If Heaven Had Cheese Fries

by Stephanie Staudinger

  “I’m just voting for him because he’s the hottest.” Thorton shrugged.

  “You’re disgusting.” Noah shot her a look of dismay.

  “I think he’s got the hots for Abigail, actually.” Matt had suddenly appeared, sticking his neck right between Noah and Thorton’s shoulders as we were gathered by my locker.

  I froze. I could see Alyssa staring at me out of the corner of my eye. She jumped in when she realized I wasn’t going to respond.

  “Aw, is wittle Matty jealous because Abigail doesn’t have the hots for him?” Alyssa asked him in a baby voice. She saved me.

  “Ask her yourself.” He shrugged, sidestepping Alyssa to jog down the nearby staircase to his next class.

  They were all looking at me. I needed to say something, anything. Maybe laugh it off like some big joke.

  “You guys go ahead, we’ll catch up later.” Alyssa shooed the other two away. They both cast me one last look as they departed.

  “Hey, you okay? You lost all color in your face.” Alyssa had now positioned herself so that her face was a mere inches from mine.

  I titled my head back and forced a small laugh, “I’m fine. Just not feeling well.”

  “Tell me about it. Something going on you want to talk about?”

  I suddenly felt like Alyssa knew more about me than she let on. My mind wandered back to the carnival.

  “Not right now, thank you.” I tried to convey it in a firm yet gentle manner. I wasn’t ready to talk, but it was nice to have someone who wanted to listen.

  Alyssa didn’t press me for information. Instead, she waved goodbye and headed towards class as I made my way to study hall. Great, a whole period to figure out who I’m voting for, I thought to myself as I took my usual seat in the corner.

  “I need help with these.” Bailey had appeared almost instantly, slamming a stack of cards down on my open chemistry book.

  I raised my eyebrows, not taking my attention off the homework I had just started. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

  “I get a pass. I’m doing things to better this school, our graduation.” She raised her voice loudly as she yelled, “Our future!” Luckily, we were alone.

  “Graduation is still six months away. A lot can change in that timespan.” I shrugged, finally looking up when I realized the chances of her going away were slim to none.

  I was right. She had taken a seat next to me and was whispering. “Look. I need your help. This is bigger than us.”

  I had heard that before. “What the hell is this?” I picked up one of the cards that had fallen off the stack, studying both sides before grabbing several more. They all had different handwriting on them. All of them, however, were identical to the cards we were to fill out for Winter Formal Court.

  Bailey inched even closer to me, which I didn’t think was possible. I could feel her breath as she lowered her voice, preparing to let me in on something big.

  “I need to keep the peace.”

  “I’m not following.” She opened her mouth to explain, but I cut her off. “And I’m not interested. This looks like a big headache. Whatever this is, count me out.” A few more fell to the ground as I pushed the stack as far away from me as I could manage. Bailey scrambled to pick them up. When she was finished, she looked me dead in the eye.

  “Listen. You don’t see it because you haven’t been here as long, but I work my ass off for this school. I’m the reason this place doesn’t go to shit.”

  I didn’t know what she wanted from me. A high five? If she was the reason this place didn’t go to shit, she wasn’t doing a very good job, considering that there was an impending school shooting. Try harder, Bailey.

  I listened to her as she lowered her voice, wrapping her hands tighter around the cards as if she was scared someone would come and grab them away at any moment.

  “Remember when you tried to sit at our table that very first day and I shooed you away? I wasn’t being rude. I keep the peace.”

  She was being rude, but I listened to her anyways.

  “You’re new, but I’m sure you’ve noticed how things work here. This isn’t a situation where you just let the crackers fall where they may.”

  “Chips?” I corrected her.

  “No, thank you. Anyways, you need someone, an appointed person like myself, to make sure everything goes as planned. That people act the way they’re supposed to, fraternize the way they’re supposed too, and that everyone eventually ends up in the place where they belong.”

