The Line That Binds

by Carolyn LaRoche

"Changes from day to day," Antonio answered. "I saw Eleanor the other day. Told her I was sorry and she tried to comfort me."

  "I always told Gary he had one hell of a woman to go home to," Ricky said.

  "Sure did." Antonio replied. "I'm sorry I haven't been much of a friend lately. I know there's been a lot going on at work and with me not being able to be there—well, that's been a real bitch to deal with on top of everything else."

  "It'll be good to have you back, man. With Gary gone, the old guy to baby cop balance is all out of whack."

  Antonio laughed. "I'm not an old guy."

  "Wait'll you see the new batch of trainees coming in from the academy next week. You'll be looking for your cream of wheat and your cane."

  "Hey, you two." Marietta stepped into the doorway. "Vivian says food's ready."

  "Good. I'm starved," Antonio said, standing up. He offered a hand to Ricky and pulled him up from the chair. "That crazy wife of mine would whack me with a dishtowel every time I tried to sneak in to the kitchen this afternoon. I tried to tell her I was a growing boy and needed my food but she didn't buy it."

  "Sounds like my wife, right, baby?" Ricky said, blowing Marietta a kiss.

  "Just get in there." Marietta shooed the men toward the kitchen.

  She smiled to herself as she followed Antonio and Ricky to the table. They were both laughing and relaxed for the first time in so long. Despite the terrible that had happened, things almost felt normal again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Eleanor

  Eleanor re-read the piece of paper in her hand. One of the teachers at the high school had coordinated several fundraising events to collect funds to open a scholarship in Gary's name. They wanted her permission to name it after him officially.

  "What's wrong, Mom?" Jackson asked, as he walked past her to the pantry.

  "Your high school wants to start a scholarship in Dad's name."

  "Wow, really? That's kind of awesome."

  "I know. They want permission to name it after him." She waved the piece of paper.

  "You're going to say okay, aren't you?"

  "I think it's something your father would like, don't you?"

  "What would Dad like?" Jameson asked, entering the room.

  "The school wants to make a scholarship and name it after Dad," Jackson said.

  "Oh, definitely," Jameson replied, grabbing some chips out of the bag Jackson held.

  "So, it's unanimous then." Eleanor pulled a pen from a nearby drawer and signed her name on the form.

  "Are we going to midnight mass?" Jackson asked.

  "I hadn't planned on it," Eleanor replied. "I have to run a couple of errands this afternoon. You boys good with ham for dinner tomorrow?"

  "Whatever," they both answered at the same time.

  Eleanor shook her head and laughed. Her boys would never not be hungry. "Okay then, I am heading out. I'll be back later."

  There were about to celebrate their very first Christmas without Gary. She was still pretty numb about his death. The only emotions she experienced anymore were anger or sadness with the emphasis heavily on anger lately. It just wasn't fair. She'd lost her best friend. Her boys lost their father. The world had lost an amazing man and life just went on like he'd never been there. She folded the letter and put it on the table. No awards or scholarships would ever bring her husband back.

  Her phone rang, pulling her from her thoughts. Eleanor glanced at the screen before answering the call.

  "Hey, Vivian."

  "Did you get the letter?" She sounded so excited, Eleanor wondered if she'd missed something.

  "I did get a letter, yes." Eleanor picked up the letter again and unfolded it before folding it back up and setting it back on the table.

  "Was it from Tony's teacher? About the scholarship?"

  "Yes. How did you know?"

  "Tony's been working with her to get it going. He's so proud to make something good come out of Gary's death. There's going to be a ceremony in May when they make the first award. He's been asked to help present."

  "That's wonderful, Viv. You and Antonio must be very proud of him." She could hear the tremor in her voice and hoped Vivian didn't notice.

  "He did it for you. And Jameson and Jackson. He didn't want Gary's sacrifice to ever be forgotten." Vivian's voice broke a little. "I'm sorry if it's upsetting you."

  Apparently, she noticed. "It was very sweet of Tony to want to find a way to remember Gary. Please tell him thank you for me. And give him a huge hug. I'm just having a bad day today. Some days are better than others. This is not one of those days."

