Have Mercy

by Christina Lee

  “So sexy.” I made quick work of my own button and zipper, then reached for my cock, using his come for lubrication, and there was something so erotic about our semen mixing together. “Goddamn, I need to come.”

  He watched my reflection when I stepped toward him and began pumping my cock, frantic desperation filling my balls to bursting point.

  His chin slumped to his forearms, and he thrust out his beautiful ass, now fully exposed to me. I smacked one of his pretty globes, leaving a pink streak as I imagined my cock splitting those meaty cheeks.

  When he moaned enticingly, I struggled to hold back. My come spurted onto his pale skin, painting his ass cheeks, some of it trickling down his crease to his hole. That visual almost made my cock rally, a second string of seed leaking out and dripping over my fist.

  “Holy hell.” I screwed my eyes shut as I shuddered and moaned and blinked the floating stars out of my eyes. Feeling faint, I anchored my head against his shoulder.

  The room grew quiet, the only sound our heavy breaths in the hollowed space.

  Guilt tried to worm its way inside me. I lifted my head and gulped in air. “Sorry if that was too much.”

  “It was fucking hot.” His eyes met mine in the mirror. “And exactly what I needed.”

  19

  Julian

  The ride home was quiet, each staring numbly at the road in front of us. Both satiated as well, that was for certain. Fuck, what had that been in the bathroom? He was so intense, the way he took control. It was too much and not enough all at once. The way Kerry made me lose myself in his voice and touch until I erupted like a geyser. And then watching him chase his own orgasm while he painted my ass with his jizz wasn’t something I’d soon forget.

  I knew he’d want it to remain a one-off—I could practically see the guilt seeping out of his pores, for Christ’s sake—so I figured there was no way I’d convince him otherwise.

  Sienna was sitting on the swing with a glass of wine when we got home, and I felt Kerry stiffen beside me. I wanted to say, Consenting adults, remember? But I also couldn’t get the words out, so we exited the car, wrapped in that same reverent silence.

  “How was it?” Sienna asked. I could see thin shadows under her eyes, and I wondered if something was on her mind or if she was having trouble sleeping.

  I smirked. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  “He thinks we’re all a bunch of daredevil rednecks now,” Kerry joked, and I was glad for the icebreaker.

  “Not gonna lie, some of that stuff was heart-pounding scary.”

  Sienna laughed. “Ainsley might agree with you.”

  Kerry went on to bed but not before throwing a meaningful glance back at me that I couldn’t quite read, and I wanted to follow him down the hallway and show him exactly how he’d stolen a piece of my soul tonight—and more.

  Instead, I sat for a few minutes with my cousin because I wanted to get my head on straight. Hopefully I didn’t look too worse for wear.

  “How’s Aunt Maggie?” I asked, resting my leg on the wicker ottoman. My knee was throbbing, likely from all the tension draining from my body, only to begin seeping back in now.

  Consenting adults, damn it.

  Fuck. Maybe it didn’t sound as redeeming as I thought.

  “She’s good.” But the weariness in Sienna’s features told me something else was on her mind. “She wants Ainsley to compete like she herself did as a kid. But Ainsley’s not ready for that. Even though she’s not exactly pushing the issue, I can tell she’s hoping Ainsley takes a bigger interest after each show they attend. It’s exhausting, honestly.”

  “Damn, that’s tough. Ever think about telling her straight out?”

  She winced. “I know I should. It’s probably time. I’ve been walking on eggshells around her ever since Dad remarried. I want her to be happy and find something fulfilling, which she did. She loves showing horses again.”

  Mom and Aunt Maggie were best friends, even though they had completely different lives and temperaments. Aunt Maggie thought Mom was too easygoing, and Mom always complained how stubborn her sister was about certain things. Sienna’s divorce from Kerry, for example. Though, I got it. She never wanted Sienna to follow in her footsteps. But what was that saying about best-laid plans?

  Still, Aunt Maggie was a good person and would want the best for the people she loved.

