The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha ... Begins

by S M Mala

  ‘‘ow? Last week ya not want to know. Dis week ya do!’

  ‘You said-.’

  ‘Me sed ya playin’ wid ‘er. Me not want to see da child upset and what ya doin’?’

  ‘I haven’t upset her,’ groaned Jake sipping his coffee. ‘She’s just complicated.’

  ‘And Gina Glory Glory not?’ said Monica, rolling her eyes. ‘Ya tink she let ya go so easy Master Jacob?’

  ‘There’s nothing to let go. She knows the score.’

  ‘And Hatty? She know dis score?’ Ethel narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head.

  ‘Gina Glory Glory yesterday say nasty nasty stuff to Hatty,’ said Monica.

  Ethel shot her a warning glance.

  ‘What stuff?’ Jake asked as the women looked knowingly at each other.

  ‘Ya askin’ Glory, ain’t ya?’ said Ethel, sitting down at the table. ‘Jacob, ya ask question and people tink it okay to talk but dey talkin’ to Hatty, and she not know half of it. She came to me own ‘ome last night and ask me tings me not want to say.’ The old lady let out a deep sigh. ‘Monica, get greens nah gal?’ Jake could see Ethel wanted to say something to him as she turned and looked into his eyes. ‘Ya like Hatty?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘A lot?’

  ‘I like her.’

  ‘Not dat much?’

  ‘I really like her.’

  ‘Ya not want to marry ‘er?’

  ‘No way! I’m too young for that!’ he laughed and shook his head.

  ‘So ya gat no intention wid Hatty?’

  ‘I-.’ Jake hesitated. ‘I want to spend time with her.’

  ‘So she can give ya kisses far information?’ the old woman smiled, showing her ill-fitting dentures.

  ‘She told you?’ he said, going red.

  ‘Me tink she should cast ya aside as ya kissin’ Gina Glory Glory. Ya know ya gal told Hatty yesterday to jump into da sea?’

  ‘I didn’t know,’ he said, knowing exactly what Gina was getting at.

  ‘And dat when ya find out more about she, ya not like Hatty no more?’

  ‘That’s not true.’

  ‘And Hatty created from hate?’

  ‘That’s out of order,’ Jake grimaced, feeling bad. ‘What did Hatty say?’

  ‘Ya wonder why she not want to be around Gina Glory Glory?’

  ‘Where’s she now?’ he said, standing up, realising Gina was only going to be too happy to tell Hatty what happened last night. Jake felt a slight panic coming on. ‘I need to talk to her.’

  ‘She gone,’ sighed Ethel, sitting back and examining Jake. ‘Ya love Hatty?’

  ‘What?’ he said, slightly anxious. ‘I like her very much, I said so.’

  ‘But ya not love her? Correct?’

  ‘I’ve got to go and talk to Hatty. Where can I find her?’

  ‘Me not know,’ said Ethel. ‘When ya ready far Hatty, me tink ya be together.’

  ‘When I’m ready?’

  Jake immediately thought she was talking about sex.

  ‘But da problem wid Hatty she might not want ya den.’

  ‘Aunt Ethel, I think the world of you but I don’t understand what you’re talking about half the time,’ he said, tiredly.

  ‘Ya will one day son, ya will.’

  ‘And dat’s it?’ said Philip as they sat high up on the cove by the old house, his van parked nearby. ‘Dat it with Jacob?’

  ‘You don’t seem impressed,’ she sighed. Philip let out his hearty laugh. ‘He’s messing with my head.’

  ‘And ya heart?’

  ‘My heart. Do I have a heart?’

  ‘Ya do.’

  ‘I like him too much ’

  ‘And he?’

  ‘Likes Gina Glory Glory. Last night I realised me not da gal far ‘im,’ Hatty said sadly. ‘Me can’t give ‘e what ‘e want. Me not sure ‘e want it. Me now damn sure it won’t be good as she.’

  ‘Gina been on ‘er back most of she life.’

  ‘Ya done ‘er?’ smiled Hatty cheekily as Philip frowned. ‘Me never ask.’

  ‘Gal!’ he said, getting annoyed.

  ‘I’ll rephrase that. She done you?’

