Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress

by Candy Paull

  Celebrate the little milestones as well. These are not “official” occasions, but small accomplishments, like losing ten pounds, learning a new skill, or achieving a cherished goal. When you acknowledge milestones, you help yourself and your friends keep the faith, reminding one another that goals can be accomplished, dreams can come true. Encourage your friends in personal growth by celebrating milestones of progress made.

  Offer Heartfelt Prayer

  Pray for others. Send them focused love. Visualize the good you desire for them and the good they desire for their own lives. See them bathed in the light, as if a halo or rainbow of luminosity surrounds them. Love is the easiest emotion to experience, if your heart is open and nonresistant. It takes more effort and energy to thwart the flow of love, creating unnecessary suffering and struggle. Bless those you find difficult to love, and look past outer appearances to see the spiritual reality hidden within. You know that you have hidden depths and dimensions. Remember, we are all complex beings. Sometimes we express that complexity well; sometimes we are at less than our optimal best. You can be the prophet and seer who knows the eternal light that lives in every heart, the yet to be realized potential of every human being. Bless others, send them love and light, then release them to Divine care, trusting the process of their evolution—and yours—to God.

  Activity: Create a Climate of Encouragement

  In a culture of comparison, we constantly grade others and ourselves on our performance. The emphasis is usually on what we did wrong, rather than what we did right. Critiques and comparisons can sometimes be helpful, but many times they are more discouraging than encouraging. Instead of critiques, emphasize sincere compliments, honest observations, and positive praise. Encourage others by noticing and complimenting them on their strengths. Be honest, but also be kind. When you can’t say something good, keep your mouth shut. Encourage others to be their best by doing the best you know how to do in every situation. Focus on potential, not just performance. Lift one another up. Be specific about what you admire and why you believe in them. You can create a safe space for people to take risks and try new things. Commit to creating success together. Set goals and chart your progress. Be accountable to each other and be supportive when the going gets rough. If you refrain from criticizing others and see the possibilities in impossible situations, you create a climate of encouragement that lets a loved one know you can be trusted with their dreams and vulnerabilities.

  Three Affirmations

  I am kind in my speech and actions.

  I choose to believe the best of others and focus on each person’s unique beauty.

  I create a mutual encouragement society for the highest blessing of all.

  When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind. When evil men shout ugly words of hatred, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love.

  —Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

  Community offers a supportive environment, where we meet, share common resources, work to achieve common goals, and enjoy a diversity of people who enrich our lives. Rooted in the word communion, community is an old-fashioned concept that is being revitalized by those who are disenchanted with a lonely individualistic society and who want to celebrate the social grace of community once more.

  You don’t have to live in a small town or idyllic world to create community. You have the raw materials all around you. You create a community by paying attention to the grace inherent in your situation, becoming aware of those around you, and finding ways to help them connect with one another. When you are patient, supportive, encouraging, open, and kind, you become a center around which community happens. You don’t have to do anything fancy; just make yourself available to love and appreciate people.

  Learning from Dr. King’s Beloved Community

  Community can heal wounds. In these violent times, new ideals of community are constantly being explored. One of the most meaningful and practical definitions of community has grown out of the civil rights movement. It is an ideal built on nonviolence. Dr. Martin Luther King spoke of the Beloved Community at a victory rally after the landmark US Supreme Court decision on the desegregation of Montgomery, Alabama’s buses: “The end is reconciliation; the end is redemption; the end is the creation of the Beloved Community. It is this type of spirit and this type of love that can transform opponents into friends. It is this type of understanding goodwill that will transform the deep gloom of the old age into the exuberant gladness of the new age. It is this love which will bring about miracles in the hearts of men.” The King Center continues an unshakable commitment to nonviolence and Dr. King’s vision of the Beloved Community. Fundamental tenets of Dr. King’s philosophy of nonviolence can be found at the website for The King Center (www.thekingcenter.org/king-philosophy). Dr. King offered six guiding principles for building a Beloved Community:

  Nonviolence is a way of life for courageous people, the vital force for change and reconciliation.

  The Beloved Community is the framework for the future, where justice prevails and persons attain their full human potential.

  Attack forces of evil, not persons doing evil.

  Accept suffering without retaliation for the sake of the cause to achieve the goal.

  Avoid internal violence of the spirit as well as external physical violence.

  The universe is on the side of justice. Truth is universal. The moral arc of the universe bends toward justice.

  The Beloved Community offers a global vision in which all people can share the wealth of the earth, be equal, and yet celebrate the differences. The Reverend Howard Thurman, Martin Luther King’s mentor and spiritual advisor, wrote about the Beloved Community. King was also inspired by Gandhi’s example of befriending adversaries and was influenced by the thoughts of philosopher-theologian Josiah Royce. Dr. King’s vision of the Beloved Community deepened and expanded the idea, turning it into a realistic goal that could be achieved by a critical mass of people of goodwill around the world. Dr. King said, “Our goal is to create a beloved community, and this will require a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives.”

