Moonshine Wizard

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  “Then you should strike them down,” Robert said. “Take control of the situation and show everyone in the Hand that you don’t tolerate darkness in your region. Hell, if you do it right, you might get a promotion.”

  “I have a mind to take you down a few pegs,” she said, glaring. “I certainly don’t need your guidance on my career development, young man. You’re edging closer and closer to insubordination, and as Carter said, we’re not above arresting you as well.”

  “Cool,” Robert said, smiling at her. “But wait until after we save my friend.”

  “It’s not going to happen,” Carter said. “I’m not going to—”

  “Tell us where you believe your friend is,” she said, cutting Carter off. Robert liked that. “I’ll round up a team to investigate. You and your friends need to stand down.”

  “We’re coming, too,” another voice said, from behind him.

  Robert turned and saw Falcon. Farrah stood just outside the door. Back when he was working for Carter, Robert had bumped into them from time to time, and after, they’d thrown him an occasional job. They’d offered him a full-time spot, same as Bert, but by that point Robert felt it was best to stay out of Eureka Springs altogether. But his admiration for Falcon and Farrah had never wavered, and they’d been a blessing for Bert.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Falcon,” Carter said. “From the sound of things, there’s going to be magic at work. It’s no place for a regular Joe like you.”

  It was comforting to know that Carter was a pretentious douche nozzle to people of his own stature, and just not those he felt were beneath him. Then again, he probably did think Falcon was beneath him. Hell, he probably thought his Regional Wizard Commander was beneath him. Fucking asshole that he was.

  But Carter was probably right. Falcon was a tough bastard, and so was Farrah, but in an all magic showdown, they’d be a liability. Someone would have to protect them. In this fight, there’d be no place for humans.

  Falcon flashed Carter a boyish grin and said, “I think you’ll find we can handle ourselves.”

  “I won’t allow it,” Carter said. “I forbid your involvement.”

  “Carter, I was not aware that your authority extended into the realm of regular Joes like me.” Falcon maintained his grin, but when he spoke again, it was in a tone Robert had never heard. He’d never seen Falcon angry. Bert hadn’t either. They’d often joked in curious wonder at how the guy always stayed in a perma-positive mood. Now, he spoke with a cold iron authority that made Robert’s back straighten. He said, “I’m not asking your permission, wizard. I’m telling you we’re going to help Bert. Period.”

  Falcon turned toward Robert, returning to his normal demeanor. “So, where’s this going down, dawg?”

  Robert grinned and gave them all directions. No one wrote anything down, but he knew Farrah would remember his every word, and guessed the Regional Wizard Commander would as well. He didn’t care if Carter remembered. After he finished, he asked, “Everyone got it?”

  “I’ve got it,” Farrah said. “I know exactly where it is.”

  “When do you think this is going to happen?” the Regional asked.

  “Soon, I’m guessing,” Robert replied. “That’s why I keep hinting at a sense of urgency.”

  “And you intend to go as well?” she asked. “And Waylon’s other friends?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Robert replied. “My thought is that if we hurry, maybe we can get to him before it all goes down. If we can get him out of there, you can take him into custody and deal with the bad guys.”

  “I’ll allow it,” she said, her eyes squinting in a hard glare. “But you, and your friends, are not to engage the enemy unless you have no alternative. I know your history, Robert. I know you served for a time, but I’m guessing the rest of Waylon’s friends are around his age. I won’t have a pile of dead millennials in my region. If you, or they, fail to follow this directive, you’ll be arrested alongside your friend. Understood?”

  “Yes,” Robert said, nodding. “Don’t engage. Got it.”

  “Hurry, then,” she said, shooing him away. “Go find your friend, and talk him down from this foolishness.”

  Robert turned and nodded at Falcon and Farrah, then disappeared again.

  ***

  Bert shot up in his driver seat, the sound of the phone’s alarm ringing in his ears. He fumbled for the ‘off’ button, desperately trying to silence the alarm. There was a fizzling pop and the chime whined out as the device died in his hands. Another ruined phone.

