A Life Worth Living

by Amanda Canham

  ‘Claire is ten-years old, diagnosed with asthma two years ago. She was admitted four days ago with pneumonia. Her medications are currently under re-evaluation. She is suffering from a suspected asthma attack, her first since being admitted. She’s had tightness in her chest for the past hour, progressively worsening, and she is now struggling to talk. Peak flow has dropped by thirty per cent since this morning and blood oxygen is down to eighty-six per cent.’

  He nodded a brief acknowledgement at Stacey’s words, but his focus was on the patient. As she watched, he pulled the stethoscope from around his neck and spoke to the young girl.

  ‘Hi, Claire, my name is Cam, I’m a doctor and I’m here to help you get better. I need to listen to your chest for a moment to make sure I know what’s happening. That way I can make sure we give you the right medication to help you breathe better,’ he assured her as he moved towards the bed.

  ‘Can you take a deep breath for me?’ he asked as he pressed the base of the stethoscope to the girl’s chest. ‘And again,’ he said, moving the stethoscope to another space before turning back to Stacey.

  ‘There’s no fluid in the lungs, but the wheezing is severe. It sounds like a text-book asthma attack.’

  ‘I’ve got the nebuliser set up already.’

  ‘Excellent.’ The doctor picked up the girl’s chart and flicked through it, presumably checking when and what type of bronco-dilator she’d already been using. ‘Okay, she needs two mg of beta2-agonist, administered through the nebuliser over a five minute period.’ Stacey nodded. ‘I’ll grab that now,’ she said, racing down to the drug lock-up.

  Breathe, Stacey, just breathe.

  ‘Here you are.’ Stacey said as she returned to the room a moment later. Cam— at least now she knew his name she could stop thinking of him as “that hottie” – looked up, his eyes locking with hers as she held out the small vial for him. He took it, his fingers accidentally scraping against her hand. A small jolt travelled up her arm, as though she’d been electrified. She saw him shake his arm quickly, and her eyes flickered to his face.

  ‘Must have picked up a static-charge somewhere,’ he muttered to himself, but she could see the confusion in his eyes. She knew how he was feeling because the jolt that raced up her arm had felt nothing like a static charge.

  ’Claire, we’re going to need to give you some medicine from the nebuliser. Have you used one before?’ he asked the patient as Stacey valiantly pushed away the questions bubbling in her mind. She needed to keep her mind on the job, to concentrate on the patient.

  Just like he was.

  The girl nodded, holding up four fingers.

  ‘You’ve used one four times?’ he clarified, as Stacey passed him the oxygen mask she had already attached to the nebuliser. When the girl nodded again, he continued. ‘You should know the drill by now, then. I’m going to sit this mask over your nose and mouth and it will run for five minutes. It should provide some instant relief from your symptoms, and the relief will grow over the next twenty minutes or so, until your lungs are fully dilated again.’

  He plugged the vial into the machine, before looking back over at the patient. ‘Are you ready?’

  At her answering nod, Cam placed the mask on her face, pulling the elastic around the back of her head. He made sure it was secure, then turned back to the machine, double checked the vial was in place and contained the right amount of medicine, and then flicked the switch.

  The machine started whirring. He checked the mask for any air leaks around the girl’s face, and clearly satisfied there were none, he picked up the chart and started jotting down his notes. Stacey could feel his presence as she moved about the room. Her eyes were compellingly drawn to him with an almost magnetic force, but through sheer will power she resisted, concentrating on the tasks at hand.

  The silence was playing on Stacey’s nerves, though. The words she’d said in the elevator— the bitching and griping about picking up the cakes for the party for, well, him in the end— continued to repeat over and over in her mind. She almost cringed with embarrassment. And not to mention what she’d done. . .

  Maybe he wouldn’t remember her, or what she’d said. Just because their brief conversation was etched so sharply in her mind, didn’t mean it was in his as well. After all, she’d been talking to a tall sexy stranger that had set butterflies fluttering in her tummy.

  But he’d only been talking to her. Plain, little Stacey.

