Hush, Hush
Page 23
I thank the bartender and take a huge sip.
"That was the plan,” I say. "Man, is fate cruel. It always has a way of fucking me and never leaving me satisfied."
"Fate is definitely on my side tonight."
"You would think that."
He’s quiet for a moment. “Why'd you do it?" he asks, his voice guttural, pained.
Fuck, my heart. I know what he's referring to. His voice screams pissed but his question stirs my blood.
I angle my body toward him and look up, defiant. "Are you really going to ask me that?"
"I tried to find you."
Unbelievable. "I'm glad you couldn't."
He stares down at me. "Why?"
My throat is tight, choking with emotion. The way he’s looking at me—pleading with me—kills me, but I stand firm. I did what I had to do and I have no regrets.
I think.
“You know exactly why, James. Promise me, right now, that Natalie will never find out what happened between us. She's my best friend and one of the few people I have left in my life. I will not lose her." He doesn’t respond. "James, please. Promise me."
His nostrils flare. "Does she work there too?"
My stomach drops and I realize I can never, ever let the truth about that get out. I'd rather Natalie know about James and me before James ever found out that his daughter is a prostitute, high-end or not.
"No,” I say forcefully. “She doesn’t even know what I do, and she never will."
James bobs his head, clearly relieved. He finishes his drink and orders us both a cognac. I can’t blame him for drinking back-to-back. I feel like I need to be put out of my misery too.
"My offer still stands, you know."
I scoff, a heated breath rolling off my lips. "Wow. You're such a fucking dirt bag to say that at a time like this, with your family, your wife, in the same room."
He looks at me like I offended him. "Why? Was I a dirt bag to you before you knew the truth? You knew I was married. Nothing has changed."
My eyes widen in surprise.
"You have to know that offer is forever off the table now. I would never do that to Natalie. Speaking of, why do guys have different last names? Is she not your biological daughter?"
With different last names and no family photos in our apartment, there wasn't a thing that would've tied his identity to her. Looking back on it now, that was a blessing in disguise.
His gaze roams over the sea of people. Lowering his voice, he says, "She's my daughter, much to her dismay. She got pissed at me before she left for college and changed her name to her mom's maiden name. It killed me when she did that."
"Doesn't surprise me. Natalie is so rebellious sometimes."
He grins a little at that, his eyes beaming like a true, proud parent. "Tell me about it. I would never do anything to hurt her, but should you consider my offer, she’ll never know about us. No one has to know. It’s between us."
My breathing slowly deepens, and I roll my lips between my teeth. The decision would be so easy. If it weren’t for my damn job. If we were any other two people, I’d take him in a heartbeat. I’d take him without the money. But any temptation I might have had before this night would now have to be buried for good.
"I can't, James." My response is soft, and it hurts my heart for reasons I don't want to acknowledge. "I can't believe you're Natalie's father. If things were different, you wouldn't even have to make an offer, but I can't do that to her, I just can't."
His wild eyes shift back and forth between mine. "I should've fucked you when I had the chance. You never would've walked away."
"James," I say in a desperate whisper, feeling those words hit deep in my bones. We both know it would've been too good, too addicting.
Natalie makes her way back to us at that moment, and I send up a silent prayer thanking God for being on my side for once.
"Natalie, I was just telling your friend that I would donate to her nonprofit when she's ready to start it up," James says, still looking at me with pure desire in his eyes.
My spine tingles. Oh, he's good. He's really good.
Natalie's blue eyes widen and a small smile spreads across her face. "That's very generous of you." She looks toward me. "How awesome is that, Aub? Dad picks two charities a year and goes ham on them. Now maybe you don't have to go to boring law school after all."
I sip my cognac stiffly. "Very generous indeed. I was just as surprised as you when he told me."
My phone vibrates in my purse and I set my drink down to take it out.
"Is it him again?" Nat asks, and I can feel James looming over me trying to read the text message.
"Him who?" James asks a tad too harshly.
"Daniel. Her lame doctor boyfriend." Natalie rolls her eyes and I can see she’s a little more laid back with her father now that the liquor is streaming through her body.
I nod. "Yeah, he wants to see me."
"You should go."
I snap my gaze to her, surprised she would even suggest that when she’d begged me come tonight in the first place. I promised her I would be here, and I’d planned to stay, even with my dark secret standing three feet away from me. But if she's offering me a way out of my personal hell without realizing what she’s doing for me, I'm taking it.
"You sure?"
She nods, and a thankful smile spreads across my face.
"I'll walk you out," James says. "Natalie, you can find your mother and I'll make sure Aubrey gets a car."
She reaches over and gives me a hug. Whispering in my ear, she says, "Thank you for being here, now go give Danny boy the ride of his life."
I chuckle through my discomfort and hug her back. "You're so bad. Love you, chica."
Natalie walks away and I turn to James, glaring at him. "I don't need my hand held to get a cab. Real slick, though."
"I'm very well aware that you're capable of holding your own."
My cheeks bloom under his wandering gaze.
