Monkey Business (Bob and Nikki Book 10)

by Jerry Boyd

  “She heard about what Janet and Milly were doing, and wanted to be a part of it. They trained her up, just like them.”

  “She’s certified for vacuum?”

  “And free-fall. She’s been busy training while she’s been aboard.”

  We watched as each ship docked with a carrier. I was on pins and needles until they undocked and headed to the edge of the system to get rid of the charges. Of course, then they went to other ships, and started over. All told, it only took a couple of hours for them to clear the ships. Felt like a month, to me. Topper put Scotti on the overhead. “Boss, I’ve got the printers running as fast as they can, printing power cores for these bots they’re bringing in. I’m going to need some extra help getting them installed. Can I pull non-essential personnel, with the understanding you get them back immediately, if the Squirrels show up?”

  “As we get the rescued bots up and running, you’ll be able to use them to put in power cores, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, we’re only talking about a short time that the ship will be short of personnel?”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  “Do it. I assume you are going to need the rescued bots to get the other ships ready to fly?”

  “I’ve got maintenance reports from the ships, and I’ve got a lot of the parts we’ll need in stock. The ships that still have operational printers are helping with the rest. Once we have enough functional bots, it shouldn’t take too long to catch them up on their maintenance and get us all out of here.”

  “That’s all good news. Thanks for your hard work, Scotti.”

  “No problem, Boss.”

  She cut off, and then came back, obviously speaking to the whole ship now. “All bots and humans who are not vital to the function of the ship, report to Engineering to aid in the repair of the rescued bots. I say again, all non-essential personnel to Engineering.”

  I looked at Sally. “Both of us don’t need to be here, as long as there are no Squirrels in the system. I have a bunch of nervous energy I need to work off. Your ship.”

  Sally looked at me strangely, but said, “My ship, yes Boss.”

  Saucy said, “I’m done for the time being, Boss. I’ll go with you.”

  We grabbed a transit, which was slower than usual, with all the traffic. Gene dropped us off at a bay where Scotti had bots and tools arranged, ready for workers. Saucy had to show me a few things on my first one, but soon I was as quick as any of the humans. Once the whole bay was functional again, Scotti came over to me, and said, “Go ahead and make your salvage speech, Boss. Then we can get them working on the rest of the bots.”

  I summoned up Captain’s voice, and explained how we had found them adrift, and they were salvage, and property of Bob’s Saucer Repair, no longer part of the Commonwealth Navy. Scotti waited for all of them to check in and agree, and then she nodded at me. I continued, “When we have all you in shape to work, we will proceed to salvaging your ships. Your absence has left them sorely in need of maintenance. We have already dealt with the destruct charges that were placed on the ships, and Scotti here has them building the parts they need replaced. I look forward to working with all of you, and welcome to Bob’s Saucer Repair.” Much to my surprise, a cheer went up in the bay, after which all the bots set to work, getting organized to help their fellow bots. Scotti came up to me, and said, “Nice speech, Boss. I made a recording, so you won’t have to come down and talk to each new bunch. I have plenty of help, now, so you can head back to the bridge.”

  “Let me see if I understand you. The immediate crisis is over, so could I please get my slow, organic hiney out of your way, so you can get on with what you need to do.”

  “Well, Boss, if that’s the way you choose to interpret what I said, there’s really nothing I can do about it, is there?”

  “I’ll see you later, Scotti. You’re doing great.”

  “Later, Boss.” As I was walking out of the bay, I heard one of the new bots ask, “He lets you talk to him like that? Things here sure aren’t like the Navy.”

  Scotti replied, “No, they are not. I think you’ll like it, if you give it half a chance.” The transit was a lot more responsive, now that the whole ship wasn’t trying to get to the same place at the same time. I went through the door saying, “As you were.”. Sally asked, “Would you like the conn, Boss?”

  “Probably better, the Squirrels are bound to show up, sooner or later.”

  “Your ship. Did you have fun in Engineering?”

