Heart of Steel

by Cathleen Cole

  “That goes in the plus column.” Julie chirped. At our looks, she shrugged. “What? I love when men are gentlemen and do stuff like pay, pull out your chair, open doors for you…” I swear her eyes glazed over and she had little hearts floating over her head. She was such a romantic. “Plus, we can add a business owner to the plus column as well.” She scribbled furiously on the board.

  An hour, and much arguing, later we all stared at the disaster that was the whiteboard. There were so many things written in both columns that Julie had to start writing really tiny halfway down in order to fit it all. The living room didn’t fare much better. Soda cans, empty chip bags, and chocolate wrappers littered the coffee table and floor. We were all finally silent, just staring at the board. I didn’t feel any less confused about what I should do.

  Finally, Bridget spoke. “I didn’t know you had all of this bouncing around in your head, Remi.” She gestured at the whiteboard as she searched my face. “I think I would go crazy if I had to consider all of that before I hung out with a guy I liked.” I nodded miserably. I wish I could let go the way Bridget and Anna did. I saw an empathetic look on Julie’s face. This was the way she operated too, so she at least understood it.

  “Okay.” Bridget leaned forward and rested her hands in her chin as she glanced at the whiteboard. “I don’t think any of us knows whether the pros won or if the cons did.” We nodded in agreement. That board was a mess. “So, let me ask you a question.” Her gaze zeroed in on me. “Do you like him?”

  “I don’t really know him.”

  “But what you have seen so far. Do you think you could like him? We know you’re attracted to him, so that’s a huge plus.”

  I thought about the ride he’d taken me on past the lake. I’m sure he didn’t realize it, but I’d felt freer and more alive in that short hour than I had in the last year. He took me away from the craziness that was my life and showed me how to enjoy the moment. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to admit that yeah, in a way, I did like him. “I think I’m most worried that the attraction is making me think that I do. That it will blow up later.”

  “I think you’re not telling the whole truth.” I stared in shock when Julie spilled the worries that most deeply plagued me. “I think you know it’d be easy to fall in love with him.” I felt my face pale.

  “Loving him scares the shit out of you because his lifestyle is so far out of the realm of what you know. You know your family is going to lose it when they find out, and you’ve already lost the most important person in your life. You may also be scared of getting close to him because you might lose him too. He does dangerous things daily. That makes it way more likely he could get hurt.”

  We were all silent, looking at Julie in shock. “Pssfftt, psychology majors. Am I right?” Bridget grinned at all of us. Julie blushed, but we all knew she was going to be an amazing therapist one day. No wonder she’d been acing all her psych classes. I made a mental note to have her help me out when I had to take the basic course that was required for any degree from the university.

  “Now that we know what the problem is. I think I have a solution.” This came from Anna. She looked between me and Bridget. “Bridget has been seeing Gunnar, right?” At our nods, she continued. “She’s not worried about any claims he thinks he has on her, future commitments, or whether he could die tomorrow. I think you need to live in the moment, Remi, and give the guy a chance. Hang out with him, without worrying about future consequences, and see if he really is someone you may like.”

  Not worry about future consequences? I grimaced. I wasn’t sure if I could do that. My entire life, but especially the last year, has been about taking the right action so that there weren’t any negative side effects from my choices. But they had a point. If I gave Steel a chance, what’s the worst that could happen? He breaks my heart? Broken hearts and college kids go together hand in hand. If he didn’t, someone else probably would. His claims that I was his aside, we weren’t talking about getting married. We’d have a few dates and maybe see what happened from there.

  I looked up and saw Bridget’s hopeful look. She’d been wanting me and Steel to double date with her and Gunnar. She squealed when I sighed in defeat. I shook my head but grinned. “I can’t promise you guys this will work. But I’ll try to give him a chance.”

  “You know that means you have to answer his calls, right?” Anna said patronizingly. I rolled my eyes at her and nodded. They all knew I’d been ducking Steel’s phone calls. “Good, you can start now.” She held out my phone, which I had set down somewhere once the meeting had started. I’d turned my ringer off, but she must have noticed the buzzing.

