The Line That Binds

by Carolyn LaRoche

  He turned on the stool so he faced Marietta. He pulled her to his chest and buried his face in her neck. "I'm not sure I can be in the same courtroom with him and not want to kill him."

  She could feel a slight bit of dampness on her neck and knew he was trying hard not to cry. Ricky was taught tears equaled weakness and he never let her see him shed a single one. "You can want to but you won't. You're too good of a person to do that."

  Ricky sniffed, confirming her suspicions. "I'm not as confident as you are."

  "I can go if you want me to."

  He shook his head. "No, I think it's better you don't. Who knows who will be there to support him and I'd rather they not know what my wife looks like."

  "You think they'd try something?"

  "Like I said, I don't know who backs him. They don't need to have that kind of power."

  She ran her fingers through his hair, making the longer than usual hairs stand on end, all in disarray. "Okay. Well, do you think you will be there all day? I can at least pack you a lunch."

  "Nah. If I'm there through lunchtime, I'll just grab a sandwich or something."

  She tried to step away but he pulled her back in. Marietta wrapped her arms around him and settled on his lap. "Are you okay, baby?"

  "I miss him, Mari." His body tremored slightly against hers and her shoulder got a little bit damper.

  "I know you do. He was your friend and your colleague. That feels like a huge hole missing in your life now."

  He hugged her a little tighter. "The hole is massive. I don't know how to get past it."

  "Eventually, you will. No one expects you to be some kind of super human. You never sleep, you rarely eat. I can't remember the last time you had a day off."

  "Maybe it has been awhile."

  "Before Gary died at least. Just because we don't have any children doesn't mean you can work all of the hours."

  He shrugged. "I know. That's not what this is."

  "Then what is it?"

  Ricky sat back and looked at her. "I don't know any other way to deal, I guess. If I keep working, getting the bad guys, then it might fill that void eventually."

  Marietta pressed the tip of her finger to his lips. "You could try talking to your wife."

  "What would I say? My buddy is dead and it really fucking pisses me off."

  She smiled. "That's an excellent start."

  "Or that I am a failure as a human being."

  Her smile disappeared. "What is that supposed to mean?"

  Ricky shrugged, staring down at the table.

  "Ricky?" she prodded.

  "Let's see. I couldn't protect my best friend. I was the one who called for help in the first place. If it weren't for me, Gary would have been serving a warrant instead of getting shot."

  "That's not your fault. Gary would have responded no matter who called for help. It's who he was." She reached for his hand but he yanked it away.

  "I suppose it's not my fault that we can't make a baby too?"

  "It's not!"

  "I failed my best friend and I am failing you." He leaned his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair until it stood on end, wild and messy.

  "You haven't failed me. Some things just aren't meant to be. Me having a baby isn't meant to be."

  Ricky reached over and pulled her to him. She settled on his lap, her head against his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the top of her hair. "I love you, Mari. You know that, right?"

  "Of course, I do." She kissed his cheek. "Why would you ask me that?"

  He shrugged. "I just don't feel like I say it first enough I guess. I'm gonna be better about it, I promise. No matter what the future holds, I don't want you to ever doubt that, okay?"

  Marietta nodded. "Okay."

  He held her tight for a long moment. Neither of them said anything, just felt the presence of the other.

  Finally, Marietta spoke. "Vivian invited us to dinner tomorrow night. A little early Christmas meal, I guess."

  "What day is tomorrow?" Ricky asked.

  "Friday," Marietta replied. The night shift always left Ricky unsure what day of the week it was.

  "Okay. I can do that. I'm supposed to be off tomorrow night."

  "Excellent. Keep it that way. I'll let Vivian know. Now, let me get you that coffee so you can get on the road as soon as you are ready."

  She went to move from her perch on his lap when Ricky pulled her in real close and kissed her like he meant it. "Thanks, baby."

