The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha ... Begins

by S M Mala

  ‘That’s unfair.’

  He felt a massive guilty stab in his chest.

  ‘No it’s not unfair,’ she said, leaning forward and smiling. ‘It’s okay, I don’t mind. Auntie was right about a few things and I should have listened but, on the other hand, I’m pleased I got to know you a bit better.’

  ‘You don’t care that I’m sleeping with her?’

  ‘I don’t care because I’m not sleeping with you so really it’s none of my business,’ Hatty grinned before staring into space. ‘I hope your girlfriend’s more forgiving.’

  ‘You swing from one thing to another and it’s confusing.’

  Jake realised he was stuck in a hole and didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t upset but she wasn’t the Hatty he thought he’d got to know.

  ‘What’s there to understand? You want to fuck me but I won’t let you, so you like the chase. I know you’re going home and you’d just be using me to add to the numbers. I don’t want that. That’s not very confusing is it?’

  ‘Explain to me about the naked swimming,’ he whispered, leaning closer to her face. ‘Why expose yourself to me when you knew, deep down, it was more than likely to lead to something? And the other night you let me kiss you in places that makes me think you want me.’

  ‘Because I could,’ came her unexpected answer and Jake glared at her as she smiled. ‘And getting touched up with an orgasm is nice sometimes, don’t you think?’

  ‘You sound very clinical about it.’

  ‘We’re practically related because of Delores and Murray.’

  Jake sat back and stared hard at her not knowing what he was feeling and he didn’t know what to do. She was being like all women, sending mixed messages and wanting him to guess, so he decided the only way to fight fire was with fire.

  ‘I heard what Gina said to you yesterday,’ he said, as she sipped her coke. He knew from the expression she knew what was coming. ‘Telling you to throw yourself in the sea wasn’t very nice. I thought it was an accident?’ Immediately he knew from the look in her eyes she was angry. ‘It was an accident wasn’t it?’

  ‘I can’t remember,’ she said, staring straight back into his eyes. ‘Gina Glory Glory is angry about Simon and wishes I was dead. I have to accept that’s part of her grief.’

  ‘I mean, if you can’t remember what happened, how comes you’re scared of the sea. If you fell in and have forgotten the incident, how can you recall the sea?’

  ‘Is this you being a journalist?’ Hatty asked defiantly.

  ‘I think you know and you’re not saying.’

  ‘They sent many psychiatrists to visit me and I was deeply traumatised, I’m told. I can’t remember anything. I shut down then I slowly started seeing the world again through different eyes, scared eyes. I was never afraid before, only of mosquito but you know what Jake?’ Hatty sat perfectly still and looked straight into his eyes. ‘Mosquito aren’t the only things that suck your blood secretly and expect to feed off you, hoping you won’t notice in time to swat them.’

  ‘You’re a deeply strange woman,’ he replied, his heart thundering at what she was saying but not quite sure what she meant. ‘And dad’s right, you’re very smart.’

  ‘Smart enough to know exactly how to wind you up!’

  ‘You’re not saying much about things. I think you know more than you’re letting on. You want me to find out because at least you’ll have someone to confirm what you already think,’ Jake said, seeing the flicker on her lips.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said, downing her drink and standing up. ‘You haven’t told me everything you know, have you?’

  ‘I don’t want to upset you and I have to get confirmation before I say anything.’ He stood up to see her glaring at him. ‘That’s what journalists do.’

  ‘You know something then?’

  ‘Hatty.’

  ‘You’re getting some kick out of this, aren’t you?’

  She grabbed her satchel, put it around her body, and marched in her familiar way to her bike, getting on it and riding off down the road.

  ‘No I’m not!’ he shouted, feeling the sun beat on his head. ‘It’s not nice and I keep being warned not to say anything because it might have a comeback on all of us, including me and especially you!’ He watched her bike screeched to a halt as she turned and rode up to him, stopping directly in front. ‘You might not believe it but I am fond of you.’

  ‘My titties,’ she frowned. ‘Sorry breasts.’

  ‘So I want to have sex with you, so what? I’m twenty one years old I want to sleep with a beautiful woman.’

