The Man I Thought I Loved (Two-Faced Book 2)

by E. L. Todd

  “I could cry right now,” Matt said. “This is so good.”

  “It’s plain turkey and cheese,” Charlie said. “It’s not even a full sandwich.”

  Matt spoke with his mouth full. “Don’t care…fucking amazing.”

  Carson had better manners when she ate, but she still inhaled her food like a man.

  Charlie finished chewing his bite before he addressed her again. “When are you going to talk to Kat?”

  Matt continued to eat, his eyes moving back and forth.

  I wasn’t sure what Charlie meant exactly.

  “You told Matt?” she asked incredulously.

  “He’s my best friend,” Charlie said. “How am I not supposed to tell him?”

  “I’m your best friend,” she argued. “And I don’t want Kat or Denise to find out the wrong way.”

  Matt talked with his mouth full again. “Come on, I would never say anything.”

  I gathered that Carson had told Charlie the truth about Denise’s feelings. I ate as I watched the conversation unfold, enjoying the fact that I was a member of their group instantly, like I belonged there, listening to conversations about people and events, rather than money and corporate greed.

  “You’re my best girl friend—”

  “No, bitch.” She waved her finger. “I’m your best friend. I don’t get demoted because of my coochie.”

  “Fine,” Charlie said. “You’re both my best friends. Happy now?”

  She grabbed her sandwich again. “It’s a little better…”

  I turned to Charlie. “Can I be your best friend too?”

  He chuckled at my joke. “Sure. Why not?” He turned to Carson. “Seriously, when are you going to talk to her? You and Dax are happy, and there’s nothing standing in the way of this conversation.”

  She gave a loud sigh. “I’ll do it in a few days…”

  “How about tomorrow?” Charlie pressed.

  “Dude, chill.” She took another bite of her sandwich. “I’m not going to talk to Kat, have her be cool with it, and then you’re going to get laid that night. It’s gonna be a lot more complicated than that.”

  “I don’t want to get laid,” Charlie argued. “I just want to ask her out.”

  Matt gave him a skeptical look.

  “And if she wanted to do the nasty-nasty…I wouldn’t say no.” He leaned forward, closer to Carson. “But that’s not my goal. I’ve been into Denise for, like, nine months. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.”

  “But I’ve got to handle this right, you know?” Carson said. “How this plays out is totally on my shoulders. I don’t want to hurt Kat and lose our friendship, but I also want you to fuck my sister and be happy, I want my sister to get some good D… There’s a lot going on.”

  I chuckled at her description.

  “I promise, I will talk to her this week,” she added.

  “Alright.” Charlie finally let it go. “You head home right away and tell me everything that happened.”

  “Fine.” She went back to her sandwich and turned to me. “How’s your food?”

  “Good.” I took another bite. “But the view is better.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I look sooooo bad right now. My hair is greasier than a can of motor oil.”

  “I think you look cute.” I kept eating, my eyes on her. “I like a woman who works up a sweat and gets dirty.”

  She rolled her eyes again, but she clearly didn’t mean it. She liked it when I said things like that, when I complimented her for reasons besides her looks. “And eats like a pig?”

  “Yeah, actually.”

  Charlie watched us. “Carson, you gotta marry this guy, because no other guy is ever gonna say that.”

  Fifteen

  Dax

  I took the elevator to her floor then rang the doorbell twice.

  Footsteps sounded after a moment, then my sister checked the peephole. The door opened a second later, and she was in baggy sweatpants that were three times too big, along with a t-shirt. “Dax? What are you doing here?”

  “To give you a piece of my mind.” I pushed past her and entered the penthouse.

  She shut the door. “What are you talking about?”

  “Really?” My hands moved to my hips. “You’re gonna play stupid right now?”

  Her eyes narrowed farther. “You better tread carefully because I’m about to slap the shit out of you.”

  “Carson told me you ripped her apart in your office.” I came closer to her, feeling the rage in my veins.

  “What’s your point?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “What’s the point?” I asked incredulously. “Why would you treat her like that?”

  “Because I don’t like her. She’s a fucking tease, and she knows it.”