  She touched a finger to his lips and smiled. Marietta stood up and poured the hot coffee into a travel mug, adding a handful of ice cubes to make it drinkable faster. She handed it to Ricky. "Here you go."

  "Thanks, babe." He accepted the cup and headed to their bedroom to change.

  Marietta grabbed her phone and typed out a text to Vivian. What time tomorrow night? Ricky said yes.

  Vivian: 530?

  Marietta: Should be good. See you then.

  "Okay, I'm out of here." Ricky reappeared in the kitchen dressed in a suit with his badge on a chain around his neck. He looked apprehensive, which worried her.

  She crossed the room and stood up on tip toe to give him a kiss. The gun on his hip rubbed against her. "Oh, officer, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

  Ricky grinned, the apprehensive look gone. "Maybe a little bit of both, baby. Play your cards right and I'll show you my gun a little later."

  She walked her fingers up his chest, stopping to tap his badge. "I sure do love a uniformed man."

  Ricky wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in close. "I sure do love you," he murmured against her ear before giving her a long kiss goodbye. "I'll text you when it's over and let you know what happens."

  "I'll keep my fingers crossed." Marietta held up her hands as proof.

  He nodded and left. She listened as the front door closed and then the sound of his car engine roared to life. It had been a long time since she'd seen Ricky so worried about anything.

  He'd always been a workaholic, but since Gary's death, he almost never had a day off. It would be good to spend some time with their friends for dinner. It would be Ricky's first night off since Thanksgiving.

  A couple hours later, as she folded a load of laundry, a text came in from Ricky.

  Ricky: Judge says he’s competent. We're going to trial.

  Marietta: Thank the Lord.

  When Ricky got home from work that night, he was in a much better frame of mind than when he'd left.

  Marietta was in the kitchen making dinner when she heard the front door open. "Hi, honey! Dinner will be ready in a few minutes!"

  "I'm going to go upstairs and change," Ricky called back.

  Just as she put a piece of sirloin cooked in butter, garlic, and black pepper on a plate, Ricky appeared in the kitchen. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. "That smells so good."

  "Good. Sit down and I'll bring you your plate." She pulled two baked potatoes from the oven, putting one on her plate and one on his. Scooping some green beans and corn on to each plate, she finished up with a piece of steak.

  Carrying the plates to the table, she set one down in front of her husband. "So, court went well then?"

  "The defense marched in a bunch of experts to testify that Temple was insane when he pulled the trigger." Ricky took a bite of steak and moaned. "This is delicious."

  "Did you eat today?" Marietta asked.

  "Not really. I got busy and forgot." He dug in to his meal, shoveling in bite after bite like a starving man. "You outdid yourself with this meal, baby. Thank you."

  She never understood how anyone forgot to eat. "You really need to make sure you eat more. You're losing too much weight."

  He shrugged. "I've had other things on my mind."

  "I know. I just worry about you."

  "Don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. I promise." He got up and went to the refrigerator, coming back with a bottle of water. He opened the bottle and took a long d
rink. "Everyone's been talking about Antonio. IA's gonna clear him."

  "That's great!" Vivian would be thrilled to know that.

  "Yeah. And the judge said that fucker was perfectly competent to stand trial. So, this was a good day." He relaxed against the back of his chair, pushing his now empty plate forward a little. "I'm stuffed."

  "Why don't you go watch television for a bit and relax? I'll clean up tonight." Their usual arrangement involved the two of them working together but Ricky just looked so exhausted. Like he'd been carrying the weight of world around with him for way too long.

  "If you don't mind, maybe I will. I want to see what the news has to say about court today."

  She picked up his plate and headed to the sink to rinse it. "Go. I'll be there in a couple of minutes. This won't take long." It wasn't like she had to cook for a big family. The thought passed through her mind quickly, reminding her of the most recent pregnancy miss she'd yet to tell Ricky about. Maybe she'd tell him after she took care of the dishes. She didn't like secrets between them, he'd just had so much on his mind lately there'd never been a good time.