  “Knowing Aunt Maggie…”

  “She’ll get bummed for a while, then come around?” Sienna sighed.

  “Yeah, pretty much.” I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder, because right then I’d thought of how Aunt Maggie seemed to have finally softened toward Kerry again.

  Sienna must’ve caught my meaning. “She’s accepted it. Took her long enough.”

  “You’re referring to…”

  “Our divorce.” She motioned toward the house. “Kerry being gay.”

  “Mom always said she would. And I’m glad for it.”

  “Me too.” She settled back in her seat. “And it’s been nice to have you around. Kerry needs all the friends he can get, and you two seem thick as thieves.”

  All I could do was nod because of the boulder lodged in my throat.

  “Once Kerry came out…” She shook her head, then glanced beyond the pasture and the line of cottonwood trees.

  “What?” I asked in a hesitant voice.

  “His family has been pretty rough on him, and I was too for a while.” She frowned. “It’s because I was devastated and didn’t understand. But now I do. It’s not his fault he’s gay.”

  “Someone’s sexuality is neither their fault nor their choice.”

  “He tried so hard to deny it our entire marriage.” She took another sip of her wine. “And maybe I did too.”

  “Huh?” I leaned closer, trying to make sense of what she was telling me.

  “We were always good friends more than anything else. Kerry felt familiar and safe to me. Which wasn’t fair to him either.” She screwed her eyes shut. “Does that make sense?”

  “Absolutely.”

  We fell silent, each lost in our own thoughts. As I stared at the twinkling stars in the night sky, I thought about how I hadn’t truly felt comfortable in my own skin or safe for a long time. And something about being out here made things clearer and muddier at the same time.

  “I love how the silo is coming along. You’re talented, Julian.” She sipped more of her wine, and I smiled at the compliment. “I hope being here has worked out for you.”

  “Totally. I mean, look at me. Who knew I’d take to a horse?” I grinned, and she returned the smile.

  I glanced at the yard for Hamlet and Phoebe, but they were nowhere to be found, so they must’ve been sleeping in Ainsley’s room tonight. I’d miss those little guys when I left.

  My gut roiled with a nostalgia I hadn’t felt for a place in a long while. Leaving the desert was more about the work and my brothers, and New York was…well, New York. Magical all on its own but ultimately not for me. But who knew? Maybe I’d feel different when I returned.

  “Brad always said that sometimes animals find you just when you need them. ” Her eyes softened with affection. “He had a tough childhood, and there was this stray dog that would follow him to school, and… Sorry, never mind.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’d like to hear more about Brad. You seem pretty fond of him.”

  A blush crawled across her cheeks.

  “I mean the guy is ruggedly handsome.”

  Her eyes sprang to mine. “Yeah? What do you know about that?”

  “Duh.” I winked. “I do have eyes in my head.”

  She sighed dreamily. “Yeah, that’s what everyone said about him in school.”

  “Well, he seems pretty fond of you too.”

  Her gaze swung guiltily toward the screen door.

  “For what it’s worth, I think Kerry will be just fine…and so will you.”

  I stood up to say good night, feeling my own guilt creeping in about what ha
ppened between me and Kerry. I needed to get to bed before I blurted out a ridiculous confession—either about tonight or my own sexuality.

  Except what I shared with Kerry felt sacred, just between us, and damned if I didn’t want to do it all over again. Though maybe not in the bathroom of a bar.

  This time sleep came immediately, and it probably had everything to do with that amazing orgasm. But it wasn’t dream free, and before I knew it, I was being shaken awake by strong arms.

  “Julian, hey,” Kerry murmured in my ear. “You’re dreaming.”

  My eyes squinted open as awareness dawned on me in waves. “Holy shit… Did I…”

  I woke him again. Fuck.

  My heart was beating erratically as I tried to get my bearings.

  He leaned over me and swiped my bangs out of my eyes. “You okay?” he asked in a concerned tone.

  I latched on to his hand and held on tight, not wanting to let go for anything.

