No Where to Run

by Raven K. Asher

  “I haven’t given up hope on her yet, but what can we really do?” Another voice says sadly.

  “We have to let her go. I don’t want to, but I really feel it’s time to just let her go. She’s better off not living in this world anyway.” The voices fade again.

  I feel so alone without the voices.

  I want to scream and beg for them to come back.

  It feels like just moments before a voice whispers into my ear.

  “Babe, I need you to let me know your still in there. I hope you can hear me.” It’s Jax and his voice soothes me.

  I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone.

  I try to open my eyes to let him know I’m there, I try everything but nothing seems to work.

  “I love you my Rebel girl. Please, just.......come back to me.” Jax begs. I listen as he begins to cry. I want to hold him, to make it all better.

  I feel his hand slide into mine.

  Wait I felt that?

  I try to squeeze his hand, but nothing happens.

  “Maybe, Hunter and Lucca are right. It’s not fair to leave you like this. Maybe, it is time to let you go.” Jax sobs.

  I hear a door shut and footsteps getting closer.

  “Has she responded at all?” I recognize the voice as Hunters. Jax must answer him without words because he continues talking. “I really wish she would just open her eyes. I miss seeing her smile.”

  “I really miss her, too. I don’t want to let her go. If she would just give me a sign, any sign to know she’s still with us......” I try again to squeeze his hand I feel one of my fingers bend ever so slightly and I give myself a mental pat on the back.

  I try it over and over.

  Finally I feel his hand tighten on mine.

  “Holy shit, babe, can you hear me?” He almost yells. “She just moved her finger in my hand.” He pauses. “Move your finger again if you can hear me, babe.” I move my finger again and I feel him lift my hand to his lips.

  “Hunter, she can hear us.” Jax yells excitedly.

  I feel his hand leave mine and a much cooler one takes its place.

  “Sweetheart, God I miss you.” I move my finger again and he squeezes my hand.

  “Thank god, sweetheart I really thought we lost you.” I can practically feel his joy.

  His hand slips from mine and I feel Jax’s slip back in its place. “I have to find Lucca. Try to keep her responding to you.” Hunter’s footsteps fade away quickly.

  “Can you move your finger once for no, and twice for yes, babe?” Jax asks so I move my finger once.” He laughs out. “Smartass, I miss you.” I move my finger twice.

  “Have you been able to hear everything we’ve said to you?” I move my finger once for no. I don’t know if they were around for the times I blacked out.

  “Did you hear me when I told you I loved you?” I move my finger twice.

  He sighs and squeezes my hand before asking his next question.

  “You’re not going to leave me now are you?” I move my finger once, and I hear his sigh of relief.

  “I really wish you could open your eyes.” He sighs, I answer by moving my finger once letting him knows that I can’t. “Ruby says that you need more help than what she can give you, but I have no idea how to get you help other than taking you to a military base. That in itself is dangerous. I hate to ask you this but would you rather us let you go?”

  I take a few moments before answering no.

  I want to fight, and I want to wake up.

  I’m not ready to die.

  “Do you want me to take you to a place where they can help you?” I answer yes quickly. “I was hoping you’d say that. I think it’s going to be just you and me sneaking out of here to find help. Lucca has given up on you, and well......Hunter......he just hasn’t been himself. He blames himself for all of this.”

  I start to feel myself fading again and I try my damnedest to open my eyes.

  A sliver of bright light floods in my eyes, I see Jax’s shadow block the light. “That’s my girl let me see those beautiful blue eyes.” I try harder to focus on him and his image becomes clearer.

  He smiles down at me and his hand strokes the side of my face.

  Tears are silently streaming down his face.

  “God, I’ve missed those beautiful eyes. I’m going to get you help babe, no matter what it takes. Are you ok with that?” I answer yes quickly and my eyes blur.

  I can’t hold on much longer, I feel completely drained. “Do you want me to tell Hunter and Lucca my plans?” I answer no and my eyes close as I fade away.