  "I'd been wondering how you'd hold up this week. Do you need me to do anything for you? Grocery shop? Wrap gifts? Whatever you need, I'm your girl."

  Eleanor smiled, even though Vivian couldn't see her. "You're the best friend a girl could ever ask for and I appreciate you more than words could ever say, but this is just something I'm going to have to get through on my own."

  "I love you, girl. I'm here for you always, you know that, right?"

  "Of course, I do. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I've got a couple things to take care of before the stores close for Christmas."

  "Okay. Call me if you need me."

  "You know I will." Eleanor disconnected the call and leaned back in her chair. She let her head drop back enough that she could study the ceiling. Wave after wave of emotion washed over her. She struggled to reign it all in.

  When she felt a little more in control of herself, she got up and grabbed her winter coat, a hat, gloves and a blanket from the living room. Grabbing the thermos of coffee she'd filled before getting the mail and the paper bag she'd stowed in the refrigerator the day before, she left the house.

  The drive to the cemetery was uneventful. Traffic in that direction was lighter than normal and she had no problem finding a place to park close to place where she'd buried his ashes. Gary's final wishes were to be cremated and she'd honored those but she'd wanted a place where she and the boys could go to feel close to him so she'd purchased a small memorial plot and had his urn buried there.

  Today was one of those days.

  Grabbing her blanket and her lunch, she made the short walk from her car to Gary's grave. She'd brought along a bunch of fake poinsettias to put in the little stand the cemetery had placed in front of the plaque with his name on it.

  Setting the flowers in the black plastic tube, she spread out her blanket in front of the plaque and flowers and sat down on it.

  "Merry Christmas, Gary." She kissed her first two fingers and pressed them to the raised letters of his name. "I hope that you are having an easier time of it than we are. I really miss you. So much sometimes I feel like my heart might break into a million pieces from the weight of it."

  The wind picked up a little right then, running a shiver down her back. She pulled her hat from the pocket of her jacket and pulled it down over her ears.

  "I wish so much that you were here. We'd be getting ready to order our traditional Christmas Eve Chinese Food and settling down to watch A Christmas Story for at least the hundredth time. Nothing feels right without you here."

  She opened the thermos and poured herself a mug of the hot coffee. Then she opened the bag and pulled out a small container of roast pork lo mein.

  "Since you can't be here for Christmas Eve dinner, I've brought it to you."

  Turning on her phone, she pulled up the movie she'd downloaded earlier.

  "Got our favorite movie too. We can watch it together."

  Eleanor set her phone down so that it leaned against Gary's marker. She pulled the blanket up over her shoulders and moved in a little more.

  "Traditions are meant to be kept. So, Merry Christmas, sweetheart." Eleanor scooped a forkful of the cold noodles up and ate them as the first scene of the movie played.

  She sat there for the entire movie, chatting with Gary as though he really sat there beside her. When little Ralphie got his Red Ryder BB gun and nearly shot his eye out, she c
ould practically hear her husband laughing beside her. By the time the final credits rolled, she was near frozen through, but for the first time in weeks, she almost felt happy.

  Turning off the phone and putting it in her pocket, she packed up her food container and thermos then folded up the blanket. Standing over Gary's final resting place, she tried hard to remember the sound of his voice and the feel of his arms wrapped around her.

  "I miss you so much. Some days I don't even know I how I get from beginning to end. Every night I wait for your call, one last goodnight and I love you. But that call never comes. I want you to know I am trying so hard, Gary. I want to make you proud. To be strong and stay strong but I'm failing miserably and I know it. I won't ask why anymore—there is no answer to that. But I will ask, why now? I need you so much and you left me. Left me to navigate all this grief on my own."

  A bird flew past her head and landed on a branch of a tree that sat close to Gary's plot. The bird looked at her intently, tilting its head to the side and looked as though it were studying her.

  They stood there for a long time, staring at each other, until the winter sun dropped below the trees and the bird flew off.

