Tom Collivander and the Order of the Thunderbird, A Potter Parody

by Jonathan Lockwood

  *

  Tom woke up early on Saturday. He was aching to get back on a broomstick and so struggled to sleep. He thought he’d go down to the pitch early to get warmed up. As he entered the great hall for breakfast, he found Cho sitting by herself which he found odd as she usual had people around her at all times.

  Tom sat down next to her. “Morning, Cho. I’m Tom. We haven’t met yet but Anthony Boldstein told me who you are.”

  “Hi Tom. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m glad we’re finally meeting.”

  “Have you?” he asked in surprise.

  “Oh yes. Didn’t you know? You’re all some people talk about.”

  “I had no idea. Who talks about me?”

  Cho giggled. “I won’t give away their secret.”

  Tom wasn’t bothered enough to interrogate further. “Fair enough. How come you’re having breakfast by yourself?”

  “Oh, I just fancied some time alone.”

  “Would you like me to give you some peace?”

  “Oh no, Tom don’t go. I just meant I didn’t want to be with my friends. Please, stay.”

  “Alright then.” He piled slices of toast onto his plate and said, “What’s up?”

  “Nothing much,” she replied. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.

  Eventually, Cho broke the deadlock. “Err, do you play Quidditch?”

  Relieved he they could talk about something, he enthusiastically replied, “Yeah, a bit. I’m actually going to go to the try-outs this morning. Mark asked me to come along.”

  “That’s awesome! I’m the Ravensnore seeker. It would be really cool if you got on the team too. What position are you going for?”

  “I’m a beater.”

  “Fantastic! Mark needs a partner. I really hope you get it Tom.”

  Tom smiled, wondering why she was so hopeful for him when they barely knew each other. “Thanks Cho. To tell you the truth, people warned me to stay away from you but you seem really cool, I can’t understand what the fuss was about.”

  “Why have you been warned about me?” she asked in an accusing tone.

  “It was just something like, you often cry,” Tom said rather tactlessly.

  Cho seemed to get agitated at this. “Well do people expect me to just forget about what happened last year?”

  “Cho, I’m not saying that, it’s just what I’ve heard. I judge a person on what I think of them, not what I’m told, and you seem alright to me.”

  She relaxed a bit. “Thanks Tom. It’s nice to hear that. It’s just sometimes I get really upset when I think about Cedric and I can’t control my emotions. I want to talk about it but no one will listen.”

  Tom was treading on dangerous waters and chose his next words rather carefully. “I don’t know exactly what happened last year because I wasn’t here but if you ever need help with anything, I’m here… But not right now, I want to go down to the pitch before everyone else.” He didn’t want to go down to warm up anymore. He’d just seen Hermione get up from the Gryffinchair table and she was heading out of the hall.

  Cho looked relieved, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks. I’ll see you down there, I’m waiting for the rest of the team. Good luck Tom.” She beamed at him. Tom turned away with slightly raised spirits and headed off after Hermione.

  He caught up her just as she was entering the grounds. He called after her, “Hermione, wait up.”

  “Hey Tom, I wasn’t sure if you were going to turn up or not since we haven’t talked since we arranged to meet. But here you are.”

  “I wouldn’t ever stand you up Hermione. But you’re always with Ron and Harry in lessons and I don’t know them so I don’t want to interrupt.”

  “Don’t worry about Ron and Harry, they’re really nice.”

  “No offence, but from what I’ve seen of them so far, they seem pretty idiotic. You’d think Harry would have more sense than to have a shouting match with Dumbridge.” She didn’t look offended at all.

  “Honestly, I agree with you. But he has got a lot on his plate so cut him sum slack.”

  Tom shrugged. “Fair enough. So, how have you been?”

  “Not too bad. I’m already studying hard for our exams and so I don’t have much free time, but it will be worth it in the end.” Tom looked at her in astonishment.

  “You should be in Ravensnore with brains like yours. I’ve noticed you in class, always knowing the right answer.” She blushed.

  “Thanks Tom but the sorting flip flops are never wrong.”