  ****

  I wake up lying on a beach, with the sun shining down brightly on my warm skin. The ocean wave’s crash in the background, Irun my fingers through the sand slowly.

  Looking around at my surroundings, all I can see for miles is sand and ocean.

  I stand and walk to the edge of the water.

  It washes over my feet in soft cool waves, and I smile and walk along in the water down the beach.

  “Lexi, wait up sis!” I hear someone shouting my name. I look forward and see no one so I turn around and what I see nearly stops my heart.

  Walking down the beach is Duncan, my mother and father, hand in hand.

  All of them are wearing white flowing shirts and loose pants.

  They are all smiling at me.

  I run to them and jump into Duncan’s open arms. He spins me around then places me back on my feet, but I refuse to let him go.

  I know this can’t be real.

  It all had to be a dream.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Duncan.” I look up into his eyes.

  “I know you have Lex, but I’m always with you.” He places his hand over my heart. “I’ll always be in your heart, sister bear.”

  I look over to my parents and smile.

  They look so much happier to be with each other again.

  I break away from Duncan and throw my arms around my mom and dad. “I’m so sorry daddy, I miss you so much.” I pull back and look to his smiling face.

  He pulls me in close.

  “I miss you too, pumpkin’.” He pulls back and looks me over. “You have nothing to be sorry about, pumpkin’. That accident was just my time to go.” Then he adds. “I’m so proud of the woman you have become, pumpkin’.”

  My mother steps up next to him and clears her throat. I turn my face toward her and she smiles sadly.

  “I’m sorry I was so horrible to you, sweetheart. Nothing I can say will take back the hurtful things I’ve done, but I hope you will learn to forgive me one day. I always loved you, I still do.” I nod.

  “I do forgive you mom, I love you too, I always knew that somewhere deep inside you loved me, too.” I glance around at my family and feel whole again. “Where are we?”

  Duncan steps up to me. “We aren’t really anywhere, sis.” He looks around. “You’re not really even here with us, it’s almost like a dream, but you’re going to have to go back soon. You can’t stay with us forever.”

  “No, I want to stay here with you. I don’t want to go back. I have nothing to go back for.” I complain half heartedly. I know deep down I can’t stay.

  “Pumpkin’, you have a whole lifetime to live. We will see each other again, I promise you that. Right now you have a wonderful guy down there that loves you and he’s fighting for you.” My father states proudly. “Treat him right pumpkin’ and he will never leave your side.”

  “But daddy, I have three men who love me, who’s the right one?” I whisper trying to puzzle it out in my mind.

  “Sweetheart, we can’t tell you that, what I can tell you is to follow your heart. It won’t ever steer you wrong.”

  Duncan looks to the sky before looking back at me. “Sis, it’s time to go back, you need to wake up.”

  “Will I remember any of this?” I gesture to them and the beach.

  “Yes, but it will only be remembered as a dream, sis. Remember we are always with you, if you nee
d someone to talk to we will always be around. I love you sister bear.” Duncan grabs me into a hug, and then pulls back as my father takes his place.

  “I’m so proud of you, pumpkin’.” My dad whispers in my ear. He lets go and my mother takes his place. I hold on to her the longest, not saying anything.

  When she pulls back I hold on to her hand.

  “I love you, mom.”

  “I love you too, sweetheart. Be strong.” I let go and she steps into my father’s embrace.

  I stare at my family all dressed in white. I take in every detail I can, from their happy smiles to the twinkle in each of their eyes, my heart fills with peace, and I know now that they are in a far better place.

  Soon the beach and my family begin to fade.

  The last thing I hear from my brother as he places his hand over his heart.

  “You’ll always have me in here, sister bear. I love you.”

  Then everything fades to black.

  Chapter 18

  Day 56

  I open my eyes to a dark world.

  I hear gunshots ring out all around me.

