by Ford, Mia
“It was awful,” I declare to the boys. “He was horrible. He was boring all night long, all he did was talk about his work and he didn’t ask me any questions about myself at all.”
“That doesn’t explain why you are here,” Adam bites back. “What is going on?”
“He… he got really hands on with me…” I redden, this is so embarrassing. “And I was scared. I didn’t know where else to turn to get away from him. So, I just came here without thinking…”
Adam darts his eyes between me and Josiah, clearly not quite believing me. “Do I need to kick some ass?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I gush out. “Dad is already going to be fuming at me for running away, I don’t want you to get in the shit about it. If you fight this guy…”
“If he disrespected you though.” Adam’s fists pump by his sides. “I can’t have that.”
I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a warning to me and Josiah as well, but I just know that I need to put a stop to it before anything gets out of hand. Much as I want to stay here and explain everything much better to Josiah, who is looking at me like I have grown an extra head or something, but I can’t.
The main thing I need to focus on is getting Adam the hell out of here.
“Will you take me home?” I plead with my brother. “I want to explain to Mom and Dad about what happened before Dan does? And thank goodness I found you because they will be more likely to believe me now.”
Actually, that is true, so it could all work out okay in the end. Adam could be an awesome buffer between me and my parents.
“Okay sure.” He slings his arm over my shoulder and takes me towards the door. “Yeah, let’s get out of here and sort this out before it all comes to a head. I need to make Dad see that you need someone respectful. He might think this asshole is okay for you because he works with his dad, but that doesn’t make it so.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. This might actually be one problem sorted. “Thank you, Adam.”
13
Josiah
She was on a date… I think with a shake of the head. Paisley went on a date.
I can’t quite wrap my head around that. I guess I should have known that would come the moment Adam was set up by his parents, but I wasn’t at all prepared for it. Now I feel like it’s knocked me off my feet. Even though it didn’t go well, I still don’t like the idea of her being with another man. Especially some prick who thought it okay to put his hands on her body when she didn’t ask for it. That makes my blood boil.
If I knew his name, I would go right out now and find him, really do some damage to him, but what can I do? I don’t know anything about him so there isn’t anywhere for my rage to go.
It’s actually better for me to focus on the anger because if I don’t I’ll get sucked into the fear that we almost got caught yet again. Paisley thought quick then to get us out of it, but it was close. Thankfully, Adam was so caught up in her tale that he didn’t even think to ask how she knows where I live. But we won’t be able to hold it together for long, soon it will come out. Maybe I should have just told him tonight, despite all of the gossip with him and Sian. Already it now feels like it’s one more step in to betrayal. Everything I do from here on out will just be another knife in the back to Adam, and I really don’t want to be that person.
I never wanted to be that person, he’s my best friend for crying out loud!
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself as I drag my fingers through my hair. “Fucking hell, fuck.”
This is all such a mess. Dax is right about me. I have dived head first into a mess and now I cannot extract myself. I’m drowning in it and I honestly cannot see any way out. What am I going to do?
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I leap on to my cell phone and let out a deep sigh of relief when I see that it’s Paisley. “Hello?”
“Oh, Josiah, I’m so sorry it’s taken me forever to call you. It’s been such drama.”
I fall on to the couch and grip the phone tighter to my ear. “What happened? I’ve been so worried.”
“Oh, it was a nightmare. There was a lot of yelling, many accusations, I don’t think my parents are going to be happy with me for a very long time. Thank goodness Adam was there to smooth things over a little.”
We both fall in to silence then. Guilt swims around me, wanting to swallow me up whole, and I’m sure it’s doing the same to Paisley. We both know that Adam is a good person, he isn’t the enemy really, he just won’t want the two of us together. There’s no world in which he will be okay with it, unfortunately.
“But it isn’t just the drama that I want to talk to you about, it’s the date as well. I feel awful…”
“It wasn’t your fault; I know you didn’t have any choice.” I’m trying to be cool about it, but it’s still getting to me. “I’ll admit, it was a massive shock, but I get what happened.”
“I should have told you, I know, but it was just sprung on me. I didn’t know it was happening.”
“Was everything you said the truth? Did this asshole try to put his hands on you?”
I’m half hoping that she tells me that she was putting it all on just to wind Adam up and drag him away from my home. It would make things a whole lot better if it wasn’t the truth.
“He did, it was awful, but I don’t want anything to happen.” It’s almost as if she can hear my thoughts. “I just want to forget it ever happened. It’s already caused me enough trouble as it is. I don’t want more.”
That isn’t easy to let go of, but it isn’t up to me. It’s her issue, not mine and I can’t create issues to make it worse. “Okay, I’m sorry, Paisley, I’m just… my head is all churned up in knots about it all.”
“You haven’t been put off by me, have you?” she asks in a quiet voice. “I am sorry all of this happened.”
“Oh, Paisley, you have never been the issue. Nothing could ever put me off you. It’s everything else.”