  I had to step back from the conversation to remember that we weren’t talking about me and my role at the school.

  “So, since you’re not established, I was hoping you could help out.”

  I shook my head and turned away. I heard Bailey let out a sigh, but she made no effort to move. I finished my biology homework and, when I looked back up, she was still staring at me. She wasn’t going to go anywhere.

  “All right, I’ll do it.” She wrapped me in a quick hug before she reached down and unzipped my backpack, tucking the cards neatly inside.

  “Great. Meet me back here during boy’s JV basketball practice tonight. Their typical manager has been out with the flu so I’ve been filling up the basketballs, keeping score, all that jazz.”

  “Is there anything you don’t do?”

  “I don’t touch their jockstraps, if that’s what you’re asking.” I wasn’t, but that was good to know.

  She lifted up my backpack, sliding it towards me with a clear of her throat. And then she was gone.

  I couldn’t help but wonder more about Bailey. I thought back to that day she had me over, her secluded life and the way she kept her relatives tightly locked away. A girl who tried so hard to make everything else perfect while her life crumbled. I still didn’t know her connection to Ethan. Obviously, there was something there if he knew about her home life. I made a mental note to try and get information out of her.

  When I pulled back up to school several hours later, I tried to work out how I’d ask Bailey about their relationship. I needed to do it in a way that wouldn’t make her suspicious. Alyssa was seemingly already onto me.

  A soft knock on my window jolted me out of my thoughts. I was sitting in the school parking lot. The sky had already darkened, but I could make out Bailey’s face pressed up against my window. It wasn’t even rolled down an inch when she started talking.

  “There you are.” She kept her voice in a hushed tone, almost drowned out by the thwacking sound of a basketball now being tossed back and forth between her hands. “I did a sweep of the halls and there’s no teachers in sight. So, we’re going to act quicker than anticipated. I’ll fill you in as we walk.” She spoke with such urgency that I was surprised she didn’t reach over and unbuckle my seatbelt herself to get me out of the car faster.

  I followed her through a side entrance near the auditorium of the school. She explained that we had to take a sneaky way in. I was surprised she didn’t have a key, knowing her role at the school.

  She tossed an arm out to stop me from going any further once inside. She signaled for me to join her in the awning of one of the history classrooms next to the office. “This is where I leave you.”

  “You’re really good at this,” I told her, but she paid no attention to me, lost in her own world and the inner workings of her plan, which she was now explaining to me. Bailey said the cameras wouldn’t be a problem. I wasn’t sure if there weren’t any to begin with or if she had somehow cut them off. I guessed I’d find out. I was nervous, but I followed her instructions to walk nonchalantly into the office with the key on a thick yellow rope that she gave me. The stack of replacement ballots for prom court and teacher of the year were tucked safely into my bag.

  My breath quickened as I reached the door. After a satisfying click, the door swung open and an automated light turned on.

  I quickly found the ballot boxes at the end of the front counter, left out in the open. They never thought that someone would specifically set out t
o hijack a high school election. My hands found the rough edges of the cards as I pulled them from their boxes. The first few caught my eye. My name was written at the top of both. The more I went through, the more I saw my name. On some, I was farther down the list, but still, there I was. Flipping the cards over, I wasn’t surprised that Mr. Nash was also written on the majority of them for the teacher of the year nomination. What could be so bad about this that Bailey wanted it to stop? Even her name was on quite a few, maybe enough to even get nominated.

  I quickly glanced over the stack of new cards that were filled out in a variety of different handwritings. I wasn’t even sure how she found people to do that-- or how she had managed to do it herself. Clearly, she had this plan set in place for a while. I had taken the replacement ones out, ready to swap them out. Most of them had Bailey’s name written at the top, along with Claire’s and some others I only vaguely recognized. None of her teacher nomination ballots had Mr. Nash on them. I ran my fingers over one of the original cards, tracing each letter of his name. Some students had written comments of support for him, even though that wasn’t a required thing. He was loved. I put my head down on the counter. I couldn’t do this. I pictured Ethan’s eyes, full of hurt, on the Ferris wheel.