  ‘Man, me was drunk and young. She ‘ave a way and,’ he started to laugh. ‘She suck me good and dry.’ Hatty sat there open mouthed and just as she was going to say something. ‘Me not tellin’ ya what it was like, so ya can see what she do to Jacob, alright?’

  ‘Ya never say,’ she sniffed, annoyed he could follow her trail of thought. ‘Ya ashamed?’

  ‘Me not want to fuck her,’ he said and let out a sigh. ‘Too easy.’

  ‘Some men like it like that,’ she sadly said and thought about Jake. ‘I wish I could be like that then everything would be fine.’

  ‘Thank god ya not!’

  ‘Philip.’ Hatty said, turning to face him. ‘Why don’t men like me?’

  ‘They do.’

  ‘She said a lot to me yesterday by saying so little. Aunt Ethel won’t tell me and I know you’d never say a word. What if I do go to my grave without knowing?’

  ‘You think that’s going to happen?’ he said, his voice now deep, his colloquial accent gone which only made Hatty smile as he was being serious.

  ‘How comes when you talk native everyone says it’s fine and when I do, they tell me off?’

  ‘Gal, ya not do it proper,’ he mumbled. ‘Hatty if you think things are getting bad you have to make Jake stop asking questions. It’s going to affect him too.’

  ‘Why does everyone keep saying this? He told me, Murray and Eloise were in love.’

  ‘While Murray was married to Jacob’s mother,’ said Philip quietly, shaking his head from side to side. ‘Think Hatty, why did his mother take her own life?’

  ‘Because she was unhappy with Murray and my mother? But my mother had died and-.’

  ‘Didn’t stop him grieving. Look me daddy told me things and I don’t want to tell ya, okay? Me love ya too much child to upset you.’

  ‘You think I should ask Jake to stop?’

  ‘I think you should tell Jake you don’t need to know anymore.’

  ‘I’ll try.’ She let out a little groan. ‘Last night I thought about Simon when I saw them on the beach together, the last day I spent with him.’

  ‘Ya see dis Jake, ‘e causin’ problem for ya!’

  ‘I walked on the beach,’ she turned to look at Philip who was frowning. ‘I wasn’t scared because I was with Simon. We walked down the beach by the cove and I was so happy because we loved each other. I gave him a gold necklace Murray had given me and wrapped it around his wrist weeks before to show we were committed.’ Hatty let out a little breath trying not to get upset. ‘You know, I ran up to the top of the cove an hour later and saw him in the boat. The sea looked so peaceful and I thought I’d go in a boat the next day, with him. When I walked home, I felt this wind whip across my back, like a pain. I remember turning around and seeing a grey cloud coming and the sea looked black further out. Simon never came back.’

  ‘Stop thinking about it! It happened.’

  ‘I loved Simon, for what a fifteen year old love means. He was sixteen but more of a man than most. He was kind, gentle and, even though he was Gina bitch Glory Glory’s half-brother, he made me happy.’

  ‘Then you have been in love.’

  ‘That’s all I know about love with another human being and I feel the same way with Jacob Logan. But last night I realised I can’t walk on the beach, hold hands and just be happy. ‘Ha Ha Hatty’ can’t be happy and that’s the saddest thing about it all.’

  At lunch, nearly ten people sat around the table in the garden in the grounds as Hatty observed it all from her window. She could see Delores fluttering around. Jacob was sitting facing her house and she knew she was supposed to be there.

  Hatty decided she needed to work on her designs and drawings, pulling out her small black sketch book from her bag, then seeing the money she’d made that day from market. She put it together with her
other cash and stuck it down deep into the hole in the bottom of her satchel, wrapped up in a sandwich bag.

  Since talking to Philip, she realised she missed Simon so much and it was another gaping hole in her heart that needed to be filled. Mother, waster of a father and Simon.

  Hatty drew for half an hour, realising she wanted to go to her hiding place and be alone, without the sound of talk or laughter in her head. Walking out the back way, she made her way to the kitchen so no one would spot her then saw the food in the pots and pans. She took an old enamel coated chipped metal cup she wasn’t supposed to use, as Ethel still liked to drink tea from the tin, and put some curry and rice into it before covering with cling film. Then she stuffed a roti into a sandwich bag, grabbing a bottle of water, putting it all into her satchel.