  He glanced around, ensuring he was still alone. Satisfied that he was, he took a moment to listen to the breeze rustling through the trees while his mind woke up. It was time.

  Bert stepped out of the Beast and began stretching. He still had a few minutes to burn and figured he might as well use it to get loose. It wouldn’t pay to cramp up in the middle of combat. A part of his mind still begged him to flee. To just run away. He moved his neck from side to side, enjoying a satisfying pop as he ignored the rational part of his mind.

  When he was done, he pulled his gear from the Beast and started toward the meadow. He’d parked a short distance away, just in case any of his foes decided to scope it out ahead of time. He didn’t want them to find him conked out in the Beast, catching a power nap before all the excitement.

  As he started into the forest, Sharp said, “There’s got to be another way, Bert.”

  “You keep saying that,” Bert replied. “I’m still listening if you’ve got something.”

  “Gather up your friends and go to the Hand.”

  “You think they’ll protect them forever? What about my mom? My brother? Falcon and Farrah? Every other regular human who could be counted among my friends? The Hand won’t protect them all. Even if they did, eventually these assholes will just come back for revenge. I can’t think of a better way, Sharp.”

  “I know,” Sharp said. “I can’t either.”

  “Then this is what I must do, old friend.”

  “For what it’s worth, I’ll be with you to the end.”

  “I know. You always are.”

  A silence fell between them and Bert continued toward the meadow.

  ***

  When Robert reappeared in Bert's house, the scene had changed.

  Neil had traded his designer jeans and dress shirt for a long black robe, the hood pulled down over his eyes as he sat on the couch sharpening his knives.

  Jim sat on the recliner, rolling his gray wooden staff between his hands. He wore the same jeans and faded t-shirt, but he’d added elbow pads, knee pads, and black gloves. He’d also traded his thinned rimmed glasses for a pair of prescription goggles, similar to what a basketball player might wear.

  Simon was still planted on the couch, his eyes closed and an ice pack against his head, but his black staff lay across his lap. Apparently, they’d decided to return it to him.

  “What’s the word?” Neil asked, glancing up at him.

  “Carter’s still an asshole,” Robert said. “He didn’t want to help.”

  “Well, that’s not surprising,” Jim said, shaking his head. “Jerk.”

  “Yeah,” Robert continued, “but the Regional Wizard Commander was in his office. She had a different take on the situation.”

  Simon's eyes popped open and he sat up straight. All three stared at him in surprised horror.

  “What?” Robert asked. “You didn’t think an Autumn Woe this big would garnish some attention?”

  “On a scale of one to fucked,” Simon said, “just how fucked am I?”

  “I didn’t mention you,” Robert said. “Not yet, at least. Not until we rescue Bert.”

  “That’s fair,” Simon said, nodding. “I’ll do whatever I can to help save Bert.”

  Before Robert could tell Simon what he thought about his help, Kevin stomped through the door, took one look at the others, then headed for his room, mumbling about getting his gear.

  Hunter came in next, his
appearance garnishing surprised looks from around the room. He’d traded his civilian clothes for his full set of SWAT gear. He was armored and padded head to toe, and holding the M4 he’d brought back from the Underbelly. Meeting their surprised looks, he said, “I’m ready.”

  “Are you sure about this?” Robert asked. “We may not be able to protect you if this thing goes south. There’s no guarantee any of us are coming back alive.”

  “If it wasn’t for Bert, I’d have ripped my own children to pieces. I’m in. I don’t give a good goddamn how dangerous it is. I’ve got Bert’s back.”

  Robert nodded. The others didn’t seem inclined to argue, so he wouldn’t either.

  Kevin returned a few minutes later with a compound bow and a quiver of arrows slung over one shoulder. Over the other shoulder, he carried his collection of katanas from the Underbelly. He still wore the same clothes, but he’d equipped elbow pads, knee pads, and gloves as well.

