Single & Ready

by Lolah Lace

  What type of person was that? Did I really want to find my future boyfriend and possible husband on a dating website with the initials S and M? It all sounded pretty shady to me.

  “I don’t know Tami.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  “Give it a damn try. I’m going to get out of these wet clothes and I will come back and help you set up your dating profile. You look so bomb in those pictures you took in Daytona Beach last year. You have to use those pictures for your profile.”

  I watched as Tamika climbed out of my bed and exited my bedroom. I didn’t waste any time retrieving my cell phone from under the pillow where I hid it. I unlocked the screen using the passcode 112233. I needed to change it but that was for some other time. Like a fool I looked at the picture of my text message-sending ex-boyfriend.

  I was sure he’d moved on. I should too. I tossed the phone on the bed. I grabbed the wet pillow beside me and flipped it over on the dry side. My MacBook screen was calling me, so I started typing.

  Tamika said Snatch and Match. My simple curiosity made me go to the site. Signing up to the site was free. I didn’t have anything to lose. I mean if he moved on I could at least see what was out there.

  I clicked and clicked. What was I looking for? Okay, I’m looking for a friendship that could turn into a serious relationship.

  Education - Still studying. I didn’t want to seem like a smart ass.

  Occupation–Professional. No needed to know I was a managing claims adjuster.

  No children.

  Ethnicity - African American.

  Height—5’6”.

  Hair - Black.

  Eyes - Brown.

  Pets - None.

  Religion - Baptist.

  Political Affiliation - Liberal.

  Relationship status - single.

  Smoking - Non-smoker. I know I couldn’t deal with a smoker.

  Sign - Sagittarius.

  Body - Average.

  The process wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I was flowing on the keyboard. I moved into a more comfortable position in bed and continued to type in my personal information.

  After I few minutes I started getting tired. After the breakup I lost all my energy. All I wanted to do was rest.

  TAMIKA

  I was tired of the rain. I took a quick shower. I was determined to get my friend back out there. I didn’t believe in sitting around and sulking over some man that didn’t want me. There were plenty of fish in the sea. A smart girl like Latanya would find someone on a dating site. Online dating was structured and my roomie was by the book organized. More than that, she hated to lose. I could see her winning at this.

  Latanya needed my help with her page. She needed me to put a little glitz and glamour on her profile. I took a detour to the kitchen for a snack. There were no cookies in the cookie jar. I needed to go grocery shopping. The shopping duties used to belong to Latanya. After the breakup I had to do all the stuff she used to do. I’m glad we lived in an apartment because there was no way I was going to be able to do any yard work. It was three months later, and I just wished she would snap out of it. I was never a fan of her ex, anyway. I always thought she could do better. As far as I was concerned he was a lame.

  My stomach growled as I walked down the hall to Latanya’s bedroom. I got distracted after my shower and I took too long. Latanya had changed into some fresh pajamas and fallen asleep with her laptop on her lap. I knew she’d been sleeping most of the day, but I wasn’t going to wake her.

  I remembered how it felt to be dumped. It didn’t feel good. I vowed that would never be me. Now, I was in relationships for fun. Once the fun was over, I was done-zoe. I knew everybody wasn’t the same, but Latanya was wasting her time pining away over this clown ass joker. On my mama, he was a two-faced bastard.

  I walked over to her bed and closed the lid to the laptop. It was lying sideways, so I placed it flat on the bed beside Latanya. I could see her cell phone peeking from under a pillow.

  I reached for the cell phone and bought it up to my face. I noticed a partial message on the screen. I looked down, and Latanya was peacefully asleep. I quickly and quietly unlocked the screen using passcode the 112233.

  I read her incoming text message:

  777-931-1XXX (TEXT)

  [This is Nick. I have another number. I think you blocked my old number. Please talk to me. I’m sorry. Please respond to this message. I love you. I miss you. Let’s talk.]

  He had a lot of nerve. I looked down. She was still sleeping. I knew that I shouldn’t interfere in her life, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew things, things I didn’t want to know.

  I turned my back to Latanya. I hesitated before I blocked this new number. But I did it anyway. I tapped until I deleted the text message. I turned back and placed the cell phone back on the bed. I took one deep breath as I left her bedroom. I knew I was wrong. She was a big girl and was more than capable of handling this break-up. But I deleted it. So it’s done. No need to beat myself up about it. This is what’s best for my friend. I left the room so Latanya could sleep in peace.

  When I entered the hallway, I felt comfortable enough to call a spade a muthafuckin’ spade. Her ex was trash. He was a liar. I hated liars.

  The Poet

  LATANYA

  The next day I felt better. I wasn’t quite sure why, but it felt good to wake up and not think about him. My stomach was touching my back. I should’ve eaten something before bed. But I was exhausted after I typed up all that information for my dating profile on Snatch & Match.

  I left my bedroom and headed toward the kitchen in search of something to eat. When I entered I saw my roomie sitting pretty. She was wearing her bright red kimono with the large embroidered dragon on the back. I always thought I was fly in the fashion department, but my girl was a straight-up fashionista.