  Stacey didn’t have self-esteem issues, she was just honest. And realistic. An ordinary, five foot tall nurse did not stand out to men like him and this one time, that might just save her neck.

  She busied herself tidying the room, putting the spirometer away, checking Claire’s mask for leaks. Once she’d finished those tasks, she stood there, tapping her fingers on the hospital tray, waiting. Finally the whirring of the machine changed to a buzzing, indicating the vial was empty.

  ‘You’re all done, Claire,’ she told the young girl as she turned off the nebuliser and removed the oxygen mask from her face.

  The doctor moved towards the other side of the bed, pulling the stethoscope from around his neck and positioning it so he could listen to her breathing again.

  ‘Just breathe normally for me for a moment,’ he instructed the young girl. His face was taut as he listened closely to the sound of the air moving in and out of her restricted lungs, relaxing, visibly pleased with the improvement he could hear.

  ‘That’s sounding pretty good to me,’ he grinned down at the girl. ‘How does it feel to you?’

  ‘It feels. . .a little better.’

  ‘Well, you’re getting a few more words in with each breath, at least,’ Stacey said, smiling down at Claire as well, pleased to see the colour starting to return to her cheeks. Stacey glanced over at the oximeter screen. ‘Oxygen is back up to ninety per cent.’ she informed Cam, before picking up her chart to document the results.

  ‘Excellent. It will take a little while for everything to return to normal, but so far I’m pleased with the results,’ he told Stacey, before turning back to his patient. ‘I have to go see some other patients now, but I’m going to have your nurse here check up on you every few minutes to make sure your breathing continues to improve, okay?’

  The girl nodded.

  ‘Now, is there anyone you need us to call? Maybe you’d like to have your mum or your dad here with you? Asthma attacks as bad as that one can be pretty scary.’

  ‘No. Please don’t call Mum.’ The girl’s eyes shifted to encompass both of them. ‘She needs to work, and she’s already had too much time off looking after me. I’ll be fine.’ Stacey watched the girl firm her chin, drawing on her inner strength to deal with this crisis. Claire was a tough little nugget. She’d been in and out of the ward a number of times since her asthma diagnosis two years ago. Hopefully she’d have a break once they got this bout of pneumonia cleared up.

  ‘We’ll leave you to it then.’ Cam said, catching Stacey’s eye and tilting his head towards the door, indicating she should follow him out.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute, honey. You just sit tight.’ Stacey gave the girl’s arm an affectionate pat before she followed the doctor out the door.

  ‘I need you to stay in the room with her for the next ten minutes. Attach an end tidal carbon dioxide monitor to her. If her blood oxygen hasn’t reached ninety six per cent or her transcutaneous carbon dioxide reading is outside her normal limits, page me. After that, I want ten minute obs for the following hour. Conduct a peak flow test at the end of the hour. If her lung capacity isn’t back to normal by then, or if there is any deterioration in her condition, page me. I should be back to check on her within the hour, but I may get caught up elsewhere.’

  ‘Yes, doctor.’ Stacey pulled her little notebook from her pocket, writing down his orders.

  ‘That was nice work in there, Nurse. . .?’ Stacey looked up from her notepad and found herself caught like a deer in the headlights, blinded by the intense bright blue s
tare she hadn’t been expecting. It stunned her momentarily, and she just stared back into his eyes, lost in another world until he repeated the question.

  ‘Nurse. . .?’

  Eventually she realised he was asking for her name. She felt colour flood her face, hating to be caught out as a fool again by this man.

  ‘Nurse Carter, Stacey Carter.’

  ‘Nice to officially meet you, Stacey,’ he replied, though he didn’t offer his hand for her to shake. She was glad of that. She didn’t want to risk touching him after that weird electric jolt had run up her arm before. It made her feel entirely too skittish.

  ‘I’m Cameron Lewis,’ he continued, deadpan, ‘but you can call me Cam. Or that over-rated hot shot Doc from the States – whichever you’d prefer?’