  It is a profound paradigm shift to embrace the work of creating community. It means that we find our strength by focusing on our common interests without allowing our differences to tear us apart. Balancing the value and rights of individuals with the need for communion and collaboration, community offers a healing response to the deadly violence that would tear our world apart.

  We must stand together not against the violence; be for the awaking and healing of the world—the coming together with common purpose for the common good. Each individual brings his or her gift to the community, and every gift is needed. In a welcoming community, every gift is valued. It is our work to hold the light, even if we are not addressing the violence directly. But the violence is being addressed, just as the sunrise addresses the dark.

  It happens that I was writing this chapter on the weekend the Boston Marathon bomber was apprehended. One of the quotes circulating on Facebook at the time was by Leonard Bernstein: “This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before.” I take Bernstein’s words to heart for my own creative contribution to the world. I pray that my work will always be a blessing to others, will help in some small way to bring a higher consciousness forth and show more light into the darkness. As a creative artist, my words, my music, and my art can be avenues for light.

  And so it is for any people of faith and goodwill. Whether you are making decisions in a boardroom or wiping tearstained faces, building a house of love or tearing down walls of prejudice, you can change the world—if you are passionate for justice and willing to give the best of your gifts in service of life. We are the light of the world, and the darkness cannot put it out. If it is always darkest before the dawn, then listen for the birdsong that awakens the dawn. The sun will rise, no matter how dark the nig
ht.

  Extending Family to Community

  In childhood, the circle of love revolves around the family. Children grow and soon expand the circle to include new friends. Adolescents experience a larger world than children do but tend to move in cliques, eliminating those who are different from the group. In adulthood, the circle of love grows large, yet also becomes deeper and more intimate. As you mature spiritually, expand your circle of love. Love your friends and family, but also reach out to many kinds of people. Love those who are different from you.

  Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves.

  —Thomas Merton

  Extend the reach of your love to include more people. Instead of keeping only a closed circle of exclusive friends, make an open circle that welcomes the stranger and includes everyone in the circle of love. Look for ways you can include others and encourage them to join your circle of friends. Think about a time you were lonely and someone reached out to include you. How can you do the same for someone else?

  Acts of Kindness

  She’s the waitress taking your order at the restaurant. He’s the cop directing traffic. He’s the janitor mopping the floor as you exit the building. Most people pass by without noticing, but you take the time to really see these people as the Divine Presence. Practice compassion for those who serve the public. If you’ve been a waitress or a salesclerk, you’ll understand. Treat everyone with respect and give others grace even when they are ungracious to you. Send each a silent prayer of blessing. Say thank you when someone serves you. Leave a generous tip for your waiter or waitress. Be patient. Look people in the eyes and see the sacredness of their personhood. These are small ways to practice compassion.

  Cultivate kindness in your thoughts and in your actions. A word of thanks, a nod of approval, a door held open for someone, a smile for a tired clerk, a simple greeting, or a hug for a friend are all small acts of kindness that grease the wheels of life. These actions are like small prayers, the spiritual fruit of kindness. The lives you touch for good or ill will touch other lives. Like a stone tossed into a still pond, your kindness will ripple out to others. Cultivate acts of love, words of encouragement, generosity, and warmhearted caring.

  Generosity comes in many forms. Most people think in terms of money when they think of generosity. But a generous heart gives in many ways. The law of giving and receiving says that when you give, you will receive in return. But you rarely receive directly, for the Spirit gives in roundabout, unexpected ways. A generous person shares time, talents, money, encouragement, and practical help naturally and easily. Real generosity gives without expecting someone to give back in return. When you give with no strings attached, you make room for God to bring the gift around in Divine timing, from expected and unexpected sources. Consider any gift you give to others as a gift given to God. Give your best. Give with joy. Give with an open heart and an open hand. Generous giving brings joy to the heart, making your world more expansive and loving. Demonstrate joyful generosity in simple ways: giving a surprise gift, leaving an extra-large tip, taking extra time to help or encourage someone, being enthusiastic and supportive.

  Share Enthusiasm

  The root of the word enthusiasm means “to be inspired by God.” Enthusiasm is contagious. Your enthusiasm can inspire others and make a positive contribution to the emotional atmosphere around you. People respond to someone who genuinely loves life and is willing to show their excitement. When people tell you they achieved a personal goal, tell them you are really proud of them. Encourage others to pursue their dreams. Be supportive of those who struggle and applaud their progress and victories. Pitch in and help enthusiastically. Speak positively. Cheer others on and cheer yourself up by embracing life with enthusiasm.

  Listen with Your Heart

  Have you noticed how few people really bother to listen? And even fewer listen with their hearts involved. Many conversations are merely debates about which viewpoint is right or wrong—polarizing people into for or against camps with no place for compassion or caring. Create a counterculture of the heart. Listen with your heart when you hear others speak. What is their pain? What are their joys? Focus on hopes and dreams you share in common at the level of the heart.

