Shattered Chaos (Steel Roses Book 1)

by Samantha Bee

  Relief and something else. Something that looks a lot like love.

  I focus on the little girl in my arms as Ryder and Kade grumble. I spin her around once she’s safely pressed against my chest and kiss her head. I push her hair out of her face as I look at her radiant eyes. She seems happier, almost whole again.

  She’s always going to bear the scars of what she’s been through but slowly, day by day, she’s becoming more and more a child but for the first time I see that pure innocence back in her eyes. “Roe baby,” I whisper, my voice heavy and low with emotion, “you’re talking.”

  She giggles as she grabs my face with both her little hands, “Hi,” she beams.

  I spin her again as her sweet laughter mixes with that of the others and it weaves into my very soul, fixing shit I didn’t even know was broken. “I can talk again,” she whispers as I stop spinning.

  “I see that, sweet girl. What happened?”

  She shrugs her little shoulders in a way that’s almost identical to Scar and I know that’s where she’s picked it up from. “It was lost but then I was flying, and it just came back.” I don’t know what kind of explanation I expected from a four-year-old, but it makes as much sense as anything else.

  “I’m so proud of you, sweet girl,” I kiss her forehead as she burrows herself into my chest and wraps her arms around my neck.

  “My turn,” Ryder demands as he gently pulls her into his own arms. She snuggles right up against him as well before smacking a kiss against his cheek. “Did you have fun today, Roe baby?”

  She nods against him, bumping his chin repeatedly but he doesn’t even flinch. “I got to fly, and Mommy caught me!”

  None of us have addressed that she keeps referring to Scar as her mom but what can we do? I don’t have it in me to correct her and honestly? Scar has been her mom since we first saved her. She’s been a better mom to Rowan than many women are to their blood born kids.

  I look at Scar and find her just watching Rowan with a look of adoration on her face. The emotion swirling in those green eyes of hers tells me she’s doubting herself. Unsure if she’s doing the right thing by letting Rowan refer to her as mom but I have a feeling deep in my gut that it’s the right call.

  “Wow,” Ryder gasps, “you guys sound like superheroes.” She vigorously shakes her head back and forth. “Not superheroes?”

  She nods before whispering, “Like Peter Pan and Wendy.” She looks to Scar and reaches her arms out again. Shy all of a sudden by her confession, “Mommy helped me fly.”

  Scars wraps her in her arms and Rowan hides her face in embarrassment. I can even see the tips of her ears turning pink as she blushes. It’s the sweetest thing. Especially when Scar whispers back to her, “I’ll always help you fly, sweet girl.” I can see the emotion about to spill out of her eyes.

  “How about we go win some prizes?” I ask, giving the girls a chance to collect themselves. A part of me is still in shock that Rowan is speaking so easily all of a sudden. I feel like I might wake up to find this whole day has been a dream.

  Scar puts her down as we head towards the games. We spend hours going through and playing all of the different games and winning different prizes for both of them. Noah wins a dolphin stuffed animal and gives it to Rowan which amuses all of us, especially Scar. After she stops laughing, she explains to Noah about the first day we all brought back blue stuffed animals for her, almost the exact same shade as the dolphin he just gave her.

  He chuckles, “It matches her eyes,” as she hugs the dolphin to her chest. I have a feeling the dolphin is going to be added to the hoard she carries around with her everywhere when we are at the house.

  “That’s what I said!” Ryder and Kade both exclaim at the same time, sending off another round of laughter. I haven’t laughed so frequently since we all started coming together more.

  The six of us try to pile into a photo booth but there is just no way we can manage it, so we all take turns with Scar and Rowan.

  I look down at the strip of photos of the three of us. It might just be my new favorite possession. The first photo is the three of us smiling with Roe in the middle, the second with us both placing kisses on either one of her cheeks as she beams, the third is Roe kissing my cheek, the fourth is of all of us making funny faces but the last one is my favorite. Scar has her head thrown back as she laughs, her happiness radiating from the picture. Both Rowan and I are looking over at her with matching smiles that express all the love we feel for her.