  “I’ll be right back,” Robert said, then teleported to his own house. His wife and kid weren’t home, which made it easier. He didn’t have to answer questions.

  He headed straight for his closest and pulled out an old duffle bag containing his own gear. He threw on camo army pants and an old t-shirt. Then he rummaged through the bag, equipping his own elbow and knee pads.

  He knew this wasn’t a good idea. In all reality, he was likely to get himself, and all of Bert’s friends, killed. He’d left this life behind. He’d sworn he’d stay out of supernatural business. He’d left because he didn’t want his son to grow up without a father. Now, he was diving right back into the madness, but if he didn’t, the guys would go after Bert regardless. They needed him. Bert needed him. He had to go.

  He reappeared in Bert’s living room and glanced around. They all appeared to be ready.

  “All right, guys,” he said, glancing at each of them in turn. “I want to make sure we’re all on the same page. Our goal is to get Bert and get the fuck out. If we can, we’ll snatch him before the shit goes down. If not… Well, there’s a very real chance we’ll just end up dead with him. There’s a good chance we aren’t all coming home.”

  “We know the score,” Neil said, nodding as he rose to his feet. “We’re ready.”

  “Let’s do this,” Jim added, then turned to Hunter. “You stay close to me.”

  “I remember,” Hunter replied, popping a fresh clip in his gun. “Just give me something to shoot.”

  “And give me something to hit,” Kevin said. “And someone remind me to hit Bert later, too.”

  Simon rose to his feet last and glanced around at each of them. “I know I’ve fucked up. I know you guys probably don’t trust me right now and I don’t blame you. But it’s an honor to be standing with you guys again. Let’s go save our brother.”

  “I’m coming, too,” a female voice said.

  They turned to find Lilith standing in the hallway, arms crossed over her chest. “I would like to have my staff back. If that’s okay.”

  “You sure you don’t want to just hit me over the head and take it?” Kevin asked, glaring. “You know, like you took my truck and money?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, meeting his gaze. “I truly am. I was confused and scared. That’s no excuse, but I am sorry. I want to make this right.”

  “Make this right?” Jim said, laughing. “You do realize this whole thing is kind of your fault?”

  “I know it is,” she said, looking to the floor. “But you have to believe me… I love Bert every bit as much as you guys do. I can’t let him die because of me. This is the only way I can even begin to make things right.”

  “So, why’d you do it?” Hunter asked. “Why’d you steal that goddamned thing and come here?”

  “I was trying to get away from some really bad people,” she said, shrugging. “I took it because it was the only way I could get away. It was the only way I could hide myself.”

  “And why’d you come here?” Hunter repeated. “If you knew they were after you, why’d you come to Bert’s house? You brought this trouble right to his doorstep.”

  “I knew I was running out of time,” she said, still staring at the floor. “I wanted to see him one last time.”

  Silence fell over the room as each considered her words. Robert didn’t know if they could trust her or not, but he sighed and said, “Someone make a decision. I don’t care if she comes or not, but we’re wasting precious time.”

  Kevin walked out of the room and returned with her staff. He tossed it over to her and as she clumsily caught it he said, “Let’s get one thing clear, you back stabbing bitch… If Bert dies tonight because of your bullshit, I’ll hunt you down and kill you myself.”

  “Make that two of us,” Hunter said, nodding.

  Neil chuckled and flashed her a grin. “I think it’s safe to say that’s a group consensus, Lilith.”

  She met their glares and said, “You won’t get the chance. If Bert dies because of me, I’ll kill myself.”

  “Well, then,” Jim said, cutting through the tension in the room. “If we’re all done threatening to kill Bert’s girlfriend, can we move on to the portion of the night where we try to rescue him?”

  “Right,” Robert said. “Everyone make sure you’re ready. We are chasing a man on a mission to hell. We just have to catch him before he gets there. Should be a piece of cake.”

  No one replied, but the solemn looks on their face told him they understood. Once again, he couldn’t help but to think this was a really bad idea.