  He gently shushed me as he sat on the edge of the mattress. “You’re not alone. I’m here.”

  I nodded, unable to speak, so we just breathed in the same air for a couple long minutes.

  His fingers brushed through my hair. “Was it the same kind of dream?”

  I shook my head. “This one was different.”

  His eyebrows knitted together. “Wanna talk about it?”

  I stared at the ceiling. “It was…God, so strange. It started like it always does, in the desert, right before the bomb detonates, except this time…” I gasped as realization dawned on me. “All of a sudden I was in an arena.”

  His hand stilled in my hair. “What kind of arena?”

  “It was a horse race.” My eyes found his. “Mercy’s…Have Mercy. And I saw… I saw his accident.”

  His eyes widened. “How could you?”

  “I dunno. It was a stupid dream, a figment of my fucked-up imagination.”

  “Is that why you yelled out? When you saw Mercy?”

  “Yeah…probably. Fuck, I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “Shh…it’s okay.” Then Kerry nudged his knee under the covers and pulled me into his arms, and fuck, did it feel good to be wrapped up in all his warmth. “I want to be here for you.”

  “Thank you,” I said into his neck, reveling in his scent and wondering what it might be like to wake up that way with him all the time. I quickly thrust the thought from my brain.

  “Just hear me out…” he said, and I could feel his voice rumble against the top of my head. “There’s somethin’ about you and that horse. Some sort of connection. And I think you should figure it out while you’re here. What do you have to lose?”

  “I guess nothing?”

  He kissed the top of my head. “None of this makes you weak. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know…” I replied, though I wasn’t sure if I really believed it.

  “You’re beautiful and strong, and you rocked my world tonight. I was too shell-shocked to say it on the ride back, but I needed that.”

  I drew back. “Even though you think it’s wrong?”

  He swore under his breath. “Only because of who you are to Sienna.”

  “We could…just find comfort in each other while I’m here. Nobody has to know. What do you have to lose?”

  “Touché.” He tenderly brushed my lips with his own, slipped his tongue inside my mouth, and kissed me until I was breathless.

  When he slid out of the sheets to return to his room, I latched on to his wrist. “Stay. It feels too good having you in my bed.”

  “I can’t.” He looked toward the door, and I already knew what his defense would be. “Not when my daughter and my ex-wife are sleeping down the hall.”

  To him, it felt like a betrayal, and I needed to respect that.

  I wanted to tell him about my conversation with Sienna. About Brad. But in the end, it wasn’t my place.

  “Better go before someone sees us,” I told him, but I didn’t pull away, and he yanked me closer, his hands burrowing in my hair, then leaned down to kiss me one last time. “I want nothing more than to lie back down and hold you all night. I’ve never…done that with a man before.”

  Fuck, my heart.

  “Then I think we should find a way before I leave.”

  20

  Kerry

  Between the bar and the nightmare, things had felt different between Julian and me. Every gesture meant something more, and even as guilt wormed its way inside, he’d show up to help in the mornings or throw me a subtle or smirky look across the dinner table, and it centered me. Filled me with a soft, incandescent glow that warmed me to my core.

  Nothing happened between us since, but just the promise of it made me feel achy all over, and I spent an inordinate amount of time wondering when we could steal more such moments alone.

  Resisting the urge to pad to his room in the middle of the night was killing me. Except as soon as I thought of who was sleeping down the hall, it squashed that desire straight away. Besides, I didn’t want to be careless about this desperate sort of attraction, even if it felt entirely mutual. The risk of being found in his bed felt more awful than Sienna discovering gay porn on my laptop. She wouldn’t understand why I was so wildly attracted to her cousin, and she’d undoubtedly feel repulsed, if not betrayed.

  So while the idea of having a summer fling appealed to me—it also made me feel a melancholy I couldn’t easily explain, and we needed to be careful about it. I wanted to stay away, but it was nearly impossible where he was concerned. I kept reliving those brief interludes between us, starting with the kiss at the silo that still made my stomach feel like butterflies were beating their wings wildly against my insides. I’d walked down to the silo that day for no good reason, and the resulting make-out session had left me with a boner for hours. And then there was that incredible handjob in the bar’s restroom…and those tender kisses when I held him after his nightmare, hugged him close… But reality had a way of intruding.