  True to her word, Marietta was done in the kitchen in less than ten minutes. She headed to the living room, her mind made up to tell Ricky about the latest negative pregnancy test in their quest to have a family. When she entered the room, her husband was stretched out on the couch, one arm hanging off the side and the remote control laying on the floor next to the couch. Her cat, Miss Kitty, was stretched on top of him, her paws hanging off the side of him in almost the same way. They both snored quietly.

  Marietta picked up the remote and shut off the television. Grabbing a blanket from the back of a recliner, she covered Ricky and Miss Kitty and left the room. Her conversation could wait. Ricky hadn't slept soundly in so long and he looked so peaceful for the first time in weeks.

  She went upstairs, changed into some pajamas, and burrowed in to her bed to read a book. The next thing she knew, the morning sun was shining and water ran in the shower in their bathroom.

  Marietta lay in bed listening to the sounds of her husband taking a shower. He sang a song she couldn't quite make out the words to. When the water turned off, he stepped in to the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel slung low on his hips.

  "Good morning, sweetheart." Ricky walked over, leaned down and kissed her. His wet hair sent little droplets of water running down her chest and into her shirt.

  "You're in a good mood today," she said, pushing his wet hair back from his forehead.

  Ricky laughed and shook his head, spraying her in the face. Marietta laughed and tried to roll out of the way but Ricky jumped on top of her and pinned her to the bed. Leaning down, he kissed her neck then licked some of the water off of her chest, right above the neckline of her tee shirt. "I got some good sleep. I'm sorry I fell asleep before we could spend time together." He sat back so that his now wide open towel shared all its secrets with her. She swallowed against the need that suddenly hit her. It'd been too long since they'd had any real intimacy and now she couldn't.

  She ran her finger tips across the hard planes of his chest. "You were tired. You needed the sleep."

  His hands slipped under the covers and in to her shirt. "I think I promised to show you my gun yesterday and I think it's time I delivered." He reached for the waist band of her pants but she stopped him, her mood changing instantly.

  "No, Ricky. Not today. Maybe in a few days."

  "Oh?" A little understanding lit in his dark eyes.

  "Yeah." She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened.

  He rolled to the side and stretched out next to her, pulling her in to his arms. "I'm so sorry, baby. I really thought this would be our month."

  She shrugged. "I'm not sure a baby is in our future. Apparently, I'm defective."

  Ricky hugged her, hard. "You are not defective. Maybe we just need to start considering other options. Adoption?"

  "I thought you weren't interested in that?"

  "We don't have to decide anything today. I've got you and that's all I really need. Everything else is just gravy."

  She smiled up at her husband. Worry etched tiny lines between his eyes. "I'm fine, really. I don't even get my hopes up any more. Aren't you going to be late?" Ricky worked an extra duty at a local grocery store on Friday mornings. It was a uniformed, overtime gig that he really enjoyed.

  Ricky looked at the clock next to the bed. "I've got a minute for my best girl."

  Marietta cuddled in next to him and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth and familiar scent of her husband. "It's good to have you here, right now. I feel like our life has been on fast forward since Gary died."

  "I know what you mean. How's Eleanor these days?"

  Marietta sighed. "About how you'd expect. The twins got home yesterday for winter break so I'm sure that will help some, but they still have to get through their first Christmas without Gary."

  "That's going to be a hard one."

  "It is."

  He gave her a tight hug. "I've got to go get ready but I'll see you tonight for dinner."

  She nodded. "Yeah. They expect us at five thirty so don't do anything that will make us late."

  Ricky laughed. "I'll try my hardest." He stood up and headed to another bedroom to change. Ricky had taken over one of the three empty bedrooms as his space for his gear and things.

  After Ricky left for his detail, Marietta went out to run a few errands. At the supermarket, the local papers had a front page story about Sean Temple's court appearance. She picked up a copy and read through the story.

  "Well, doesn't that just figure," she said to no one in particular.

