Music of the Soul

by Katie Ashley

  When the door closed behind the nurse, my throat constricted. The walls of the room seemed to close in on me. I stared dumbly down at the container in my hand before glancing down at my junk. If my dick could have talked, it would have probably said, Not on your fucking life am I about to get it up in this room for you to jack off into a cup! Have you lost your pride, dude?

  “Jake?” Abby questioned. When I glanced up at her, she wore a concerned expression. “Baby, are you okay?”

  “Fine,” I croaked.

  “You look a little green.”

  That’s probably because I feel like I’m going to puke. “I’m fine,” I reassured her.

  “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?”

  I gulped. “Seriously?”

  She nodded as she closed the gap between us. “It’s okay to be freaked out about this, Jake. When it all comes down to it, I’m freaked out too.”

  “You are?”

  “How could I not be? We’re in a reproductive clinic under assumed names with me in a disguise.”

  “Yeah, that’s true.”

  She swept the wig off, her blonde hair tumbling over her shoulders. After she tossed it on the examining table, she looked back at me and smiled. “But in the end, it’s just you and me, babe. It’s still the two of us making a life, even if the conception is a little different than what we planned.”

  “I know,” I murmured, staring at the plastic cup in my hands.

  “Jake, look at me,” Abby commanded.

  When I glanced up at her, she smiled. “I wanted to do something to make this easier on you.” Her hands came to her top. With wide-eyes and my mouth gaping open, I watched as she pulled it off. “Abby?” I croaked. I couldn’t believe she was stripping down.

  “We’re in this together, Jake. Did you really think I was just going to make you do this on your own?”

  “Well, um, maybe?”

  She tsked at me. As I gazed at her checked bra, I realized it was familiar. Licking my lips, I could barely wait for her to strip down. As she shimmied the skirt off her hips and down her thighs, I couldn’t help smiling.

  She grinned back at me. “Recognize this lingerie?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “I chose it for a reason.”

  “Besides the fact that I love you in it?”

  “Mmm, hmm.” She tossed her skirt onto the table with her sweater. “You know, we did something like this once before, remember? Me in this lingerie with you touching yourself.”

  “Um, it was a little different since we were both on the phone and weren’t in the same room together.”

  “It’s still kinda the same thing.”

  “If you say so,” I murmured, as I eyed her garters. “Fuck, Angel, you’re so damn sexy.”

  She gave me a wicked grin as her fingers came to the button of my jeans. After she unbuttoned and unzipped me, she slid my pants and boxers down to my knees. Although I was enjoying the sights, my dick still wasn’t with the program. I couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed when Abby glanced down and saw. “It’s okay,” she whispered, her breath warmed against my cheek. “I’ll take care of that.”

  I moaned when her hands came to grip my dick. As her hands worked up and down me, my cock slowly started to rise to the glorious occasion. I exhaled the breath I’d been holding. “Touch me, Jake,” Abby murmured. With her free hand, she brought my palm to her breast. As I squeezed her flesh over her bra, she continued working my growing length.

  With my free hand, I reached out to pull her closer to me. I wanted my lips on hers, but most of all, I wanted my tongue in her mouth. It was the closest I was going to come to being inside her today. As I thrust my tongue against hers, Abby moaned into my mouth. I slid my hand into the cup of her bra to knead one luscious breast. My thumb tweaked her nipple into a hardened point as Abby sped her pace up on my dick. As I continued plunging my tongue in and out of her mouth, I felt my balls tightening.

  “Come for me, Jake,” Abby commanded, her breath hot against my mouth.

  Since she’d never said those words to me before or with that demanding tone, I could do nothing else but obey her. Burying my head in her shoulder, I shuddered and convulsed. When I finally came back to myself, I glanced down. In a hoarse voice, I questioned, “Did I make it?”

  “Yep, we have a cup full of baby batter!”

  I laughed. “Is that what we’re calling it?”

