Hush, Hush

by Franco, Lucia

  "Yeah, he's a soft teddy bear and just never got over what happened to his family. I don't blame him."

  I purse my lips. "Now I feel bad. I shouldn't have judged him. He was showing me picture after picture, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Now I know they were of his family."

  "Don't. We all were like that at first. Next time you'll know what to do. Just act really interested in his family and he will be so happy." She tips the glass back, drinking the rest of the contents. "How’s it going with Daniel? Lover boy giving you any good bonings?"

  I look down at the bubbles in my glass. Three months of "good bonings" and I still think about James. There was just something magnetic about him that I can’t quite explain. Like one of those kismet moments that I’ll remember for the rest of time. And I didn’t even get to fuck him.

  "I think I'm going to break it off with him."

  "Not that I ever thought dating was a good idea in the first place, but what made you change your mind?"

  "I don't want to get too comfortable, and I know he wouldn't be okay with a girl who turns tricks for a living, not that I blame him. It's probably best if we go our separate ways, that way he won't find out."

  There’s not a doubt in my mind that he wouldn't be okay with it even one client, much less the sixty-one clients I’ve had since I started dating him. Considering he’s still sore about his ex-fiancée, he would see me as cheating on him.

  "It's probably for the best."

  "Yeah," I say. All I feel is hesitation when I sit and think about it. I don't know what's preventing me from actually doing it.

  Natalie's phone rings. "Hey, Mom," she answers.

  I pick up my phone and scroll through social media while Natalie talks on the phone, grateful not to have to talk about Daniel anymore. He's a good guy and I'm a terrible girlfriend, and acknowledging that makes me want to climb into a gutter where I belong. Maybe she'll want to go shopping in a little while and then go with me to Pilates later.

  "I love that idea," she says, then frowns. "Ah…" She nudges me and I look up to find her eyes narrowed at me. "Yeah, well, I had plans that night with my friend, Aubrey. Maybe she can come too? You'll finally get to meet her."

  I frown, lowering my phone. We don't have any plans coming up, not any that I can remember at least.

  "Valentine's Day at La Grenouille it is. So romantic," she says, her voice syrupy. She hangs up and I stare at her in question.

  "What did you just agree to?" I ask.

  She huffs and makes a face, then stands up. She takes both of our glasses and refills them, then sits back down next to me.

  "My parents are hosting a dinner. It's for some charity shit my dad's company does twice a year that they make me attend. They need a picture-perfect family for the night." She rolls her eyes. "Since you’ve gone supermom on me and want to save the world now, and I need a wingman, it's the perfect plan. Besides, who needs more saving than your own bestie?" She bats her eyelashes at me.

  I give her a droll stare. Ever since I told her of my plan to open a nonprofit, she’s been calling me Supermom. I guess it's a step up from her calling me straight Mom in my nanny days.

  "Really, Nat? I'm going to be standing there all awkward looking like the adopted daughter next to you and your parents."

  "My mom and dad are a mess. One second they're good, and the next they're all weird and arguing. My dad cares more about his job than his family, so I doubt he'll be near my mom. He'll be busy trying to schmooze everyone who comes to the event. He's still a dick and she's a sweetheart, but whatever. If I have to suffer, at least I can do it with my bestie beside me."

  I sigh dramatically. I guess it wouldn't be a terrible idea since my heart is set on opening a shelter one day. It could be a good learning experience for me and a way to network.

  "How many people will be there? How long is this shindig?"

  She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "I'm sure my dad will invite the whole city. The only plus is this restaurant has amazing flower arrangements and my mom is obsessed with them, so that's why my dad is hosting it there." Natalie shrugs. “She's happy, I'm happy."

  “Why do you have so much resentment toward your dad?"

  I've never asked many questions about her family because I felt like it was never really my business. All I know is the basics—only child who grew up in an affluent part of the city, Dad is a hard-ass workaholic, and Mom comes from a WASPy background.

