Bless This Love

by S M Mala

  ‘I’ve only been to church once since I met him, and that was when he proposed. I didn’t make it to midnight mass or any of his other things,’ she said, seeing Naomi’s perplexed expression. ‘No-one smiled?’

  ‘Your mother and a few people in the choir. There was a deathly silence. I’m sure if it were a western, you’d see tumbleweed. Oh and vultures.’

  ‘You caught Janet Peters’ expression then?’

  ‘She seemed quite, how can I put it? Disbelieving, and so do her friends. There were a few grunts.’

  ‘Poor Joe,’ she said, sitting down. ‘He’ll be mortified.’

  ‘He’ll be furious if he knew you were standing on an icy park bench, singing. I think you should come and wait for him outside church and show you’re a solid pair. I’ll stand with you just in case you’re lynched.’

  ‘He wants everyone to love him, and the problem is, they do, and that means they’re not going to be happy.’ Suri’s heart sunk, knowing this would hurt her fiancé. ‘I’m going to have to start acting like the Vicar’s future wife. Which I will be in approximately twenty-one days. Crikey!’

  ‘And over lunch today, we finalise invitations and the whole thing. Your mum has booked the Italian restaurant across the road for the wedding reception, and we just need to sort out outfits for the bridesmaids, aged three, five and thirty-three.’ Naomi smiled before shaking her head. ‘Being upstaged by kids!’

  ‘I haven’t got anything to wear, and I don’t know where to start.’ She looked over at the church. ‘I don’t want it to come over as rushed.’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘I know, but we can at least make it special for him.’

  She felt so bad about all of it. If he was marrying anyone else, even one of his gay flock, certain people would be happier than if it were her.

  Standing up, she walked towards the church, linking arms with Naomi as the people walked out of the church. Joe was outside, surrounded by men and women as Jack walked out and caught Suri’s eye.

  ‘Suri!’ her mother said loudly, walking towards her. She was met with a large hug and kiss. ‘Are you going to come for lunch?’ Mary turned her head and smiled at her group of friends. ‘I do need to speak to you about the reception.’

  ‘I’m going through a few things with Joe this afternoon. We want to post the wedding invitations out today. You sent me a list of food, and it looks good,’ she smiled, seeing the dirty looks coming from the snooty group, which included a few sniggers.

  ‘Don’t mind them. They’re not invited!’ her mother hissed. ‘How can they still turn their noses up when you’re marrying Reverend Isley?’

  ‘If I turned to ash, they’d be far happier,’ she whispered and kissed her mother. ‘I better go and see my husband-to-be.’

  Walking towards him, she was met with a sly smile. She’d not seen him since last night as he crept out early in the morning.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, putting out his hand to touch her. ‘This is a surprise.’

  ‘If I had a stink bomb, I’d drop it on this lot,’ she whispered, seeing him frown. ‘Naomi told me the reaction.’

  ‘They weren’t going to whoop with joy.’

  ‘Are you all right?’ she asked, wanting to kiss him. ‘I’m so sorry, Joe. They should be happy, not act as if it was the worse news ever.’

  ‘Maybe it is to some of them,’ Jack interjected, giving her a hard nudge. ‘You need to show some alliance to your future husband, heaven help him. And we need to discuss your role as a Vicar’s wife and what’s expected.’

  ‘I thought you were joking,’ she said, while he grabbed the money tin, and looked impressed by the weight. ‘I’ll keep out of the way and smile at the ugly bunch when I have to.’

  ‘You’ll be the main woman at the Vicarage.’

  ‘Fuck!’ she hissed, seeing Joe try not to laugh. ‘Me?’

  ‘Curb your bad language and behaviour. You’re going to have to turn yourself into a swan from the wayward duckling you are. Soon you will be waddling like a duck, given your predicament. Due in June! You can’t even say it’s premature though I take it, the young lad wasn’t.’ He started to laugh hard, making some people look over as she smiled. Their response was to frown. ‘And you’re going to have to win people over.’