  ‘What’ ya doin’!’ said Ethel, making her jump as she saw the woman shake her head. ‘Ya supposed to be out dere ‘avin’ lunch.’

  ‘I’ve got things to do.’

  ‘Ya alright now?’

  ‘I’m fine. Forget about last night, I was just being silly. Anyway, spending the morning with Philip sorted me out. I’m just going. I’ll be back later.’

  ‘Me not know why Philip not want to marry ya,’ said Ethel, shaking her head from side to side. ‘Ya nice friends.’

  ‘I’m probably closer to Philip than anyone else.’ Hatty glanced out of the window at the table, seeing Jake laugh with his father. ‘You’re right about Jacob, I’ll leave well alone. He goes back on Saturday.’

  ‘Hatty?’

  ‘Yes Auntie Ethel,’ she said, turning to look at the woman’s concerned face. ‘It’s okay, no more kissing.’

  ‘Jacob Logan like ya very much,’ she said quietly. ‘But da boy is still a boy, ya hear me?’

  ‘Too young to want to fall in love.’ Hatty laughed and shrugged. ‘Ya see me an old romantic like ya!’

  ‘Hatty?’

  ‘Yes,’ she smiled, putting her satchel behind her back as she walked up to her, thinking Ethel might spot the massive bulge in the leather.

  ‘No matter what ya hear, when ya were born dere was so much love in dat room for ya, so much love. Gina Glory Glory can carry she rass. She nasty gal. She not like ya Hatty and it not all because of Simon.’

  ‘I was only talking about him this morning,’ she grimaced.

  ‘But ya are loved Hatty, more dan ya ever know. Listen to ya heart, not what go aroun’ in ya head. Me know ya mix up, me know ya want to know so much, but gal, me know it gonna ‘urt ya child, and dat why me scare. Me not want ya ‘urt again, not so da sea take ya away for good.’

  Hatty looked at Ethel and knew what she meant, closing her eyes and gulped as the soft wrinkly hand touched her face.

  ‘If the sea wants me, this time it will have to come up here and take me, I’m not volunteering again.’

  Jake stood still by the kitchen door and held his breath when he heard what she said. It was then he realised she has attempted suicide as a child and only Ethel knew. He hid when he saw Hatty coming out. Her long hair in two plaits and he looked at her fiddling with her bag, smiling at her small childlike hands. Within seconds, she’d marched towards her bike and rode off out of the estate, ignoring Delores calling her name.

  Slowly he walked into the kitchen, holding some plates, as Ethel turned and looked at him.

  ‘‘ow much ya ear?’ she said, as he put the plates into the sink. ‘And not lie to me boy.’

  ‘From when you told her everyone loved her and to ignore what people said,’ he replied, not wanting to say the rest.

  ‘An’ ya hear everytin’?’

  ‘It’s true she tried to kill herself.’ He felt sick saying it, knowing how much it reflected on his own fear and hurt about losing his mother.

  ‘She can’t really remember why, she can’t really remember how, but she tink she did it because people say, but me not sure. And ya not to tell anyone, Master Jacob! Now can ya see why me not want ya to interfere wid Hatty? Ya two got too much in common an’ it not good for ya both, not good at all.’

  Knowing she’d never go down to the cove, Jake took his swimming things, some snacks and headed for the beach in the afternoon. He lay on his tummy, staring at the sand and the sea as the cool wind wrapped around his body. Just looking around at how high the water could go, he couldn’t fathom out how Hatty would have jumped into the sea. She’d have had to go through all the greenery to get to the edge of the cliff and then jump in where the water was crashing up against the side.

  The thought of a child wanting to die made him shiver. Then the idea of his mother taking her own life started to come back into his head. He pushed it away but slowly tried to remember her face, but simply couldn’t recall it, other than the memory of photos he still had and old letters.

  Turning to lay on his back, he looked at the sky with some small clouds scattered about and wondered what went through Hatty’s head when she did it, what could have made her want to end her life. Then he thought about his mother and wondered what made her want to do the same thing. Jake would have done anything just so his mother didn’t die; anything to show he could have made her happy.

  He sat up and looked at his watch. It was nearly four and Hatty would be dithering in her hiding place, sitting under her tree. The desire to see her was too strong as he knew she was only ten minutes away but Ethel’s words kept ringing in his head.