  Natalie averts her gaze and stares at the wall for a long moment, her mouth pinching tightly together. She licks her lips and I can taste her loneliness when it comes to her dad before she even speaks.

  "There was never a point in time or an event that divided us—we just never got along. I am my own person. I'm not a daddy's girl. I never have been, and I think he wanted that. My dad is a workhorse and the people in his field see him as someone of power. He and I are similar in many ways, so we butt heads easily. I want to make my own decisions, whereas he thinks his are best. He wants to provide me with the life he thinks I want and I should listen and be grateful." She looks at me. "It wasn't until it came time for college when my resentment turned to animosity. We said some hurtful things to each other that I'll never forget."

  My brows angle together, sadness creeping its way into me. Natalie has a strong personality, so I can see how she would butt heads with someone who's like her. She's unyielding in her decisions and once she makes her mind up, that's it. There's no going back, and I love that about her.

  "I hope in time things smooth out for you guys. It’s kind of sweet he's hosting the party at your mom’s favorite restaurant. It's an all-night thing?"

  Guilt is written all over her face and it's impossible to be mad. "Don't hate me!" she begs, pleading with the champagne glass between her hands. "I'll treat you to a spa day. No vag waxing this time, promise."

  A slow smile spreads across my face. "Perfect timing. I wanted some time with my bestie today anyway."

  Thirty-Six

  "First things first, we get a drink since I'm not going to know anyone here," I say as we step out of the town car.

  Natalie gave me the rundown on the way to La Grenouille. We’ll be mingling with the upper crust on the most romantic night of the year. I feel like I'm crashing a party, but Natalie assured me it wasn't like that, plus she said her mom really wanted to meet me. Surely it won't be as bad as I'm dreading inside.

  Daniel wasn't too thrilled when I told him I had plans with Natalie on Valentine’s Day. It's taken a few weeks and rounds of wild sex—for him, not me—to make it up to him, and then some.

  Since becoming Valentina, I’ve begun to view sex as more of a chore. The intense, constant focus of the job has stripped me of feeling any real pleasure when it's on my personal time. Sex is not nearly as enjoyable, and orgasms are rare. Daniel doesn't even know the difference between a fake moan and a real one…unlike James.

  Ugh, I used to love any act of sex, and now I can take it or leave it. Maybe if I didn't have to work so hard to make sure others feel gratification it would be a different story.

  "It won’t be as bad as you think," Natalie says, regaining my attention.

  "I'm not worried with you by my side," I tell her. I just hate feeling like a third wheel—or fourth in this case—but then I remind myself if the roles were reversed she'd be here with me, no questions asked. I stifle my thoughts and plaster a smile on my face.

  We walk inside and it's a sea of expensive suits and designer dresses that flock from corner to corner, diamonds and dripping jewels flicker under the rose lighting, and the flowers are a soft contrast to the Botox-filled air I'm suddenly breathing in. A blend of vocal jazz and swing music plays softly in the background and I feel like I'm transported to a Frank Sinatra music video as we make our way to the bar. Natalie had said the place would be dressed up like a wedding and that we'd be doing cocktail hour, then we'll be guided to another room for a sit-down dinner.

  After the first sip
of tequila and Sprite, I sigh dramatically—loving that first taste—and smile at Natalie.

  Natalie downs her entire drink in one gulp, then lifts one finger to the bartender for another. I angle my head to the side and smirk at her.

  "Are you feeling better?" I joke.

  "Much," she says, her eyes wide.

  Her shoulders are tense, so I make conversation to calm her nerves. I never had to go through something like this with parents, so it's new territory for me, but I'm going to try to make the best of it for her.

  "My body is so sore but tight from Pilates. Like my legs are firm but they feel good. I think I'm going to try hot yoga next. You should come with me."

  Natalie takes a sip from her glass then licks her lips. "My body is like coconut oil. Thick and solid on the bottom, silky and wet on the inside."

  I almost choke on my drink and start laughing. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

  She taps the side of her head and I laugh again. "You know I resort to sarcasm when I’m uncomfortable. I don't even think that made sense."