  ‘You’ve got more chance of getting laid by the pope than that of ever happening.’

  The swift thump in the arm from the old man left her in agony for ten minutes.

  ‘I’m not sure about this.’

  Suri was standing in her bedroom, seeing the protruding round stomach. ‘I look fat.’

  ‘You’re seventeen weeks pregnant and it looks like water retention or you’re a bloater!’ laughed out Naomi. ‘The dress is perfect.’

  ‘I haven’t even met his parents, and we’re getting married today!’

  The nerves were getting to her.

  The time had flown by, and she’d spent the majority of it with her head down the toilet, suffering from morning/afternoon sickness. Her future husband had spent his last night as a single person with his family, who were camped at a hotel by Kew Gardens.

  She would meet her new relatives after she got married.

  The weather had seen put to them coming earlier due to the snow in the north that was now starting to fall outside.

  But all she could focus on was that her boobs looked massive, and she had a round bump.

  ‘Blame it on the excess of Christmas,’ Naomi said, standing behind her in the mirror.’

  ‘Suri!’ her mother shouted. She’d been excitable for the whole week, looking forward to the wedding. Even she had a houseful of guests. The door was flung open, and Mary stopped. ‘You look beautiful!’

  Then she started to cry as Naomi rushed towards her with a box of tissues.

  Suri examined the dress, cut in a way to hide her lumps and bumps. The long sleeves, white material that draped over her body. The problem with being pregnant, she wasn’t even allowed to use pull-in pants.

  It wasn’t too low cut, but her cleavage was noticeable, especially with a sturdy bra on.

  The shawl was a warm white cashmere, and her hair was put into loose ringlets. Naomi had done her make-up and she was ready to go.

  Joe had planned to take her away on honeymoon. She had no idea where. He had packed her bag and taken it to the hotel where they’d stay on their wedding night before heading off.

  She wasn’t quite sure if they’d go anywhere, considering there were light snow flurries.

  And then there was Joe.

  He was all fingers and thumbs that week. She’d cross checked everything while he seemed like he was going to explode from stress. But he wanted her to stay calm and rested, which was impossible considering he was thrashing about at night, unable to sleep.

  She wasn’t too sure if it was down to excitement or fear.

  Suri daren’t ask.

  ‘The car’s here,’ Naomi said, peeking out the window. ‘And so is the car with the bridesmaids.’

  ‘Hurry along!’ her mother said, now rushing out of the room. ‘We don’t want to be late for church.’

  Based on how badly the wedding rehearsal went three days before, Suri wasn’t quite sure if they’d get through it in one piece. She had to stand, and then sit, then kneel then walk, then kneel again. Plus readings and prayers then songs. Joe knew what to do, but she felt he kept looking at her, like he was making a monumental mistake.

  That’s when she started to worry.

  They’d not even made love that week, which was a first.

  To her, it was a sign he was going to change his mind, and she was left with a bun in the oven. But she kept pushing the thought to the back of her mind. Suri had asked him if he’d turn up weeks ago, and he said he would.

  She knew he wouldn’t lie … hopefully.

  But still she was unsure.

  Music had been a slightly heated debate, and she gave up when realising Joe was adamant on what he wanted. There was no point giving him
cause to call it all off.

  That’s what she was really scared of.

  All she had to do was get through it in one piece, and she’d be fine.

  Wrapping the shawl so it covered her stomach, Suri slowly headed off down the stairs and saw her mother look proudly at her.

  Without saying anything, she kissed her, making sure not to leave a lipstick mark and walked into the car, followed by her mother. Naomi had gone into the other car which had Joe’s sister and the two little nieces.

  Both were waving frantically at her as she waved and smiled back.

  The whole thing was odd.

  She sat in the car, driving to the church that took less than ten minutes. The snow started to make everything look pretty, and she was excited for the first time, smiling at her happy mother while discreetly rubbing her tummy.

  When they got to the church, Terry ran out towards the car, and the driver rolled down the window.

