Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress

by Candy Paull

  Three Affirmations

  As I share my good generously, more good comes to me.

  I have plenty to share and to spare.

  I communicate clearly, compassionately, and wisely.

  Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.

  —Booker T. Washington

  It’s a standard joke in Nashville: “How do you get the songwriter off your porch?”

  “Pay him for the pizza.”

  It is the creative artist’s dilemma: How do you make a living while you do what you love? Whether you are making music, painting a light-filled landscape, penning poetry, sculpting a vision in stone, or finding the right words for the next chapter in your book, these creative joys have to be balanced with paying the bills and making sure your financial and family obligations are met.

  There are thousands who come to Nashville to pursue their dreams of making music. I was one of them. Unless you inherited a fortune, you’ll probably have to sustain your creative career with a day job. Singers sling hash and sing on the side. Writers work on construction sites or in offices, saving their best creative energy for nights and weekends while they work and wait for the big break to happen.

  Creating Magic

  Sometimes the magic happens. I used to go to a songwriter’s night at Davis-Kidd Booksellers’ Second Story Cafe (now long gone, unfortunately). Each Friday night there was a lineup of up-and-coming writers with a final set from a pro writer.

  I’ll never forget hearing the story of one successful songwriter-turned-pro who told about his first radio hit back in the mid-1990s. He had moved to Nashville a few years earlier in search of fame and fortune. Like most songwriters who move to town, he was supporting his music with a day job, which in his case was delivering pizzas. He drove around town in his beat-up old pickup, schlepping pizzas for tips and minimum wage. One long and discouraging day, he had delivered yet another pizza to a customer in the pouring rain. To add insult to injury, there was no tip. Tired and dripping, he got into the front seat and turned on the radio. A familiar song was playing—it was one of his songs! He didn’t even know it had been released to radio, so it was a total surprise. He said that he just laid his head on the steering wheel and cried. It was his first big break and the opportunity that led to a successful career as a country songwriter. That song got him the full-time writing deal that let him focus on his music and leave his career as pizza delivery boy behind.

  I have known many talented and deserving musician friends who got writing deals but no hits. And some hit makers who rode high on the charts then had their career crash, causing them to totally reinvent themselves. They have watched the winds of change blow away their dreams of making it in the music industry. They have faced the disappointments with courage, even as they struggled to find a meaningful way to make a living. One incredibly talented friend of mine lost his songwriting deal and ended up working part-time at Home Depot and giving guided tours at the local auto factory. I admire my creative friends. If a day job was necessary, I have found my friends to be faithful, working for money while pursuing their music dreams. There were some who discovered along the way that the day job was so satisfying, they made it a way of life and let their music become a part-time gig instead of chasing the full-time music career. With grace and style, my friends have taught grade-school children the joy of music, worked on remodeling old houses or building new homes, counseled in recovery centers, programmed computers, and, yes, even waited tables. They have made a positive difference through loving service wherever they landed in life. And they still stay true to their music, still love to gather around the writer’s circle and share the new song they just wrote.

  The Hidden Gifts of a Day Job

  I have had my own share of day jobs and discouragement. For almost twenty years, I was blessed to have freelance work writing marketing materials for book publishers. It was closer to the dream than delivering pizzas but still a long way from seeing my personal writing dreams come true. I have also had additional day jobs, both in my younger years and in the years following the Great Recession of 2008. I used to rebel and complain about my jobs when I was in my twenties, making myself and all the people who had to be around me miserable. While working several day jobs over the last few years, I learned a thing or two about showing up at work without judgment and complaining, taking one moment at a time when stressed, and letting go of all my inner protests at having to scramble to make a living again.

  I found the gifts hidden in the heart of the day job. My Saturday job at the art gallery gave me a safe and beautiful place to be, as well as an education in art. Working temp assignments at a university and medical center built my confidence. These day jobs introduced me to funny and fascinating people whom I would never have known if I had still been immersed in my small freelance world. I was able to pay bills again, but I was also enriched by new relationships and the perspectives made available through being a part of larger organizations that were making a positive difference in the world. I know the joy of serving with a grateful heart. Even on difficult days, the decision to quietly serve, bless those I work with, and just be present with no judgment or agenda has proven to be a satisfying and inspiring way to spend my days. I am enriched by these experiences, and, even when my fortunes change, I get to write and do what I love best; my day job experiences have made me a better writer and a better person.

  Whether you are working to pay the bills or are immersed in the career of your dreams, there is always a bread-and-butter aspect to any working situation. Work is work, even work you love. So much of life is spent serving others and working collaboratively for some form of pay. So how can you make work more enjoyable and less stressful?