I sip the rest of my drink, my eyes trained on him, then place the crystal down, anxious to get out of here. I don't like the way he's looking at me because it's making me feel all tingly and pretty and sexy, and I haven't felt that way since the last time we were together.
Swallowing hard, I say, "I can't say it's been a pleasure, James."
"I can."
"That's because I'm fucking amazing," I say sarcastically.
I huff under my breath and turn around, leaving him behind. He’s getting to me so easily when he shouldn't have any impact on my emotions whatsoever. I retrieve my coat from the coat check and step outside, inhaling the dirty air. Anything is better than the stuffy floral scent inside, not to mention being within touching distance of James.
God, he looked divine tonight in the pale pink dress shirt he’d left partially unbuttoned to reveal the lively artwork across his wide chest. What gave him the seal of approval from me were the navy-blue slacks that looked downright sinful on him. He has an ass that rivals David Beckham's, which is saying something, since I think James is at least ten years older and David's ass is perfection.
Before I can raise my hand to call for a cab, an arm wraps around me and pulls me into a small, dark alcove between the buildings. My back slams against the exposed brick and then James’s lips are on mine, our tongues tangling around each other’s in a heated kiss. Tension crackles between us and I know he feels it by the way he leans into me. My sighs are a soft melody as his hands paint my body with a worshiping touch.
"James," I whisper, breaking the kiss. "We can't do this. Please." My heart’s racing and I’m terrified. "I don't want to get caught."
"Agree to see me again and I'll leave you alone, for now," he breathes into me, his forehead pressed to mine. I clench my eyes shut.
I shake my head. "No. You know I won't."
He slides his hands inside my coat and pulls my body flush to his. His hands are on the small of my back, cupping my ass and giving me a gentle but firm squeeze. A purr rolls o
"Say yes." His voice is guttural, skating over my skin. "I won't take no for an answer now that I have you again. We don't need to go through Sanctuary Cove. It can be just us."
I frown, wondering again how he can even ask such a thing while his wife and daughter are inside waiting for him. He has to know I can't do that to Natalie, and I would think he wouldn't want to hurt her either, because that's exactly what it would do.
I push James away with every ounce of strength I have. "I need to go," I say, and rush off before he can catch me.
There's a cab waiting at the curb now with a couple standing next to the open door, so I quickly step around them and jump in.
"I'm sorry! Family emergency!" I say, slamming the door shut.
Within thirty minutes I'm back in my apartment, my former favorite dress a crumpled mess on the floor, and I have a large glass of wine in my shaking hands. My plan was to drink until I couldn't see straight and then stumble to bed, so all I'm wearing is a white tank top and black boy short panties. Guilt, shame, mortification—they all hit me with a force so strong it makes me sick.
I glance at the colorful hues of the dress that James loves. I never want to look at it again.
Walking over to the small window, I can feel the icy air seeping through the cracks. I stare down at the busy city in a daze wondering how this happened. There are escort businesses all over New York City, but few as exclusive as Sanctuary Cove, so I'm not too surprised both James and Natalie ended up there. That means Madame Christine had known who he was when she paired him with me. How awkward it had to be for her to have to make sure she never accidently scheduled Natalie with her father.
Had I known who James was, I would never have taken him on as a client. I’d have put a stop to all of this before we had a chance to make things complicated and messy, before we had the chance to dance together.
Tears burn my eyes, the emptiness in my chest suffocating my emotions. I need to forget everything. Every word, every touch, every look, every smile—pretend like it never happened. But it's hard to let go when he's all I've thought about since the moment I met him.
Pouring another glass of wine, I place the bottle down and cork it as a rapid knock sounds at the door.
"Natalie, did you forget your key again?" I call out as I pick up my glass. "I told you to check before we left." I unbolt the door and pull it open, and the blood drains from my face.
"Hello, Aubrey."
Thirty-Eight
He doesn't wait. He just pushes the door open and steps inside, shutting it behind him and locking it with the chain.
"You can't be here," I say. I stare at him with honest to God fear. "How did you find me?" I ask, then regret my words. Of course he'd know where his daughter lives, even if they have an estranged relationship. I step backward until I meet the counter in my kitchen and place my glass down.
"I'm not done with you," he says, taking in the length of my body.
"How are you even here right now? Shouldn't you be at your event? How did you leave?"
He steps toward me, but I step back.
"I got an emergency call from a client. Happens all the time," he says, sounding a tad too proud of his lie. "My wife understands."
My jaw drops in shock. "You bailed on your charity shindig to chase after me? James, you need to leave. Natalie could walk in at any minute."
I'm panicking inside. If she walks in, there'll be no way to explain this. None.
James advances on me and I retreat until my back hits a wall. The city lights filter through the window and illuminate his features, and I take in his eyes that are full of determination, his skillful lips that are inching closer to mine, and I can’t help but wonder how is it this man, with his matching salt and pepper hair and beard, has me in knots and aching with desire for him.
Inhaling, I hold my breath as he closes the distance.
"She won't. I know she won't leave her mother until the night is over." He glances briefly at his Rolex. "Which means we have a few hours. I want to know why you did it, Aubrey. Tell me why you blocked me."