  She grinned. “It’s better than a cup of cum, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I think so. Although I’m digging the alliteration of it.”

  Abby kissed me. “Thank you, Jake.”

  “You’re welcome, Angel.”

  She smiled as she pulled away. She then capped the container and hurried to get dressed. I pulled up my boxers and jeans before heading to the bathroom. After Abby and I washed up, the nurse appeared to take the container.

  “So what happens now?” I asked.

  “After the semen analysis, it will then be frozen in preparation for the IUI procedure.” She glanced over at Abby. “Which should be in a few days, right?”

  “Yes,” Abby replied.

  The nurse nodded. “Then we will unfreeze the sperm, wash it, and then prepare for the IUI. Then hopefully, you’ll be pregnant.”

  “I hope so,” Abby murmured.

  “The next step is to call us when you get your LH surge, and we’ll go from there.” With one last smile, she headed out the door with our baby batter.

  “How about dinner?” I asked, as Abby grabbed her purse.

  “After all of that, how can you think about food?”

  I snorted. “I just worked up an appetite, babe.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re impossible.”

  “Frankly, after you just used me like that, I think the least you could do was buy me dinner.”

  Abby grinned. “I think I can do that.”

  The morning of our IUI, I went in with Abby to hold her hand. I felt like I needed to be there not only to support her, but because it felt like I still had a part in conceiving our child if I was there. I couldn’t believe how quick the actual procedure was. Sure, there was a lot that went into the ‘before’ parts of the insemination, like Abby having to pee on an ovulation stick, take some egg producing drugs, get ultrasounds during her period and God knows what else. Then of course, there was my part of jacking off to get our baby batter, which turned out I had good swimmers. I mean, I wasn’t too surprised at that fact.

  But that morning, it was just a catheter shooting my jizz into Abby’s uterus. She didn’t even have to lie down for a long time afterwards. When it was over, Dr. McElroy gave us her kind, knowing smile. “Now, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out the first time. The window for conception really is smaller than anyone believes. Just because it doesn’t happen this time, doesn’t mean it won’t.”

  I guess I should have taken more stock into that little pep talk. Especially when the early pregnancy test the clinic did revealed we weren’t pregnant. Abby held out hope that maybe the test was wrong until she got her period. I found her a weeping mess in the bathroom, glaring at a box of tampons on the counter like they were the enemy.

  Wrapping my arms around her, I let her cry it out. When her sobs had become nothing more than sniffling, I pulled away and kissed her. Cupping her face in my hands, I stared intently into her eyes. “Angel, it’s going to happen. Remember what the doctor said.”

  “I’ll try,” she whispered.

  I would like to say that the second time was a charm, but it wasn’t. And each time we didn’t get pregnant, more of Abby’s hope died a little, and I saw the vulnerable, emotionally battle-worn side of Abby that few others did. She had been so good to care for me during my dark times, so now it was my turn. Each time, I spoke words of encouragement that the next time would work.

  And then the fourth time it actually did.

  Abby was really pregnant, and I was going to be a father.

  “She’s
absolutely beautiful,” I murmured, as I gazed down at the newest member of the Runaway Train family.

  “That’s because she looks just like her mother,” AJ mused, kissing Mia’s cheek.

  “I can see some of you in there, too,” I argued. “Just like with Bella.”

  Gabriella Maria Resendiz, aka Gaby, had been born at eight this morning, and she was just a few hours old. Unlike her older sister’s limo birth, she had made a very casual appearance into the world by being born in a hospital on her actual due date. But you could hardly say there was anything ordinary about Gaby considering her father was a famous musician, and her arrival had beckoned a rag-tag group of paparazzi who had taken mine and Jake’s pictures when we entered the hospital.

  Mia glanced up from gazing lovingly at Gaby to smile at me. “So today’s the day, huh?”

