Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress

by Candy Paull

  Your success and happiness lie in you. External conditions are the accidents of life. The great enduring realities are love and service.

  —Helen Keller

  Just because others in the workplace are focused on wrong priorities, use high-pressure tactics, or are in denial about an unpleasant or toxic atmosphere does not mean you have to live that way. You can choose to create your own microclimate of peace and serenity. Live in peace and focus on doing your work mindfully. If your work is incompatible, start taking small steps toward finding or creating other work. When you come from love instead of fear or anger, your choice will be reflected in the way others respond to you. You defuse stress by becoming more honest, more humorous by taking life just a bit more lightly, and less fearful, not only for yourself, but for those around you.

  Give yourself—and others—a chance to cool off. If the situation feels too explosive or confrontational, walk away. Pray about it and wait until everyone gets some distance from the emotion of the moment. Ask yourself, “What can I do in this moment, here and now?” Trust that where you are now is where you are supposed to be, and trust that setting an intention and listening to the inner guidance will take you where you want to be or help you create a solution that works for the highest good of all.

  Managing the Politics

  Sometimes the politics and people preclude success on the job, no matter how hard you try. I have seen this in the way a supervisor will treat different employees. One is favored, offered all kinds of perks and approval. Another employee, equally hardworking and capable, is not given everything she needs to do her job, expected to flounder on her own, and runs into resentment and disapproval—no matter how positive she is or how well she handles the challenges of the job. You cannot force people to like or approve of you in situations like that. You cannot coerce someone into treating you fairly. You just have to step back and stop taking it personally. If a person at work doesn’t like you (no matter how supportive she pretends to be publicly), it is her problem. Search your own heart and see if there are reasons for her dislike. Make sure you are clear and doing your best.

  Delight in the Accomplishments of Others

  Does your heart ever sink when you hear about another’s good news or success? Have you rejoiced in your secret heart when you heard that someone whom you envied suddenly runs into trouble or failure? Envy and jealousy are subtle, selfish poisons. The best antidote to poisonous green envy is to consciously choose to rejoice in the successes and accomplishments of others. See their success as your success, for a heart that reflects loving generosity will one day reap its own reward.

  Don’t add to the negative energy by reciprocating with more negative energy—even in your private thoughts. One sip of the poison of judgment, criticism, or self-righteousness can send you into a binge of toxic negativity. If necessary, write your feelings in a journal, then let it go. Drop the script. Stop telling the negative story. Remember, you know only part of the truth, not the whole story. You have no idea of how grace may be working behind the scenes. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand the challenges and hurts that might be at the root of her behavior. Make it your priority to give her what you wish she could give you: kindness, fairness, and support.

  For example, if you have a difficult supervisor, think about the challenges she faces. First of all, you may think you’re doing a good job, but you might not necessarily be a perfect angel to work with either. Think about the demands placed on your supervisor. Does she have a demanding supervisor above her? Is there cost cutting at the company that makes getting the same results with fewer resources a constant worry? How many hats does your supervisor have to wear? Could you face the responsibilities and challenges she faces and still be patient and kind? What about the obstreperous, obnoxious employee whom everyone hates to deal with? If your supervisor is responsible for her performance and for keeping up staff morale, having to deal with the difficult employee and with disgruntled staff isn’t going to make your supervisor’s job any easier. Would you want that job? Now think about how easy (or difficult) dealing with you might feel to someone else. You can make it more difficult by finding fault, whining, and complaining. Or you can look for ways to be positive and supportive, even if you may not be entirely happy with your supervisor’s choices. Give your supervisor the respect you would like to receive.

  If you have done all you can to meet expectations and contribute your best to the work, yet it still does not change the situation between you, understand that it is not about you. Focus on the positive in the situation and on the person who pushes your buttons; the lessons may very well be about how you can move beyond prejudice and rejection. If the situation continues to be toxic, it may be time to make a graceful exit. Even if you stay on the job working with a difficult and demanding person, give yourself (and that person) emotional space. Set your own boundaries for personal safety and sanity. Be willing to walk away if necessary—no matter the cost.

  Be aware when problems from the past are being projected onto people in the present. Understand that you may be a reminder of some unhappy circumstance from that individual’s past. Remember that this is an opportunity to practice unconditional love and forgiveness. Be a diplomat: Walk softly and honor even your most difficult enemy. No matter what guise the opposition comes in, if you look into that person’s heart, you will see that this is a Divine appointment and this person is teaching you about yourself. There would be no response within you if there was not something in this person that strikes an emotional chord. Forgive yourself. Forgive your adversary. Meditate and pray. Listen for guidance.

