If Heaven Had Cheese Fries

by Stephanie Staudinger

  I stayed where I was for a few minutes longer, waiting with bated breath for the sound of gunshots, but there were none, just the stillness of a December day.

  The remaining snow had melted, which didn’t make any sense. It was the day of my purpose.

  My teeth were chattering in the cold, and I knew I couldn’t stay out there forever. I still needed to find Ethan.

  I buzzed the front office, and the chipper voice of the receptionist answered almost immediately.

  “Abigail Henderson. I’m late and need to be buzzed in.”

  When the door unlocked, I put a tentative foot inside. As if the silence would be disturbed by the pop pop pop of a gun at any second.

  The hallways were completely empty. I grabbed a tardy pass from the receptionist.

  “Is Mr. Medina available?” I asked.

  “He’s with a student. Might be a while. I can buzz you down when he’s free today?”

  “That’s okay. It’s not urgent.” It was, but I had an answer for at least a little bit. The principal was hopefully with Matt.

  I stopped in the middle of the hallway as all the pieces began to come together. Part Two wasn’t the video. It was never the video. That was just his sick way of warning Ethan and me about what he was planning. Part Two was the shooting; he had been hinting at it all along. It had to be. I had nothing else to go off of.

  Fuck. I threw my backpack down and ran full speed towards the staircase leading to Ethan’s classroom. The thwacking sound of my tennis shoes hitting the linoleum bounced off the walls, filling my own ears. Somewhere nearby, a toilet flushed.

  That’s when I heard it: the unmistakable sound of a gunshot followed by a scream. When you wait so long for something to happen, your ears hardly believe what they’re hearing

  I could see Ethan’s door down the hall from where I was standing, the snowflake decoration standing out like some odd self-fulfilling prophecy. The scream came from the bathroom that was within arm’s reach.

  I looked around. I was the only one in the hallway. The classroom near me fell silent as a lock clicked into place. That’s when I heard a creak. The door to the bathroom was pushed open ever so slightly before shutting right away. I caught a quick flash of orange hair. It was Thorton. I yanked the door open and another scream greeted me.

  “Jesus fuck, Abigail.” Thorton pulled me inside with her and Alyssa. All the color was gone from her face. “What the fuck is going on? That sounded close.” She pointed at the door as the vape she was holding slipped between her fingers and landed with a loud crack.

  “Shh,” Alyssa scolded her before turning to me. “I think that was a gunshot.”

  “It was.” I needed them to understand the gravity of what was happening. “And there will probably be more.”

  They exchanged a look.

  “What do we do?” Alyssa whispered.

  “You stay here and hide. I think I know who it is. I’ve gotta go.” I turned to leave as Thorton locked her hand around my wrist.

  “Please don’t leave.”

  “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’ll be okay.” I knew I had to move fast. The bathroom door opened to a narrow hallway, which normally people bitched and complained about during high traffic hours. It was about to fulfill a purpose. “When I leave, shove both garbage cans against the door. They’re heavy and, if they’re stacked right, he won’t be able to push the door open to get in.”

  “Where are you going?” Thorton grabbed my sweater. “Who is he? What the hell is happening?”

  Someone nearby was shouting. I couldn’t stay any longer. These weren’t the only two whose lives were in my hands. I needed to get to Ethan.

  “I have to go.” That was honestly the only answer I could give them. I raised my hand to pull the door open and step out into the unknown.

  “Don’t be a hero,” Alyssa begged. “Just stay here with us.” Both of their phones buzzed. I knew that the school had sent the active shooter message without having to look. Its advice to take cover was no good to me.

  “I’m not a hero,” I said to them as I pulled the door open. “I’m just fulfilling a purpose,” I said as I let the door fall shut behind me.

  The shouting was louder now. Coming from the area of Ethan’s classroom. Scratch that, it was coming from Ethan’s classroom, muffled by the door. It seemed that hours had passed between the first shot, when in reality it was barely a minute. A minute which stretched on for an eternity when it was part of a purpose.

  I was almost there. No more gunshots rang out, and if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to hear them over the beating of my heart anyways.