  Tamika was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. Probably lucky charms. She loved that god awful sugary mess for some reason. She glanced up when she noticed me enter the kitchen. She continued to eat. I could fear the crunching.

  “ Good morning, sleepy head. Or should I say afternoon?” She greeted me with a mouth chockfull of cereal and her head still in her bowl.

  “Morning.” I believe it was still morning.

  I slowly walked to the kitchen counter. I needed my fix of coffee. I grabbed a K-Cup from its spinning holder and put it in the Keurig coffee maker. With a press of a button, I turned the machine on.

  “You need to put water in it.”

  “Right.” I was still half asleep and trying to operate with a cloudy head. I should’ve taken a hot shower first so I could truly wake up.

  I removed the clear plastic water container connected to the Keurig machine. I stepped sideways to reach the sink’s faucet. I turned the cold-water nozzle on full blast. Filling the container to the line with water, I thought I was ready.

  “I went back into your room to help you get your Snatch & Match profile together. You were knocked out.”

  “Yeah.” I grumbled.

  “You know I wanted to help you with your profile.”

  “Oh sorry. I was tired.”

  “I’m not sure how you could be tired when you sleep all damn day long on the weekends.”

  I shrugged. “As I said, I must have been tired.”

  I connected the water container back to the Keurig. I hit the two buttons it took to get this damn contraption in motion.

  “Like I said, tired from what? Sleeping the entire day away. You are going to have to do better.”

  “ I didn’t even know I had fallen asleep. The last thing I remember was uploading pictures to that site.”

  “So you put up a profile?”

  “Yeah, I did a little something. It was my attempt at putting up an attractive profile.”

  “Something is better than nothing.” I looked over in time to see her shrug her shoulders. “I’m so proud of you for doing this.”

  “Well, I figured I would
give it a try.”

  “Did you get any randos in your Snatch & Match inbox?”

  “A few.”

  “What’s a few?” She eagerly asked. I knew how many because I woke up in the middle of the night and took a look at my profile.

  “A few, meaning 20.”

  “Damn! I knew you would. How many of them do you like?”

  “ Four with a possible six.”

  Why did I sound like I was playing spades? Hopefully someone will run a Boston on me. That wasn’t usually a good thing, but I was at the point where I would do anything to get my mind off of my ex.

  “Look at you. See, I told you.”

  “And guess what? I have a coffee date with this one guy tomorrow.”

  “You not wasting no time. I knew you would excel at this. You took action. You are good at everything you set your mind to. You got this shit in the Prada bag, Gucci bag, all the damn money bags, money bags woot.”

  “I’m excited.”

  “You should be.”

  “This is my first time going out after you know who dumped me by text message. I’m sure he’s out doing whatever the hell he wants to do so I should do the same.”

  “Yes honey. Please, do you. I’m so sure he’s doing whatever he wants to do with whomever he wants to do it with.”

  Something about the way she said he was doing whatever gave me pause. What did she mean? Why was she so sure? I’m probably overthinking it. She probably was just trying to help me move on.

  The next morning I went into work. I wasn’t a mess at my job. I was always professional, and I never let anyone see me off my game. I was in charge of a lot of people and I didn’t want anyone to view me as weak. I was very comfortable in my position at McNally. I was just happy that my boss listened to my recommendation and promoted Mark Wiley. After Rebecca left the company the extra managerial position was open for four weeks. Twenty-eight days meant that I had a ton of extra work to do and I wasn’t happy about that at all. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Or worse, walk off the job. My boss thought promoting Mark was problematic, but I convinced her to give him a shot. Mark wasn’t perfect,, but he was good at his job. Sure he dated about sixty percent of the single women at McNally, but I told him he was going to have to cut that shit out if he wanted me to vouch for him. He assured me that he had a steady girlfriend named Clarissa and she didn’t work for the company or in the building. My boss hired him on a probationary period. We split the cases, and he’d taken the load off of me. His probation was up three months ago, and he hadn’t been fired. So that was a plus for me.

  Mark was arrogant, cocky and downright rude. I could never figure out why women found that attractive. Mark wasn’t stupid. He knew I was the reason he was making an extra twenty-five thousand a year. He made sure he brought me coffee every morning. It wasn’t necessary, but I think he did it so we could have a meeting every morning. Which honestly turned into a gossip session more times than not.

  Like clockwork he was in my office at 8:05 am sharp.

  He sat my coffee on the desk. “Morning.”

  “Good morning, thanks.” I said as I reached for the coffee.

  “No problem.” He sat in the chair in front of my desk.

  “How was your weekend?”

  “Clarissa broke up with me.”

  I didn’t expect that. He was usually the one that dumped women.

  “I’m sorry to hear that but please do not date anyone in this office.”

  “What about on a different floor?”

  “Mark, don’t play with me.”

  “I’m just kidding. There’s no one left. All that’s left are married women.”

  I looked at him, and he looked at me. I wasn’t sure a wedding ring was enough to stop him, but I hoped he had a little bit of sense.

