The It's Kind Of Personal (Complete 6 Book Series)ies

by Anna Brooks

  “No. You don’t. You have no clue what it’s like to have someone who, for the first time in your fucking life, made you feel like you were more than just a friend of the family, or muscle to break up a fight, or the third wheel, or the protector when all the ‘real’ brothers or boyfriends were too busy off living their lives … to have her consume every fucking breath, every goddamn living second, for her to forget everything about you. Like you didn’t even exist. That what you shared meant nothing.” I clench my fists and look back out the window. “You have no clue what that feels like, and I hope to God you never do.”

  When we arrive at the pub, we both rush in but don’t see Ruby at the bar like Zack said. Pierce takes off outside and I follow close behind.

  “If you want to walk away, you had better let her go.” Pierce’s pissed-off voice hits me right before I turn the corner to find a guy all over Ruby. My sister. I take a look at the asshole and go to kill him, but Pierce, always the calm one, puts his arm up to stop me.

  “Fuck you, Nik. Just ’cause that bitch of a bartender wanted on my jock and you got jealous don’t mean I can’t come have a drink and find a pretty lady to bring home.” He runs a finger down Ruby’s cheek, and I take another step closer.

  “Yeah, but see, you have your hands on my girl.” Pierce nods toward me. “And his sister. So, like I said, if you want to walk out of here, I’d let her go if I were you.”

  Without a warning, he pushes Ruby toward us, and Pierce catches her as she stumbles into him. I glance at her to make sure she’s not seriously hurt before I take a couple of steps toward the guy who raises his hands. “I let the bitch go. Happy?”

  My fingers twitch a split second before I pound the bastard’s face then strike him once in the gut for good measure. Not sure my physical threat is enough, I grab him by his hair and slam him against the wall. “I will murder you, motherfucker. Do you hear me? I will put a bullet between your fucking eyes if you ever come back here again.”

  With a final shove, he wobbles away with a trail of blood following him.

  When I look over my shoulder and see a thankful expression on Ruby’s face, an understanding passes between us and I hope to relay to her how glad I am that she is in my life. I couldn’t ask for a better man for her to be with either; Pierce will take good care of her. But I’ll make sure to let her know she can count on me too. Always … that’s what family’s for.

  Chapter 10

  Lisa

  STEAM RISES FROM THE cup of coffee my mom set in front of me, and I become infatuated with watching to see how high it will go before it disappears.

  “Lisa.” Mom grips my hand on top of the table. “You have to talk about it.”

  I ignore her and use my ring finger, my empty ring finger, to rim the top of the mug.

  “What can I do to help? It’s killing me seeing you like this again.”

  “I’m going to go for a walk.” I stand abruptly and knock over my coffee, the brown liquid dripping down the table onto the linoleum. My mom is trying to help, I get that, but I just want to be alone. I don’t need her feeling sorry for me or using that damn soft voice to try to get me to talk.

  How am I feeling? Like I’m dying, Mom. That’s what I want to say.

  When I woke up in the hospital bed and had no idea where I was or what had happened, I wanted Brad. I wanted my husband. Mom had to pull up his obituary online for me to believe her. My head was throbbing, but my heart broke. It shattered into thousands of tiny slivers that punctured me from the inside out. The doctor had to give me a sedative because I was so hysterical.

  Now I’m staying with my mom, which is another change I’m trying to adjust to. I moved away from home a long time ago, and I’m back here and I don’t know why. She says I have a job at a bar. Apparently the waiting room was full of people who were concerned about me. But the only person I want is dead.

  “Lisa, take your phone so you don’t get lost.”

  She runs down the front porch steps and hands me my phone, a slim one with a large screen. “I don’t know how to use this.” The last phone I had was a flip phone, or at least the last one I remember.

  “Here, just slide this to unlock it.” She shows me how to use the map and inputs her address so I can easily find my way back. “Be careful, honey. And call me if you want me to get you.”