  These nice comments, this show of support from students, could be just what he needed. Why did Bailey need this done? There was clearly someone she was trying to prevent from winning because she knew it would “throw off the balance of the school.” Was I the reason? I wasn’t even sure why so many people had nominated me.

  I never even heard the click of the door opening. It was the sound of footsteps right behind me that caused me to freeze. I let the card I was holding slip through my fingers onto the floor. Please be Bailey.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I spun around so fast, my ponytail nearly whipped the figure behind me. It was Ethan. He was wearing jeans and a school spirit hoodie, his hands tucked into the front pocket as he leaned towards me.

  I stammered. No intelligible words were forming.

  He peered around me at the various stacks of cards. He must have known what they were, but his expression gave away nothing.

  In a split second decision, I grabbed the cards Bailey had created and stuffed them back into my bag. I tucked the original ones back in their boxes.

  “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t be here.” I forced myself to look into his eyes, which were a dull green, the red lines of exhaustion still etched into them. He looked as if he had been up for hours. I knew the sleep deprived signs more than anyone else.

  “You’re right,” he finally said. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.” He nodded towards the box. I laughed, hoisting my bag over my shoulder. I attempted to step around him. He shuffled his feet so that he was standing in front of me.

  When I realized he was deliberately blocking my path, I stopped.

  “Can I talk to you in private?” he finally asked.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  He took out a piece of paper and handed it to me as he nonchalantly gazed towards what appeared to be a camera above the door.

  Shit. Bailey better not be setting me up for something.

  Picking up on his unspoken hints, I slipped the note into my pocket and headed out of the office. I tossed a glance behind me at Ethan, who wasn’t following.

  Shutting the door softly, I left him standing there with his hands still inside his pockets.

  CHAPTER 28

  I had to pinch myself to prove that the world was real. Outside my window, the first snow of the season was falling softly. December would arrive soon.

  I wrapped my robe around me tighter, as if the very sight of snow was enough to instantly chill me.

  You’re awake, Abigail. This is real life. It was a reminder I needed to give myself.

  “It’s snowing!” I heard my dad’s excited yell from somewhere down the hall. “What say you, kiddo? Snowmen like the good ol’ days?” My dad popped his head into my room.

  “There’s not enough to even make a palm-sized one.”

  “Fine. Snow angels, then?” He wiggled his eyebrows expectantly unaware he was actually looking at one.

  “Maybe later. I’ve got some homework to get done.”

  “Ah, music to my ears.” He folded both his hands over his heart. “I guess I should pride myself on having a daughter who is more dedicated to homework than to enjoying a snow day.”

  It wasn’t technically a snow day, seeing as how it was a Saturday, but I didn’t correct him.

  My dad turned and headed back down the hallway, calling over his shoulder that he would make us some hot chocolate.

  “I’m actually going to head out in a little bit. I’ve got plans with some friends to study.”

  “More for me!” He didn’t seem fazed. I didn’t actually have homework plans. I sat down on the edge of my bed, setting out the Polaroid picture from Ethan, my notebook of thoughts, and the final handwritten note asking me to meet him in Stewart Heights. I recognized the town name, it was close to the cemetery his daughter was buried in.

  Luckily there was no traffic when I finally did get in the car. That made up for the time I had lost answering my dad’s slew of questions about where I was going.

  As I pulled into the park-and-ride where I was supposed to meet Ethan, I flipped down my visor and studied my reflection. I had straightened my hair so that it reached down to my lower back. Again, the vision of 24-year-old Dylan Dwyer entered my head.

  I was putting lipstick on when a shadow fell across the car, signaling that Ethan had arrived. I got out and hovered awkwardly, unsure if I was supposed to hug him. He was laughing.

  I raised my eyebrows at him, “Is there something on my face?”