  I returned her smile as my stomach filled with butterflies. Actually, they felt more intense like flapping seagulls beating against my abdomen. Today was our first ultrasound—the first picture of the little life Jake and I had fought so hard to get. I couldn’t help being a nervous wreck. Since I was only seven-and-half weeks, I wasn’t safe from the danger of miscarriage. That fact scared me to death. A terrifying fear there would be no heartbeat. “Yeah, we probably need to leave to make it to our appointment.”

  “It’s going to be fine,” Mia reassured me.

  I nodded. “I hope so.”

  “It will,” AJ insisted, thumping Jake on the back. “A few months down the road, your kid will be playing with Gaby on the bus while having Bella, Lucy, Melody, and Jude to entertain him or her.”

  The thought brought a smile to my face, and for just a moment, it helped me tune out the voices of doubt in my head. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”

  AJ winked at me before turning his attention back to Gaby’s sleeping form. Jake’s hand came to rest in the small of my back. “Ready, Angel?”

  “Sure.”

  “You can’t go without holding Gaby,” Mia said.

  I grinned. “Like you’d have to twist my arm.”

  She smiled as she passed the baby over to me. I leaned down to bestow a kiss on Gaby’s tiny forehead. In Spanish, I whispered, “Bienvenido al mundo, hermosa, niña bendecido.”

  “Thank you for welcoming my beautiful, blessed girl,” Mia said.

  My brows rose in surprise. “Your Spanish is getting really good.”

  “After three years of AJ’s random lessons on the bus, coupled with trips to Guadalajara, I’ve picked up a lot,” Mia replied, with a grin.

  With a final kiss, I passed Gaby over to Jake. He smiled as he nestled her against his chest. “I think I’d like for us to have a girl,” he said, as he gazed at Gaby, whose eyes had popped open.

  “Really?” I asked, to which Jake nodded. So far he hadn’t said one way or the other what he wanted—just that he hoped the baby would be healthy. He was good with little girls—Melody, Lucy, and Bella all worshipped him. I tried imagining for a moment what our daughter might look like. “You think that now, but I wonder if you would be saying the same thing when she became a teenager,” I mused.

  Jake grimaced. “Yeah, that will blow.” He glanced over at AJ and shook his head. “I feel for you, man.”

  AJ laughed. “It’s going to be tough when they want to date, and I insist on going along with them.”

  Mia snorted. “Yeah, right. Like that will ever happen.”

  “We’ll see,” AJ replied, with a wink.

  Jake kissed Gaby’s head before passing her back to Mia. Then we made our goodbyes, and Jake took my hand and led me out of the room. We didn’t have far to go since Mia and I went to the same OB, and the practice was around the corner from the hospital. After we signed in, we took a seat, and I nervously began tapping my foot.

  “Abby Slater?” the nurse questioned. If I had been getting questionable looks from the women and men in the waiting room before, they were now on heightened alert that I was someone famous. I guess the fact Jake was sitting next to me didn’t help. We hurried away from their prying glances and followed the nurse to the ultrasound room.

  “Exciting day, huh?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “If you’ll just go into the bathroom and slip off your jeans and underwear. Today’s ultrasound will be transvaginal.”

  “Okay.”

  I took the flimsy sheet from the nurse and headed into the bathroom. Once I’d taken off my jeans and panties and deposited them on the hamper, I wrapped the sheet around me and headed back outside. On shaky legs, I got up on the examining table. After I was settled, my hand flailed out, searching for Jake’s. When he grabbed it in his and squeezed, I exhaled a shaky breath.

  The door opened, and the ultrasound technician breezed in. She glanced at my chart before she spoke to me. “Hi Abby, I’m Claire.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said, extending my free hand.

  If Claire recognized who we were, she didn’t let on, and I was glad. In that moment, it was kind of nice being treated normally. “So, let’s get a picture of your baby,” Claire said, as she sat on her stool and rolled up to the examining table.

  Within a few seconds, the probe was inside me, and I gritted my teeth at the pressure. But all of that was forgotten the moment an image appeared on the screen. “Looks good,” Claire murmured.