  I begin to walk away but turn around and hug her. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “I wish there was more I could do for you.” She pulls back and tucks my hair behind my ears.

  “I’ll be back.”

  I have no clue where I’m going, but I walk. Then I run. My shoes hit the pavement and the pain of the slapping radiates up to my knees, but I keep pushing. In the distance, the unmistakable smell of the lake overpowers my sweaty body, and I slow to a walk and head in that direction.

  A man with his dog plays over to the left, so I head to the right side and hop up on a large rock then lie down. My breath finally begins to slow, and I throw an arm over my eyes. Silent tears fall out of my eyes, and I roll to my side and curl into the fetal position, welcoming the uncomfortable pain from being on something so hard.

  If I close my eyes, I see Brad. His smiling face, his chin dimple, his welcoming embrace. So I open them and find something else to look at. A tennis ball rolls in front of me on the sand and a dog appears seconds after. It looks at me and barks then wags its tail.

  “Hey, buddy,” I whisper. I stick my hand out and a slobbery tongue licks my palm.

  “Max, get over here.”

  Max ignores his owner and jumps up on the rock with his front paws, and I swear the thing smiles at me.

  “Max, get down.” His owner appears and grabs the dog’s collar to pull him off. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay.” I sit up and continue to pet the dog’s head. His happy fuzzy face makes me feel a little less miserable.

  “Are you okay?”

  I look up at the guy and his kind eyes find my watery ones. “Yeah. Thanks.”

  “You sure?”

  I sit up straighter and wipe under my eyes.

  “She said she’s good, bro.” Another man’s voice comes from my left and I turn to find the source. A menacing figure with dark hair, slight stubble, and a super-sharp jaw. He’s wearing a white undershirt and a pair of black jogging shorts, so I can see his taut muscles. Even the ones in his calves pop as he stalks toward me.

  “You know him?” the man with the dog asks me, even though he’s unconsciously stepping back from him.

  I begin to shake my head, but the other guy answers for me. “I know Lisa.”

  At the sound of my name coming from his lips, I study him further. Who is he? I feel like I should be afraid of him, but a softness in his eyes when he looks at me makes me feel … calm, almost.

  “Oh, yeah. Well, take care.” The man throws the ball for his dog, and they both take off in the opposite direction.

  “Who are you?” I ask him.

  He hangs his head for a second, and when he looks at me again, a kind of disappointment is in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “Nik. We work together.”

  “At the bar?”

  “Yeah. How are you feeling?”

  It takes me a second to realize what he’s talking about, and I instinctively reach up and feel the stitches on the side of my head. “Physically, I’m fine.”

  He nods and puts his hands on his hips then stares out into the lake. I can’t take my eyes off him; something about him draws me to him. “You don’t remember me at all?” he whispers.

  I turn on the rock and swing my feet over the edge. “Should I?”

  He walks up to me and stays a respectable distance away, but the tension radiating from his body is palpable. “Yeah, baby. You should.”

  “Why?”

  He stares at me and reaches up, but I flinch. His arm pauses mid-air then he licks his lips and continues moving his hand forward. Something about the softness of him makes me give in to the moment. He cups the si
de of my face, and I close my eyes, trying to remember this guy, searching, pulling for something. When nothing comes, I shake my head and he steps back.

  “Want me to walk you home?” he asks.

  “I’m okay.”

  He takes a deep breath and his hair ruffles when he shakes his head. “Let me rephrase that. Let’s go so I can walk you home.”

  My spine stiffens, and I cross my arms. “I said I’m okay. I don’t—”

  “Need anybody. I know. You’ve told me that before.”

  “Oh.”

  “Stop being stubborn and just let me walk you home.”

  “I don’t even know you.”

  He crosses his arms behind his head and looks up at the sky. “You know me,” he says with a menacing tone. Then he drops his arms and takes a couple of strides until he’s directly in front of me. I flinch again when he reaches next to me. “Damn it, Lisa, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He picks up my phone and slides his thumb across the screen to unlock it.