  “No,” I shouted as I ran closer. “Please no, please no, please no,” I begged Glen, God, whoever the hell put me there in the first place. I needed a miracle. I needed it to be okay. I needed whatever was happening to not end with the shooter hurting Ethan.

  I couldn’t see through the door concealed by the snowflakes, but I knew it would be unlocked. I gave the red fuzzy monster hidden in my pocket one final squeeze to steady myself. If anything was going to tell me to be brave, it was that. I was ready.

  I entered the classroom. There was a bullet hole in the wall. Right through the Polaroid picture display. Actually, right through the area where my Polaroid picture was picked from. Kind of strange that it was the first thing I noticed and not the two people standing in front of me, the smoke that still lingered, or the way the room now smelled.

  Matt was the first person I saw. His arms were straight in front of him in a stop motion as he cocked his head ever so slightly to the side to take note of who had just entered. He didn’t make a sound or even breathe as he returned his gaze to the front of the classroom.

  I followed his gaze to Ethan Nash who was standing there, a gun in his right hand.

  CHAPTER 34

  “Abigail,” Matt whispered. His eyes were fixed on Ethan. His voice was barely a whisper. “I need you to run. Get out of here and don’t look back.”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t do anything else. A sob threatened to escape, but I knew not to make a sound as my eyes locked onto Ethan. He was staring right through me with such intensity that I wasn’t even sure I existed anymore.

  But, I knew I was there. I wasn’t the ghost. He was. The Ethan that I had known and loved over the past few months wasn’t there. In its place was the sad and broken one who never got over the death of his daughter. The one who blamed himself every day for what happened. The one who did everything he could for his students and found that it still didn’t help him sleep any better at night. The one who had needed to hear my words all along. The one for whom those words were never going to be enough.

  “I tried to get it away once, I can get it away again.” Matt’s whisper was so low, I could barely hear it. He glanced quickly at the bullet hole in the corner.

  I knew why he couldn’t get the gun away. This wasn’t Matt’s purpose. It was my own.

  Out of the corner of my eye, a bright-colored butterfly caught my attention. It was the book from Ethan’s house. I focused on the colors and how they changed into each other. The beautiful blues turned into turquoises, turquoises turned into greens, and greens turned into yellows. They blended together in a symbol of hope.

  On top of the book was the same crumpled piece of paper I had seen Ethan stick inside the book on the night I spent at his house.

  That’s when it dawned on me.

  It wasn’t just a piece of paper.

  It was a suicide note.

  I looked back at Ethan, who was lifting the gun towards himself, arching his arm so that it was pointed towards his head.

  I wasn’t sure who screamed or lunged forward first. In the hours to come, Matt and I would learn that it was both of us at the same time. Two people who never saw eye-to-eye came together to do what was right.

  In the end, none of that would matter.

  Our screams were drowned out by the sound of a single gunshot.

  ONE YEAR LATER.<
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  The tinkling sound of the bell above the door sounded just like a Christmas carol as it echoed through an almost empty restaurant.

  I wasn’t surprised. The restaurant was on a college campus, and nearly all of the other students had gone home for winter break. My dad was doing a tour in Europe, scouting new locations for an arcade with his business partner. I was left to my own defenses.

  But that was okay; I had my favorite diner to rely on. Not to mention Raina was there, my usual server who enjoyed giving me motherly advice and complaining about how skinny I was. There was also Jeff, the young cook who was always willing to start a game of dice, seemingly forgetting that he worked in a restaurant and not in a bar.

  They were family, and family was who you were supposed to spend the holidays with.

  I was shaking the snow from my hair when they both came out from the kitchen.

  “We didn’t think we’d get nobody in today!” Jeff nodded towards the window where snow was softly falling. “It’s a blizzard out there.”

  “I don’t know,” I said, tugging my scarf off. “It’s kind of pretty.”

  “Just like you.” Raina was already pouring me a cup of coffee, the earthy aroma filling the restaurant. “So why are you here alone? I thought all the kids headed home today.”

  It was December 15, a day I didn’t quite know how to comprehend now that it was here. I wanted to be alone except my roommate Bailey wasn’t going to allow that. She had set a date up for me, agreed to feed Burt, and shooed me out of our apartment. Despite all of my complaints, she insisted that this was a guy I needed to meet.