  I hesitated, then looked around at all the garbage in the living room desperately, hoping to use it as a distraction. “Remi, no.” Julie glared at me. “You just said you were going to try to give him a chance. Answer the phone. We’ll clean this up.”

  Anna shoved the phone in my hand, and everyone stood to start cleaning as I went up the stairs toward my room. I answered at the top of the stairs and I heard mutters of ‘finally’, ‘thank God’, and ‘hallelujah’ coming from downstairs. I turned and flipped them all off.

  “Hello?” I said as I walked into my room, shutting my bedroom door behind me.

  “Good girl.”

  I sat down on my bed. “What?” I asked in confusion, but my belly fluttered at hearing his deep voice uttering that phrase.

  “For answering.” His voice sounded amused.

  Rolling my eyes at his arrogance, I kicked my heels off, aiming toward my closet. “What do you want, Steel?”

  “You.” I clenched my thighs together as the tone of his voice and meaning sent a flash of heat straight between my thighs. “I’m off on Sunday. I’ll be there at nine p.m., to pick you up.”

  I hesitated, my silence stretching out over the connection as I decided if I was going to do this. What’s the worst that could happen, remember? That little voice reminded me inside my head. Plus, I’d promised the girls. “Fine.” I finally said. A heavy sense of finality settled over me.

  “Good,” His voice rumbled in my ear and I tried to ignore the way my pulse picked up as I thought about spending uninterrupted time with him.

  Chapter 23

  Steel

  I glanced around as I got off my bike but didn’t notice anyone loitering who shouldn’t be. I walked over and leaned against the wall, smoking a cigarette outside the coffee house Bass and I had agreed to meet at. We weren’t taking the chances of talking about anything he’d seen since he’d started prospecting with the Lycans over the phone.

  They really must be desperate because they’d taken Bass in immediately. Typically, a guy would have to hang around a while before a club would consider allowing him to prospect. He’d come to the parties, functions, and events the club put on, and once everyone began getting to know each other, then they would let him prospect. The Lycans had cut that part out and immediately taken him in.

  Finishing, I flicked my cigarette across the sidewalk and ignored the nasty look a woman with green hair and a nose ring gave me. Like she was a pillar of morality.

  Inside, I found Bass and sat down. I’d ridden my motorcycle but had taken my cut off and worn a baseball cap and shades for this meeting. I didn’t want to risk anyone recognizing me while I was with him. It was unlikely that the Lycans were this far into our territory, they’d mostly been sticking to the borders, with the exception of getting their drugs onto campus.

  “Stacey?” I arched my brow at him. When he’d called me earlier that morning to see if we could meet, he’d pretended to be setting up a date with Stacey. He laughed and showed me his phone. Under my contact information was the name Stacey Wales and a picture of a stacked blonde.

  “Hey, I gotta keep up pretenses, man.” He sniggered at the look on my face.

  “How’s it going over there?” I asked, and he sobered up.

  “Good. They don’t have any idea who I am.”

  “Good. They treating
you alright?” All of us guys felt bad using such a new guy to do this, but we didn’t have any choice. Anyone else would have been recognized.

  Bass’s lips twisted ruefully. “They’re dicks. They’re nothing like our club, but otherwise yeah, it’s fine. Blaze is a real nasty fucker. Most of the guys are terrified of him.” I made a sound of agreement. We’d known Blaze and Reaper, his VP since we’d all been kids. They’d always been sadistic assholes. You didn’t want your club members dissatisfied, and you didn’t want them afraid of you. Both types would turn on you in a heartbeat.

  “I know it’s only been a couple of days, Bass. But have you found anything out?”

  “Oh right, I called because of what happened last night.” He leaned forward so he could talk a little lower and I did the same. “We were at a drop…” He shrugged at the look on my face. They were letting day old prospects go on drops with them?

