Single & Ready

by Lolah Lace

  Single & Ready

  Lolah Lace

  SINGLE & READY

  By

  Lolah Lace

  Adapted the original screenplay

  Single & Ready

  also written by Lolah Lace

  Copyright © 2020

  By

  Lolah Lace

  www.lolahlace.com

  Cover Design by LLPro

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  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Contents

  Introduction

  *Explicit Adult Content*

  1. Snatch And Match

  2. The Poet

  3. False Flagging

  4. Lipo Sucks

  5. Electric Blue

  6. Back To Black

  7. Fade Out

  8. Park And Ride

  9. Come Together

  10. Ex’s And Oh’s

  Authors Note

  Books by Lolah Lace

  Introduction

  Back in 2018 I created and wrote a web series called Single & Ready. The series was later made into a movie and is currently available at Amazon Prime video. The movie was released in 2019. After a few readers asked me to turn the movie into a book I decided to do just that. I only wrote and created Single & Ready. I didn’t produce it, direct it or cast the actors that appeared in it. The producers of Single & Ready decided to produce Urban films. But I still have a treatment for a part 2 of Single & Ready. I’m sure a lot of folks want to know what happened after the film ended. So I decided to write the book so you can see what the original material looked like. There were a lot of things cut out of the movies that were in the original screenplay. I adapted the screenplay into a book and I will also release a second book for those of you that wanted to find out what happened after the movie/series ended so abruptly. So here is the link to the film and also the pre-order ink to the book Single & Ready 2.

  Below is the theme song written for the movie that never made the cut.

  I think I’m giving up.

  Cause I don’t have no luck.

  Where are all the men?

  I keep asking my friends.

  I don’t want no scrubs,

  I just need some love,

  Sent from up above,

  I’m not dating just because.

  I think I’ll look online.

  Cause I don’t have the time.

  If only for one night,

  To search for Mr. Right,

  Seeking romantic situations,

  Passion that’s amazing,

  Laughs and conversation,

  A love that is contagious

  Plenty of fish are in the sea,

  But they don’t swim to me,

  I want it hot and heavy.

  I’m SINGLE and I’m READY.

  Written by Lolah Lace

  *Explicit Adult Content*

  This book is considered Romantic Fiction with erotic and elements. This is for mature audiences only. This book contains profane language, mild violence, extreme sexual situations, and adult themes.

  Snatch And Match

  LATANYA

  Tucked under my blanket was the only place that gave me minor comfort. My eyes lingered down on my cell phone screen. I had read this text message at least fifty times. I knew the words wouldn’t change just because my eyes were reading them again.

  Sorry, I just can’t do this anymore. I need to be single.

  His betrayal blindsided me. I didn’t see it coming. I was over thirty and single. I thought this relationship would actually lead somewhere. I guess that’s what I get for thinking.

  I still can’t believe he broke up with me in a fucking text message. Who does that? Nine months and it was just over with no explanation. How the hell did a guy with no asshole tendencies become an overnight asshole? I’ll probably never know.

  I scrolled throw the pictures on my cell phone until I found my favorite photo of me and my now ex-boyfriend cuddled up together. I refused to say his name. We were at one of those traveling carnivals. The photo was taken at the top of the Ferris wheel. I was happy then. He looked happy too. I just knew he was. No one could be that diabolically fake. My sullen face morphed into a smile. I abruptly stopped myself from fondly reminiscing on our relationship. Fuck him!

  I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear my roommate Tamika enter my bedroom. As usual, she barged in without warning. I quickly hid my cell phone under the blanket. I didn’t need her judgment right now. I was still grieving a loss.

  Tamika Matthews had been my best friend for more than a decade. She was a thick, light-skin girl with lots of personality. She was popular, and I was popular by default, just for being her bestie. She was the life of the party and ride or die. She was the sister I wished I had, but being best friends was almost the same.

  She walked over to my bed, rapping, prancing and dancing around. “Came through drippin’. Drip! Drip! Water on my weave! It’s drippin’! Rain!” She had altered the words of a popular rap song to fit her current wet hair situation.

  Tamika swung her hair around, wetting my room, bed, and me. I was glad to see she was happy, but I didn’t need to get wet to appreciate her jovial behavior.

  “Tami stop!” She paused to snarl at me. “Is it raining again?” I had been in bed all day, and I never bothered to look out the window.

  “Yes ma’am. It’s raining kittens and puppies.” Tami’s hand shot up to rest on her hip. Her face turned into a frown. I knew that face and nothing good was coming out of her mouth. “It’s late. Why are you still in the damn bed?”

  “I’m tired.”

  “The lies you tell. It’s time to get up.”

  “It’s not that late.” I didn’t know how early or late it was. I just knew my bed felt like a safe place.

