Until You

by Judith McNaught

  It was not a feeling she liked in the least. She wished Stephen had told her he loved her. She wished he had said he didn’t see Helene anymore. Now that her memory was functioning, she had a vivid childhood recollection of Helene Devernay’s American equivalent—a lady in a startlingly low-cut red gown with feathers in her hair whom Sheridan saw sitting in Rafe’s lap one night when she peeked in the windows of a gambling house. The female had been running her fingers through his hair, and Sheridan had felt a burst of jealousy that was as nothing compared to the way she felt about the thought of Helene Devernay sitting in Stephen’s lap.

  She wished she had the courage right now to demand that he break off his relationship with the beautiful blonde if he hadn’t already done so. On the other hand, common sense dictated that such an ultimatum might be far more successful if Sheridan were to first make Stephen want his wife more than he wanted his stunning chérie amie. The only thing standing in her way at the moment was that she didn’t have the slightest idea how to make him want her without some guidance from him. Thinking of the way he’d ordered her to take her hair down at Claymore, Sheridan lifted her hands. “Should I?”

  Stephen watched her breasts threaten to spill over the low, square-cut bodice of the lace gown. “Should you what?” he asked softly, as he started toward her.

  “Should I take my hair down now?”

  Permission again. She was thinking about his callous demand to loosen her hair that night at Claymore, he realized with a fresh stab of regret. He put his hands on her shoulders, trying not to look at the rosy swell of breasts. “I’ll do it,” he said gently.

  She backed up a half step. “No, really, if you’d prefer that I do it, I will.”

  “Sheridan, what’s wrong? What’s bothering you?”

  Helene Devernay is bothering me, she thought. “I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know the rules.”

  “What rules?”

  “I would like to know how to please you,” she finally forced out. He looked as if he were struggling to keep his face straight and she said in an imploring voice, “Oh, please, don’t laugh! Don’t . . .”

  Stephen stared down at the temptress in his arms and, very reverently, he whispered, “Good God . . .” She was serious. She was glorious, and sensual, and sweet, and courageous. And she was very, very serious. So much so that he had the distinct feeling that a wrong answer, a wrong reaction now, could hurt her beyond belief. “I was not laughing, darling,” he said somberly.

  Satisfied that he understood and did not object, she began with the subject of clothing, her eyes searching his. “What is allowed?”

  He laid his hand against her cheek and ran it back, smoothing her hair. “Anything is allowed.”

  “Is there a . . . a goal?”

  Stephen’s earlier confidence that his prior experience with women had equipped him for this particular evening slipped a notch. “Yes,” he said, “there is.”

  “What is it?”

  He slipped his arms around her and put his hands lightly on her back. “The goal is for us to be as close as we can possibly be, and to enjoy that closeness in every way we can.”

  “How will I know what you enjoy?”

  He was beginning to get an erection just from enjoying the conversation. “In general, if you enjoy something, I will.”

  “I don’t know what I enjoy.”

  “I see. Then I think it’s only right that you have time to find out.”

  “When?” Sheridan said, afraid he meant “someday.”

  He tipped her chin up, and she watched his sensual lips form one word. “Now.”

  She waited with a mixture of embarrassment and anticipation for him to do something, to give her some sort of direction, but Stephen could only gaze down into her eyes, thinking that he had gone to heaven. He bent his head to kiss her, very slowly rubbing his lips on hers, letting his hand drift down her throat to her bare bodice, and he felt her lean closer to kiss him back. She liked that, Stephen knew. She liked something else, too, he realized as she tentatively put her fingers against the narrow vee of his open shirt. “Would you like me to take my shirt off?” he heard himself ask.

  Sheridan had a feeling that question was a prelude to having her own gown removed, but she was also certain that was going to happen anyway. She nodded, and Stephen complied. She stepped back, watching him unfasten the front of his shirt. When the last stud came free, Stephen put them down on the table. Then he slowly opened his shirt and removed it, surprised to find that the act of deliberately undressing while a woman looked on, watching, was strangely erotic.