  Cameron watched colour flood through Stacey, from the tips of her toes to the ends of her hair. She smacked her hands to her face, trying to hide behind them. He could almost see her heart sinking all the way to the floor, heavy with her mortification.

  Eventually she managed to peak a glance at him from between her eyes. ‘So you remember.’

  It was more a statement than a question, but Cam answered anyway.

  ‘Of course I remember. I met you less than an hour ago.’ Cameron tried his hardest to suppress his mirth, but the corners of his mouth were fighting their way up. Stacey was so open, her emotions flying across her face as soon as she felt them. She was so clearly mortified, and he couldn’t help but tease her.

  He hadn’t teased anyone in years.

  He’d forgotten how much fun it could be.

  ‘But when you didn’t say anything. . . it didn’t even look like you recognised me. I just assumed you’d forgotten.’

  ‘Well, you were wrong. You’re pretty unforgettable, Stacey.’ Her colour was beginning to normalise, but he couldn’t resist the urge to tease again.

  ‘It’s not every day I get put in my place so succinctly by a complete stranger.’

  ’Oh, geez. I’m really sorry about that,’ the mortified look instantly returned to her face, flushing her cheeks a rather bright, tomato-red shade – and Cam hadn’t even mentioned the groping. It might be best if he pretended to forget that had ever happened.

  ‘I didn’t mean any of it. I was just making conversation, I-’ even to her own ears that had to sound like a seriously lame excuse. She must have realised he didn’t believe a word of it because she changed track quickly. ‘Okay, well, maybe I meant a teeny little part of it,’ she showed him a tiny distance between her index finger and thumb to emphasise the point. ‘But that doesn’t mean I-’

  Something went twang, deep inside his gut as he watched her try and wriggle her way out of the awkward situation. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to blink, didn’t want to do anything that would mean missing a moment of watching her -

  Oh! Fuck!

  This was a complication he did not need.

  Not now.

  Not ever.

  ‘What?’ her explanation halted abruptly, her hands dropping from her face. ‘Is it something I said?’

  Her words filtered through, tugging at his mind as he wrestled for control of his emotions. Thankfully, he’d become an expert at suppressing his feelings over the years, so it only took a few seconds for him to push the fanciful thoughts aside.

  ‘It’s alright, Stacey. Honestly, I don’t mind.’ Maybe it would be best if he left the teasing alone – for his sake, as much as hers.

  ‘It’s not a big deal. I’d have been grumpy too, if I’d been you. And at least it gave me a heads-up about the welcome party. Which I appreciate, by the way, because I don’t like surprises, and I really didn’t want a fuss made about me today.’

  And wasn’t that the truth. He’d just wanted to slide in and lose himself in the work today. It was what he did most days. It was how he’d survived.

  As he looked at Stacey, he remembered what it was like to do more than just survive. Looking at the life in her eyes, he wanted to try, just for a moment to do more than that.

  He wanted to start living again.

  But the moment disappeared as quickly as it arrived. Which was how it should be, he reminded himself. He didn’t deserve to do more than just survive.

  ‘Ah, there you are, Cameron,’ a voice boomed from behind them, thankfully providing a distraction from the downward spiral of his thoughts. He looked up to see Ed, his former mentor and the current Director of the Respiratory and Sleep Department, pounding down the corridor towards them.

  ‘Nothing like jumping right in, I say. And you’ve met our Stacey. Excellent. She’s been with us almost two years now, but I don’t know how we got by without her before that. Stacey’s the backbone of this place, my boy. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask her. She’s involved in every facet of our operations; and so helpful too. Always happy to do that little bit extra.’

  Stacey felt the receding colour start to rise up in her face again, both in response to the undeserving compliment, and to the grin spreading across Cameron’s face as he watched her reaction to his boss’s words.

  Oh, geez, Stacey thought as she felt her head spin a little looking at him. Nobody should be that good looking. The butterflies began fluttering in her stomach again, but this time they had the opposite effect, rendering her speechless rather than turning her into a motor-mouth.