  “Yoohoo.” Raina was waving her hand in my face. Something that frequently happened.

  “Sorry.” I forced a laugh. “I actually have a date.”

  They both squealed at once. Neither of them had ever seen me with a guy before, and part of me thought they never would.

  “Please don’t be like that,” I half joked as I picked up my mug and moved to a secluded table in the corner, as far away from them as I could manage.

  “Shut up, Abs!” Raina grabbed a second mug and followed me over. She placed it directly across from me. “Cleanest mug in the house, too.”

  I laughed. “Now, he’ll really be impressed by me. A clean mug and such an accommodating waitress.”

  Jeff was already complaining loudly that I had chosen a booth out of eavesdropping range.

  I rolled my eyes at him as Raina bent down.

  “Good luck, honey.” She patted me on the back as she placed the pot of coffee in the middle of the table for my date and me to share. I reached for it again, already topping off my mug. It had been a long day.

  “Hey, I didn’t know you had a tattoo.” She nodded towards my wrist. The long-sleeved sweater I was wearing had ridden up when I reached across.

  “Oh yeah, I do.” I rubbed my fingers over it as she gave me one last smile before disappearing into the kitchen.

  It had been a while, actually, since I had allowed myself to look at the tattoo. I normally kept it hidden, but there it was out in the open.

  The letters ‘E.D.N.’ were engraved across the inside of my wrist in cursive. I had lifted the handwriting of Ethan Daniel Nash from the first poem of mine that he had ever graded and signed. I ran my fingers over the letters, feeling my eyes begin to well up with tears.

  Nope. I didn’t want to do this today. I pulled my sleeve down and took a big gulp of coffee, letting it burn the inside of my throat, reminding me that I was human.

  A moment later, the tinkling of the bells went off again, signaling that someone had entered.

  I looked up and my eyes fell upon someone who I knew was my mystery man, based on Bailey’s description. I didn’t get much out of Bailey about him. Just that he worked at the library circulation desk. He was starting next semester at the university after being waitlisted for the first one. He was cute. And he seemed like someone I needed to meet, Bailey reiterated multiple times.

  I found myself smiling into my menu as he made his way towards me. He stopped to say a friendly hello to both Raina and Jeff.

  He was cute. He had thick brown hair which was either purposely done in a messy bedhead style or messed up by the snow he got caught in on his way. He was also tall, another plus. I hadn’t so much as looked at another man in a year, and I hated that I was letting my mind wander on today of all days. The smile I felt initially was fading away, tears threatening to take its place. What the hell was I doing? I couldn’t do this.

  Damnit, Abigail, get it together. He was at the edge of my table and there was no chance of me running out of there now.

  I forced myself to stand up and introduce myself. Before I could even look at him, he was pulling me in for a hug.

  “Sorry, I’m a hugger,” he announced. “But most people just call me Luke.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I laughed. “Abigail.”

  He poured himself a cup of coffee as I looked down at mine. I studied the coffee grounds stuck to the edges of my mug, anything to distract myself. I was being a terrible date and I knew it.

  He had to of known that too and yet, he didn’t mind. He spoke for the next 15 minutes, unphased by my lack of talking. It was as if he had so much to say and he was finally excited to have someone to share it with, stranger or not.

  “Cheese fries.” Raina had appeared, placing them in the middle of the table along with two small plates.

  “He's cute,” she mouthed at me while Luke was busy divvying up the napkins.

  I shooed her away and turned my attention back to Luke. “This may look like a little hole in the wall, but they have the best cheese fries.”

  I slid one of the small ceramic plates towards him as I allowed myself to look into his pale green eyes for the first time.

  “Oh yeah?” he asked, an amused expression crossing his face. “I hear that only heaven’s are better.”

  THE END.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Stephanie Staudinger is a journalist and author living in Wisconsin. She is also a mom to a rescue dog and a 4-year-old. Stephanie wrote her first novel when she was a young teen. Unfortunately, that book only exists on a floppy disk which has since been lost somewhere. When Stephanie isn’t writing, she’s dreaming up her next book. (Literally.)