  “There’s something not on your face.” He stopped laughing and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. You just have half a dark red lip.”

  “Oh no.” Embarrassed, I reached my arm up to instinctively rub off what I had managed to get on before he’d interrupted me in the car.

  “Looks like you got it all.” He pulled my arm down and kept his hand around my wrist for a moment, causing a rush of emotions within me.

  Once in his car, I reapplied the lipstick.

  “Do you believe in déjà vu?” I asked.

  “You mean, like reliving the same day over and over?” He started his car, and we turned out of the parking lot, heading back onto the interstate.

  “No,” I finally said. “Not really. It’s usually less dramatic than that. Things that happen and you can’t help but think you’ve done it before.”

  “You talking about your lips?” His eyes were focused on the road, but he managed a quick smirk at me.

  “I feel like I’ve done that before. I just don’t remember when.” I laughed. “It’s silly. Normally, I’m not forgetful enough to rock a half lip.”

  “I’ll say, you’re the only student I have who consistently turns in her homework.”

  The word “homework” was enough to remind me that he was still my teacher, and that I was technically a student. How well did I know Ethan Nash? Was it dumb to be so trusting of a man who only let me in on bits and pieces of his life?

  “You okay?”

  I forced a smile, staring straight ahead and watching the scenery change. We were pulling into what appeared to be the downtown area. It was unfamiliar territory.

  “Your face just got dark all of a sudden.” He gave a small shrug.

  I was quiet as he pulled into a parking spot.

  “We’re here.” He flashed me a giant smile which I didn’t return. Instead, I was perplexed at what I was seeing. We were in a nearly empty gas station parking lot.

  “Uhh…” I trailed off before leaning over to check the gas gauge, the tiny orange line hovering right above half a tank. “Paranoid?”

  “Oh, no, no.” He put a hand over his heart if he was insulted. “We’re not here for gas.”

  Oh, how silly of me to think that, when there were rows of
gas pumps and even a sign that said ‘Bathrooms for customers only.’

  I pointed at the sign. “Here for the bathrooms then?”

  “That’s very forward of you, Miss Henderson.” Ethan laughed as he came around to my side to open the door. “Hope you’re hungry, because we’re actually here for burritos.” He put his arm gently on my back and guided me towards the entrance of the convenience store. This was all very bizarre, and I couldn’t tell if he was joking.

  We stopped right in front of the entrance. A guy with a six-pack of beer shot us a look as he had to step around us to get to his car.

  Ethan waited until he was in his car and pulling away before speaking.

  “So, I wanted to take you somewhere secluded where we could just talk.” He stopped to clear his throat before turning to face me directly, a hint of embarrassment crossing his face. “But, I also wanted it to be a little bit more, so I figured we’d involve food.”

  I was all for food, but I was skeptical of gas station food.

  “And this place has the world’s best burritos,” he added before quickly ushering me inside. There was the answer, a man with a craving. He apparently had cravings a lot, seeing as how the man behind the counter immediately addressed him by name, sliding a menu towards us before he returned to his phone conversation in Spanish.

  Ethan handed one to me before gesturing for me to follow him to another counter tucked away in the back. “Don’t be a jerk” was written in a multitude of colors on a whiteboard directly above.

  Ethan caught me staring at it. “It’s their burrito of the day,” he explained, before correcting himself a moment later. “Actually, it’s more like their burrito of the month. Doesn’t change much. Something with jerk chicken, black beans, and a ton of cheese.” He put his hands out to show just how much cheese he was referencing.

  I chuckled before returning to study my menu. “What do you recommend?”

  I was studying the ‘Just be Sweet’ burrito, which came with sweet potatoes, cheese, and salsa verde. I sensed a theme here.

  “The burrito of the day is pretty good.”

  “Of the month, you mean?” I corrected Ethan with a wink before mentally kicking myself. I should not be winking at a teacher. Ethan didn’t seem to notice. He had already turned towards the man behind the counter, ordering us two of the jerk burritos.