  "Who cares? I thought it was funny," I say, smiling. I feel my phone vibrating in my purse and I know who it is before I reach for it.

  "Danny boy?" Natalie asks.

  I look down at my screen and nod. I read the text, then hold up the phone for Natalie to see the flowers and chocolates he has waiting for me with a candle lit in the background.

  "Still stringing him along?"

  My stomach drops slightly with guilt. I really should break it off soon. But even knowing I’ll never be the faithful woman he wants, I can’t bring myself to let him go just yet.

  "I'll stop by his place later and give him a happy ending." I slip my phone back into my purse.

  "You don't have to whore yourself out for him, you know. He is your boyfriend, after all."

  I purse my lips. Natalie gives me a knowing look, but dives back into small talk about school and this being our final semester.

  Just when I think she's back to her normal self, her shoulders pull back and her gaze fixates on something behind me.

  My back tingles with awareness and I can’t tell if it's in warning or because I'm wearing my favorite bare-back dress that I only got to wear one other time before. My heart clenches at the thought of that day spent drinking and laughing and touching the one man I’ve ever truly wanted but could never have.

  Holding the glass to her lips, she says quietly, "Incoming. Parentals. Act normal."

  I chuckle, feeling the tequila swimming happily in my blood stream. "You act normal, you nut."

  Natalie places her glass down on the bar countertop and I do the same as her parents stroll up. She exhales and I want to tell her to wipe that expression off her face because she looks constipated.

  "Mom, Dad, I'd like to introduce you to my roommate and best friend, Aubrey Abrams."

  Swallowing, I inhale and turn to face them as they close around us in a small circle. My nerves are a little wired now and I feel like I'm on a blind date.

  My eyes lock with her mother's first, but I freeze when I catch the scent—a too familiar scent—of lemon and bergamot.

  No fucking way.

  I can feel the weight and shock of his gaze on me, and a chest-crushing wave of anxiety slams into me. I struggle to form some sort of composure and extend my hand out to greet her mom. I blink and focus on her, hoping I don't look as pale as I feel. I keep my expression neutral and force a smile, praying I give nothing away. Her mom's gaze is tenderhearted, and she looks so identical to Natalie that it’s starling.

  "I've heard so many wonderful things about you, Aubrey," she says, her voice refined. "I'm Katherine, and this is my husband…"

  But I already know her husband's name before she says it.

  I know what he tastes like, what he looks like when he's naked, the length of his cock and how he strokes it, every colorful tattoo on his chest and the meaning behind each. I know how his strong hands feel on my body when he's about to come, how his tongue feels when he licks my pussy.

  I know him in ways that no friend should ever know her best friend's dad.

  My eyes shift up to his, and my heart slows to a stuttering rhythm. He gives absolutely nothing away and that somewhat eases the tightness in my chest.

  I thought I was good at playing the game, but he's better than me. There isn't a look on his face that would hint at us knowing each other before now.

  "James Riviera," he says, making the first move by putting his hand out. I hesitate for the briefest moment, then tentatively put my hand out to meet his. My palm slides against his large one and I feel a spark pass between us, the same spark that's been there since the first day we met.

  "It's nice to finally put a face to the name," he adds, eyes boring into mine.

  Fuck. My. Life.

  He asked for my real name once and I refused to give it to him. Now he has it. I stare at him for a moment before a loud, boisterous laugh across the room startles me.

  "It's a pleasure to meet you," I say automatically, returning his shake. "Natalie's told me so much about you guys."

  I really don't even know how to act in this moment, so I go with the basics.

  James chuckles, and it ignites all the nerve endings in my body. A flush works itself through me.

  "I'm sure nothing good," he jokes, but I know he's being serious.

  "Oh, I'm sure it was all pleasant," Katherine says sweetly, patting her husband's chest. "Aubrey, that's a beautiful dress."