  Sheridan gazed in admiration at the heavily muscled broad shoulders and a wide chest with dark, springy hairs. She lifted her hand, then stopped when it neared his chest and gave him a swift look of inquiry. He nodded slightly, smiling at the sheer joy of her; she put her hand on his rib cage, slowly spreading her fingers, sliding them upward toward his nipple, and then she put her other hand beside it. He was beautiful, she thought, like a statue of a Greek god, all hard planes and bunched muscle. As her hands slid upward and her fingers brushed his small nipples, the muscles beneath her questing fingers leapt reflexively and she stopped instantly. “You don’t like it?” she asked, looking into those heavy-lidded smoldering blue eyes.

  “I like it,” he said almost gruffly.

  “So do I,” she admitted without thinking, smiling at him.

  “Good,” he said as he took her hand and led her to the bed. He sat down and when she started to sit next to him, he caught her waist and drew her down on his lap with a muffled laugh. “Go on,” he invited, and Sheridan resumed the exploration of his chest and arms, mildly puzzled about his comment that it was good that she liked touching him there. A moment later, she understood what he meant. If you like it, I will, he’d said. Obviously, that was supposed to work both ways, because his large hand came to rest on the bodice of her gown, cupping her full breast, and Sheridan felt her pulse leap. She looked down, watching his long fingers sliding over her nipple as she’d touched his, and she wondered if her leaping pulse was the equivalent of the reflexive bunching of his muscles. She drew a shaky breath, and waited, but his hand stopped moving, his fingers at the frog-closing of her bodice.

  Stephen waited for her to decide whether she wanted to open it or wanted him to open it or if she wanted it left alone. Half expecting her to decide the latter, he waited, and to his infinite delight, she solved the problem by sliding both her hands around his neck and pressing her breasts to his bare chest. She wanted him to open it, he realized, but she didn’t want to ask. He had the complicated closing open in seconds, and he slid his hand into the open bodice, holding her breast, teasing the nipple, feeling it harden into a taut bud while the soft globe seemed to swell to fill his hand. . . . And his erection swelled and hardened with it.

  Stephen felt in charge again, in territory where his experience was of value to them both, and he bent his head, touching his tongue to the tight nipple, then drawing it into his mouth, feeling her swift indrawn breath. Sheridan looked down at the dark head at her breast, while sparks of feeling began shooting rhythmically from her breast to her knees and she slid her fingers into his thick beautiful hair. He switched to the other breast, lavishing it with the same attention. Then his lips closed tightly on it and she gasped and clutched his head to her breast, suddenly desperate to make him feel the melting sensations he was giving her.

  As if he sensed it, he shifted her down onto the bed, so that her head was on the pillows, and he stretched out beside her. Sheridan turned into his arms, touching her tongue to his nipple, tightening her lips around it, and she felt his fingers sinking slowly into her hair as he gave her free use of his body.

  Stephen knew he was going to die before this was over.

  He had moved her to the bed because it was more comfortable and gave him freer access to the rest of her. He had not expected her to do what she was doing to him. Desire was exploding through his body and he
swallowed, clutching her more tightly as she brushed her fingers up and down his chest and kissed it. Unable to endure any more, he rolled her onto her back, unfastened the rest of her bodice, pushed the lace aside with his fingers, and then closed his eyes and drew a steadying breath. The gown had no fasteners beneath the bodice; the whole thing was open. He didn’t know how he’d failed to notice that. He didn’t know why he hadn’t expected it, except that it had been a gift from Whitney. At Claymore, the room had been virtually dark. Somehow, he hadn’t noticed that his wife had long, exquisite legs and graceful hips and a tiny waist and gorgeous breasts. His plan for a leisurely night of lovemaking took another battering as his body surged with alarming urgency.

  Sheridan swallowed, watching him leaning up on his elbow, looking at her, then closing his eyes, and her heart sank. Feeling it was better to know about her flaws so that she could either disguise them or hide them, she said in a shaky voice, “What’s wrong with me?”