  They had reached the Quidditch pitch. “After you,” said Tom, remembering his manners. They walked up to the nearest stand and sat down and faced each other.

  “So what can I help you with Tom?”

  Tom shrugged again, “To be honest, not much. I think I’ve got the hang of things quite well by myself.”

  Hermione seemed a little annoyed. “Then what did you want to meet for?” she said in a raised tone.

  Tom had to think quickly. In truth, he just wanted to spend some time with Hermione alone. There was something about her that made him feel good but he didn’t want to tell her that. “Err, I was just wondering if the teachers we have always act how they have done this week? Also, what do you think of Dumbridge?”

  She took a bit of time to ponder his question. “Most of the teachers are really helpful and friendly but they are strict though. But Professor Snipe is probably the worst.”

  Tom was surprised to hear her answer. He raised an eyebrow. “Really? I know he’s a bit creepy but he seems alright to me.”

  “I’m surprised, I thought only Slytherdins like him. What makes you think he’s alright?”

  “He seems pretty chill even if his methods are a bit extreme. I’ve been helping him out every evening this week and he seems to like me.” Tom had forgotten that he was meant to keep that particular information secret. Something about being with Hermione had relaxed him.

  “What do you mean, you’ve been helping him out?” she said quickly, shocked.

  Trying to cover up his mess, Tom replied “It’s nothing. He just needed a pair of extra hands and I offered to help.” Hermione didn’t seem entirely satisfied with his answer but thankfully she moved the conversation on, however she was staring at Tom with a calculating expression.

  “As for Dumbridge, I hate her. I can’t believe that the school would give us a teacher who is refusing to teach us any magic, especially in our 5th year.”

  Glad that Hermione had accepted his reply about Snipe, Tom said, “You know that the school didn’t want her? She was forced on them by the Ministry.”

  She sighed. “Oh, that explains it. I was struggling to understand why Dumby would have hired her, but where did you hear that?” Tom choked, he’d done it again, told Hermione stuff he was meant to keep private.

  Tom never lied, but that didn’t mean he told everyone everything. He was practised at telling nothing but the truth, whilst keeping key information hidden. He said, “I heard a member of staff say it.”

  Hermione didn’t even seem to be listening, she was looking up at the castle. “Look, the rest of the Ravensnore Quidditch team are coming down now, you should go and join them.” Tom spotted a group of about 30 people coming. He got up to join them.

  “Thanks for this Hermione. I’ll see you around.”

  “I’ll talk to you afterwards, I’m going to stay and watch.” Tom didn’t know what to say. He just patted her on the shoulder and left.

  The group of people were standing on the pitch, fighting over the best broomsticks when Tom got there. Most of the brooms had twigs sticking out at all angles and splinters all down the handle making a very uncomfortable ride. One was so floppy it was more of a mop than a broom. It looked like it would only take the weight of a squirrel.

  When Mark started to speak, everyone stopped fighting and listened. “Hello everyone, welcome to this year’s try-outs. We need a new chaser and a new beater,” he winked at Tom. “I’m Ravensnore’s capta
in and I’m a beater. Let me introduce the rest of the team.” Pointing to each of them in turn he said, “Ryan is our keeper. Amber and Natalie are our chasers and Cho is our seeker.” As he said this, Tom slowly made his way through the group and grabbed a half decent broom before they’d all gone.

  Mark and Cho lead the try out for the new beater whilst Ryan, Amber and Natalie looked for a new chaser. The try-outs started with some simple flying manoeuvres and speed tests. A few people were hopeless, they couldn’t even fly in a straight line. One person even flew into the back of another, causing a chain collision and a massive pile up. Unsurprisingly, they were asked to leave after their feeble attempt. The rest of the group then moved on to target practise, seeing who could hit the targets with the fewest attempts. The shots got progressively harder, ranging from you being stationary and aiming at stationary targets all the way up to you flying at breakneck speed and hitting moving flying targets whilst avoiding other obstacles. By the end of this only 3 people remained. Tom along with two guys called Dave and Jasper. There were also only 3 potential chasers left. For the final trial, they split up into two teams to play a short game where both teams shot at the same hoops defended by Ryan. Tom partnered Mark whilst Dave and Jasper were the opposing beaters.