  I glance down, and then want to fall into a dark hole and never be found. It's the same dress I wore when I met James, the one he loved so much. The one I was wearing when he bought a five-hundred-dollar bottle of cognac and sucked my nipples as I rocked against his lap, feeling his dick.

  God, if you're real, please strike me dead now.

  "Thank you," is all I say, tight-lipped. I shoot a fleeting glance at James, but he's already watching me. My cheeks bloom with heat because I know he remembers it too.

  "So, you attend Fordham with my daughter?" he asks, eyes telling me he's purposely probing. He's smug that he can ask but he's disguising it well. James sips his amber liquid and I can't help but stare at his lips. "What are you majoring in?"

  Another piece of information I’d once refused to give him. I reach for my glass and take a deep sip.

  "I do,” I say, answering his first question. “We've been roommates since freshman year and have gotten along famously since." I look at Natalie, scrunching my nose, and she smiles. "I'm majoring in developmental sociology."

  "Oh, that's an interesting major," Katherine says. "What will you do with it?"

  I hesitate, unsure if I’m ready to share my plans for the nonprofit shelter. "I'm undecided."

  James isn’t willing to let that slide. "You have to have an idea."

  "She's undecided, Dad," Natalie repeats, the frustration in her voice clear.

  I eye her, letting her know it's okay. "I've considered law school, but I'm thinking of starting a nonprofit organization for women and children." I pause. "Lawyers, as you know, are money-thieving liars. I'm not sure I have that in me."

  Katherine pales, her jaw dropping in horror, but both Natalie and James laugh.

  Looking at her mom, I say, "I apologize. Sometimes my humor isn't appropriate. Natalie told me her father is an attorney." Her mom looks a little more relaxed now and places her hand along her neck. "I really am considering the nonprofit organization, though."

  "That's very admirable of you," James says. Something tells me he's not just saying it, but that he actually means it. I let it roll off my shoulders and remind myself that this is all just a game to him.

  "Thank you." I look at Katherine. It's too difficult to make eye contact with James. It makes me feel like everyone would know what’s between us just by looking at how we look at each other. "It's astounding, the resemblance between you and Natalie," I say to her mother, trying to change the subject.

  Katherine smiles proudly
at her daughter. "Since the day she was born."

  "Everyone thinks we're sisters when we're together," Natalie says cheerfully.

  "You guys could definitely pass as them, that's for sure."

  "What kind of nonprofit were you considering?" James asks, unrelenting in his effort to reveal all my secrets, and I want to murder him.

  Before I can think of a reply, Katherine intervenes. "Will you excuse me? I need to use the ladies’ room before we’re seated for dinner. Aubrey, it's so great to finally meet you and I hope to see more of you soon."

  I respond with a faux smile, my stomach twisting in knots of guilt. I never want to see her again. I hope I never have to. All I can think about is the fact that I've sucked her husband's dick twice and orgasmed on his tongue, and how he watched and directed me to fuck his friend.

  Shame fills every ounce of my body and I suddenly feel nauseous. This is bad. This is really bad. My lungs are constricting. I need to get out of here and get fresh air, but I can't excuse myself just yet.

  "I'll go with you, Mom."

  Eyes wide, I panic inside and snap my attention to Natalie, who gives me a pleading look. I can't refuse it either, seeing as I'm now harboring a scandalous secret that's going to haunt me until the end of time.

  "My dad loves this boring talk, so you guys are perfect for each other. I'll be back soon."

  Natalie pats my shoulder, then scampers off with her mom. James watches until they turn the corner, then he looks at me.

  I turn away, unable to make eye contact with him. I lean against the bar and signal for another drink, a double this time. James is facing the crowd, whereas my back is to it, but he's close enough that I can smell him and feel him without us even touching, and it awakens something inside of me I haven't felt since the last time I was with him.

  Thirty-Seven

  "And here I thought I'd never see you again," James says under his breath, only loud enough for me to hear.

  Chills dance down my arms and I hate that my body reacts to the sound of his voice.