  ‘We’d best get going now, Cam. Everybody’s waiting to meet you. Are you joining us, Stacey?’ Ed asked, turning to her briefly as he started off down the corridor. The question managed to pull her from her reverie.

  ‘Oh, um, no. I’ve got a patient I need to keep an eye on.’

  ‘Thanks again for your help, Stacey,’ Cam said. A delicious scent, musky and masculine wafted in her direction as he briefly leaned in to her on his way past.

  ‘And don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,’ he whispered conspiratorially before striding briskly down the corridor.

  Stacey stood there for a moment, watching him walk away.

  That man was going to be trouble.

  Trouble with a capital “T”.

  And that kind of trouble was something she didn’t need in her life.

  Not now.

  Not ever.

  The past four years had given her enough pain, enough heartbreak and humiliation to last a lifetime. But she’d learnt her lessons, and she wouldn’t be signing up for a repeat again.

  Dragging her gaze away from Cameron’s retreating figure she moved back into the patient’s room and started getting on with her tasks.

  As she worked through the next hour occasional bursts of laughter would filter through from the party going on across the hall. She found herself straining her ears at these times, unconsciously trying to hear for one deep voice in particular. After catching herself at it a third time she moved down to the far end of the ward, away from the noise, and began checking the stocks in the supply cupboard.

  ‘How’s our girl going?’

  Stacey’s heart jumped into her throat as the voice she’d been straining so hard to hear only moments before spoke suddenly from somewhere behind her. She turned quickly and came face-to-face with Cameron, standing at the other end of the cupboard, one firm shoulder leaning against the corner.

  ‘She’s doing well. Her spirits have returned and she’s busting to get up and go for a walk down to the recreation room, actually.’ Stacey couldn’t help but smile as she remembered the way Claire had pleaded with her over the issue.

  ‘Well, I’d best get in there and check her over, give her the all-clear. Have you conducted the peak-flow test yet?’

  ‘Yes, everything’s back to normal.’

  ‘Excellent.’ Cam turned to make his way over to the patient’s room. After he’d taken a few steps away from her he turned back.

  ‘By the way, that’s for you,’ he said, indicating the small plate he’d placed on the bench in front of her. Stacey reached down and picked up the plate, bringing the piece of slice up for closer inspect
ion.

  ‘Is that passion fruit slice?’

  ‘It’s your favourite, right?’

  ‘Yes, but-’

  ‘It didn’t seem fair after all your efforts buying the cakes, that you should miss out on morning tea.’

  Before she could even formulate a response he was halfway down the hallway and turning into the patient’s room.

  Stacey stared in disbelief at the space he’d just occupied. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had done something so thoughtful for her. Something began to melt, deep inside her. Something that had been frozen for a long time. Something she wanted, needed to keep frozen.

  She looked at the slice, lying casually on the plate, tempting and teasing her and knew she wouldn’t be able to resist taking a bite.

  Oh, yes. Cam was going to be trouble.

  Chapter 2

  Cameron strolled confidently down the corridor, his royal blue tie swinging with his gait. It was the start of his second week on the job, but so far everything was working out. It just felt right, being here. And he hadn’t been plagued by memories, as he’d expected.

  After storing his briefcase in his office, he made his way to the nurse’s station to commence morning rounds. A cluster of people — women, mostly; nurses to be exact, were bunched together in a tight circle behind the nurses’ station. A zing ran through him as he recognised the bouncy brown ponytail and curvaceous figure of the nurse behind the counter. He’d barely seen Stacey since he’d given her the passionfruit slice a week ago. Whenever he’d been doing his rounds or been called in with a patient he’d seen her flitting around the ward, always super busy. And, to be honest, he hadn’t gone looking for her. He was still a little disturbed by the way she made him feel — the flutters in his stomach, the electricity racing through his blood at the mere prospect of being in her presence. He felt like a teenager, in the throes of his first crush.

  ‘He’s so gorgeous, Maria,’ Stacey gushed to her companion. So, that’s why all the nurses were huddling around. They were listening to Stacey recount some wonderful tale of her new beau.