  ‘Try Ethel,’ Hatty smirked.

  ‘As I’ve told you before, you’re on my mind a lot ’

  ‘And you’ve been on Gina Glory Glory a lot.’

  ‘And you’re jealous of her.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, glancing down at the road as he realised she was telling the truth. ‘I am jealous of her, I always have been. I want to look like her, have her confidence, be free and not care.’

  ‘The last two you have an abundance of and you’re not lacking in confidence when you want something. Personally, I think you both are very different and equally beautiful.’

  ‘You talk bollocks!’ Hatty frowned, turning around and speeding off down the road.

  ‘I must be,’ he mumbled wistfully. ‘Because I really want you, Hatty Ha Ha. If you only knew what I would do to you right now, given half the chance.’

  Jake strolled down the road, seeing she’d slowed down, stopping off ahead and taking another break. When he got to the roadside, she was sitting under a tree holding a drink for him.

  ‘Quench ya tirst,’ she smiled and Jake wondered if she was truly unstable.

  ‘I don’t know if I like you that much,’ he said, sitting next to her and knocking back the drink. ‘You’re the one playing games with me.’

  ‘I’m not doing anything, just getting wise to your nonsense.’

  ‘There’s no nonsense involved.’

  ‘Are you going to tell me what you know?’

  ‘How do I know you don’t know it already?’

  ‘Try me.’ Hatty looked at him and Jake examined her face and wanted to kiss her, remembering the other night, knowing he was lusting hard after her and she knew it.

  ‘Sex.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Full on sex you and me.’

  ‘No!’ she said, standing up quickly he was going to laugh at the shock on her little face. ‘How dare you! Didn’t you hear what I said? Just friends!’

  He saw people stroll by, looking at her outburst and smiling, as if used to Hatty’s behaviour.

  ‘Friendly sex.’

  ‘Nothing friendly if I end up sleeping with you,’ she hissed and started stomping the ground before glaring at him. ‘And will you tell me what you know?’

  ‘I’ll tell you and then we do it. It’s pretty straightforward.’ Jake bit his lip hard trying not to smile at her furious and shocked face. ‘Come on, you know it’ll be good.’

  ‘What you going to tell me?’

  ‘You know that’s not what I’m talking about.’

  ‘I don’t know why I bother to be your friend, you’re not a nice man and, personally, it’s your upbringing.’

  She got on her bike and this time pedalled away at high speed as he laughed out loudly.

  Later on that evening, after he’d eaten dinner with his father before Delores and Murray headed out, Jake decided to go and annoy Hatty. He’d never been inside her home in all the weeks of being there so he took it upon himself to make a visit.

  ‘Hatty!’ he shouted outside the single storey house, waiting for her to answer. ‘I know you’re inside and I’ve got no one to talk to.’

  ‘Go away!’ she shouted. He realised her room was at the front of the house. Jake walked to the window as he tapped it. ‘I can’t open it as the mosquito will come in.’

  ‘Jesus!’ he said. ‘I want to talk to you.’
>
  ‘I think we said all there needed to be said,’ she snapped. ‘Email me.’

  ‘Let me in.’

  ‘As long as you don’t lay a finger on me, that’s fine!’ Hatty barked and flung open the door wearing a flimsy slip, staring hard at him. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘We never finished our chat.’

  ‘I did.’

  ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘Can I stop you?’

  ‘No.’

  Hatty turned around and walked into her bedroom knowing Jake was following her. She sat at her desk and continued to draw.

  ‘Aren’t you going to offer me a drink?’ he asked

  ‘You’re not staying.’

  ‘Your room is amazing.’

  She looked over her shoulder and saw him examine the plain white walls with the frames of pictures and the large mirror before he stopped by the bed, covered in a very large mosquito net hanging from the ceiling. He started to laugh.

  ‘Even when you sleep you worry, do you?’ he said. She saw him lift it up, kick off his shoes and lay on the bed. ‘What’re you doing?’

  ‘Things and I’m busy.’

  ‘I’ll just wait.’

  ‘For what.’

  ‘For you.’