  He presses a few buttons then holds the phone to his ear. “Hi, Ms. Scott. It’s Nik Nervetti.”

  My jaw drops and I mouth, “You called my mother.”

  His eyes twinkle with mischief. “I’m here with Lisa at the lake, and she’s scared to let me walk her home. Yeah. Yes. Okay, thanks. Here she is.”

  I take the phone from his outstretched hand and glare at him as I put it to my ear. “Mom?”

  “Nikolas is a nice man, Lisa.”

  “Okay.”

  “You two were … friends. You can trust him to bring you back here.”

  “Okay. I guess I’ll let him walk me back, then.” Something about the way she says friends makes me think there was more. But I wouldn’t do that to Brad, would I?

  I hop off the rock and hold the phone tight in my hand. “I guess you’re walking me home.”

  We fall into step next to each other, and I’m thankful he doesn’t push me to talk. My mind circles around questions I’m too afraid to know the answers to. Instead, I focus on my surroundings, trying to remember anything familiar, but I keep coming up blank. After walking for about ten minutes, he stops in front of a cute little house.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “This is your place, Lisa.”

  “What?”

  “You live here.”

  “Oh, my God.” I swivel around to face the house. “I’ve been staying at my mom’s … I had no idea.”

  “You didn’t know you had a house?”

  “She told me, but I haven’t gotten out much. I didn’t have any desire to leave her place.” Because I’ve been a depressed ball of tears and anger.

  I take a few steps up the walkway to get a closer look. I live here. I might as well be looking at a stranger’s house because it’s not familiar at all. I turn around to leave but run into Nik. He grabs me by my arms to steady me, and I suck in a breath being this close to him.

  He trails his fingers down my arms before he scrubs his hands down his stubbly cheeks in frustration. “I tried to give you time, but fuck me, I don’t know how much longer I can stay away from you.”

  His voice, gravelly, desperate, makes my mouth dry and I swallow. “I … Did we?”

  “Have sex?”

  Just hearing the word makes me feel dirty. I’m married. I step back and cross my arms to protect myself. “Did we?”

  “Yeah, baby, we did. And it was the best I ever had.”

  “Oh.”

  He runs his hands through his hair. “Come on, I live close. I’ll drive you back to your mom’s place.”

  I follow him this time, his long strides eating up the sidewalk faster than mine. I’ve had sex with this man? How is that possible? Well, I guess since it’s been years since Brad’s passed – I still can’t believe it, can’t believe he’s gone – so I was bound to move on, right? Isn’t that what people do when they become a widow? Shit. I don’t even know.

  I embarrassingly check out his ass as I trail behind him up the steps to his townhouse.

  Once we get inside his place, he grabs his keys off the counter, but I’m drawn to his living room. A memory hits me. Me on that couch. My body filled with heat. My heart pumping rapidly in my chest. Nik’s mouth- I squeeze my eyes shut to block it out. No. No. I’m married.

  “You remember that?” He sneaks up behind me, and I jump. “It’s okay.”

  “This is so messed up. I want to go back to my mom’s.”

  “Come on.” He grabs my hand, but I pull it back.

  His aggravated sigh makes my hair blow and tickles my face, then I finally turn back around to leave.

  Chapter 11

  Nik

  SHE REALLY DOESN’T FUCKIN’ remember me.

  I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white and clench my jaw together so I don’t say something I’ll regret. I’ve been able to focus on other stuff because of Ruby and my mom, but seeing her and being this damn close is wreaking havoc. I’m wound so tight that I’m afraid of what will happen when my rope snaps.

  She has no clue who I am, but when she was in my living room, she felt something. I saw it. It gives me a shred of hope. I know I can’t push, but damn, it’s hard … I’m fuckin’ hard. It’s been torture staying away from her since the accident, but I’m trying to do what’s best for her.

  The car slows, and I throw it into park when I stop in front of her mom’s house.

  “How’d you know where she lives?”