  I had to agree with her as I stared at the pea sized image. “Wow,” Jake murmured at my side.

  “Oh, my,” Claire said, peering at the screen.

  “W-What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Is something wrong?” Jake demanded.

  Claire glanced from the screen to us and then smiled. “There’s nothing wrong, so don’t panic.”

  “Then, what is it?”

  “I’m seeing two sacs.”

  My brows furrowed as I tried processing her words. “Two sacs…does that mean…”

  “Twins,” Claire replied.

  The world spun in a dizzying flurry, and I brought my free hand to my head to try to still the spinning. “You did take fertility drugs, correct?” Claire asked.

  “Yes, some Clomid to help egg production since I only have one ovary,” I replied.

  “Multiples with fertility medicine are quite common.”

  I glanced over my shoulder to stare at Jake. His face had paled considerably after our momentary scare. I couldn’t begin to imagine what was going on in his head now. “Twins?” he croaked.

  “That’s what it looks like. Let’s see if we can pick up two heartbeats.” Claire began scurrying around to hook me up to a fetal heart monitor. I held my breath, hoping and praying that there would be two. I didn’t know if I would have the chance to have another baby, so the idea of being blessed with two at once was overwhelming.

  At the sound of our babys’ heartbeat echoing around the room, tears stung my eyes. With one thump-thump, came another thump-thump. “There we go,” Claire said.

  “Oh, my God,” I murmured.

  Jake squeezed my hand. “You okay, Angel?”

  Tears streaked down my face. “I’m more than fine. I’m absolutely perfect.”

  He smiled and kissed me. “You think we’re up for twins?” he asked, in a shaky voice.

  “Oh, I am, but what about you?”

  Jake stared thoughtfully at the screen, eying our baby blobs. “I think it’s the most amazing and most terrifying prospect in the entire world.”

  I laughed. “I couldn’t agree more. We’re truly blessed.”

  Jake smiled. “Yeah, we are.”

  In that moment, the happiness of carrying two babies outweighed any fear I might’ve harbored about being the mother of twins. After all, I would have a wonderful support system with the members of Runaway Train, along with my parents. Deep down, I knew that I could handle two babies at once, and that Jake could as well. He would rise to the challenge like he always did.

  Two Months Later

  After the initial surprise and shock of finding out we were having twins,
life went back to normal. Well, I guess I should say normal for us. We’d had a blissfully wonderful month off where we’d spent time in the studio working on new songs, lounging around the house, and entertaining family and friends. Then, it was back out on the road touring the Midwest. We had just pulled into Salt Lake City the night before.

  Jake had let me sleep in longer than I should have, and I was running late to rehearsals. I hustled off the bus and followed Jody into the arena.

  When I got there, I found roadies bustling around, preparing for the show, but I didn’t see my brothers. Searching out a familiar face, I found Frank. “Isn’t it rehearsal time?”

  “It’s being delayed,” Frank replied.

  “What for?”

  “So Loren can make some set changes.”

  “Set changes?” I asked dumbly.

  Frank scratched the back of his head and refused to look at me. “Frank Patterson, would you please tell me what the hell is going on?” I demanded.

  Frank sighed. “Fine. Jake asked Loren to make some set changes that would enable you to sit down and stay off your feet more during your performance.”

  “He didn’t say a thing to me about this.”

  “Now, Angel, before you go getting all riled, Jake’s heart is in the right place. He’s a concerned father-to-be.”

  “He’s an overprotective jerkwad,” I mumbled, before stalking off. I must’ve looked pretty pissed because all the road crew gave me a wide berth as I made my way back to the dressing rooms. When I threw open the door for Runway Train’s, AJ glanced up from his phone, took one look at me, and then let out a low whistle.

  “That’s our cue, man,” he said to Rhys.

  “Hell yeah,” Rhys murmured, before they both scurried away, leaving me and Jake alone.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, as he twirled a guitar pick between his fingers.