  We finish the day with funnel cake as I wrap Rowan in my jacket. Halloween is only a few weeks away and even in Southern California it’s getting chilly after the sun sets. She’s swimming in my jacket, but she honestly looks adorable as she tries to eat her treat without getting the sleeves in it. I snap a quick picture, knowing today will always be one of my favorite days.

  Rowan is still a quiet child, but we’ve gotten to know her even more today. She’s wittier and sassier than I would have thought possible for a four-year-old. She’s also insanely curious, wanting to know how things work and what’s going on around her. It’s obvious just how much she’s healed since we first took her in.

  My mind flashes back to the night I caught Scar trying to sneak out of the house on her own. She was sickened to find a woman in a position to help kids was instead selling them. There is corruption on every level which is why Scar and I are so diligent in recruiting the actual good social workers, law enforcement and even state officials.

  She invited Charlene to spend the night which was my first flag that she had something planned. We all knew she wasn’t going to just leave the situation alone. Not after what happened to Rowan after the system failed her. Scar won’t be appeased until blood runs through her fingers, it’s the only thing that truly sates her need for justice.

  As soon as she sees me, she rolls her eyes, “I knew I wasn’t getting out of here on my own,” she huffs.

  A dark chuckle sounds behind me as both Ryder and Kade walk into the room behind me. Ryder hands Kade a hundred-dollar bill. Scar sends a questioning look their way. “He bet we would find you sneaking out tonight. I gave you until the end of the week.” She rolls her eyes as we all chuckle at her blood thirsty ways. We all knew it was coming, even Ryder. Didn’t matter he’s barely known her for a week.

  “Well, let’s get this shit show on the road,” she sighs as she lifts her work bag over her shoulder. I grab it from her and place it over my own shoulder.

  “That’s it? No arguments?” I can’t keep the surprise out of my tone. Scar isn’t exactly known for being reasonable or accommodating.

  She smirks over her shoulder, “Why do you think I invited Charlene? You lot are as bloodthirsty as I am.” I don’t have a response to that because it isn’t like she’s wrong. Kade and I have killed just as many people as she has and if we include the deaths I’ve ordered, then I’m in the lead by miles.

  I’m not sure about Ryder yet, but even he has darkness that flickers in his eyes that promises retribution for that little girl. She’s made a home in each of our hearts and souls. Any single one of us would die for her, Scar has already taken a bullet for her and I have a feeling we are just getting started.

  We drove North for hours silently. The anticipation of what we were going to do running through each of our veins. When we finally got to our destination, Scar was her coldest most put together self. It’s like she slips into a second skin without emotions, cool, calculating, psychotic. Kade has his serious face on that shows why he’s a renowned underground cage fighter. I’m firmly in my own boss persona, planning and making back up plans for every possibility that we could run into. I don’t make any moves without contingencies in place, even what seems to be rash planning, I’ve thought every move and counter move through.

  Ryder is jittery, clearly allowing the adrenaline to get to him. Scar takes pity on him, “You can stay here. This won’t be pretty.”

  He shakes his head and seems to snap out of it, “No, I’ve got
this. I need to do this.” He seems more in control of himself and his emotions as he follows us into the house. It’s an ostentatious home in an extravagant neighborhood. It just pisses me off more knowing where the money to fund this lifestyle has come from.

  Scar makes quick work of disarming the alarm system without any problems. It’s the middle of the night and no one is around to see us walk through the front door. Scar will have no problem scrubbing the camera feeds later if she hasn’t already taken care of it. Knowing her, she probably has.

  We find the social worker, Leslie Garner, asleep in her bed. Scar let’s her savage side break through as she grabs the woman by her hair and pulls her from the bed and pushes her against the wall. Leslie is instantly awake and opening her mouth to scream but Scar beats her to it. She shoves a scarf into her mouth before she can even make a sound.