  “Girl, it’s three something. I know you ain’t still moping around here because of him.”

  That was exactly what I was doing. “I’m not.” I lied. It was just easier than saying I was depressed, gutted, and utterly confused.

  “Well, it sure looks that way to me. I can’t believe you are letting an Anglo-Saxon fuckboy bring you down.”

  Tamika grabbed a tube of my lipstick off my dresser drawer. She opened the cap and looked at the color.

  “Yes, he was a fuckboy, but he was my fuckboy.”

  “To be clear, you do know being a fuckboy isn’t a good thing.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “So never say that alou
d again. Don’t make excuses for jacked-up behavior. He didn’t even have the balls to break up with you in real-time. A text message is so lame. He’s canceled. He’s not invited to the cookout.”

  Tamika examined her wet hair. She smoothed her edges down and took a long lingering look at herself in my mirror.

  “I know what he did.” It had happened to me. I couldn’t forget it.

  “Well, it’s been three months. He’s not coming back. Honestly, I think you can do better.”

  “You would think that. Your standards are low.” I grumbled.

  Tamika stopped admiring herself in the mirror to give me all her undivided attention.

  “That may be true, but it’s not a nice thing to say to your bestie. I offered to help you key his Tesla, but you didn’t want to do it. We could’ve done a Jazmine Sullivan on him. I was trying to set it off, and you were trying to be regular unleaded. Bussin’ windows, keying cars, and stabbing tires will always make you feel better.”

  “We’re too damn old for that nonsense. The only thing that would make me feel better is—” I couldn’t think of one thing. “I don’t know.”

  “ I do. I know what will make you feel better.”

  “What?” I was curious. She was full of lamebrain ideas.

  “You need a new White boo.”

  Aren’t we saying bae now? It’s hard to keep up. She could just move on from one guy to the next, but I was different. I was all in. I couldn’t just turn my heart off and on. I couldn’t say that to her. I didn’t want to sound like a weakling. Was I a weakling?

  I sighed. “Right, because men just fall right out of the sky and into my lap.”

  “They could.” Her perfectly arched eyebrows hiked upward toward her hairline. “Monday through Friday you bad and boujee but Saturday through Sunday you a hot ass mess. Go on a few dates with a few randos and you will be just fine.”

  “Where the hell am I going to find a few randos? I don’t date my coworkers. They are the only men I’m around on a regular basis.”

  “It’s men out here. Ah, you can go online.”

  “Online? Like a dating website?”

  “Yes, honey.”

  “Oh, hell naw!” I yelled out in my Whitney Houston voice. May she rest in paradise.

  “Latanya, you trippin’. Why not?”

  Why not, wasn’t really the question. The question was why? And I had an excellent answer. “Because there are only desperate people on those sites looking to hook up.”

  She pursed her big lips at me. “ Aren’t you looking to hook up?

  “Nope.”

  “Yousa lie. That bastard Ni—”

  “Don’t say his name!” I recoiled on the bed. I stopped her before she got it out. “Don’t say his name.”

  “Sorry, I forgot. Well that pale, pasty ass ninja we do not speak of, he sucked in bed and you know it. Keep it a buck. Was his dick whack?”

  I didn’t have to think about that answer. “Yes, his dick was below average in girth and length and his tongue game was lame but we had things in common.” I liked my ex. I thought he was the one.

  “Bump that. Tell me what else you didn’t like about him?”

  I didn’t have to think about that either. “I hated how he shaved his legs. I mean, he’s not a bodybuilder or a fitness guy. Why was he shaving his entire body? He even got his eyebrows arched. I didn’t like that at all.”

  Tamika rolled her eyes. “Right girl. That’s lame as hell.”

  “Yes, it is. It was lame. I hate him.” But did I hate him?

  Without warning Tamika jumped on the bed next to me. She lay down beside me, giving me no room to move.

  “You’re wet. You’re putting your wet weave on my pillow.”

  “Girl, this is three hundred dollar weave.”

  “So what, get up.”

  “You got six damn pillows on this bed. Calm your nerves. Now open up your thingy and go on one of those dating websites.”

  “What?”

  Tamika lifted up off my pillow. She reached over my body and tapped the MacBook that lay on top of the blanket beside me.

  Why did she call my MacBook a thingy? Why was she so eager for me to move on? I didn’t feel like fighting. I decided just to pretend to go on with whatever hair brain scheme she had for the time being.

  “Fine, whatever.”

  “Haha, yes. Go on Snatch and Match.”

  “What?”

  Did I want to do this? No. But I wasn’t busy. I had time. So what the hell? I opened my MacBook and logged in. I wasn’t into this half-baked idea, but Tami knew me. I wouldn’t be able to go through with anything like this without her help. My attention span for things like this was limited. Plus, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.