  ***

  Bert sat atop a giant boulder at the base of the mountain. His view was of the meadow. From his vantage point, even in the darkness, the Hunter’s moon cast enough light across the field that he’d see anyone approaching. The only way they could take him by surprise was if they were invisible, teleported right on top of him, or jumped off the cliff above.

  He sat perched on the edge of the big rock, his legs dangling over the end. It was a good twenty feet to the ground below, and it gave him a platform, like a stage where he could address his visitors when they arrived. Though, for the moment, it wasn’t the most comfortable of seating choices. It reminded him of the hardbacked pews of the church his mother dragged him to as a kid.

  He took a puff from his Backwoods cigar and wondered why the meadow had formed the way it had in the middle of the dense forest. Perhaps the cliff face blocked the sun just enough that this patch of ground couldn’t grow trees. Or maybe there was a rock shelf just beneath the dirt, allowing grass to grow but forbidding the larger roots of trees. He didn’t know.

  Next, he found himself wondering if the meadow had ever had a name. Had anyone, at any time throughout history, ever thought to name this particular piece of ground? Maybe it was appropriate for him to die in a nameless meadow. Then again, if it had a name, he might say the opposite.

  He glanced down at the leaf-wrapped cigar between his fingers. He didn’t smoke often. It was quite rare, in fact, but he used to smoke them with Hunter when they were drinking whiskey, and with Kevin when they fished. When he saw them in the gas station, he felt drawn to them, like they might pick him up and take him away to a better time. Like they’d take him back to the bank of the creek with a fishing rod in his hand. It was stupid.

  He laughed and took another puff, thinking himself a foolish and helpless romantic. He wanted it all to mean something. He wanted it to be poetic even, like there was some deeper meaning in his life in these last few minutes before his impending death. It was silly, of course. It was just another moment in the vast span of time and space. Nothing special. His death wouldn’t matter in the greater scheme of things. The world would move on without him, and all he’d leave in his wake was pain and confusion for the few souls who dared to love him. This would not be some romantic tale of bravery, just the cold embrace of a bitter death.

  He sighed. It was almost time. He’d told himself that many times this night, but alas, it became more true with each passing second. Now he had but a
few more minutes to pass before his executionersarrived. He wondered which of them would get the privilege of taking his life. Dasfarus, perhaps? One of the clowns? It really didn’t matter. He just wanted to take a few with him. Especially Chance. Fucking hipster.

  He took another drag from his cigar, thinking maybe there was at least one person he could still say goodbye to. He called out to Uncle Tony once more. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, this thing has taken a turn south. There’s only one path ahead that I can see, and, well… I just wanted to say goodbye. I wanted you to know that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Everything you’ve taught me. If you ever find my dad, well, just tell him I went down swinging. Goodbye, Uncle.”

  There was no response.

  He pulled the thorns from his jacket pocket and looked them over. The white thorn he’d seen before was gone. Now they were all black, but he was sure it had been there when he pulled it from Lilith’s arm.

  As he removed his jacket and hoodie, Sharp asked, “What are you doing?”

  Bert shrugged and held the thorns up to his arm. The object shot from his fingers and coiled around his arm like a serpent. He let out a surprised yelp as the thorns bit into his flesh. The muscles in his arm tensed as the blood began to flow, but the thorns dug deeper until it was secured against his flesh. Blood dripped from his fingers and the pain was excruciating, but he immediately felt the power at his command.

  He held his arm up in front of his face, ignoring the crimson streams dripping from his flesh. And there it was, the single white thorn, lodged deep in his forearm.

  “Interesting,” he said, looking it over.

  “Are you ready?” Sharp asked. “It’s time.”

  He took one last drag from his cigar and pitched it aside. He threw his hoodie and jacket back on, then pulled the hood down over his head, hiding all but his glowing eyes in the shadowed depths. He rose to his feet and waited to greet his guests as they arrived.