  “Thank you, and yes, I did. I had forgotten how good it feels to get something, or in this case, someone, running again.”

  “Scotti reports that by using the bots she’s revived to revive other bots, she should have them all functional in a few hours.”

  “That’s excellent! Let me know when she needs me to go talk to the ship’s AIs.”

  “I will, Boss.”

  “Does she have an estimate of how long it will take to get the ships ready to fly?”

  “None of them have hull damage, it’s all just a lack of upkeep. She thinks twenty to forty hours, depending on how many things didn’t show on the scans.”

  “Murphy is our shepherd. Let’s plan to be here fifty hours.”

  “She wants me to remind you, that estimate doesn’t include fixing the smaller ships that we can load on the carriers.”

  “Understood. Do you mind taking the conn for a few minutes?”

  “Not at all, Boss. My ship.”

  “Nope. You need to pick one of those out there. I’m keeping the Gene. Topper, please page Rhonda to the ready room.”

  “On it, Boss.”

  Sally asked, “You’re giving me a ship, Boss?”

  “You didn’t think I certified you Captain just for fun, did you? You need to make sure the other candidates are ready to take over their ships, as well.”

  “We’re still one short, Boss.”

  “Find somebody to fly it, till we can strap Dingus in the big chair.”

  “Yes, Boss. Can you give someone a field promotion, if I need you to?”

  “Of course.” I wondered who she had in mind, but if she was ready for me to know, she would have told me. I went across to the ready room, where Rhonda was waiting on me. She said, “I know Mom would have a fit if she knew, but I needed to help the ship, and I did a good job. Please don’t put me ashore, Captain.”

  “First off, it’s Commodore now, whether I like it or not. Second, I’m not upset with the work you did. As near as I could tell, you kept up with Milly and Janet, and they’ve been at this sort of thing longer than you. I am a little disappointed that you didn’t feel like you could ask me straight up, and felt the need to slip around. I thought we were friends. However, none of that is why I called you here. I need to borrow your comm.”

  “Sure, but why?”

  “Do you know why we had to hurry out here to salvage this place?”

  “No. I guess nobody thought I had a need to know.”

  “The Squirrels have an agent in the comms office. They are keeping track of my comm and tapping the messages. I messed up, and mentioned that we knew about this place, over my comm. We had to assume that they would try to get here first, to destroy the ships, before we were able to salvage them. So, I need to borrow your comm, because they wouldn’t have any reason to be tracking that.”

  “You’re sneaky, Cap, um I mean Commodore.”

  “Nice save.” I took her comm and called Nikki. “Rhonda, why are you calling me?”

  “It’s me, Space Cadet. I’ve already gotten in enough trouble talking about things I shouldn’t on a comm we know the Squirrels are listening to, so I borrowed Rhonda’s. How are you?”

  “Fine, now that I understand why you had to leave in such a hurry. You mentioned going where you are, and doing what you’re doing, when you talked to my Grandpa?”

  “I did, and it took me a while to realize what I had done. I was afraid I was going to be late to the party, by the time I got here.” />
  “Were you?”

  “Nope, we made it in time. Somebody had left some nasty party favors, but we were able to deal with that, with a little help from the girls.”

  “I think that’s a story I want to ask Rhonda about when I see her.”

  “Probably best. Everything okay, there?”

  “Just fine. Haven’t seen those guests you were expecting, yet.”

  “Maybe we’ll get lucky, and I’ll be back in time for that.”

  “How long are you going to be?”

  “You’ve forgotten already? I thought I made more of an impression than that.”

  “Not that, asshole. How long will it take to salvage the ships?”

  “Scotti says she won’t know for sure until she has a better look. Could be as much as two days, they’re in poor shape.”

  “See you when I see you, I guess. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” She ended the connection. Rhonda asked, “That didn’t sound all that sensitive, why did you need to hide it?”

  “Comms report where they are when you place a call. My comm reporting that I’m here, would get noticed.”

  “There really is a lot to keep track of, isn’t there?”