  ‘Go play with Gina Glory Glory,’ she replied, seeing he was up to something. Hatty caught his reflection in her mirror and noticed he was looking at her. ‘You’ve only got five nights so I’d hurray, hurray!’

  ‘When do you start school?’ he smiled as Hatty immediately felt sick at the question.

  ‘A week after you leave. First week in September then I have only a week off to go to London with Murray after my birthday,’ she replied and looked at her sketch of his mirror in her notebook.

  ‘What do you do for your birthday?’

  ‘Eat cake.’ Hatty smiled at his reflection as he grinned back.

  ‘Then what do you do in London?’

  ‘Usually we fly out the next day and get to London to visit my mother’s grave,’ she said and smiled. ‘I speak to her about things and Murray listens and nods. Then we go for tea.’

  ‘Tea?’

  ‘We go to the Ritz for tea,’ she said, turning around. ‘Since I was little Murray took me to tea on 15th September even when I was in school in London. When auntie told me we had to move here I said I wouldn’t go. The agreement was for me to fly back to London once a year and have tea in the Ritz.’

  ‘That’s crazy,’ laughed Jake sitting up. ‘And they agreed?’

  ‘Murray said yes, auntie’s not happy about it.’

  ‘She doesn’t go with you?’

  ‘No,’ Hatty replied bluntly and looked at his bronzed toes, the blonde hair reflecting the light. ‘Just me and your dad. Jealous?’

  ‘Why should I be jealous? He kept you a secret for so long it’s quite interesting, his other life.’

  Jake lay back on the bed as Hatty suddenly felt for the man and walked towards him, flicking up the net. She lay next to him.

  ‘You know the first day we spoke, what you said?’ Hatty whispered.

  ‘That you were the most beautiful girl on the island,’ Jake laughed.

  ‘That you wondered if he had noticed your mother had died,’ she said gently and watched his face screw up.

  ‘She killed herself,’ he shrugged.

  ‘How old were you?’

  ‘It happened a few weeks after my first birthday. I don’t know much about it and I’m not like you, I don’t really want to know. Caroline picked up the pieces taking me in.’

  ‘And Murray?’

  ‘Like I told you before, I saw him for approximately three months in the year plus at vacation time. I’ve always got on with dad but he’s a busy man.’

  Jake turned to face her and Hatty examined the sun kissed, beautiful face that had become more attractive to her over the weeks. She took her finger and rubbed his freckles, smiling at how sweet they looked.

  ‘I shouldn’t have told you he was here for six months every year. Are you upset about it?’

  ‘He told me why he missed one of my birthdays because you had an accident and he couldn’t leave you.’ Hatty felt something stab at her insides. ‘He said he was sorry.’

  ‘When did he say this?’

  ‘Yesterday when we were fishing.’

  ‘Did you ask him other things?’ she pried, knowing from the expression on his face he did. ‘About me?’

  ‘Sex with me on Friday afternoon if I tell you all I know,’ he said again and the same fear crept through her as it did earlier on in the day. ‘Don’t you find me attractive?’

  ‘Isn’t there something else we could do instead?’

  ‘Go swimming in the sea?’ he said, propping himself up on his elbow and this scared her even more.

  ‘Swimming naked in the pool for the last time?’ she mumbled, hoping that would distract him.

  ‘As long as we can kiss,’ he said, pushing her hair away. ‘And I mean, kiss the way we did the other night.’

  ‘Delores has been acting a little strange towards me and I suspect she thinks we’ve been doing something.’

  ‘We did,’ he said, moving closer as she pushed him gently away. ‘Hatty I’m going to explode in my pants at this rate.’

  ‘Go explode with Gina Glory Glory,’ she sniffed, knowing how desperately she wanted him.

  ‘You want me to sleep with Gina?’

  ‘You are sleeping with her and did last night, so it’s too late to tell you not to.’ Hatty lay her head on her pillow and looked at him. ‘And she’d be more satisfying than me.’

  ‘Has someone said you’re bad in the sack?’ he laughed.

  ‘No one has ever said that,’ she honestly replied. ‘I don’t want to talk about sex with you.’ Hatty felt his hand on her waist, lightly massaging her skin. ‘If auntie walks in right now you’re dead.’