  "Can you believe that guy?" a man beside her asked. "Trying to convince a judge he was insane when he killed that cop."

  "It's funny how after it happened this same news source blamed the officer that died for not being more sensitive to mental health and now that he has been declared sane, they have placed the blame where it should have been in the first place."

  He nodded. "I know. Whatever sells papers, I guess. I remember when journalism was an art. Now it's just a game. I can't imagine what his family has been through, what with the holidays and all, on top of it all."

  "Actually, his wife is a very good friend of mine and it definitely hasn't been easy for her or their two boys. Sometimes I think the general population forgets that officers have families and friends that love them."

  The man's eyes were wet when he took her hand and squeezed it lightly. "Please tell his wife I said that no amount of thank yous for his service or I'm sorry for your losses will make up for his death, but there are plenty of people in this town that are grateful for his sacrifice and that of his brothers and sisters in blue." The man walked away before she could reply but his words touched her deeply. Pulling out her phone she called Eleanor and relayed the conversation, right there in the store.

  "Wow. He really said that?" Eleanor asked.

  "He did. And it was genuine. He had tears," Marietta replied. "You heard about court yesterday?"

  "No?" Eleanor said.

  "The shooter was found mentally competent. No insanity defense for him."

  "Thank God." Eleanor let out a long breath. "That makes me oddly peaceful."

  "I know. I felt the same way. Ricky too, I think. He slept the entire night and woke up acting like his old self again."

  "I'm so glad to hear that. I've got a doctor's appointment I need to get to so I better run. Thanks for calling, Mari."

  "You're welcome. I'll talk to you soon."

  "Definitely." Eleanor ended the call and Marietta put her phone back in her bag before getting in line to pay for her items and head home.

  Ricky walked through the front door at ten minutes to five. As he walked up the steps he called to her, "I'm so sorry I'm so late. We had a late arrest at the store. I'll be ready in a few minutes."

  "Okay. I'll be right here when you're ready to go."

  Ten minutes later, he met her i
n the living room where Marietta was reading her book. "I'm here. You all set?"

  She put her book down. "Yup. Just let me grab my coat and purse."

  As they drove to their friends' house, Marietta relayed the story about the man at the supermarket.

  "He actually said that?" Ricky asked.

  "He did. And he meant it."

  "Good. Did you tell Eleanor?"

  She nodded. "I did. Called her right away."

  "I'm sure she appreciated it." Ricky pulled in to Vivian and Antonio's driveway. "I wonder how Antonio is doing with everything. I haven't had a chance to talk to him in a while, with everything going on."

  "Vivian says he's working through it. Getting a little help from a counselor finally."

  Ricky turned the car off and they got out. "I'm glad to hear that."

  Vivian met them at the door. She gave Marietta a hug and then Ricky. "It's so good to see you both. Antonio's in the family room." She pointed toward the back of the house and Ricky walked in that direction.

  "How's he doing?" Vivian asked her as they headed toward the kitchen.

  "Pretty good now that the shooter isn't going to get off on an insanity defense. He's almost happy again. Does Antonio know?"

  "Yeah, we saw it on the news. He was pretty happy too."

  "Ricky says the word at the department is Antonio is going to be cleared by IA."

  Vivian pulled some wine glasses from a cabinet and grabbed a bottle of wine. "We ran in to Eleanor the other night when we went out for dinner. She told us the same thing. It was a huge weight off of both of us."

  "I can't wait for this to go to trial. I feel like it will be closure for the entire department." Marietta took a sip of the wine Vivian handed to her.

  "I agree. Dinner is ready. Why don't you go get the guys and I will put the food on the table?"

  Vivian opened the oven and the smell of something delicious filled the room. Marietta's stomach let out a loud growl in response. She covered her abdomen with her hands and laughed. "Guess I'm hungrier than I thought. I'll get the men."

  As Marietta approached the family room, she heard Ricky's voice. "How you doin', man?"