  “I’d tell you why we are here,” she breathes against the woman’s shaking form, “but your list of sins is probably too long to waste my breath on.” Fear pulsates in the air, coming from this disgusting excuse of a human. Is it wrong that this side of Scar turns me on?

  To be fair, every side of her turns me on. Even when she’s pissing me off, which she does often. But her vicious demeanor is truly a sight to behold. She sometimes likes to play with her victims before finishing them off. It all depends on the crime and her mood. Sometimes she’s quick and efficient, others sadistic and merciless.

  Tonight, it looks like we are getting the second version. I couldn’t tell you which one I love more. I do know this woman deserves every taunt that passes Scar’s lips, every nick and slice of her blade, every yank of her hair.

  We stand back and just watch as Scar slowly torments her prey. Describing the treatment of some of the girls we’ve seen. Taunting her with the possibility of giving her the same treatment. Not that any single one of us would follow through. Ryder is managing to keep his cool, but I can see he’s trying hard to hide the fact he’s green.

  I can tell Scar is starting to bore with the woman’s whimpering. I’d like to scrub her name from my memory. Burn her out of existence. I nod to Kade to finish it. Scar will continue to drag it out and we have a few hours long drive home still. I’d like to get home before morning light.

  Kade nods and goes to move forward but Ryder places a hand on his chest to stop him before moving forward himself. I hold back my surprise and let him do this. His first kill has to come at some point, and it might just help settle some of his own grief and rage.

  He moves up next to Scar and takes a deep breath. She moves over to give him the space he needs. He has no hesitation as he wraps his large hands over the simpering woman’s throat. Hmm he went for personal with choking her out.

  He squeezes as he looks her in the eyes as she paws at his hands and struggles to breathe. Scar watches the whole thing, and I can see the desire in her eyes. She gets hot on this shit too. We really are a merry band of fucking psychos.

  He leans down and whispers something in the woman’s ear too low for me to catch but Scar gives him a wicked, approving smile. Couldn’t have been anything good to get that look out of her. He stays focused on her eyes until the life fades from them and her body falls limp in his grip.

  He exhales and it almost seems like he feels lighter after his first kill. He’s one of us now.

  I snap back to the present as we pull up to the house behind Kade and Scar. Noah is already carrying a sleeping Rowan inside while Scar and Kade gather up the prizes we won today and carry them inside.

  We had one perfect afternoon. Nothing can take that away from us but as I stand outside and watch the scene one thing taints my mind. Rowan is healing. She is healthy. She’s adjusted. It’s about time for her to move in with Joe and Charlene and for us to get back to the real work.

  I want that for Scar but I’m not ready to be separated from the little girl. Not even if it’s just a few miles away. She belongs with us and yet, I know it’s the worst place for her. I sigh and decide to leave it for tomorrow, not wanting to take anything away from the happiness of this day. Sometimes it’s okay to put off the bad and just enjoy the moments of joy. They are few and far between.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I wipe the sweat from my forehead as we finish up our training for the day. I pat Jade on the shoulder in encouragement but I’m too out of breath to say anything yet. She has come way farther than I would have thought possible in the short time we’ve been working together.

  Physically she’s back up to a healthy weight, her body has been filling out in the last couple of months and as we train, she’s been stacking up muscle. She’s already stronger and has been able to start holding her own in sparring matches.

  Mentally and emotionally she’s also made leaps and bounds in progress. Her friendship with Katie has grown and she decided to start working at one of the boutiques while she decides what she might want to do. I think she wants to eventually work for me, but she hasn’t actually voiced that yet. We did sign over the house to her as she decided she wanted to stay in St Graves indefinitely.