I swallow hard. I love the sound of my real name on his lips.
Shaking my head, I say, "You're far from stupid, James. You know why."
He raises a hand to my cheek, allowing his fingers to graze down the side to my jaw, my neck, and to the strap of my tank top. My nipples harden and I know he sees it as he slips the strap down my shoulder. He palms my breast roughly, making sure he pinches my nipple, and I draw in an audible breath, my back arching as the searing heat travels through my body.
"I can't get close to a client for obvious reasons, and you're a complication I didn't want." I pause. "I still don't want it."
"Liar,” he says, no doubt feeling how I’m trembling against him, my body betraying my words. “I'm a complication you need, sweetheart," he continues, his hands slowly moving down my waist to grab my hips.
His touch is seductive, and he leaves a trail of hunger in his wake for me to chase after.
"This is a complication we both need."
I place my hands on his chest to stop him, but it’s a useless effort, as I’m defenseless against him. James lifts me with ease.
My legs automatically wind his waist and I fall into him. One of his hands skims up my back to cup my neck. I sigh at his strength, and he sees it. His other hand is under my ass, holding me up as if I weigh nothing. He presses my back to the wall to secure me and pushes his chest into mine. His fingers dig deeper into my neck and my thighs tighten even more as a rush of desire slips from me. There's something about how he takes control with just enough power that makes me fucking weak for him.
I draw in a heavy breath. "I can’t do this, James. I refuse to do this to Natalie. I love her and I don’t want to lose her. Her friendship means more to me than whatever this is."
My heart is racing and I wonder if he can feel it. Bringing my hand to his face, I cup his jaw, stroking his beard and bringing him to me. My thumb traces over his bottom lip and he opens to bite down. His mouth is too close, and I fight the urge to lean in and press my lips to his.
"Why are you pushing this?" I whisper.
"I wish I had a real explanation, but I don't. There's something about you that has captivated me ever since the first day we met. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Why do you think I kept requesting you? When you blocked me I went fucking out of my mind."
I shake my head vehemently. I refuse to believe he feels the same way as I do. "It's because we didn't have sex. That's all it is. I'm a challenge, and the chase excites you. But you’ll get over it and forget me in time."
His face turns hard.
"No. Not even close, Aubrey. Yeah, don't get me wrong. I’m fucking dying to be inside you, but it's you that fascinates me. The way you speak your mind, the jokes you make, the way you carry yourself in a public setting. The way you challenge me—I fucking love that you do. You have a beautiful heart and a dirty mind. I like what you bring to the table." James applies pressure to the back of my neck and my body melts into him like butter. A soft, breathy sigh expels from me. "You want a man who’s real with you, Aubrey? You want honesty? My wife hates when I touch her like this, but you respond to it. I can feel your body light up under my fingertips and it makes me curious to see what other reactions I can get from you. So excuse me for wanting someone who indulges in the things I do inside and outside the bedroom."
That's the thing. We indulge, then we connect, and that leaves us with a side of feelings that will fuck us over in the end. His words resonate deep inside me no matter how hard I try to pretend they don't. He's the flame on the tip of the arrow that's aimed right at my heart. I want to burn alive with him.
A few short moments pass between us and he presses his lips under my ear, peppering me with warm kisses. My hand caresses his neck and I can feel his throat move when he swallows, something that's sinfully hot to me. Moving higher, my fingers thread through his hair and I hold him to me.
"You should go." My voice is husky. "I won't betray Natalie this way."
"I'm not asking you to betray anything. I'm only asking you to be mine for a little while," he says and closes the distance, pressing his lips to mine.
If there ever were a set of words that could break a woman's heart, that would be it.
He kisses me deeper, so fiercely that I almost yield from the way his tongue coaxes my own to respond.
"Are you really going to refuse to feel what we have? Let me tell you something—I'm not a fucking pansy. I don't do soft and I'm not that romantic, but this feeling in my chest is not normal. This craving I have for you is not fucking normal. You're all I can think about—you’re what I want, what I need, like I need air to breathe. I've never had this before, and my gut is telling me to chase it. I’m not giving up on this… you."
I blink, trying to sort out what's going on between us, knowing I need to push him away for good.
"What I have with you, I have with every client, James. I just know how to play the game, that's all it is and nothing more. I'm paid to give you an illusion, to create the ultimate fantasy for you."
"I don't believe you," he says against my mouth, unaffected by my harshness. "You're lying."
"You saw me with Reece. It's a deception of the mind and what we want our clients to see. I'm just really good at giving the illusion."
"I saw you had to tell him what your body needs. You don't do that with me. Will you really say that you can have a conversation with him the way you do with me? How about speak your mind and be real with him the way you are with me and laugh about it?" He shakes his head and his lips brush mine. "When you kissed him, did you feel anything? When he touched you, did it consume your body as my touch does? Do you think about him as much as you think about me? When you fucked him, did you come because of him, or was it because of me?" He gives me a soul-searing kiss then. "Did you reach for him the way you reached for me? Yeah, I saw you reach for me, sweetheart. You don't have to tell me, I see it in your eyes. And I saw it that night."
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