  “What’s wrong with you?” he repeated in disbelief. He tore his gaze from the bounty before him and leaned over her to kiss her. “What’s wrong with you,” he whispered achingly, sliding his hand around her waist and pulling her closer, “is that you are exquisite, and I want you so damned much . . .

  The words were as seductive as the kiss that followed it. He opened her mouth with his, moving his lips back and forth almost roughly, and then his tongue drove between her parted lips in a fiercely erotic kiss, retreating and plunging again and again, until desire was streaking through Sheridan like lightning bolts. Leaning over her, he kissed her until she heard herself moaning softly, and then his lips were at her aching breasts again and his hand was sliding downward over her stomach, reaching lower, covering the soft mound between her legs. His fingers teased and tormented her, until Sheridan was clinging to him, parting her legs and giving him access.

  She was damp and more than ready for him, and the bed shifted as he got out of it, leaving her feeling cold and alone. She opened her eyes and saw him standing beside the bed, his hands at his waistband, and then he came back to her, and the magic began again, only hotter this time, and Sheridan gave herself up to it. She turned to him in trembling need, her fingers flexing against his shoulders, her body arching against his hand.

  Stephen was half demented with need. Cupping her bottom in both hands, he pulled her tightly against him. Then he wedged his knee between hers, probing with his body and then finding. He shifted his hips and slid into her, feeling her opening for him and then sheathing him while her nails dug into his shoulders. She was helping him, her knee lifted to give him deeper access, and he tried, one last time, to slow them both down. Keeping one arm around her hips, he cradled her face against his chest and rocked gently inside her, increasing the depth and tempo of each stroke imperceptibly, but when she crushed her soft mouth to his and began to move her hips with his, Stephen was lost.

  Sheridan felt the thunder of his heart beneath her ear and the driving force of his powerful strokes deep within her, and she felt her body begin to soar and reach and clasp him tighter. “I love you,” she cried on a sob as the universe began to come apart, and he rolled her swiftly onto her back, driving deeper, kissing her with fiery urgency. His hand found hers on the pillow near her head as his hips rammed deeper, and his fingers threaded through hers, holding tightly.

  He was holding her hand like that when the universe exploded in a burst of pleasure that tore a sobbing moan from her, and she felt his life pumping into her, his body shuddering again and again with the force of the explosion, his hand tightening.

  Stephen fought his way back from oblivion with an effort, leaning up on his forearms to take his weight off her, and he forced his eyes open. Her satin curls were spread all over the pillow in wild disarray, exactly as he’d imagined they would be someday, and his hand was holding hers.

  His hand was holding hers. . . .

  Filled with a feeling that was part joy, part awe, and part reverence, he gazed down at the woman who had just sent him to unparalleled heights of desire and unequalled depths of satisfaction. Her eyes fluttered open, and he tried to smile, to tell her that he loved her, but his chest was constricted with emotion, and there was an unfamiliar lump in his throat as he looked at their clasped hands on the pillow.

  He had never held a woman’s hand at a time like this in his life.

  He had never thought of it.

  He had never wanted to.

  Until now.

  Sheridan felt his hand tighten on hers and sensed instinctively what he was looking at with that strange expression of tenderness on his handsome face. Weak from the passion they’d shared, it took an effort to move her right hand from his nape and to put it on the pillow beside her face, where he could reach it. His long fingers slid over her palm and then twined with hers, closing tightly.

  Stephen bent his head and kissed her lips, their bodies joined, their hands clasped. He closed his eyes, swallowed, and tried to tell her again what he felt, to explain that he’d never known there were feelings like this, but the emotions were still too raw, and he was still out of breath. All he could manage to say was, “Until you . . .”

  She understood. He knew she did, because her hands tightened convulsively on his and she turned her face and kissed his fingers.