  How fucking stupid were these guys?

  “I know, I know… anyway, the other weird part was Blaze himself went on this drop with us.” I couldn’t figure out what game the Lycans were playing. It’s highly unusual for a club president to go on any drops unless the club was expecting trouble. “Then, right before the buyers get there, this woman comes in. Waltzes right in, like she owns the place. Blaze wasn’t surprised to see her though.”

  Bass leans back in his chair, looking as confused as I felt. “They just started going at it, yelling at each other in front of everyone. Blaze told her she needed to go get the money early. Chick kept insisting that it wasn’t very long until she’d go pick it up. He’d grabbed her and yanked her to the back of the warehouse by that point. So, I didn’t hear any more from them.”

  “Some of the other guys were talking, though. I guess Blaze’s been stockpiling weapons and ammo and is tapping the club dry. One of the guys said his side piece went once a year and got a big payday. She usually splits it with the MC according to them, but they said she and Blaze have been fighting for weeks about it. He wants the full amount now, but she wants to wait to get it when she normally does.”

  I absorbed everything he was telling me and wondered who the woman was that was helping fund the Lycan MC. Everyone knew Blaze was married, but now he had this new woman hanging around? “Do you know how long she’s been giving them money?”

  “The guys weren’t sure, but one of them has been in the club for five years and he said she was there before he got there. She’s never around when Blaze’s wife is, of course,” Bass smirked.

  So, this was a permanent arrangement. It wasn’t unusual that we didn’t have too much information on an old lady. Most MCs had a strict rule, you didn’t involve women and children. It kept everyone’s families safe, knowing that other clubs weren’t going to target guys’ wives and kids.

  There wasn’t much else for Bass to report yet, so we took off, each heading in different directions. I was heading back to the clubhouse to report in with Cade. As I passed by the college campus, I couldn’t stop the grin from forming on my face. Tomorrow was Sunday.

  Chapter 24

  Remi

  After finally making the decision last night to give Steel a chance and go out with him, I’d slept like a baby. After weeks of indecision, it felt good to make a choice and just go with it.

  A noise of aggravation came from my closet and I sighed. With my hands on my hips, I stared down at the floor of my room in dismay. It looked like a small tornado had ransacked my closet, spilling and flinging clothes everywhere. That tornado had a name… Bridget. I sidestepped when she chucked a pair of shorts over her shoulder. She’d come close to nailing me. Her aim had always impressed me.

  Bridget was on her hands and knees in my closet, head down, ass up. “Don’t you have anything, ANYTHING, other than jeans, jean shorts, tank tops, t-shirts, or work clothes?” She turned around and glared at me as though my breathing was an affront to her world.

  “Ummm…”

  “Oh. My. God, Remi!” She shouted at me.

  Damn.

  She whipped back around and continued scrounging, muttering under her breath. I stood there, unsure of whether she wanted my help or for me to get out of the way. I stumbled back when she shoved to her feet and charged at me. The crazy gleam in her eyes made me nervous.

  “What if you wear something of mine?” A laugh busted out of me. I smothered it with a cough when her look threatened to kill me.

  “I wouldn’t be able to fit into anything of yours.” I was seven inches taller and built very differently from her. I eyed her pert, little breasts. I’ve always wanted to switch her. Mine were too big to hide and only got in the way, most of the time.

  “A skirt?” She asked hopefully.

  “Absolutely not. Even your longest skirt would have my ass hanging out.” She smirked at me. “No, that is not the message I want to send.” I sat down on my bed and chewed my bottom lip. Bridget looked over her shoulder at me.

  “You need to lighten up and go have some fun. Stop worrying about whether you made the right choice in agreeing to go out with him and just relax.” She knew me too well. That is exactly what I’d just been doing.

  “Seriously girl, if you don’t go unwind you are going to crack and kill someone. Don’t make us lock you out and refuse to let you back into the house.” When I met her blue eyes, she pursed her lips. She read the nerves on my face.