  "I'm going to go home now, Gary. Order take out and turn on a movie to watch with our boys. And even though you won't physically be there with us, you will always be in my heart. I love you, baby."

  She turned and walked away then, heading to her car. She didn't realize how cold she was until she got in the car and turned it on. The shaking came on hard and lasted until the vents finally blew warm air on her.

  By the time she got home, Jackson and Jameson were waiting for her. "Where have you been?" Jackson asked.

  "We're starving!" Jameson said. "We are ordering Chinese for dinner, right?"

  Eleanor smiled and pulled both of her boys in close for a hug. "Of course, we are. It's tradition, right? Why don't you call, Jameson? I'll have my usual."

  "Me too," Jackson said. "With a side of everything else. I'm starving!"

  "When aren't you hungry?" Jameson asked, digging a menu out of the drawer of the hallway table.

  "Look who's talking. I could have sworn I saw you eat green beans out of the can earlier today."

  Jameson shrugged. "I was hungry and there wasn't anything else to eat."

  Eleanor shooed them away. "Go and order. It's getting late. We have a movie to watch."

  And she still had some gifts to wrap before dinner arrived. Climbing the stairs to her bedroom, she stopped halfway and looked at the picture of her and Gary on their wedding day. Removing the picture from the wall, she carried it with her to her bedroom.

  She set the photo down on bed, leaning it against his pillow then curled up on the bed beside it. The sun had set long ago, leaving only the small nightlight in the corner of the room to light the space. Downstairs, she heard the heavy-footed sounds of her boys, probably tackling each other the way they had since they were toddlers. Eleanor closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She could no longer detect any lingering scent of Gary. A single tear escaped one eye and trailed down her cheek, landing on the pillowcase beneath her head. She'd hoped the visit to the cemetery would somehow offer her closure or something but all it seemed to do was make her miss him more.

  The doorbell rang. Dinner must have arrived. Sure enough, Jameson yelled up the stairs, "Mom! I need money!"

  "I'm coming!" She moved off the bed and headed downstairs, grabbing the purse she'd left on her dresser when she'd come up a little bit ago.

  "Merry Christmas," the delivery driver said, handing her a receipt.

  "Merry Christmas," Eleanor replied, pulling some money from her purse. "Thank you for delivering tonight."

  The driver left and Eleanor joined her boys in the kitchen, waving the long piece of receipt paper. "Did you two order one of everything or what?"

  "We're growing boys. We need nourishment," Jackson said, rubbing his belly.

  "I think both of you are well past your growth spurt years."

  "Nope," Jackson said. "My anatomy teacher said boys can grow into their twenties."

  "I'm pretty sure you're as tall as you're gonna get." Eleanor pinched his cheek lightly.

  "Mom!" Jackson rubbed at his cheek.

  "Come on, we have a movie to watch." Eleanor picked up her container of beef and broccoli and headed to the living room. The twins followed her. "You boys did a wonderful job the Christmas tree. I meant to tell you that the other day but I didn't. It looks beautiful. But where's the star for the top?"

  "Well." Jameson looked at his brother who nodded. "We were thinking we'd get an angel to put on top of the tree from now on. Kind of like Dad, looking down as our guardian angel."

  Eleanor grabbed both her boys up in a hug. "I think that is a fantastic idea."

  "Good." Jackson pulled something out from behind the couch. "Because I found this one online and I thought it was perfect."

  He handed the piece to Eleanor and the tears came instantly. "Where did you find this?" The angel in her hand wore a police uniform complete with hat and Gary's badge number on its badge. Gossamer wings came out from the back of its shirt.

  "That website with all the crafters on it. We special ordered it."

  Eleanor wiped her eyes. "It's absolutely perfect."

  "We thought you should be the one to put it on top of the tree." Jameson pulled a stepladder out from behind one of the chairs and set it by the tree.

  Eleanor walked over to the ladder and climbed the two steps so that she could reach the top of the tree. Kissing her fingertip, she pressed it to the angel before placing it on the tree. Stepping down, she wrapped her arms around Jackson and Jameson and the three of them stared up a the newly placed angel.