“You mean my family, don’t you?” I hear her huff. “And their wishes for me.”
I’m silent for maybe a beat too long while I try and work out what I’m going to say. “Your family aren’t ever going to like me, are they? Your parents will never agree to us, and I’m scared of creating that rift.”
It’s really here. The conversation is upon us. We have been moving along at a pace that is comfortable for us, but we both knew that it couldn’t last forever, and outside circumstances have now forced us to a point which neither of us are comfortable with. I really don’t want this to be the thing to destroy us.
“So, what are you saying? That you don’t want to be with me anymore?” The fear rolls off her tongue. “Because I understand this isn’t the easiest situation and I get it, but I don’t want this to end. You’re the one for me, Josiah. This horrible night has only highlighted that for me. I don’t want to be without you.”
“Am I worth losing your family over though? And I don’t just mean now, I mean forever.”
She is silent, and I can almost hear the cogs turning in her brain. I’m glad, even though she isn’t giving me the answer I want because I need her to really think about it before moving forward. Whatever decision we make next will affect everything, possibly even the rest of her life. Her parents don’t seem like the forgiving type, so I think if they fall out with her it will be for life. God, I hate that it has to be this way. It’s so messed up.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” she comments sadly. “It’s going to be hard, isn’t it? I know that there are many reasons why we shouldn’t happen, I know that it’s a huge risk, but I don’t want to let you go.”
A tight knot loosens in my chest. I didn’t realize just how much I thought she would shoot me down until she didn’t. Although this does now leave us in a very complicated position.
“Okay, so we need to tell everyone at some point. That’s our next step, right?”
“I know we do…” She breathes in deep. “I’m not ready f
or it, but we have to. I’m so scared about what it’s going to cause, but there isn’t any time now, is there? Too much is happening. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know.” I rub my forehead hard. “I’ll figure it out. Just give me some time to think.”
“Yeah, okay… I will try and think of some ideas too, to make it go smoother.”
“Come over tomorrow,” I tell her with a nod. “We’ll make some plans.”
“Oh, fucking hell. Plans to tell the world that we’re together. That’s too much. But yeah, you’re right. Once we have a plan in place there is no turning back on it, is there?”
I nod silently. She isn’t wrong about that one. But we don’t have any choice now. “Okay, so come over tomorrow, we’ll decide what we’re going to do then. I love you.”
“Yeah, I love you too, and that’s the problem,” she teases weakly. “I’m sure it’ll be worth it.”
We talk for a little while longer about nothing in particular. I know exactly where she is which helps me to visualize her. She has told me before that she hides under her duvet, so no one can hear her and work out who she’s talking to when we chat, which I find really sweet. If it were any other woman, this would be a red flag and a good excuse to get the hell out of it, but with Paisley, I will put up with anything.
It’s amazing what a difference feelings can make! For her, I will break all my previous rules.
So, as we talk, I start off thinking about her hiding under the duvet, but my thoughts soon drift off to another place entirely. I recall being in that bed with her on Christmas Eve, where it all began. From the moment I first laid eyes on her and I saw how much she’d changed, I knew I had to have her no matter what. I didn’t know then how far it would lead and the drama it would cause, but the pull towards her was so strong that I still think I would have gone for it. I couldn’t keep my hands off of her. She was so beautiful that night and she has been ever since. I didn’t stand a chance in hell of keeping away from her and I still don’t.
As I hang up the phone I head up to bed, drained of all my energy, and I collapse on to the sheets, my brain racing like crazy. I try to form the words that Adam will accept but there aren’t any.
Yep, it’s going to be a nightmare.
* * *
“So, we’re going to tell them this weekend?” Paisley asks while resting her head on my shoulder. “You’re sure about this? I know I’m the one who chose the date but even I’m not so sure.”
The racing of my pulse doesn’t agree with me, but I can’t put it off any longer. “If we tell them now we can say that we kept it a secret so long because we wanted to check that it was real between us first. If we leave it any longer, we risk just becoming liars, which might well be worse than anything else.”
“Yeah,” she murmurs quietly. “You’re right. So, we just sit them all down at our kitchen table and just tell them. Based on the idea that my mom won’t let there be a fight in the house, which may well be the only thing that prevents Adam from absolutely kicking your ass.” She nods. “Sounds good to me.”
“Yep, and we’re just going to lay it out on the table. Say that we’re together and in love and that we want to be together no matter what they say.” Paisley nods. “Okay, perfect. But before that, before we create a hurricane, can we just have a couple more nights of just calm? Being me and you, exactly as we have been, in love.”
She snuggles in to me and places a light kiss on my cheek. “That sounds wonderful. Just be me and you for a little while longer.” I lace my fingers through hers. “Because I love you very much, you know.”
“I love you too. Now, come on, let me take you to bed. I want to hold you while I sleep.”
“Ohh.” She shudders. “I like the sound of that.”