  Bring Your Highest Self to Work

  You are part of something larger than your personal story, so make a firm decision that you will bring your highest self to work. Meditation and mindfulness can help you make the transition from private life to public engagement, and help you be more effective on the job. When you bring your highest self to work, a spiritual alchemy can work in, through, and for you. The atmosphere you create at work begins within. When you bring an expansive and peaceful presence to the workday, you have the potential to transform, at least in a small way, the atmosphere at work. Recognize that you are connected at the heart to everyone—even the difficult people. This is a biological fact as well as a spiritual reality.

  Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know it when you find it.

  —Steve Jobs

  Find a job you love and you’ll never have to “work” a day in your life. If you love to do something, it doesn’t feel like work, even if you work hard doing it. As a child, you dreamed of growing up and doing something wonderful. As an adult, finding your lifework may be more complex. If you’re in a job that’s more work than pleasure, perhaps you need to reconnect with childhood dreams and find something closer to your heart’s desire. When you love what you do, you do your work well. You put energy and passion into every task, even the repetitive and mundane work. When you have a job, but it’s not what you love, choose to find ways to love, or at least like, it. You reap what you sow. Sow as much loving service and thoughtful excellence as you possibly can. Look for ways to love what you do even if you are not doing what you love. Consider it a seed of faith planted for the day when you will be doing what you love. Though you may not have a perfect job, you can take pleasure in work well done.

  There is no one-size-fits-all formula for success, because we each define success differently. The secret of success is being true to your heart’s deepest desires, seeking the best for yourself and others. Success may mean money, power, or prestig
e—or it may mean more intangible rewards. Success can be found in a talent developed, a garden tended, a child loved, and beauty created. True success is finding good work that allows you to develop your talents and serve others. Work offers a place for community and service. Work pays the bills, nurtures the family, tends the garden, keeps the home, develops the skills, and offers a place to grow in creativity and service.

  Keep faith in the work itself and do it well, giving it your best effort. Work done in the right spirit can be incredibly satisfying. It is a form for the natural expression of your abilities and creativity. When you work wholeheartedly at something, you forget yourself. Completely absorbed in the task at hand, you lose track of time and plunge into the simple pleasure of accomplishing good or making the world a better place. Whether your work is making beds and doing dishes or running a business, put your heart into your work, and the work itself will be its own reward.

  Set an intention to create a wholesome, healthy, and nourishing atmosphere in the workplace for yourself, your coworkers, your clients and customers. Create a harmonious work space that enhances work flow. Invest in the equipment you need to do the job. Dress for success, whatever that looks like in your field. In an office, make sure your chair is at the right height, the angle of your computer screen doesn’t cause strain, and you have good lighting so you can see clearly. Focus on doing whatever task is at hand with loving attention.

  If you run into challenges on the job, a simple change of attitude can make life easier. Making the best of a situation helps you cope with difficulties and make more of opportunities. If you’ve been wrestling with a problem, learn to view challenges as opportunities and problems as projects. Instead of defining it as a problem, with all the dead-end feelings of despair, helplessness, and frustration that are attached to the word problem, call it a project instead. The word project suggests a process that leads to a positive outcome. A project is something you can work on and learn from.

  A shift in definition can inspire a shift in perspective. A project begins with a plan. So create an action plan that turns a problem into a project you can work on. Simple action steps that are easily measurable will help you keep going when the going gets tough. A good plan offers a solution to problems and keeps you focused on your purpose and goals.

  Emotional Intelligence at Work

  When you look at others, see them with eyes of serene clarity. Look through the lens of love and see behind the human face to behold the eternal face of glory that looks out at you from behind the masks of personality, ego, and earthly roles. See this in those who serve you, in those you serve, in those who irritate you, and in those you like and enjoy.

  If you have a difficult supervisor or troublesome clients or customers, set an intention to look past the surface. Look for the good in each person, forgive the bad. Do what you can to satisfy the customer, especially in businesses that emphasize that the customer is always right. If you do your best but still cannot satisfy a challenging person, understand that it is not your problem, it is about their problem. Be diplomatic, but don’t let anyone push you too far. You can be kind and caring without allowing others to step on you or treat you disrespectfully.

  Learning to respect yourself can teach you to respect others’ feelings, hopes, and dreams. Love your neighbor as yourself. Respect others’ right to be different and to have their own opinions and ways of doing things.