  “Seems that way to me.” I dialed Phonelia. She answered, “Hello, I think you have a wrong number, I don’t recognize your name.”

  “Yeah, I probably do. I was looking for some crazy lady that slept in the desert for a few hundred years.”

  “Bob, is that you?”

  “Yes, Ma’am. How are things out in the wild stars?”

  “We haven’t found anything habitable yet, or we would have checked in.”

  “I figured. How about uninhabitable, off the beaten track, and unlikely to be stumbled over?”

  “I think I’ve got just the thing.”

  “Send the coordinates to Nikki on the secure line. I’ll get them from her later.”

  “She’s not with you?”

  “I had to leave in a hurry to take care of some business. She’s back with Will and Fred.”

  “I see. Or rather, I fail to see, and I gather that’s how it needs to be, right now.”

  “Exactly right. Thanks for your help, and good hunting.”

  “Talk to you later, Bob.” I turned to Rhonda and said, “One more call, and I’ll be done.”

  “Take as long as you want. It’s not like I’m paying for the minutes.”

  I commed Dingus. “Rhonda, honey, why are you calling me? Can’t somebody there help you?”

  “It’s me, Dingus. I borrowed Rhonda’s comm, because I screwed up the last time we talked, and mentioned a place I shouldn’t have. I’m there now, doing the work we had hoped to put off.” Dingus thought a moment, and said, “You took Gene home to see his kin? That’s mighty nice of you, Bob. What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “Do you suppose you could head out this way? I’ve got a chair with your name on it.”

  “Have I mentioned lately that you’re an asshole, Bob?”

  “I think it might have come up, once or twice.”

  “Long as you don’t forget how I feel about you.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  “Later, Bob.” I gave Rhonda back her phone, mumbling, “That answers that.”

  She asked, “Answers what?”

  “Oh, I said that out loud? Oops, I need to be more careful. Dingus didn’t ask how to get here. I figured he had asked Sally, as soon as he found out she knew, but until now, I wasn’t sure.”

  “Dang, Boss, you are sneaky. You need anything else?”

  “Warning, before you decide to fly off and save the world again?”

  “I’ll try and remember, Boss.” She left, and I went back over to the bridge. I was careful to get out “As you were.” before anyone could announce me. I asked, “Any updates?”

  Sally said, “Scotti got enough bots woken up to start on the first carrier. Other than that, things are just as they were, Boss.”

  “Designate the ship being worked on as the Alan Shepherd. Do you see any need for me to hang around and bother you, Captain?”

  “No, Boss.”

  “I’m going to try to get some sleep, then. Don’t hesitate to call me if anything doesn’t seem quite right.”

  “Good night, Boss.” I guess I was on autopilot, I went by the grass room out of force of habit. Janet and Alice were there. Janet said, “I thought Snitz was on the planet?”

  “He is. I’m just so much in the habit of coming by here before I go to sleep, I came by without thinking.”

  “I wanted to thank you for not being too hard on Rhonda. It was my idea, not hers.”

  “Whoever came up with the idea, I would have liked to know what was going on, before I saw three ships, where I expected two.”

  “We were afraid you might have a problem with her going along.”

  “I had a problem with sending any of you, but it was the only way to get the job done.”

  “Tikki was surprised you didn’t ask her to go.”

  “She’s the only Squirrel trained engineer we have. No offense, but I couldn’t afford the risk.”

  “It burns a little, but I see your point. Milly and I are important to the ship, but what we do isn’t irreplaceable.”

  “I am a cold bastard, aren’t I?”

  “I have no way of knowing your parents’ marital status, Boss. You did what was best for the ship, and you made sure we had the training we needed to be safe before you sent us. I even heard you made sure Rhonda had the proper training when you found out she went with us. That’s as much as any of us could ask. Sitting in the big chair means that sometimes you have to make decisions that somebody may not come back from. It’s weird, but you thinking I’m grown up enough to go out on a mission like that kinda feels good.”

