by Zoey Gong
Kai then handed the phone to Winnie so she could record him setting off the lantern. He unfolded the lantern and used a lighter to ignite the paraffin at the bottom. It took a couple of minutes, but the paper balloon finally filled with enough hot air that it started to float into the sky. Kai then took the phone back and he watched as his aunts helped his mother set her lantern free too.
“That was beautiful!” Kai’s mother said. “Thank you, my darling.”
His heart swelled, but he was determined not to cry. “I’ll see you in a few days, okay?”
“Okay, Kai!” she said, waving. “I love you! I miss you!”
Kai pocketed his phone and looked up as his lantern disappeared into the inky blackness of the sky and he blinked away tears. He then glanced around and noticed that Winnie had wandered off. He ran to catch up with her.
“Hey, Winnie!” he called. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything!” she snapped. “You have such a perfect, happy relationship with your mother. Like Lingling does. Like Chang does with his mother. Why can’t I have that?”
“My life is far from perfect,” Kai said. “But you could have a better relationship with your mother if you wanted it.”
“Of course I want that,” Winnie said, but Kai wrinkled his nose in doubt.
“Do you even know what you want?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked him.
“Your mom was right about one thing,” he said. “You could work at a hospital here. Be closer to home. She might worry less about you being married if she could at least see you more often.”
“What do you know about it?” Winnie snapped. “You don’t know me. You don’t know my family. You are here to do a job.”
“So you keep reminding me,” Kai said. “But maybe that’s why I can see things you can’t. I’m an outsider looking in. And what I see is pretty pathetic.”
“Pathetic?” Winnie scoffed. “Me? How dare you. I’m at the top of my class. I’ve traveled. You haven’t even left China. What do you know?”
“I know your mom loves you,” Kai said. “And you want her approval, but you’re too stubborn to let her give it to you.”
“Oh, please,” she said. “My mom can say something nice anytime she wants, but she can’t. She won’t. She only has nice things to say about Lingling.”
“That’s another thing,” Kai said. “You’re jealous of Lingling too.”
“What?” Winnie nearly shrieked. “Me? Jealous of that housewife?”
“No,” Kai said. “You are jealous that she’s happy.”
“I’m happy,” Winnie said. “I love what I do.”
“You might love that you will be a doctor,” Kai said. “But you are miserable now. And when you do become a doctor, if you don’t sort your life out, you’re going to be miserable then too.”
Winnie stomped up to Kai. “You don’t know me. You don’t know my life. From now on, don’t talk to me any more than necessary to keep up appearances. You are just the New Year boyfriend. You don’t have the right to lecture me. You’ll be out of my life in three days.”
“Not soon enough,” Kai said.
“I agree!” Winnie said.
“Give me a key,” Kai said. “I’m going back to the house. I’m tired of being cold.”
Winnie fished into her purse and shoved the key into his hand. As he gripped it, he gripped her warm fingers too. For a moment, they both paused, staring into each other’s eyes. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for upsetting her. That he didn’t say those things to be mean, but because he cared about her. But he didn’t think she would listen to him. To her, this had only ever been a business transaction. She was an ice queen. She would never have feelings for a nobody like him.
He finally let her fingers slip out of his hand, then he turned and walked out of the ice festival. He couldn't wait to get warm again.
9
Winnie flipped over in her bed, from one side to the other, sighing in frustration at her inability to go to sleep. On the floor next to her bed, she could hear Kai snoring softly. God! She could just smack him with her pillow he made her so angry. But then he would wake up and start talking again. Where did he get off trying to tell her about her life? Her family. Herself. He didn’t know her. Know what it was like to be a woman. A daughter. Trying to meet all the expectations her family placed on her and find her own way in the world. Why couldn’t everyone just back off? She was only twenty-seven! If she just had more time, she was sure she could eventually do everything she wanted to do. Finish school. Find a job. Then find a husband. Maybe. Why was her mother so insistent that a man was the end all be all of a happy life anyway? Winnie had spent her entire youth studying. She’d like to enjoy being single someday. Going to clubs. Going on crazy weekend getaways. Reading a novel for fun for once. What must that be like? She couldn’t even remember. She hadn’t read a book that wasn’t educational since middle school.
Kai had it so easy. All boys did, even if they didn’t realize it. Their lives might not be perfect. Kai had mentioned that his mother had some illness, which Winnie could tell was weighing on him even when he admitted it was no big deal. But in her work in the medical field, she had seen that look many times. She never-ending worry that hid right behind a person’s eyes when a loved one was ill. The feeling of knowing there is nothing you can do but willing to give everything for the chance to do something. Anything. She saw the pain in his eyes as he let the lantern go with his mother’s name on it. People didn’t carry that level of fear inside when an illness was no big deal. Just how sick was his mother? And why was he hiding it from her?
Winnie finally drifted off to sleep, her anger having dissipated the more she wondered just how sick Kai’s mother was.