  It’s easy to find things to criticize in others. People make mistakes. They do foolish things. You can pick on people’s weaknesses—or you can encourage their strengths. Focus on what is good in others instead of on what is wrong. Look for what is true and beautiful in each person you encounter today. Recognize the richness of experience represented by this person you are encountering. Is your not-so-favorite boss criticizing or playing politics again? Choose to focus on the fact that your boss wants to feel good, and see the worthy aspects of her personality. If your customer irritates you, take a deep breath and remember to honor and serve this unique human being well. You are touching the lives of all the people your client or customer touches. A happy person spreads happiness, an unhappy person spreads unhappiness. Instead of taking it personally, make it a loving game to see if you can’t make this person’s day better and bring out the best in them.

  Tell others what you like or admire about them. People respond to the way you treat them. Your appreciation can help bring out the best in others. Have compassion for the struggles we share in common as human beings. Admire the beauty and excellence, forgive the foolishness, and appreciate the differences. The next time you find yourself about to say something critical about someone’s weakness, exchange that thought for a sincere compliment emphasizing a strength.

  It’s easy to judge by surface appearances. But snap judgments lock you into one way of looking at a situation or person. It’s only human to want to be right, and you’ll unconsciously defend your own judgment, even if facts later reveal that you might be wrong. Leave your options open and don’t make a premature decision about the rights and wrongs of a situation or person. Keep an open mind and watch for the truth hidden below the surface to be revealed.

  Practice the art of forgiveness. Difficult people are often hurting people, and their unkind actions are often an unconscious repeat of the way they have been treated in the past. A demanding supervisor may criticize you, but that criticism can be an echo of the voices from her past, not about you at all. She honestly may not be conscious that her pattern of relating to others is not productive. It might have achieved results in the past, but if it does not honor and encourage others, it will grow less effective as time goes by.

  Dealing with Difficult People at Work

  If you deal with a difficult person or challenging situation at work, don’t take things personally. And don’t retaliate, justify, blame, or condemn. All of that creates resistance in your heart and mind, giving energy to the problem and trapping you in unproductive responses. Rehearsing old wrongs in your mind, holding onto grudges, and looking for the worst in someone who has hurt you is counterproductive. Righteous anger usually contains a call to action. But destructive anger goes around and around in circles, pointing the finger of blame and condemning others. Destructive anger is more concerned with being right and making others wrong.

  Honor the Differences

  The world contains an endless kaleidoscope of humanity. Gather any group of human beings together and you’ll find lots of differences—especially in a work environment. Make it a point to honor the differences as well as the things you have in common. Enjoy the fact that others are different from you. Instead of merely arguing sides of a question, leave room in your conversation for people to share why they believe or act the way they do. Let others teach you, even when you disagree with them.

  Don’t let anger or self-justification rule in your heart. Your unwillingness to forgive contributes to the problem, making the situation much more difficult than it has to be. You have a choice. You can continue to withhold forgiveness, or you can choose to forgive the other person, let go, and move on. No matter what the other person chooses to do, your choice to forgive frees you from the chains of the past.

  Go beyond mere forgiveness. See this difficult person as a teacher. You may not like the lesson, but the things that trigger negative feelings offer an instantaneous test of the hidden attitudes and beliefs that rule your life. A critical remark awakens the hurt child who still remembers being tormented by a grade-school bully. But this time you are not a young child but an adult who can claim a higher perspective and a different response. The criticism can be examined for validity. Does it offer information that will help you or help you do your job better? Or is it just another power play by someone who is insecure? Perhaps the critic is only echoing the negative job performance review that made her wonder if she was going to get that longed-for promotion. Her doubts might be coloring all her interactions, and work colleagues can often catch the fallout from those unspoken fears an
d disappointments.

  Seeing this situation in the light of your inner values and priorities, the observing mind steps back from the irritation and pain to show you a larger picture. You know instinctively whether the criticism is valid or not. Trust that instinct. Trust also that if a challenging situation arises, the Universe may simply be asking, “Do you really want this? Or do you want to choose a different pattern, a better response?” There is no good reason to take someone else’s abuse. But there is wisdom in weighing your response and choosing to understand the dynamics of a relationship or situation before making snap judgments. When you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally, you come from a place of personal power.

  If emotions are charged, break away from the situation if at all possible. Meditate for calm and insight. Five minutes away from the office or even one minute at your desk can help you calm down and get a better perspective on what your response should be. Take a meditative walk in a park at lunch. Go within when the outer conditions are chaotic, stressful, or troubling. Listen to your intuition. Let events unfold and stay in the observer mind-set, allowing what is without judging or condemning. Trust your instincts, especially under pressure. Instead of blaming others, or even yourself, when things go wrong, choose to focus on what you can do and where you can go from here. What’s done is done. Concentrate on getting something good out of a painful situation. Listen for inner guidance and realize that with the right attitude, anything can be a lesson in the school of life.