  At least since that night when I’d slipped into his bed to comfort him, Julian had seemed to take my advice about Mercy. I’d found him in the barn with George on more than one occasion, carefully grooming Mercy, and my heart would squeeze with affection each time. But I also didn’t want him to think I was checking up on him, so I’d tiptoed away, not wanting to disturb him.

  And now I was standing near the paddock as Dr. Barnes continued her session with Ainsley. Today was a big day, and I knew that any minute now, Sienna would be coming along from the office, where she was gathering receipts for later. If we didn’t go over everything with a fine-tooth comb, we’d be over budget and in over our heads, which was another reason it was so important for Sienna and me to remain on friendly terms.

  Just as Sienna sidled up beside me, Ainsley waved, excitement blazing in her eyes. She used a mounting block to get into the saddle, where she sat tall and proud atop Piper. Next, Dr. Barnes took the lead rope in hand and encouraged Piper to walk around the perimeter of the paddock with Ainsley holding the reins. She had a smile on her face the entire time, except during a momentary falter as Piper suddenly switched to a trot.

  “Whoa,” Dr. Barnes ordered at about the same time Ainsley performed a half-halt, possibly out of muscle memory from the ranch, and Piper immediately reduced her speed.

  “Did you see that?” Sienna whispered in a tone of awe. The tightening of Ainsley’s back muscles while flexing her wrist to slow Piper was so subtle, but being around horses our entire lives, we recognized it instantly.

  “It came naturally,” I replied. “She remembers.”

  When they got around to our section of the fence, Ainsley lifted her hand in a wave, careful not to startle her horse, which was the exact thing Dr. Barnes had coached her on, especially for her first ride on a rescue horse.

  “You look like such a big girl,” Sienna said, and Ainsley’s smile only widened.

  When movement over my shoulder caught my eye, I turned to see Julian standing behind us, his gaze focused o
n Ainsley and Piper, his cheeks tinged pink.

  “Hey, you,” I said, motioning for him to join us.

  “Sorry, didn’t want to disturb your proud parent moment,” he replied with a sheepish grin. “Ainsley told me this was happening today, and I wanted to cheer her on.”

  “That’s sweet, Julian,” Sienna said. “I’m so glad she’s taken to you.”

  He dipped his head. “Well, I’ve taken to her too.”

  My heart rose to my throat. Why the hell did he have to be so damned thoughtful and hot and gorgeous too? The perfect package. He’d make someone very happy someday. I swallowed down the taste of bile before I really got stuck in fantasy land.

  Once the session was finished, and Ainsley had untacked her horse, she ran through the gate and into Sienna’s arms.

  “Did you see me, Julian?” she asked over Sienna’s shoulder.

  “I did!” he replied. “You were awesome.”

  “She absolutely was,” Dr. Barnes said with a smile. “And some of her natural instincts returned.”

  “We noticed,” Sienna said with a kiss to Ainsley’s cheek before setting her back down.

  “With more practice, we’ll be ready for a family outing again,” I said, squeezing my daughter’s shoulder.

  “Maybe Julian will want to ride Mercy too,” Ainsley said, and I froze.

  She looked up at him with such an innocently optimistic glint, obviously not realizing how her words might’ve opened up a can of worms.

  “I, uh…” He took a step back, wariness crossing his features.

  “Everyone’s on a different timeline,” Dr. Barnes said to my relief as I stood there dumbfounded, unable to find the right words. “You’re on your own path, Julian too, and if they ever match up, great. If not, that’s all right too.”

  “Okay,” Ainsley said. “Maybe someday.” And as she wandered toward the goats playing in the pasture, the idea was probably already forgotten.

  Sienna thanked Dr. Barnes, then followed Ainsley.