  A light flashes over my face and I quickly close my eyes. I hear footsteps coming close and I feel my body being lifted. I reopen my eyes to find Ryder carrying me.

  He looks down at me and I see the shock in his eyes as he realizes mine are open.

  “Can you speak?” I can’t answer him. “Shit, I guess not.” He curses some more and I want to laugh.

  He has no idea what to do with me.

  He kneels down quickly as more gunshots ring out.

  Where in the hell are we, what the hell is going on? I wonder.

  “Keep your ass down, Ryder.” A loud voice booms beside us.

  “I need to find Jax, now. Her eyes are open. She still can’t speak or move.” Ryder looks back down to me. Soon another face comes into my line of sight.

  “Well damn, I don’t know where he is, but I’ll find him for you. Sit tight and keep her safe.” The man runs off.

  A few moments’ later two dark shadows run toward us.

  I want to scream with joy when Jax’s face comes into my view.

  “Hey baby, can you move?” His hand slides into mine and I squeeze it once. I pause and squeeze it twice, then once again. He laughs out and looks to Ryder.

  “She can squeeze my hand, that’s more than she could do before. It confused her. She squeezes once for no, and twice for yes.” He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it.

  More gunshots ring out and I give his hand a sharp squeeze.

  He sighs. “I know, don’t worry about the gunshots babe, we are almost to a military base that can help you.” He points to the man next to him.

  He’s tall and slim with short buzz cut hair. Its dark in color, but I can’t be completely sure which. His eyes are dark too, but they look friendly.

  I can’t take much more in because of the lack of light.

  “Cowboy here is helping us get past this group of scavengers. He’s a medic and has been traveling with us for the past week.” I squeeze his hand once and it’s almost as if he reads my mind.

  He nods. “Yes, it’s been a full week since we left the farm. I took you away the same night. You haven’t responded until now, I was starting to get worried.”

  The other man comes into my view. “Can I ask a few questions, Lex?” I squeeze Jax hand yes. He passes my hand over to Cowboys.

  “I’m going to press on different parts of your body. I want you to squeeze my hand every time you feel it, ok?” I squeeze twice. “Good girl.”

  A few moments pass and his brows knit together. I haven’t felt anything yet. When he presses on my forearm of the hand he’s holding I squeeze.

  His brow knits further.

  He lifts my other hand into my line of sight. “Can you feel anything with this hand?” I answer no.

  “What’s wrong, Cowboy?” Jax asks with concern written all over his face.

  “I’m not sure. You said she was shot in the stomach?”

  “Yes, could it have done more damage than we thought?” Cowboy nods.

  “It could be that a piece of the bullet hit her spine. If she’s lucky it might be fixable.” He looks back down to me.

  “Can you feel any pain?” I answer no as Ryder pushes his way into my view.

  “I bet you can still kick ass though, can’t ya?” Ryder smiles and I squeeze Cowboys hand twice, which causes him to laugh out.

  Ryder looks down at me and takes my hand from Cowboys.

  Leaning down he whispers in my ear. “You know my brother loves you, right?” I squeeze his hand twice.

  He nods silently. “I hope you will learn to love him back someday. He needs a good girl like you.” I squeeze his hand twice again, and he pulls back smiling.

  Jax hits him on the back of the head playfully.

  “What did you just say to my girl?” Jax questions and Ryder grins.

  “I just asked her when this is all over if I can have my turn with her.” He ducks as Jax’s tries to hit him again.

  They laugh and turn their attention back to me.

  My eyes grow heavy. “She’s probably getting tired guys. I think she’s used up all her energy for now.” Cowboy states softly while studying my eyes. I squeeze my hand once. I’m not ready to fall back into the darkness.

  Ryder looks down at me sadly.

  “You won’t be alone Lex, one of us will always be by your side.” He hands my hand back to Jax.

  He stands and nods before walking out of view.

  Cowboy stands next and places his hand on Jax’s shoulder.