The next few days passed with little incident. The holiday itself was over, so the remaining days were usually used for simply visiting with friends and relatives. And shopping. Everyone had to spend their lucky money on the many sales that were going on. But Winnie spent as little time with her parents and Kai as possible. Lingling and her family spent the rest of the holiday with her husband’s parents. Chang’s family also had other obligations, so there were no more gatherings or outings with the two families, but Chang was always still around. When Winnie’s family went out to eat or to a mall or outdoor shopping area, Chang was always there. He was polite...More than polite really. He was always deferring to Winnie. Asking her what she wanted to eat or where she wanted to go. Winnie did her best to be polite back, yet cool. But she was tired of fighting. Of fighting with her mother. Of fighting with Kai. Of reminding herself over and over again why she was doing this. Even if her mother didn’t understand it or wouldn’t accept it, Winnie was doing this for the best of the family--not just herself. Eventually she would have a good job and a good life and would be able to support her parents and fulfill her own dreams and everyone would be happy. Eventually. If she could just get through this New Year. And the next one. And the one after that. Step by step until she reached her goal. And taking the path of least resistance was the way to go. Smile and nod and be friendly, but don’t commit to anything. Let Kai earn his paycheck by being the boyfriend in the way of her mother’s plans. Let him take the brunt of her anger.
Of course her mother was too polite to be rude to a stranger. Especially a stranger who might become her son-in-law.
In fact, Winnie couldn’t help but smile to herself as she watched her mother soften toward Kai over the next few days. Kai and Chang seemed to be fighting over who could pour Winnie’s mother’s tea or serve her first at meals. Winnie rather thought her mother was enjoying the attention of two handsome young fellows.
Finally, the day to go home arrived. Winnie’s parents--and Chang--drove Winnie and Kai to the airport.
“It was nice to see you again,” Chang said to Winnie at the departure gate. He held up his hand for her to shake, and when she did, he didn’t let go right away, but held on a bit too long.
“Yeah,” she said. “Sorry t
hings were so...weird.”
“Not at all,” he said with a smile. “Who knows what will happen, right?”
“Sure,” Winnie said hesitatingly. Did he think there was still a chance she might show an interest in the match? She supposed that--had her relationship with Kai had been real--it was possible. After all, it would be terribly rude to break up with Kai during the holiday, when he had nowhere else to stay and no way to get back home; all the hotels and flights for the week would be booked. Well, if he thought she was going to change her mind after she left, he was sorely mistaken.
Finally, Chang let go of her hand and gave a curt nod to Kai before backing away and letting Winnie say goodbye to her parents. Winnie hugged her father.
“Don’t stay away so long next time,” her father said.
Winnie nodded. “I’ll try,” she said in a voice that she was surprised to hear cracking. She thought she saw her father rub his eye as he walked away. Then her mother stepped up and gave her a stiff, wooden hug.
“It’s not too late to change your mind,” her mother whispered. “But he won’t wait forever.”
“I hope not,” Winnie said. “He deserves to find happiness too.”
Her mother grimaced as she pulled away, but she didn’t say anything else.
Kai stepped forward with a smile to shake Winnie’s mother’s hand, but she just turned away and walked out of the terminal. Winnie’s father gave an awkward smile and wave of the hand goodbye and then followed his wife. Chang was nearly laughing as he followed them.
“Well,” Kai said. “That probably could not have gone worse.”
“But it worked,” Winnie said. “That’s all that matters.”
As she watched her parents leave, even though things between them were probably more strained than ever, she felt a weight lift from her shoulders. It had cost her more than ten thousand yuan, and she would spend the next year paying it off, but she had bought herself another year of freedom. She was sure it would be worth it.
As they flew back to Shanghai, Kai seemed to sense that she was able to relax for the first time in a week, so he left her alone. As soon as the plane took off, she laid her head back in the seat and fell asleep.
When they arrived at the airport in Shanghai, Kai started to walk to the carpark, but Winnie held back.
“Come on,” Kai said. “You fly back to Australia tomorrow, right? Let me take you to your hotel.”
“That’s okay,” Winnie said. “I can just take the subway. I’m not in a rush.”
“The subway?” Kai asked. “But I can drive you. It’s no big deal.”
But Winnie shook her head. Really, she just wanted to be alone. She had spent the whole week juggling her parents and Kai and Chang. She was dying to just get away from everyone. Even though the subway would be packed with people, she wouldn’t know them. She would be anonymous. She could just melt into the sea of people.
“I appreciate everything,” she said. “But I...I have some errands to run before the flight tomorrow. Need to get gifts for my friends and buy some snacks I can’t get there. I don’t want you to drive me all over the place. It will just be easier to go on my own. Really.”
Kai hesitated, and looked a little hurt, which made her feel bad, but she needed her space.
“Sure,” he finally said.
“Oh, right,” Winnie said, reaching into her handbag and pulling out a hongbao. She handed it to him. “The rest of your pay.”
“Oh,” Kai said as he took it without opening it and shoved it into his pocket. She had the feeling he had forgotten about the rest of the money. As if that wasn’t why he was reluctant to walk away.