  It was a heated affair. The game was neck and neck for a good 10 minutes until Tom hit such a superb shot. He aimed the bludger at Jasper and it knocked him off his broom and the bludger ricocheted off him and hit Dave as well. At this, the Ravensnore team applauded and Mark brought the game to a halt, announcing that the new beater and chaser would be Tom and a guy named Boris. With that, the others left and the new Ravensnore Quidditch team introduced themselves to each other. Tom couldn’t stop smiling as he talked to everyone. They were all friendly and seemed really cool.

  After a good 20 minutes of talking, the team went back to the castle for lunch and Tom went back to Hermione, amazed to see that she was still there. The trails had lasted a few hours. “Tom, congratulations! You were brilliant,” exclaimed Hermione. Tom was amazed to find her in such a good mood. He’d of thought it must have been a bit boring for her.

  “Thanks Hermione. I’m surprised to see you still here to be honest.”

  “I was enjoying it. Besides, I’ve been doing work as well,” she indicated her pile of books.

  “Thank you for your support,” he said politely. “Do you want to go and get some lunch”

  “Oh yes, I’d love to. But Tom, haven’t you noticed?” he looked at her, not knowing what she was talking about. She explained, “Students from different houses don’t sit with each other in the great hall.”

  “Seriously! At Durmprang, we didn’t have houses. I think it was better. There was less of this segregation… Hermione, as long as you’re cool with it, I’ll sit at the Gryffinchair table. I don’t care if other people look at me weird. It’s time someone in this school put a stand to this segregation.”

  Hermione beamed at him again. “Oh Tom, that would be great. You’re absolutely right. This school really needs more harmony, especially with the return of Lord Moldywart.”

  Surprised to hear her say that, he said, “So you believe he’s back then? I got the feeling most people don’t.” She looked offended.

  “Of course he’s back. Harry saw him and Dumby keeps telling everyone. You believe he’s back don’t you?” Hermione asked sternly.

  “Without a doubt,” he said confidently.

  “Oh that’s great to hear. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Harry, he’ll want to meet you. He’s convinced that everyone in this school thinks he’s lying and is just some attention seeking prat when really he’s trying to avoid attention.”

  Tom slipped in, “You could have fooled me.” Hermione didn’t reply but Tom noticed her smiling even though she tried to hide it.

  Once they reached the great hall, Tom hesitated for a moment, looking at the Ravensnore table where his fellow Quidditch team members were sitting, then followed Hermione to the Gryffinchair table. The effects were immediate. Several heads turned and he received a few scowls but no one dared say anything. Tom hadn’t realised it but people at Hogwash were intimidated by him. Partly because he’s a former Durmprang student but mainly because of the size of him. Pretty much no one at Hogwash had any physical strength at all. Unsurprising when there’s no gym.

  “Harry, this is Tom,” said Hermione as they sat down.

  “Hey Harry, nice to meet you. Ron, how’s it going?”

  “The famous Tom,” said Harry as he shook Tom’s hand.

  “What do you mean?” Tom asked, puzzled.

  “Hermione talks about you a lot,” Harry replied with a smile.

  “Really?” Tom said, with raised spirits whilst looking at Hermione. She however, was looking sternly at Harry.

  “Harry, Tom believes that Moldywart is back,” she said with a slightly raised voice. Ron almost fell off the bench.

  Tom ignored him and said, “Well, yeah. Pretty much everyone at Durmprang does. I was really surprised when I got to Hogwash to find most people don’t.”

  Harry looked delighted. “It’s refreshing to hear that people don’t think you’re a liar. Do you want some juice?” he passed Tom the jug.

  For the rest of lunch, Tom got to know Harry, Hermione and Ron although, just like when they last met, Ron didn’t say much. Once they finished lunch, Tom went back to his bedroom to workout and study, with the new opinion that Harry and Ron were actually not too bad. Still idiots, but not as stupid as they had first appeared.