn’t give his thoughts away like usual. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah.”

  We left the restaurant and walked out to the sidewalk. Hawke hadn’t made a move to touch me, and I hadn’t either. I already asked him out so I wasn’t going to make the first move.

  As we headed to his truck down the street, his arm moved around my waist, and he pulled me closer to him. His torso was hard like a slab of concrete, and he felt warm like a personal heater. His scent washed over me, and I wanted that smell to be ingrained in my sheets.

  I gave him a flirtatious look that said I liked his hold. His large hand fit completely around my hip. His fingers squeezed me slightly, giving me a spike of adrenaline.

  “I had a great time tonight.”

  “Me too.”

  He opened the passenger door to his truck but kept his eyes on me. His lips were dangerously close to mine. It seemed like he might kiss me but he was still unsure about it.

  Without thinking, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. The second we touched, I felt my lips burn. His full and soft lips felt right against mine. I made the move, but he took control the second we were combined. He gave me purposeful kisses, breathing into my mouth as he did it.

  Yum.

  He slowly pulled away then rubbed his nose against mine. “Ready to go somewhere quiet?” Then he waited for me to get into the seat.

  My hormones were doing all the talking. “Yes.” I didn’t want the kiss to end, but I knew standing on the sidewalk wasn’t the best place to do it. I got inside and pressed my thighs tightly together. His kiss was so good that I wanted it to go on forever. Now I was hot everywhere, and I felt sweat form on the back of my neck.

  Hawke got into the driver’s seat a
nd started the engine. His hand immediately moved to my thigh and he squeezed it through my jeans. His large hand took up most of the area. I would love to feel those hands grab me everywhere.

  He drove to my house without speaking. He didn’t turn on the radio or initiate a conversation. His thoughts were probably exactly where mine were. His hand stayed in a respectable zone, but I probably wouldn’t swat it away if it went somewhere else.

  When we reached my house, he walked me to the front door. His hand moved around my waist again, keeping me anchored to him. The second we reached the porch, he grabbed the back of my neck and crushed his mouth to mine. Now he was much more aggressive, like this moment was all he’d been thinking about in the car. He felt my lips with his, and he sucked the bottom one like he’d done it a hundred times. His hands amplified his kiss. One moved into my hair and fisted it. The other gripped my hip aggressively, like I was his forever.

  He moved me to the door and pressed me against it. The length of his cock was defined through his jeans, and I could feel it against my stomach. It was impressive. The idea of him stretching me made the area between my legs immediately pool in desire. While I was confident and aggressive, I wasn’t an easy girl. I liked to take my time and cultivate a relationship. The sex was much better that way.

  But now I wasn’t sure what I wanted.

  His lips continued to devour mine, and his hands slowly slid up my waist until they reached my chest. He groped my tits aggressively, squeezing and massaging them.

  It felt so good.

  His lips moved to my neck, and he lathered the sensitive area with kisses while he continued to feel me up. His lips brushed across my ear. “I’ve been thinking about this all night. And it’s much better than I imagined.” His lips moved back to my neck and his hands disappeared under my shirt, feeling the skin of my stomach.

  I wanted this. I really wanted this.

  But I had to stop it. It was too quick. Sometimes rushing into something killed it before it could really begin. And I really liked Hawke. We’d only been on one date, but I knew there was something special between us. I couldn’t sabotage it for a night of passion. I wanted it to go somewhere. “Let’s save something for our next date…” I grabbed his hands and pulled them down.

  He pulled his lips away from my neck and looked into my eyes. There was obvious heat there, like he didn’t want it to end. He glanced at my lips like he was thinking about kissing me again.