  ‘He’s not here,’ he said, looking agitated. ‘He’s in the car with Len and they left ages ago. You’re going to have to go around the block.’

  ‘Call me when he turns up,’ Suri said, the first bit of doubt creeping in. ‘We can drive around, or stop at the corner.’

  ‘He’s never usually late.’

  ‘But he’s good at not turning up,’ she said mumbled, seeing her mother’s look of concern.

  Suri noticed the traffic wasn’t heavy and couldn’t see why he would be late, but took it on good faith, nodding and telling the chauffeur where to go.

  Fifteen minutes later they parked down the road, so it would be a straight drive to the church and waited. All she did was look at her phone, her mum doing the same thing.

  Silence.

  It was a very long wait, and she knew she had to hold it together, if only for her poor mother. That was Suri’s main concern.

  The humiliation the woman would have to go through again and the jeering.

  Each moment her heart crumbled a little more, as each minute lasted longer than the last. The driver was glancing at her in the mirror. He must have been used to this.

  Then Suri shook her head.

  Twenty-five minutes after the wedding should have started, there was no call, and her heart slumped knowing that said it all. Her mother looked anxiously out of the window. Suri knew well enough not to console her.

  Taking the last bit if gumption she had, Suri turned to her mother, smiling brightly.

  ‘There was always a little bit of doubt in Joe,’ she began softly, taking her mother’s hand. ‘I told him it was happening a bit quick, and I think this is his way of telling me he’s not ready.’

  ‘Suri, please don’t say that,’ her mother said, looking a little tearful. ‘He’s a good man.’

  ‘He’s not turning up,’ she said, letting out a little sob which she swallowed back. ‘There’s not been a call and Mum, listen to me.’

  ‘I’m sure there’s an explanation.’ Her mother’s pain was evident. ‘Just wait.’

  ‘It’s too much for him. I know this is going to look bad, but I simply think he’s not coming.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’

  ‘Mum,’ Suri said, her deepest fear becoming a reality. ‘Not only is the Vicar going to stand me up, he’s going to do it so publicly and I don’t want to hurt that much. And I don’t want people to look down at you any more than they do, because of me. Now we have to cover for him.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘We’ll drop you off, and you can tell them I was taken ill and couldn’t make it. That way they can blame me and no-one will think that he didn’t turn up.’

  ‘Oh Suri!’ her mother said, bursting into tears and trying to hold it all in. ‘How could he do this to you?’

  ‘I’m pregnant mum.’ Suddenly her mum stopped crying as she looked at her. ‘He proposed before we knew, and we can talk about it afterwards. Let them go to the reception and eat and drink. It’s all paid for. Explain I felt bad about cancelling the wedding. Tell Jack to speak to Joe and say it’s all right, I understand. We’ll talk about it later.’

  Her mother hadn’t spoken as they dropped her off, huddled in her coat. Jack stood anxiously at the door.

  Keeping her head down, Suri didn’t want anyone to see the tears falling down her face. The tear drops fell into her small bouquet of white roses, and she looked at the spot where Rory died, closing her eyes and wondered if he’d have stood her up too.

  ‘Can we go for a drive?’ she asked, seeing the man nod. ‘I’ve got you hired for ninety minutes so I’d like to get my money’s worth.’

  Then she put the bouquet in front of her face and cried her heart out.

  ‘Suri!’

  Naomi was now near hysterical down the phone, ten minutes later. ‘Where the fuck are you?’

  ‘The kind driver has taken me for a ride before I go home.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I have a lot of thinking to do about my future.’

  ‘You’re not coming?’

  ‘Unless you want to marry me.’

  There was a conversation happening in the background as Suri placed her forehead against the cold glass of the window, looking at the soft snow falling.

  ‘Suri, I’m sorry I was late but there was an accident,’ Joe said, and she closed her eyes.

  ‘Don’t worry. I told mum to tell everyone I was sick, and I can’t turn up. You’re covered.’ There was a long silence on the other end. ‘I knew you wouldn’t turn up. I should have had a bet with Jack on it.’ She let out a little laugh. ‘Enjoy yourself at the reception, and I’ll see you when I see you.’