  ‘Delores?’ he said, moving closer to her mouth and she knew he was playing. ‘I don’t like her.’

  ‘I don’t know why. She’s done nothing wrong to you.’

  ‘The way she looks at you, it’s strange.’

  ‘You’re being silly,’ she said, annoyed by his comment. ‘She’s looked after me since I was a baby and she’s probably worried about things.’ Hatty closed her eyes, wondering if she should confide in Jake before opening them. ‘Sometimes Murray and Delores have really massive quarrels. They try and do it so I can’t hear but she’s really mad with him about something and I don’t know what. When I try and speak to her about it, she just snaps and Aunt Ethel tells me to leave her, which I do. Murray is always kind. You know I trust him with my life as well as Philip and Louisa, I really do.’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘I don’t trust you in my bedroom!’ she laughed and shook her head.

  ‘But you don’t trust Delores.’

  ‘Of course I do. That goes without saying.’

  ‘Why wasn’t she there when you were born if she was such a good friend to your mother?’

  ‘And if my mother and your father were in love, why didn’t they marry? Oh I know the answer to that. He doesn’t believe in mixed marriages and with common women to boot. He told me weeks ago and I said he wasn’t a very nice man. He doesn’t want you bringing a girl like me home.’ As Hatty laughed she noticed the scowl on Jake’s face. ‘Which is rubbish! He let that dog Gina Glory Glory in only the other week.’

  ‘I can’t believe he said that.’ Hatty knew he was annoyed. ‘That’s really hypocritical considering he’s fucking your aunt!’

  ‘Jacob!’

  ‘Have you ever caught them at it?’

  ‘No and the very idea turns my stomach,’ she said, letting out a shiver.

  ‘You don’t find my dad attractive then? We look alike, I’m told.’

  ‘He is a lovely, beautiful man but I don’t want him in between my legs. That’s just wrong.’

  ‘What about me in between your legs?’

  Jake moved very close. Hatty wanted hi
m so much, she didn’t know how to handle it but remembered what Ethel said about Jacob.

  ‘Do you think your dad’s in love with Delores?’

  ‘No way!’ he said, too loudly.

  ‘Isn’t she good enough?’ Hatty defensively said, seeing his amused face. ‘You obviously think the same way as your father.’

  ‘I don’t care about the colour of skin,’ he said, gently stroking her arm. ‘I just care if I’m happy. You know, I do have a little problem with all of this. If I find out more and you refuse to sleep with me, then what should you give me in return?’

  ‘My friendship.’

  ‘I think that’s good enough,’ he unconvincingly replied.

  ‘That’s all you’re going to get pervert white boy.’

  She knew she was day dreaming but Hatty couldn’t help it. If ever Jake had been nice, it was the previous night. They just talked and laughed on her bed. Nothing physical happened, other than cuddling, touching hands and gentle kissing. It was the first time in ages Hatty thought she’d found someone new who she could trust. This made her feel happy she was getting more friends.

  Though how she felt about him was much more than that.

  Jake left after midnight and jumped out of the window. She watched him run back to the house and wave, then saw the light in his room, wondering what he was doing.

  Hatty chewed on her toast, staring into space and smiling. She then glanced at the thunderous face of her aunt before sitting up straight and concentrating on her breakfast.

  Aunt Delores’s mood that morning had been dark.

  That was the only way Hatty could describe it as the silence was something building up to a storm. She’d not seen Delores like this in ages and it scared Hatty, always did, as there was obviously going to be a backlash against her. Glancing quickly at her aunt she smiled.

  ‘Why are you staring at me?’ immediately asked Delores, frowning at Hatty.

  ‘You look pretty,’ smiled Hatty, eating a slice of bread and cheese, beginning to dread what was going to happen next.

  ‘What did you do last night?’

  ‘Jake came to visit me here.’ She noticed her aunt glare at her. ‘We talked and laughed. It was really nice. He’s a sweet boy when he’s not focusing on women. I think he’s going to make a very good news reporter, he’s very talented. He told me that when he was ten he won-.’