And in truth, even though she wanted to be alone, she knew that eventually she would miss him too. She was regretting the cold way she had treated him for the last few days. In another life, she could see herself dating a guy like Kai. He was funny, thoughtful, and loved his mother. He was more laid back than she was. Someone who could easily go with the flow, no matter what life threw at him. He was someone who could help her navigate life with more ease than she could.
But her life was in Australia, not Shanghai. And she still had so much to do when she got back. If she got that fellowship, she wouldn’t have time for a boyfriend, especially not a long-distance one. And her parents would never approve. When she did decide to get married for real, she hoped she could find someone her parents could really love as much as she did.
“Maybe we could stay in touch,” Kai finally said. “You might need a New Year boyfriend for next year.”
Winnie chuckled and felt lighter at the prospect of seeing him again, even if it was a year away.
“Yeah,” she said. “Well, I have you on WeChat.”
“Sure,” he said with a half-smile that betrayed his disappointment. “See you on WeChat.” With that, he turned and walked out of the terminal.
Winnie felt both relief and sadness at the same time. As she headed to the subway, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was making a huge mistake.
10
Weeks later, Winnie was still on Kai’s mind. He couldn’t believe how much he missed her. And he knew it was crazy! She had shown no interest in him, and practically ignored him during their last days together. And even though she took the subway from the airport, he had a feeling she was hesitating. She was holding something back. He wasn’t sure what or why, but there was something there between them. But she was in another country. She didn’t want a boyfriend. That was the whole reason she hired him in the first place. He was an idiot for pining after her. Even if she was looking for a boyfriend, he was sure she could find someone better. Someone with more money, more education, a better future in sight.
As Kai sat with his mother in her doctor’s office, the only future he knew he should be focused on was one in which his mother was healthy. With the money Winnie had given him, he had paid for a new line of treatment. After four weeks, the doctor had run some tests to see how she was responding and what they should do going forward.
His knee shook anxiously as they waited for the doctor to come to talk to them. His mother reached over and patted his leg.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m sure the doctor will have good news. I feel better than I have in years.”
“I’m glad, Ma,” he said, giving her a smile and squeezing her hand. He had noticed that she seemed more energetic lately. Happier. He only hoped that if the treatments were working, that he would be able to find enough money to keep them up.
The doctor finally came in with his mother’s file.
“Sorry for the wait,” she said, shaking their hands. “Tell me, Mrs. Zhong, how are you feeling?”
“I feel good!” Kai’s mother said. “I was just telling Kai that I feel wonderful. Really.”
The doctor nodded. “Well, your test results were promising.”
Kai sighed in relief and wanted to cry tears of joy, but then the doctor continued.
“You’re not in remission, not yet,” she said. “But the cancer does seem to have slowed in growth from last time we checked.”
“Only slowed?” Kai asked. “Not stopped?”
“No,” the doctor said. “But I think that if we increase the dosage, and add another medication and another round of radiation, we could have a very good chance of sending the cancer into remission.”
Kai’s mother placed her hand on her chest and looked up at the ceiling, tears in her eyes. “Oh, thank God,” she said.
Kai wanted to hug her. Cry in happiness too. But he knew there was a catch.
“How...how much would this new treatment cost?” he asked, and he felt like garbage having to have such a conversation. How could he put a price tag on his mother’s life? But what else could he do? Someone would have to pay for the treatment.
“It won’t be cheap,” the doctor said, and then she rattled off a number that nearly made Kai want to throw up.
“Are...you serious?” he finally choked out.
The doctor grim
aced and nodded. How many times had she had this same conversation with families? Kai couldn’t even look at his mother. He knew she was probably crushed. To go from having hope to once again facing the real possibility of death was a painful roller coaster they had been on too many times together already.
Kai took a few deep breaths. He still had some money from his trip with Winnie, but not enough. He would need to find more. Maybe he could sublet his apartment. Turn it into an AirBnB. He could live in his car. Go down to eating one meal a day. Take on more taxi shifts. Stop playing games and work harder. Talk to his aunts and uncles about borrowing more money. Anything.
He could contact Whirlwind about selling that information.
No. If he did that, he could be in big trouble. If he were caught, he would not only have the pay the company a huge fine, he would lose his job. Then where would they be?
“Do it,” he finally said.
“Really?” his mother asked him.
“Yes,” he said, looking at her with determination in his face. “Whatever it takes, we will get you well.”
“Good,” the doctor said. “I will make arrangements with the relevant departments and then send the total cost to the billing department. They will contact you and then you can arrange payments through them. Once I get the approval from them, we can proceed.”
Kai stood up and shook the doctor’s hand. He tried to make it look like he was excited, hopeful even, as he walked his mother back to her little apartment. But inside, he was dying. He was sick to his stomach. He had no idea how he was going to make the first payment, much less the continuing payments that would be required to keep the treatments going for however long they would be needed.
“Kai,” his mother finally said as they walked. “You don’t need to do this.”
“What?” Kai asked.
“Whatever it is you are thinking about doing that has you so troubled,” his mother said. “You don’t have to do it.”