  “Okay. Wait. There are like ten thousand and twenty-three of those dating sites to choose from.” I had no idea what I should type into the Internet search.

  “Hoes can’t go on Christian Mingle.” She kidded.

  “You are not funny.” She knew I was far from a hoe, but I wasn’t slut-shaming anybody for throwing their cooch around. If you could throw that ass in a circle you should be able to throw that coohie like a Frisbee.

  “I told you, go on Snatch and Match.”

  “That’s not a real dating site.”

  “Yes, it is. Remember Veronica from high school?”

  “Veronica, no.” I wasn’t as popular and Tamika. She knew every damn body. I hated it when she asked me about people that we went to high school with. That was more than a decade ago. I couldn’t remember any of the people I hadn’t kept in contact with and I could count those people on one hand.

  “Girl, Veronica, she was cute and had long pretty hair that belonged to her. She used to make her own clothes.”

  “I don’t know her.” Did I just quote Mariah Carey? I did.

  “I swear you know her. She was tall, and skinny like a model.”

  “I don’t remember a Veronica.” I guess I was going to have to keep saying it. I’d already told her once.

  “So you remember Barry that lived on Pinecrest near the park district?”

  “Barry, Bacari Lawerence?”

  “Yes, tall Bacari.”

  “Why didn’t you say, Bacari Jafari?” I’d never anyone call him Barry. “I mean he’s the only person whose first name is Bacari. How many other Bacari’s do we know?”

  “Yeah, you right, his real name is Bacari Jafari, his mama must’ve been smoking that shit when she named him. Do you remember his cousin Man-man?”

  “No.” Who the hell is Man-man? “What does he look like?”

  “You remember him. He had a peanut head. He was skinny, light skin, and had all these ugly ass freckles. He used to get haircuts over at Deja’s house.”

  “Are you talking about Christopher that’s in jail for murder?”

  “Yes, right. His real name is Chris something.”

  “Why you just didn’t say that? Is it so hard to say Man-man, whose real name is Christopher, that’s in jail for murder.” I mean seriously. How many of our high school classmates were in jail for murder? Only two that I could think of and there was Stevonne who was in jail but that was for a child-related offense.

  “I’m not a negative person. Dang, he only killed one person. Anyway, Barry’s, cousin Man-Man used to date that big booty girl Peaches. Peaches had a little sister named Veronica, and she met her husband off Snatch and Match and they been married for five years. They got a cute little son and everything.”

  “Are you talking about Nica, the girl that made her own clothes in African print and had her headwraps on every day in the hallway?”

  “Yes, that’s her. She was Wakanda Forever before Black Panther. She was Sister Souljah before the Coldest Winter Ever.

  “No one in the entire universe called Nica, Ve-ro-nica.” I meant the regular universe and the marvel cinematic universe. “So, she’s married now.”

  “Yes honey. She met her husband on Snatch and Match and he is f
ine. I saw them all boo-ed up on her Facebook page.”

  “ If he’s fine that means he broke or a cheater.” I was stereotyping, but I didn’t care. I wanted to poke holes in Tami’s online dating success story.

  “ Girl stop. Her husband is an investment banker. They are going on vacations all around the world with their little bilingual baby. They are always stuntin’ hard for the Book and the Gram. They just came back from Aruba a few months go.”

  I didn’t believe this over-the-top story. Weird Nicca from high school had a husband, and I kid? She made her own clothes, for goodness sake.

  “Tami, are you serious?”

  “Pull it up on Facebook sweetie. Type in Veronica Davis Lopez.”

  I let my fingers tap away at the keyboard. I logged onto my Facebook page. I was Facebook friends with Nica. I didn’t remember when that happened. I stared down into my MacBook screen. Her status read married. After a few clicks, all the pictures popped up. That was definitely Nica Davis. She looked almost exactly the same. She was still thin with sharp features. She was pretty in high school despite not wearing the latest fashions. In a picture, she was holding a toddler, and she was wearing a wedding ring. She was celebrating her wedding anniversary with her husband in another post.

  “Nica’s husband is Mexican,” I asked. I guess the last name Lopez should’ve clued me in.

  “ Ain’t he fine? We need to get yo’ scary butt on Snatch & Match and snatch you up a Zac Efron, Shawn Mendes, or Nick Jonas. They are out there, honey.”

  I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it. “Seriously Tami, must every guy you speak of be in middle school.

  “ That’s because my vagina deserves young dick. Your vagina deserves dick the same age as you, give or take two years. It doesn’t matter. Snatch & Match matches you up to someone that has similar qualities and interests. You don’t have to go out looking for the guy. They will send your perfect matches to you. This L.P.N. at my job found her husband on one of those dating sites. Just try it out. You’re the type of person that it will work for.”