  Ry and Ian walk over to us as we sit on the mats. Jade has also become a lot more relaxed around the guys, more so than any of the other girls, excluding Katie. She won’t spar with them, but she doesn’t flinch when they get too close to her anymore. As long as they don’t touch her unexpectedly or approach her from behind, she’s comfortable. The guys are all exceptionally good at respecting her boundaries.

  The guys have also taken well to the training program and are almost up to par to start going on missions with us. It couldn’t have happened at a better time either. Romano has been applying more and more pressure on Luca for answers that we don’t have. Or well we do, they’re just answers we can’t share.

  He’s made his distrust of Luca abundantly clear and has crossed the line from suspicious to disrespectful. Luca’s been struggling with balancing covering our tracks while also putting him back in line. It’s been a goddamn nightmare and I’m a bit over it. I’m ready to go in guns blazing with the intel we have collected and stop playing defense already.

  We can’t risk it with Roe still being with us of course. But ever since that date with Noah, she’s been talking like it had never even been an issue. It’s been two weeks and Noah has practically moved into Luca’s. The guys all take turns practicing and teaching Roe different hobbies and skills.

  Luca and her paint and draw together, Ryder is teaching her to play the piano, Kade is teaching her how to fight, and Noah reads with her and helps her with writing and reading. Her and I have been doing the aerial dance lessons and I’m thinking of having her start other types of dance as well to help diversify her skills. For now, I’ve been teaching her the basics of ballet at home. You think it would be a bit too much for a four-year-old, but the times she spends learning a new skill is the happiest and most relaxed she is. Except of course when she’s with the boys.

  Holden and Ian’s boys baby her and protect her like it’s the most natural thing in the world for them. The four of them were immediately drawn together and are attached at the hips whenever they’re in the same vicinity.

  They’ve also become frequent visitors at Luca’s place. Mikey and Ronan were feeling left out, so they started randomly showing up as well. Even Jade has been starting to come hang out with us more there. My life has never been so loud. It’s mayhem but the kind that brings joy.

  I get up and leave Jade talking to Ian and Ryder. I was barely even paying attention to the conversation anyways, too lost in my own thoughts.

  I wander over to the kids and find them in their typical puppy pile with Rowan at the center. Kai, bless his heart, has been trying to learn how to braid hair so he can fix hers after they mess it up running around. Mostly, he just twists strands together and then stares, confused that it doesn't look the same as when I do it. He’s trying though and I already know he will have it mastered sooner rather than later. Rowan has become the center of their universe.

  The tw
ins had their birthday this past weekend and when Ian offered to have a huge Paw Patrol party, they apparently decided against it because they were worried it would be too much for Roe. She was the only person they wanted to spend their birthday with. Well, her and Trevor. They gave up a party for her comfort and I don’t think I’ve ever known a love so pure.

  She is so much more childlike with them. I can see how far she’s come and emotions war within me at her progress. Pride and joy that she’s not only putting the broken pieces back together but doing so in a way that’s making her more beautiful, more pure, more resilient. Fear and anxiety because I know it’s time to send her to Joe and Charlene.

  He walks over to me as I watch the kids and throws his arm over my shoulder, “She’s come a long way.”

  I nod and sigh, “I was just thinking about that.”

  “You’re not ready to separate from her?” Joe can be gruff but damn if he isn’t perceptive. He knows me almost better than I know myself sometimes. He even recognized the bond between me and her before I did. I never corrected her calling me mommy and have since accepted that role in her life.

  Even though I’m scared shitless I’ll be a terrible mom, I couldn't give up that privilege. Not even to someone as amazing as Charlene. The thought alone makes me a little ragey. She’s taken to calling Joe and Charlene “Grandma” and “Pops,” none of us are quite sure where pops came from but have gone with it. She calls all the guys by their first initials.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” I admit. “But we both know it has to happen. Before shit gets even messier.”

  “Any news on that front?” he questions.

  I shake my head, frustrated even thinking about it. “I’m ready to go on the offensive but Luca still wants to play defense. I know part of it is Rowan but not all of it.”