  "I love you boys. Your father did too. The day you were born was his proudest moment. I can still see the goofy, lovestruck look on his face when the nurse placed one of you in each of his arms. It will always be one of my absolute favorite memories."

  "We're all gonna be okay, Mom. You know that, right?" Jackson asked.

  "It's going to take time but we are a strong family, and we have each other," Jameson said.

  Eleanor looked from Jackson to Jameson and then up at the angel. "How could we not? We have our own personal guardian angel." She hugged them both. "We are going to be all right."

  Chapter 19

  Eleanor

  "You boys ready to go? I don't want to be late!"

  "We're coming!" Jackson yelled back. "My brother has to fix his hair. Can't have one strand out of place."

  "You're gonna have more than messy hair if we don't get there on time!" Eleanor grabbed her purse and keys and opened the front door. "I'll be in the car. Hurry up!"

  Today was the day she finally got to tell the world how much had been taken from her. Sean Temple had been convicted of capital murder and today the judge would hand down his sentence. The prosecutor's office asked her if she and the boys wanted to make witness impact statements. Her husband's killer would finally have to face her and for the first time since Gary died, she would be heard.

  "Sorry, Mom!" Jameson jumped in the front seat. "I actually couldn't find my other shoe. It had nothing to do with my hair."

  "Sure it didn't." Jackson slid in to the backseat. "So, you won't mind if I do this?" He reached up and messed his brother's hair.

  "Jackass!"

  "That's Jackson to you, boy."

  "Both of you—be quiet already!" Eleanor put the car in gear and backed out of the driveway.

  "You look nice, Mom," Jameson said.

  "Thanks, sweetie. You boys do too."

  "I can't believe this is it," Jackson said. "The end. After today, Sean Temple will rot in jail, hopefully for the rest of his life."

  "Hey, Mom? There's something I wanted to tell you." Jameson turned to look at her.

  "What is it?"

  "I've decided to drop out of school."

  "You what?" Eleanor slammed her foot on the brakes in the middle of their street.


  He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up. "I applied to the police department. And I got in. The academy starts August first."

  Her son looked so proud of himself she couldn't even begin to tell him that her heart was breaking in two. She'd already lost her husband to the job. Now her son?

  "Are you absolutely sure this is what you want? No one expects you to follow in your father's footsteps, you know?"

  He nodded. "I know. It's what I want. I've given it a ton of thought and it's what I'm meant to do. I feel it in here." Jameson pointed to his chest. "So many people have told me how Dad touched their lives. He did so much good in this city and I want to carry on his legacy. Do the things Dad never got to do and maybe a few things of my own."

  She looked at Jackson in the rearview mirror. "Did you know about this?"

  He held his hands up. "He made me swear to secrecy in case he didn't get in."

  "I suppose you are doing the same thing?" Please, not both her children.

  Jackson shook his head. "No. But I changed my major to prelaw. I've decided to become a prosecutor. I want to put guys like Sean Temple away for hurting others like he hurt our family."

  It had been a long time since Eleanor had shed a tear over her husband but at that moment, while her chest swelled with pride, her eyes filled with tears. "You father would be so proud of both of you. I'm so proud of you."

  "We should probably go now." Jameson pointed to the clock on the dash.

  "Right." They stayed silent the rest of the way to the courthouse. Eleanor parked and they went inside in search of the courtroom assigned to the Temple sentencing.

  "You okay, Mom?" Jackson whispered as they sat down.

  She nodded. "I got this."

  "Hey, girl." Vivian hugged her from behind. Next to her sat Marietta.

  "Thank you for coming. I need the moral support."

  A door opened at the back of the room. Eleanor turned to see Antonio and Ricky walk in. They sat in the same row as Vivian and Marietta but they both stared at table where the defense attorney sat.

  Once the judge entered the courtroom, the court officers brought in Sean Temple. He wore an orange jumpsuit, shackles on his ankles and his arms were handcuffed to a belt on his waist.