I take her hand and lead her up the stairs towards the bedroom, pausing to kiss her every so often. There is a deep passion between us, a stinging sizzling chemistry, but right now we’re just kissing softly. The romance clings thick to the air, and I think we’re both acutely aware that it will change for a while, so we’re being sweet with one another. Holding each other gently, brushing against one another’s skin, savoring every moment of clinging to each other. I want to commit every part of this woman to memory, to hold on to in case we’re destroyed. I won’t say it to Paisley, but I’m afraid this might end us. I don’t want to focus on the negative possibilities, but I need to prepare myself for it just in case. Who knows what will happen?
* * *
The next couple of days spin passed much too quickly. I want to cling on to every second, to hold on to the feel of my life before the storm hits, but just like sand, it slips between my fingers too fast for me to actually grab on to it. Before I know it, I am holding on to Paisley for the very last time on the Friday night.
She snores lightly, somehow, by some miracle, actually asleep. My brain is too wired for me to switch off, but I suppose if I would want one of us to relax it would be her. She’s going to need it.
Eventually, I actually give up trying to sleep and I walk over to the window to stare out at the city lights. They are twinkling, making me feel like it’s still Christmas even though that happened ages ago.
I sigh loudly. “So, tomorrow is the day,” I remind myself. “Tomorrow is the day.”
I fold my arms across my chest and shake my head. I almost want to touch my face to feel it in its full state for just a little while longer. Before Adam beats the living shit out of me. But I don’t bother to do so because I’d rather just stand here and be pensive. Moodily preparing myself for the dreaded day.
“Oh shit!” All of a sudden, Paisley’s voice rings out behind me, shocking me. I turn around to see her racing across the room clinging to her mouth with skin paler than I have ever seen before. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“Are you okay?” I race behind her. “Oh, God, what’s going on, Paisley?”
She doesn’t reply to me, she races towards the bathroom and falls to her knees. Vomit spills violently out of her mouth so hard and fast it makes me think that she must have eaten something dodgy.
“Oh shit.” I grab her hair and hold it out the way, then I rub her back. “I’m here, Paisley. Don’t worry.”
She doesn’t answer me, she just pukes more and more. I need to get her water, so she can get some liquid back in her body, but I can’t leave her either. So, I remain where I am, rubbing her back until she slumps to the side.
“Urgh, I’m so sorry, Josiah.” She clutches on to her forehead. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“What happened? One minute you were asleep and the next thing you’re running to the bathroom, are you ill? Do you need me to call you a doctor or something? I don’t want it to get worse.”
“Urgh, I don’t know,” she groans. “I was dreaming then it just hit me.” She looks up at me with pleading eyes. “Maybe it’s just nerves about tomorrow, I’m not sure.”
“Yeah, that is something to be nervous about…” I start, but I have to stop because she starts puking again. If this is nerves, then maybe she’s too anxious to ever tell her parents. That isn’t great…
* * *
By the time morning comes around, any plan to tell anyone anything has flown out the window. Paisley has been throwing up all night long, she really is sick. I feel awful for her.
“I should take you to the hospital,” I tell her seriously. “Get the advice of a doctor.”
“No, I need to go home. If I’m going to be sick my parents will have to know about it.”
I want to argue with it, to tell her not to be so ridiculous, but I can’t. She’s probably right. She probably will have to go home to her parents first, that’s just the sort of person she is.
“Let me take you home then…”
“No, you can’t do that either. Adam will be too suspicious.”
“Adam is in love with Sian. He’s too distracted to notice what you’re doing.”
“No, trust me. He isn’t. He has his eyes
on me,” she pants. “He is worried.”
“So, what am I going to do then? How can I help you?”
She leans forward and grips on to her knees. “Just call me a cab.”
It feels shit, it makes me feel like the worst gentleman in the world, and with Paisley, that’s all I want to be. But if this is what she wants then what the hell can I do?
“Okay, I will call you a cab. But will you please let me know if everything is okay?”
She grips on to my arm tight, the sickness coming for her again. “I promise; I will let you know.”
But as I step aside, and I call her a cab a weird feeling settles over me. I don’t know what it is or what it means, but it’s uncomfortable. I really don’t want there to be something seriously wrong with her.
14
Paisley
I sit in the doctor’s office with my mom on one side and my dad on the other with anxiety zig zagging through me. The more that time passes and the grimmer they look, the more worried I become. I should have just come here with Josiah like he offered, I would be much more comfortable with him by my side.
Nausea continues to swim around in my belly but at least I’m not being sick anymore.
“Where has the doctor gone?” Mom bites angrily. “He’s been ages.”
Dad rests his hand reassuringly on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.”
I wish they weren’t talking about me now, this is so uncomfortable. I would much rather be here alone.
“You two can go if you want,” I rasp out. “I don’t mind waiting by myself.”
“No way.” I should have known that Mom wouldn’t let this go. “I want to know what is wrong with you.”
“Maybe it’s nothing. Perhaps I’m okay now and it was just one of those bug things.”