  My answer is a shrug because I know everything about her. “My number’s in your phone. Call me if you need anything.”

  “Okay.”

  “Anything, Lisa, okay?” I get out to open her door, and she waves at me once she’s on the front porch.

  * * *

  “Hi.” I break the silence when my mom just stands and stares at me.

  “Hello.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she launches herself at me. I take a step back to balance myself and hug her back. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she chants over and over.

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, Nikolas, it’s not. I should have tried harder.” She pulls back, and I look into my mother’s eyes for the first time in my life. Years, decades of pain and regret stare back at me, and any anger that I had toward her quickly vanishes. What is it with the women in my life being able to have me wrapped around their damn fingers in a fucking heartbeat?

  “Really. I understand. You don’t need to apologize.”

  She wipes her tears, and we both sit down on the bench at the park. I wanted to meet her somewhere where there were people around but also where we could have privacy.

  “I want you to tell me everything about yourself that you feel comfortable with.” She pats me on the thigh. “God, you’re so handsome … just like your father.”

  My face heats up at her compliment. “There’s not much to tell. I work at a bar and have some really close friends. I just found out I have a sister and that my mom didn’t abandon me like I was told my whole life.”

  A breath is sucked between her teeth, and she nods. “It was best that you didn’t try to find me.”

  “That’s what Dad said, too.” I disagree, but I’m not going to argue.

  “How is he? Dominic?” Her eyes glaze over, and I swear I see love in her smile.

  “He’s good. You should come by some night for dinner.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t.” She blushes.

  I make a mental note to arrange something. “We’ll see.”

  “So no girlfriend?”

  My face hardens, and she apologizes.

  “Not your fault. Umm …” I grab the back of my neck. “I was kind of seeing someone. But she was in an accident recently and doesn’t remember me.”

  “Oh no, that’s awful. Well, speaking from experience, maybe she just needs more time.”

  “Yeah,” I grunt.

  “If you love her and she loves you, no amount of time will change that. Love doesn’t fade, Nikolas. It’s eternal and faithful. And most
importantly, it’s irreplaceable.”

  We sit and talk for a couple of hours, and strangely enough, it doesn’t feel like I just met my mother for the first time. I suppose there’s some kind of connection on a visceral level that naturally makes me comfortable with her because I don’t trust easily, but with her it’s unspoken and already unbreakable.

  * * *

  I sit outside Lisa’s house in my car. I stare at her windows, watching as her shadow passes. The lights downstairs shut off, and she stands in front of her bedroom window. She reaches behind her head and pulls on her hair, the long strands falling out of the clip. My cock hardens against my zipper, and I press it down with the palm of my hand to try to tame the fucker. Her light flickers off and after a few minutes, I get out and walk around her house, making sure all of her windows and doors are secure before I finally head home for the night.

  * * *

  My world is completely shifted right now. In the span of a few weeks, I’ve had the woman who I love — yes, I fucking love her — forget who I am. The one woman in the world who I want to remember everything, and she doesn’t even know who I am.

  I found out I had a sister, who in turn was kidnapped. Thank Christ, Ruby and Pierce are going to be okay. He took a bullet to the shoulder protecting her, but it could have been so much worse. I left the hospital a little while ago. Now, I’m using every contact and resource I have to find out more about the fucker that kidnapped Ruby. When I discover it’s much larger than I’d originally anticipated, I put all my energy into making sure she’s safe again.

  I also met my mother for the first time after finding out she didn’t abandon me. If that doesn’t fuck with your head, I don’t know what will.

  In all my life, I’ve never felt this … constricted before. Helpless but determined at the same time. Every single nerve ending is buzzing, and no matter what I do, it doesn’t go away. I can take a lot of shit, but everything is starting to catch up with me. The magnitude of everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

  Because I needed time to myself, I took the day off and am sitting on my couch staring at a blank TV screen when my phone lights up. Lisa’s name flashes, and I fumble with the buttons before I answer.