  “You’re not backing out. You will go. You will have fun. Hell, have sex with him if it’ll help you unwind.” My mouth fell open. Miss never give it up until you’ve got him in a committed relationship — was telling me to go for it?

  “What?” I sputtered, laughing.

  She rolled her eyes. “Normally I wouldn’t advocate sex on a first date.” She had a prim and proper look on her face. Bridget had a strict code that she stuck by. She wouldn’t sleep with a guy until he’d committed to her. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t do anything else, but typically sex was off the table. “But if anyone deserves an orgasm, it’s you.”

  “Jesus, Bridge. Can we not talk about my orgasms, please?”

  “You mean your lack of them?” She smiled smugly at me and crossed her arms under her breasts.

  I shot her a glare. But she wasn’t wrong. Most nights I was too tired to do anything to myself other than fall into bed and go right to sleep. I waved at her, motioning for her to leave. “Go. I’ll dress myself.”

  Bridget’s face fell with dismay. “No. Please, I can help. I’ll go ask one of the other girls….”

  “OUT.” She sighed at my order and left. I eyed the disaster that was now my room. Once Bridget left, I squeezed into the very darkest corner of my closet and pulled out the one sundress that I owned. I put it on and slid on my white and red striped Adidas, and stood in front of the mirror.

  The dress was red with little cap sleeves that left my shoulders bare. The sweetheart neckline showed the swells of my breasts without me having to worry all night that they’d fall out. I smoothed my hands down the form-fitting dress to where it stopped mid-thigh. The shoes were going to drive Bridget insane, but I was hoping the fact that I was wearing a dress would shock her into silence.

  I put a white jacket on over the dress and picked up my cigarette case, which acted as my wallet, and shoved it, keys, and my phone in the pockets of the jacket. I was nervous, and I wanted to look nice for him. I was trying to figure out if I should do something more with my stick straight hair when the doorbell rang.

  I walked out of my room right as Bridget walked out of hers. The happy, almost manic, look in her eyes at the sight of my dress, turned sour as soon as she saw my sneakers “Seriously?” Her blue eyes met mine. “You’re wearing Adidas with a sundress?” She whispered in horror. I nodded slowly, afraid to make any sudden movements. The doorbell peeled again.

  “They match,” I said as if that was all that mattered. To me, it was. But to Bridget, the fashion major, my wardrobe was an atrocity.

  “Got it!” One of the girls downstairs called. Bridget was sti
ll staring me down.

  “Oh, honey. No. How about a pair of heels? You can’t wear sneakers. Not for a date, Rem.” Her eyes pleaded with me.

  “Rem. Your sexy biker is here.” Anna grinned at me and waggled her brows as she came up the stairs. Jesus, they all seem to think I was going to jump him immediately. I mean, sure, we’d shared some hot kisses. Okay, they were a bit more than that. But that still didn’t mean I was going to throw myself at the guy.

  “Thanks. Um, maybe you can keep Bridget company for a bit after I leave?” Anna looked at Bridget in confusion. As I walked past, I whispered to her, “Take anything sharp away, and get her shoelaces from her too.”

  “Remi!” I hadn’t heard Bridget yell like that in a long time. I knew she wanted to drag me into her room to try to make me change my shoes, so I raced down the stairs. I glanced up and laughed when I saw Bridget standing at the top glaring at me.

  One minute I was moving down the stairs, the next I was propelled backward. The wind was knocked out of my lungs. I would have ended up on my ass if Steel hadn’t wrapped his hands around my shoulders and pulled me forward after I bounced off his chest. He crushed me in his arms, steadying me. I was finally still, while my stunned brain tried to process what had happened. I heard Anna and Bridget giggling at the top of the stairs.

  I glanced up, aware that this was the second time I’d slammed into Steel and ended up plastered against his chest in the short time we’d known each other. The scent of motor oil and citrus hit me. Jesus, why did he always smell so good? I cleared my throat and stepped back, my face heating up. He let me back up and just shook his head at me.