  Epilogue

  Seated in the drawing room at Montclair amidst exquisite furnishings that had once occupied European palaces, surrounded by all the trappings of his wealth and position, Stephen Westmoreland looked up at the gilt-framed portraits of his ancestors that lined the silk-panelled walls, and he wondered if they’d had as much trouble as he was having trying to be alone with his bride of two days.

  Above the fireplace mantel, the first Earl of Langford looked down at him from atop a mighty black warhorse, a visored helmet under his arm, his cloak swirling behind him. He looked like the sort of man who would have tossed his knights into the moat to get rid of them if they didn’t have sense enough to leave him alone in his castle with his new bride.

  On the wall across from Stephen, the second Earl of Langford reclined in front of his fire with two of his knights. His wife was seated nearby, surrounded by women working on a tapestry. The second earl had a more civilized look than his father, Stephen decided. That ancestor would have been more likely to send his knights on a trumped-up errand and then order his drawbridge pulled up.

  Bored with studying his ancestors, Stephen turned his head slightly and indulged in the more pleasurable occupation of studying his wife who was seated across from him, surrounded by his mother, his brother, Whitney, and Nicholas DuVille. Mentally, he tipped her chin up and kissed her while, with his free hand, he teased the shoulder of her lemon gown off, slipping it down her arm, then cupped her full breast and deepened the kiss. He was trailing a kiss down the side of her neck, working slowly to the nipple he wanted to kiss, when he realized Nicholas DuVille was watching him with a look that was both amused and knowing. Stephen was spared the embarrassment of blushing like an errant schoolboy by the arrival of Hodgkin, whom he’d retrieved from exile yesterday, and who walked to his side. “Excuse me, my lord,” Hodgkin said, “but you have guests.”

  “Who are they?” Stephen said irritably, swallowing the impulse to tell the old man to pitch the new arrivals into the lake—since he had no nice, deep moat with which to dispose of them—and then to bar the gates at the entrance to the estate.

  Hodgkin lowered his voice and whispered. As he explained the situation, Stephen’s annoyance gave way to resignation that he would have to see Matthew Bennett, who’d evidently just returned from America—and then to puzzlement that Bennett had evidently brought people with him. “Excuse me,” he said to his guests, who were too absorbed in a discussion of Sherry’s housekeeping decisions to notice he was leaving. His wife noticed, however. She stopped listening to advice on the running of a large household and looked up at him with a smile that said she, too, wished they were alone.

  Matthew Bennett launched i
nto his explanation before Stephen was clear into his study. “I apologize for my untimely arrival, my lord,” the solicitor said. “Your butler explained that you were newly wed and not receiving visitors, but your instructions when I left for America were that I was to locate Miss Lancaster’s relatives and escort them back to England at once. Unfortunately, Miss Lancaster’s only living relative—her father—died before I reached the Colonies.”

  “I know,” Stephen said. “I received a letter that was intended for Burleton and it contained that information. Since she had no other relatives, who did you bring back with you?”

  The solicitor looked defensive and a little harassed. “You see, Miss Lancaster was travelling with a paid companion, a young woman by the name of Sheridan Bromleigh, who was expected to return at once to America. No word has been heard from Miss Bromleigh, and her aunt—a Miss Cornelia Faraday—was most insistent that a search be instituted all over England to discover her whereabouts. Unfortunately, Miss Faraday did not feel she could rely upon either you or myself to handle that search. She was most insistent about accompanying me back to England in order to supervise it herself.”

  During one of their two nights alone together, Sheridan had told him about the aunt who had partially raised her and about the father who had disappeared without a word several years ago. Now, it looked as if he would be able to give Sherry an unexpected “wedding gift.” The fact that he was obviously acquiring another houseguest rankled, but it was compensation enough to know how happy she was going to be. “Excellent!” Stephen said with a smile.

  “I hope you feel that way when you meet the lady,” Bennett said wearily. “She is quite—determined—to locate her niece.”

  “I think I can handle that with surprising speed,” Stephen said with a smile of anticipation over the scene which was sure to unfold in the drawing room in a few minutes. “I know exactly where Miss Bromleigh is.”