  Each situation is unique, so only step-by-step, moment-by-moment awareness will show you how to bring healing to this challenging work relationship. In the process, you may discover that this person was not only bringing out the worst in you, she was also challenging you to take life to a higher level and become a better version of yourself.

  If love is the strongest force in the world, learn how to love more deeply, transcending your own limited ways of relating to others. Learning to love, honor, and forgive a difficult colleague may not transform your working relationship, but it can transform you. Bad behavior is a cry for love, so see this person through the eyes of God. If you can do that, you will see the person she was meant to be, the friend you could have shared the work with. Bless her and honor the choices she makes—even if you don’t agree with them—and know that God will resolve the issues in ways you cannot imagine.

  Create a counterculture of the heart. Listen with your heart when you hear others speak. What is their pain? What are their joys? What hopes and dreams do you share? The attitudes you cultivate can have a powerful effect on others. How do you feel when you sit next to someone who is restless? You pick up some of her restlessness. Anger, fear, impatience—strong negative feelings can be contagious. But positive emotions also can be contagious. Make a conscious choice to cultivate peace and positive emotions in your heart. Resolve that with Divine help you will find reasons to rejoice rather than reasons to complain. Respond to difficult people and challenging situations with serene faith and conscious awareness. As you develop qualities of calmness and nonattachment, others will be influenced by your attitude. At the very least, you will not contribute more negative energy, and at the very best, your serene presence and positive attitude may become an avenue for unexpected opportunities to create something better and more satisfying.

  Activity: Redefine Success

  How do you define success? Money? Education? Good looks? Social standing? An impressive outward image? If you’ve been feeling as if you don’t measure up, maybe you need to redefine what success means to you. Success can be found in building a solid business, doing good work, raising a healthy family, serving your community, creating a welcoming home, encouraging friends, or simply doing your best every day. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for success. You can measure your life by a different standard, one that satisfies the
heart. True success is a life well lived, in harmony with Divine priorities. When it comes to the most important choices in life, it is the heart’s wisdom that guides you. When it’s a choice between love and logic, let love be the deciding factor. Focus on something that makes you happy to be who you are. Evaluate your present goals. Are they consistent with your innate gifts and talents? Do you see them as fulfilling a higher purpose for your life? While the world may applaud outward achievements, only you know in your heart of hearts if what you are doing honors your deepest values.

  Three Affirmations

  God is my business partner, and God is always successful.

  I receive my good from many sources, and my good comes to me in expected and unexpected ways.

  I love my work and I honor my colleagues as we create greater good for the world.

  Be not the slave of your own past—plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

  —Ralph Waldo Emerson

  All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

  —Anatole France

  Change comes whether we feel ready for it or not. You cannot stop change. It is as inevitable as the seasons, as unpredictable as the weather. Some changes are welcome; others, not so welcome. But even welcome change brings stress. Events that cause sudden or drastic changes in our lives are often the most stressful.

  Illness, divorce, a death in the family, and unemployment are less than welcome changes that we expect will make life more stressful. But changes we consider positive, like a new marriage, a new baby, or buying a new house, also bring stress in their wake.

  All change, even change that brings better and much desired circumstances, is a journey into the unknown. We are such creatures of habit that we prefer to stay safely and comfortably in our rut. We like life to be predictable. We want to think we are in control. For many years, we might be able to contain life and stay in our comfort zones. But sooner or later, change will come. Whether in cataclysmic crisis or incremental growth, change must be dealt with. The question is: will you fight change or be open to what life brings?

  Tracing the Path of Change

  Think about all the changes in your life over the years. Here’s an exercise that offers perspective on the seasons of change. Take a few pieces of paper and chart your life in ten-year increments from the day you were born until now. Use one piece of paper for each decade. If you want to go into more detail, do five-year increments. Think about where you were and what you were doing and what your world was like. Write about it keeping these questions in mind:

  Where were you living and whom were you living with?

  What were your tasks, work, and obligations?

  What did you most enjoy doing?

  How did you feel about yourself?

  Who were your friends and colleagues?

  What dreams did you carry in your heart?

  What accomplishments gave you a feeling of pride?

  Who were your mentors and teachers?

  What kind of clothes did you wear?

  What was happening in popular culture, including politics, music, movies, clothing, slang, and technology?

  Who was most important in your life?

  Think about expectations you had in each decade and what the world was like for you back then. The challenges you faced in grade school were different from the challenges of young adulthood. You grew, you learned, you encountered new experiences and met new people. Your relationships changed along with your evolving life circumstances. One decade might mean that learning to ride a bicycle or pass a history test were important challenges, another decade might bring a new job, a marriage, or the birth of a child or a grandchild. Key career changes, moves, and long-term commitments colored your world.