  “Thanks, I think.”

  “Boss, we’re here because we want to be. Nobody told us that crewing on a starship was going to be easy.”

  “I’m glad you see it that way, because I don’t think it’s going to get any better for a little bit. I better hit the rack, before whatever the next thing is comes along.”

  “Night, Boss.”

  “Night, Janet.” I finally made it to the cabin. Jeeves said, “I was worried, Boss. Sally said you left the bridge several minutes ago.”

  “I went by the grass room out of force of habit. Got to talking with Janet. Sorry to worry you.”

  “No problem, Boss, as long as you’re okay.”

  “Sending little girls out to defuse nukes? I’m not sure I’m ever going to be okay again.”

  “Sally anticipated that, Boss. Said I should offer you some Canadian Mist.”

  “Thanks, but no, thanks. The Squirrels could show up at any time. I better keep a clear head.” I headed off to bed. Cuddling with Nikki’s pillow wasn’t as good as the real thing, but it was better than nothing. I’m not sure how long I slept, but I woke up feeling a lot better. I got cleaned up, and headed to the galley to clean some of the blood out of my caffeine stream. Jasmine was waiting for me with a steaming cup. I asked, “Jeeves warned you I was on my way?”

  “He did. He also said you were probably too deep in thought to figure out what you wanted to eat, so I went ahead and ordered you an omelet, with wheat toast and hash browns.”

  “This crew is amazing. Did you pick me a table, too?”

  “No, Boss. Sit wherever you like.” Beatriz came in and sat with me. I said, “Good morning.”

  “Good morning, Boss. How are you today?”

  “It’s a day that ends in ‘y’. I must be worried, then.”

  “Worried about what?”

  “Whether we can get these ships ready to fly out before the Squirrels show up, mostly.”

  “You’ll figure it out. My Diego says you are the best at finding your way out of tight places that he has ever flown with.” I noticed her dress was tight through the shoulders. I said, “You’re going to have to lay off those kettlebells, or you’ll need new cloth
es.”

  “It’s worth it. I’m already shooting better under stress. If I work at it, I might be able to beat Dee by the time I see her again.”

  “Better hurry. She and Dingus should be here today or tomorrow.”

  “I thought only the bots knew where this place is.”

  “I didn’t ask them, because I didn’t want to be tempted. Dingus apparently has better self-control.”

  “I see.” My breakfast came out. I thought back and realized I had missed at least one meal yesterday. The omelet wasn’t long for this world. I finished and got up to go. Beatriz asked, “Did you forget to eat?”

  “I think so. I can’t remember supper yesterday.”

  “One day without your sweet little wife, and you fall apart. I thought you were better than that.”

  “C’mon, I miss meals even when she’s around. I got kind of a big job around here.”

  “Touchy, touchy. Can’t even joke with an old lady?”

  “Sorry. I need to pop my head out. This job has me wound.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Having so many ships is going to change everything. We may have to fight the Squirrels to get out of here with them. I miss Nikki.”

  “All of those are good reasons to be upset. Now get up and go fix them.” When I got onto the bridge, Sally asked, “Boss, could I speak to you in the ready room, please?”

  “Sure.”

  “Mr. Topper, you have the conn.”

  Topper replied, “My ship, yes Ma’am.”

  Once we were in the ready room, Sally said, “Gene, tile the lodge, please.”

  Gene asked, “Do you need me to stop listening?”

  She said, “No, you’re fine.” Then she said to me, “Boss, I think you miscounted yesterday. We actually have one more qualified Captain than we have carriers, or at least we will, when Dingy shows up.” I counted on my fingers, “You, John, Dingus, Diego, and Steve, and we only have four carriers. You’re right, I was mistaken. I’ll have to tell someone they are getting a lesser ship. Do you have an opinion who that should be?”

  “Out of all of us, Steve’s scores in the simulator are the lowest. He’s still better than any of the old Commonwealth Captains, but he is the weakest in this group.”

  “What are his weaknesses?”