  Build Bridges

  Learn the skill of building bridges instead of burning them. Instead of allowing anger or hurt feelings to separate, bridge builders are the first to reach out and the first to forgive. Instead of creating an adversarial either/or argument that emphasizes your differences, look at ways you share common ground. When anger or disagreements threaten to separate friends, remember how important this person has been in your life. Ask yourself, “Do I want to lose this relationship because of a temporary disagreement?” Be a bridge builder and you’ll enjoy lasting and loving relationships. The next time you find yourself in an adversarial situation, where people are building walls of division, start building bridges of cooperation. Focus on common interests and how you can cooperate. Unclench your fist, open your hand, and hold it out to others.

  All who strive for reconciliation seek to listen rather than to convince, to understand rather than to impose themselves.

  —Brother Roger

  Encourage Cooperation

  Researchers are discovering that the pleasures of cooperation are built into our cells. Cooperation creates well-being. Then why do we spend so much time being adversarial? Fear and anger motivate us to judge and separate. Be an ambassador of love. It’s in the very nature of your being.

  Though healthy competition can be good, working cooperatively with others can be even more rewarding and inspiring. Instead of dividing people into losers and winners, create a win-win situation where no one loses and everyone feels that their contribution is valuable.

  You can apply this to leading committees, spearheading projects, or any situation where teamwork needs to be encouraged. You’ll get more done and people will feel good about making a contribution. Having an “everyone can win” attitude encourages others to give their best and feel good about participating. Even shy people who would normally hang back will participate and enjoy being part of the team.

  Help Others Help Themselves

  “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat today. Teach a man to fish and he’ll feed himself for the rest of his life.” This old proverb offers wisdom for anyone who wants to serve others effectively. One of the most powerful ways you can help someone is to empower him to help himself. Instead of creating dependence on you, you help him discover his own strengths and become independent. Encourage him to believe in his own potential for greatness. Empower others to become all they were meant to be.

  Lend a Helping Hand

  Your helping hands and willing heart are needed in this world. Be attentive to what’s going on around you and see where a helping hand might make a difference. Start with small, simple things. Help someone carry a package. Hold the door open for someone. Speak a cheerful word on a gloomy day. Bring a casserole over to a neighbor. Volunteer for a committee. Lend an ear to someone who needs to talk. Make service a way of life and give freely of yourself.

  When you give your time, you are offering a priceless gift. There is no hourly wage or monetary recompense that can measure the value of what you have to offer. Whether you teach a youth group camping skills, answer questions at a hospitality desk, or head a fundraising committee, your time and talents can make a difference in the lives of others. You’ll have no regrets when you give your best—whether it’s your best effort on a project or buying the best gift for someone you love. You may not be able to do things perfectly or give expensive and rare gifts, but when you give the best you have to offer, what you give will be blessed and multiplied in wonderful ways.

  Be a Blessing to Others

  Make a conscious choice today that you will be a blessing to others. As you have been blessed, so pass a blessing on to the world around you. Offer a silent blessing, sending prayers o
f blessing and healing to each person you encounter, whether you speak to him or not. The cultivation of loving-kindness is a popular form of meditation in Buddhism. Here is a simple variation of the traditional meditation:

  May all be safe.

  May all be happy.

  May all be healthy.

  May all live with ease.

  You can personalize these words by saying, “May I be safe, may I be happy,” etc. Or you can say this to or for another, “May you be safe, may you be happy,” etc. Say this prayer meditation silently when you are around people. Or set aside a quiet time at home to sit and say this out loud over and over, sensing the love and compassion overflowing in your heart. Let the energies of love fill your heart as you offer this meditation for the healing of the world.

  Love is a great beautifier. It makes every plain face fairer, and every fair face beautiful. When you look at others with love, you see beyond their faults and foibles straight into the heart. Let love rule in your heart and you will discover a more joyous and blessed way of being. Love creatively by seeing the greatness within each person, no matter how unlikely it seems by surface appearances. Loving others means that you want the best for them and are willing to do something to help make that happen in their lives. Loving others is another way to love God and to build the Beloved Community.

  Activity: Volunteer

  Doing good work together is good for building better friendships. It’s a fulfilling feeling to contribute to the greater good of others. You’ll always be glad you offered to give your time to serve others with love. Many hands make light work. Quilting bees and barn raisings were an important part of frontier social life, drawing the community together for work and celebration. You can do the same with friends, creating community by working together on a project or with a charitable organization. Choose a project that connects with your passion. For example, if you love animals, you might help with an animal shelter. Contributing your time and talents to a group project is a win-win situation. There’s lasting joy in merging efforts, serving others and giving back with gratitude and gladness. Choose a charity or organization that you believe in and wish to support. If you want to volunteer on a regular basis, make sure you choose a level of commitment you feel comfortable with. Lifelong friendships are often forged when volunteers work together to help a good cause. When you volunteer, you not only bless others, you will be blessed by the people you work with.