  Jake didn’t want to complicate anything on his last week on the island.

  He walked back down the road later on, deep in thought, knowing a dark cloud was resting heavy on his soul, like it did when he had moments of missing his mother. Cars came past and people waved and shouted. The trucks from the hotel his father owned thundered along, oblivious to the pot holes in the road. Jake kept looking out at the sea and felt sad.

  ‘Hey white boy!’ he heard her shout as he turned.

  Hatty was cycling towards him, all smiles, as if nothing was burdening her.

  Jake let out a little sigh and noticed her hair was wet and stuck to her head. The longer bits were flying out behind like a cape.

  ‘Harriet,’ he smiled. She stopped her bike and got off. ‘What happened to you last night?’

  ‘I thought you’d have more fun without me,’ she grinned and he noticed it was almost too bright, too cheerful. ‘And Gina Glory Glory hates me sticking around. It’s better I leave before she gets too high and starts calling me names. Where ya been?’

  ‘Went for a swim, chilled out on the beach and realised in all the time I’ve been here, I haven’t really had time on my own.’

  ‘You have friends left right and centre,’ Hatty laughed. ‘And you like to keep busy with all things.’

  ‘Not like you?’

  ‘I like to keep busy with my own things,’ she said, taking a deep breath and they both started to speak at the same time.’

  ‘Look,’ he said.

  ‘I wanted to tell you-.’ she said.

  They stopped and looked at each other.

  ‘Thank you for finding out things about me but you needn’t dig any more. I think you’ve done enough but I am grateful,’ she said.

  Something inside him thought she wasn’t being honest.

  ‘I was going to say I shouldn’t ask any more questions. I think it might backfire on you and I’m on vacation but this is your home.’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘Before I go can you let me inside your old house?’ he asked, wanting to see what she hid as her smile faded. ‘I’d like to know what it is you actually do in there every day.’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ He noticed she looked nervous. ‘It’s private.’

  ‘Who else goes inside?’

  ‘Only Philip,’ she said and Jake couldn’t help the jealous twitch in his gut. ‘We’re partners.’

  ‘Partners?’

  Again jealous spit came to his mouth, wondering if they’d ever made love in the house, out of the way of prying eyes.

  ‘Business partners,’ she smile
d. ‘But that will all be revealed when you go. You’re not to say anything to auntie though.’

  ‘You’ve confused me once again,’ he sighed, glancing quickly at her. ‘I actually wanted to spend some time with you last night.’

  ‘Master Jacob,’ she said loudly, looking up at him and stopping her bike, her pretty dark pink lips pursed for a moment. ‘Fondling and foreplay is fine but you know and I know we’re not suited because of our lives being intertwined, through no fault of our own. Based on that and that alone…’ Hatty looked away. ‘…not that alone but if you understand what I’m saying, we can be friends when you come and stay.’

  ‘That depends on how you define ‘friends’,’ he smiled.

  ‘You can’t go using my expressions and ‘friends’ mean two people who like each other’s company but nothing physical, though you kiss everywhere very well.’

  ‘You too.’

  ‘Agreed?’

  ‘Agreed.’

  She put out her small hand and he shook it, not knowing what was going on in her head but realising she’d thought about something and wanted this to be the answer.

  ‘Let’s go to the rum shop and toast our new agreement,’ she said cheerfully, once again too much for Jake’s liking.

  They walked in silence to the first rum shop.

  ‘We could do a taster in each place we come to,’ he said, seeing her peer into a bowl of plantain crisps and frown.

  ‘You’d get too drunk and Gina Glory Glory will be upset. Leave it for another day.’

  ‘I’m not in love with Gina,’ he blurted out, not knowing why he said it as Hatty glared at him. ‘You’re not doing me a favour by letting me spend time with her.’

  ‘Did you have sex with her last night?’ she asked, her face was devoid of any expression.

  ‘That’s not the point and-.’

  ‘All you have to do is answer me,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m not asking for details.’

  ‘Yes.’ Jake felt himself go bright red.

  ‘I asked you not to sleep with her, when I wasn’t thinking straight, and you said you needed a good reason not to. I tried to show you a reason the other night but you did what you did,’ Hatty shrugged. ‘You might be in love with her and not know it. And you certainly didn’t take my feelings into account.’