  The older you are, the more changes you have experienced. It’s reassuring to look back and see how you survived difficulties, surmounted obstacles, and enjoyed successes. You even survived dreadful fashions, cultural crazes, and bad hairdos! This exercise helps you see that as life changed, you evolved. When it seemed that nothing would ever change, that life was static, you can look back now and see that the past is like a dream, an ever-moving caravan of change. Everything changes, and the world you knew decades ago has been transformed into a different world today.

  Making Change Easier

  Clinging to the past is futile. Though you might crave the comforts of what you already know, it is the nature of life to grow, evolve, and change. Human beings grow through the seasons of life, moving from childhood into adolescence, and then adulthood, from immaturity to maturity.

  Instead of fearing change, embrace it. Since you know change is inevitable, make changes that will improve your life. Think about your priorities and choose actions that make life easier, simpler, and happier. Whether you are getting in shape, contemplating a career change, or clearing clutter from your office, small, easy actions will add up to big changes over time. Start slowly and build gently. Life is much less complicated when you don’t bite off more than you can chew.

  Believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for the victories won. Give yourself grace for the losses and setbacks. Calm confidence from within reflects in your outer life. Dare to believe that you can achieve your goals, overcome your difficulties, and fulfill your unique destiny. Embrace change not only to create a better life, but also to honor those who have gone before. You may not be able to pay them back, but you can pay the love forward.

  Most growth, including spiritual growth, comes gradually and often imperceptibly over time. Whether you proceed gently step-by-step or fall down and pick yourself up, keep going, stay open, continue to believe that God has work for you to do or you wouldn’t be here. Let change show you a better way of being. Let the seasons of life unfold in their own natural grace. Embracing change means that you are open to fresh opportunities and new possibilities. Choose a deeper way of trust today and welcome change into your life.

  Be Open to Change

  How often have you clutched at the status quo, fighting the natural forces of change, trying to control and confine life within the small boundaries of your fears and expectations? Move beyond rigid opinions and limited ideas. Let go of old attitudes that no longer serve you and release old expectations and disappointments.

  Losses, layoffs, deaths, sudden changes—life takes its toll, and you begin to be afraid that the road of life has turned into a dark and dangerous dead end. Unexpected detours happen. Tough times have their seasons. But the seasons change, and what you thought was the end of the road may turn out to be only a bend in the road.

  Remember that every detour and delay can be an opportunity to examine your priorities and get clear on what is truly important to you. This could be a time to simplify your life, eliminating distractions that hold you back.

  If you are holding onto the past, you’re carrying dead weight. You cannot bring the good things of the past back, and you cannot right past wrongs by obsessing over them today. Choose instead to release the past and trust in Divine Grace for today.

  Be thankful for today instead of rerunning old, sad stories in your mind. You’ll find you have more energy to enjoy life now. Create a new story. Choose to embrace this day, trusting that God will bring even more good tomorrow. See abundance instead of loss, possibility instead of unmet expectations. Release the past with love and gratitude, and rejoice in this moment.

  Learn from Your Mistakes

  Everyone makes mistakes. But the greatest mistake you can make is to refuse to learn what they can teach you. When you are willing to learn from your mistakes, you will no longer need to define them by what went wrong but by the lessons they taught you so you could do better.

  Mistakes are the construction zones of life that make you slam on the brakes and ask
yourself, “What’s going on here?” They are reminders that everyone, no matter how young or old, is a work in progress. Realize that you win some and you lose some. Laugh at some of your mistakes. Enjoy the process, viewing mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow instead of disasters to deny or defend.

  Mistakes, loss, errors, and failures are often the fertile compost that helps you grow a better life. Concentrate on where you are going, not where you have been. Learn from your errors and move beyond them. Do you blame yourself for what cannot be changed? Never waste energy in guilt, self-justification, or regret. Instead, accept what happened and move on.

  Mistakes are part of the process. Learn from them and don’t be afraid of making more mistakes. Like a child who stumbles as she’s learning to walk, pick yourself up and keep on walking. Lighten up, stop judging yourself, and let your mistakes be your teachers. It’s all part of the learning process. When you look back, you’ll realize that there were no mistakes, only interesting choices.

  Sow Seeds of Faith

  A tiny seed holds the potential for leaves, flowers, or fruit when it’s planted in rich soil, watered, and cultivated. A simple affirmative choice holds the same creative power when you plant it in the soil of faith and tend it with love. When you have a mountain to move, start by planting a seed of faith through affirmation and action.

  It doesn’t have to be complicated. Set your intention, then give thanks that the answer is coming, even though you may not yet know when. Make a marker in your garden of faith, and then give it time to grow in Divine Grace. Write down an affirmation of faith. Put it on an index card and carry it in your pocket or purse. It can be a simple goal or a personal affirmation, such as “I create a wonderful life by nurturing my dreams.”