  “Why did Clarissa break up with you?” I took a sip of the coffee to prepare myself for the bullshit.

  “Long story short.”

  “Please, we do have work to do.”

  “She was in a car accident and I didn’t go to the hospital.”

  “Why not?”

  “She called and said she was okay. I was at a poker game. She was released in a few hours. Her friend was drinking and driving. She was arrested. Clarissa was treated and released. So when I got home, she was pissed. I went to sleep and the next morning she had packed her stuff and left.”

  “Are you heartbroken?”

  He looked at me like that was a stupid question. “Is it weird that it didn’t bother me that she was gone.”

  “Did you care about her?”

  He shrugged. “Uh.”

  “Well, there’s your answer. Clarissa didn’t have much at your place. I predict you will find another twenty-year-old, very soon.”

  “She was twenty-two.”

  “Right.” I rolled my eyes.

  “I think I’m going to find me a hot cougar next.”

  “Older women are too smart to put up with your bullshit.”

  “You’re right. I can’t win.”

  “I problem is you always win.”

  “Huh, that’s probably true.”

  After a few more minutes of ridiculous personal banter, the conversation shifted to work. Mark new about my breakup. Since I had to train him and we worked so closely, he could tell there was something wrong with me. Mark knew how to keep a secret and that’s why I was worried he was going to tell all my business.

  I had a good and productive day at work. I had my Snatch & Match date to look forward to. I shouldn’t have called it a date because we were just meeting for coffee. I picked a little coffee shop a few blocks away from my apartment. Tasty Dog had great coffee, and they had pretty good food too. They had a really good Chicago style hotdog, but there was no way I was going to eat in front of this guy on our first date.

  I was meeting Lance. He was thirty-two and really good-looking. He looked like a young Brad Pitt circa Interview With The Vampire. Exhilaration hit me hard. I was doing something out of my comfort zone, and it gave me a thrill.

  We greeted each other with a hug. He took my coffee order while I went to find us a clean table. Tasty Dog wasn’t crowded on a weekday after work. I waited until he came strolling toward the table with two cups of coffee in his hands.

  I couldn’t help but notice his tattered and worn clothing. His shirt was wrinkled and had specks of paint all over it. He was in baggy khaki shorts, so big they seemed like the wrong size.

  As he approached, I glanced down at his shoes. His shoes were worn and looked dirty. His profile said he was an artist. Maybe he was working on something and had just come straight from creating a masterpiece. Or there was the possibility that he didn’t think enough of me to dress up. Faking a bright smile, I hoped for the best.

  Lance placed a cup of coffee on the table in front of me. He sat in the single chair directly across the table from me. He placed his coffee on the table. He was smiling widely. He had beautiful teeth to match his handsome face. That was a good thing.

  “Thank you.”

  “My pleasure, my fair lady.” He said with a fake British accent. I didn’t know what to make of that, so I smiled. One thing for sure, I wasn’t fair. I was a rich chocolate brown, but whatever.

  I removed my straw from the table and placed it straw into the cold caramel iced Frappuccino. That first sip was always a slice of heaven and this time was no different.

  “So Lance—”

  “So Latanya.” He squeaked.

  Okay, what was that? “Your profile said you’re an artist.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “That sounds cool. What kind of artist?”

  “Good question.” I thought it was a regular question, but whatever. “ I write poetry and I paint. Did you go to my website?”

  “No.” What website? He had a website. Was I supposed to know that? Please don’t try to sell me something?

  “It’s listed on my profile.”

  “Oh, sorry I didn’t see it.”
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  “No probs, all my paintings are listed on my site and for sale. You should go check out all of my pieces. I can give you a discount.”

  “Oh, I will.” I definitely won’t check out a damn thing, but I’m a nice lady.

  “When I saw your picture I just knew we would vibe.”

  “Oh, really.” I took another sip of my cold coffee.

  “You’re so different, so perfect.”

  “No, no, I’m just a regular person.”

  “Someone as beautiful as you could never be regular. You are extraordinary, like a flower blooming in the cold of winter.”

  “Really?”

  “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer’s lease hath all too short a date. Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines, And too often is his gold complexion dimm’d. And every fair from fair sometimes declines—”

  What in the entire hell is he talking about? Man just drink your coffee and talk like a human. This was cheap coffee at Tasty Dog not Shakespeare in the park.

  I had to cut his little poetry rant off. “Nice.”

  He looked a little disappointed, but I wasn’t here for a sonnet, a soliloquy or a limerick.

  “Latanya, you know I looked at your profile pictures over and over and over again. Your beauty inspires me.”

  “Cool.” Okay, now he was making me feel uncomfortable. “So Lance, where do you work?”

  “Work.” He chucked. “I sell my art and do my poetry.”

  “No, no, I meant your daytime job.”

  “ Ha, yes. I only work on my art.”

  “Oh.” Man, I know you lying. I tried to keep a straight face. I knew my eyebrows took a hike up to my forehead.