  ‘Can you hand the phone to the driver, please?’

  ‘I’m not coming. Not now you’ve stood me up. You might have changed your mind, but I can see this is a monumental mistake, and I need to stop it now.’

  ‘Hand over the phone,’ he said sharply.

  ‘He wants to speak to you,’ she said, not wanting to go back but dutifully handing her mobile over.

  She checked her reflection and her eyes were teary.

  ‘Rightio,’ the man said, listening for a moment before handing her phone back.

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘You said he was a Vicar?’ he laughed. ‘He has fruity language for someone who works for the church.’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘He said, ‘turn the fucking car around and bring her here now, whether she wants to or not.’ He said there was an accident in Kew Bridge with all these snow flurries then they couldn’t find a way around it. He called but no-one contacted you as they’d thought you’d wait.’

  ‘Why should I? I thought it was the bride who was late, and I don’t want to go now. People will be bored and know there’s something wrong,’ she said, looking at her roses. ‘And he had cold feet but has changed his mind and that makes it okay. He’ll probably walk out when the baby’s being born.’

  ‘Weddings never go to plan.’

  ‘Neither does he.’

  ‘Get out the car!’

  Jack was frantically tapping the window. Suri had her head down, to avoid eye contact. ‘I’m catching my death, and we’re running forty-five minutes late.’

  ‘I don’t care!’ she shouted, looking at her pretty shoes and wanting to go home. ‘He’ll probably do a bunk half way through.’

  The tapping was getting louder.

  ‘You need to stop him from breaking my windows,’ the man said gently.

  Suri sat up and saw Jack was holding a large umbrella. His face was bright red. She opened the door, and he sat next to her, bringing a gush of cold air.

  ‘Nothing that involves you ever goes to plan,’ he barked, shaking the umbrella out the door before closing it. ‘He was genuinely late, you do know that.’

  ‘He didn’t call, and neither did you.’

  ‘Joe didn’t have his phone,’ Jack calmly replied and looked like he was trying to compose his breathing. ‘I have been very inventive and given the guests some l
eft over mulled wine to keep their cockles warm.’ He then turned to look at her. ‘At the first sign of trouble, you run away, do you know that?’

  ‘He’s doing this because he has to, not because he wants to. Circumstance not choice.’

  ‘Suri, my darling, what’s worrying you?’

  ‘He’s going to turn around, like all the others, and say it’s a lie; it’s not true, I know it. How can a Vicar fall in love with me? I’m not even religious,’ she gulped, trying not to cry. ‘What sort of life can I give him?’

  ‘I think you’re panicking.’

  ‘I don’t want to lose him,’ she said, betraying her real fear. ‘To love someone again and find out they’ll leave you.’ Suri couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her face. ‘I can’t go through that disappointment again.’

  ‘My child,’ Jack said, squeezing her arm. ‘You have to have some trust. Stop doubting all around you, especially men. Joe loves you, and you keep questioning his love. How do you think that makes him feel?’

  ‘I’m just scared, Jack.’

  ‘It’s not him,’ he whispered. ‘It’s you. Pushing away a real chance of happiness based on a young man who didn’t know better and a married man that did. Now you have a man who knows more than anyone else right from wrong, you get in a huff because he’s late.’

  ‘He got cold feet,’ she whispered. ‘I can tell.’

  ‘He nearly got pneumonia, panicking and running to the church from down the road. It was only Len who managed to stop him from breaking his neck and slipping on the ice,’ Jack gently said, making Suri’s heart pound with worry. ‘Joe thought you got cold feet. When he was told you were unwell, he was on the verge of a heart attack, thinking something was wrong with the baby. Go in and marry the man you love. Don’t be an idiot. And I am very hungry and want to get something to eat, so hurry along.’

  Nodding, she wiped her tears away as Jack looked at her in the eyes.

  ‘Trust in love and trust in Joe, then everything will be all right,’ he whispered.