  “Don’t keep her up much longer. The more rest she gets, the better. We will be at the base before you know it. If you need me, just yell.” Jax nods and Cowboy walks off.

  He turns his face back to mine.

  “I miss you, baby girl.” I squeeze his hand letting him know I miss him too. “Close your eyes and rest babe, I’ll be right here when you wake back up. I promise.” He leans in and kisses my forehead.

  “I love you.” He whispers as I shut my eyes. I feel my body being lifted, my strength fails and I drop his hand.

  I hear footsteps and then voices surround me.

  “How’s she doing?” An unknown voice asks.

  “She was awake for a few minutes. She’s still not much better, I’m just thankful she woke up, and that’s got to be proof that she’s fighting.”

  “I really never thought that you, or Ryder, would ever be the type to fall for a girl, but damn man, you got it bad for this one, don’t you?” The voice whispers.

  “Yeah, I really do. Just wait till you get the chance to meet her, you’ll fall for her too, Jake.”

  “Nah, not me, you know me Jax, I’m not a one girl type of man.” Jake laughs out and Jax joins in.

  “Yeah, you’re right about that, but you’ll still like my girl.”

  “I hope your right, Jax. I hope she can be saved, for your sake and Ryder’s.”

  “Yeah, I better keep my eye on him, huh? I think he’s getting a bit attached.” Jax laughs.

  “Let’s roll out men!” Yells, another oddly familiar voice, I try to place the voice but my thoughts quickly fade away.

  Chapter 19

  Day 58

  “What do you mean? She may or may not have memory loss?” Jax yells.

  I can hear his footsteps as he paces.

  “We have to go in and remove the last piece of the bullet. It’s lodged in a place that takes a long time to heal properly. When we are finished with the surgery we will have to induce a coma. It is possible for her to wake up with some memory loss, but it will come back with time, mind you.”

  “Do we have any other options, Doc.?” Jax sighs.

  “No we don’t if we leave her in this state, she will die. I honestly don’t know how she’s made it this far.”

  “She’s a fighter, Doc.” Jax states proudly.

  I open my eyes and will them to focus.

  I feel som
eone’s hand in mine, so I give it a squeeze.

  Ryder jumps into my view and smiles. “Hey, my sweet girl, you’re awake.”

  Jax and the doctor rush into my view.

  I smile at them and shock registers on Jax’s face.

  “She’s smiling.” He laughs out and pats Ryder on the back.

  His face turns serious and he takes my hand in his. “Babe, I have to ask you something really important. I need to know if you still want to fight.”I give his hand two squeezes.

  “Good girl. Now comes the hard part for me, at least. We were right about there being another piece of the bullet still inside you.”He pauses. “They can get it out, but you’re going to have to be put in a coma after to heal. There is a possibility you won’t remember me or anything when you wake up. Do you still want to go through with this?” I squeeze twice.

  “I figured you’d say that. I hope you won’t forget me, but if you do I’ll just have to make you remember.” I smile and blush as the few memories of us together, flood my mind.

  He smiles back. “Get your mind out of the gutter, babe.” He laughs and I squeeze his hand tightly.

  “This is Doctor Matthews, he going to be the one looking after you for a while. Ryder and I are going to have to leave you for a bit, but we will be back before you wake up.” I squeeze his hand once and I frown.

  He doesn’t say anything and it worries me.

  My eyes look over to Ryder and he nods knowing I want him to watch over Jax.

  Ryder leans in and whispers. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, I’ll keep him safe.” He steps back and Jax gives me a kiss on my forehead.

  “I love you, Lexi, I’ll be back soon.” He steps back and exits the room with Ryder.

  I look to the doctor and he smiles at me. “Are you ready for this?” He holds up a needle, but I have no way of communicating to him without using my hand. I frown and he quickly picks up my hand.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It won’t hurt, I promise. When you wake up you will feel as good as new.” He pokes me with the needle and I soon feel my eyes grow heavy.