  Both of my eyebrows rose high on my face. “She’s not a tease. And even if she were, how dare you talk to her that way? How would you feel if I treated William like garbage?”

  “Totally different. He’s not the one who broke my heart.”

  Footsteps sounded a second later, and William entered the room from the hallway, in jeans and a t-shirt. “Everything alright?”

  I didn’t think he would be here this late, but then I realized that was a stupid assumption to make. “No, it’s not.” I turned back to my sister. “Carson and I worked it out. We’re together now.”

  “Really?” Her eyebrows rose. “Then maybe our conversation helped—”

  “I doubt it.” I was hardly ever angry with her, but right now, I was livid. “I told you about my problems because you said you wanted to have a closer relationship. Everything I said was in confidence. I didn’t expect you to launch all that shit at her. It’s a fucking betrayal, Renee.”

  She kept her hostility. “Yes, I was cold, but I also told her she would never find a better man, that you were the best in the world. I told her she’d better make this work because she would regret it for the rest of her life if she didn’t. You shouldn’t have lied and deceived her, but there’s so much more to you than that mistake. I also said all of that, but it looks like it didn’t matter to her.”

  “She told me what happened in a casual context, simply saying you didn’t like her and it was like a scene in Game of Thrones. She didn’t go deeper into it, and honestly, it doesn’t seem like she cares whether you like her or not. But I still can’t believe you came at her like that, especially when I still wanted her, even then.”

  She finally bowed her head. “Look, I wasn’t planning on saying any of that. But when I looked at her…it just came out. It’s hard to be around someone who’s hurting your brother. How would you feel if I asked you to be around William after he hurt me?”

  “I wouldn’t like it, but I wouldn’t lose my shit either.”

  “It sounds like there’s no harm done anyway, if she doesn’t care.”

  “That’s not the point.” I pointed at her. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  “And I apologized—”

  “No, you didn’t,” I snapped.

  Her eyes fell in guilt. “Okay…I’m sorry.”

  “I’m really going out of my way to have a relationship with William, and I’d appreciate a change in attitude so you can do the same.”

  “I don’t see how the relationships are the same. William and I are serious and—”

  “She’s the one.”

  Renee stopped her argument, dropped her attitude. Her arms slackened and fell to her sides. Now her eyes looked at me differently, like she was really hearing me for the first time.

  “Make this right, Renee.”

  As if she couldn’t speak, she gave a nod.

  She opened the door. “Ooh, you brought beer.”

  I stepped inside and greeted her with a kiss.

  She melted at my touch, just the way she used to, but with more potency.

  I moved past her and carried the beer to the fridge. “Where are the guys?”

  “Getting the pizza.”

&nbs
p; “No delivery?” I met her at the dining table.

  “It’s cheaper,” she said. “And Charlie is still at the office.”

  I twisted off the cap of my beer, took a drink, and set it down.

  “How was your day?”

  “Boring.”

  “I doubt being a CEO is boring.”

  “Let me paint a picture for you.” I came closer to her, feeling that energy that bounced back and forth between us. “Do you have meetings at work?”

  “Yes. Weekly.”

  “Do you enjoy them?”

  She shrugged.

  “Well, imagine you’re in a meeting all day, every day.”

  “Sounds terrible, but I don’t see how that’s possible.”

  “That’s what I do, handle one meeting then the next—over and over.”

  “You’re right…that is boring.”

  Fall was almost here, so her little shorts and tanks were starting to disappear. Now she was in jeans more often, along with a blouse. But whether she was in sweaty gym clothes or black lingerie, she was gorgeous. Right now, with her bright eyes and subtle smile, she was really something.

  I stared at her for a while before the urge overtook me. There were so many times when I wanted to do this but couldn’t because there was an invisible barrier between us. I moved into her, my arms circling her petite body, and I held her close to me.

  It was just a hug, but it felt so damn good.

  My chin rested on her head, and my hand dug into her hair as I cradled her close, my other arm around her waist. I closed my eyes as I held her, my fingers stroking slightly, and I smelled her hair, felt her presence wrap around mine.

  Her arms curled around my waist, and she rested against me, like the affection was just as addictive to her. She inhaled a deep breath then went still, just holding me, letting me hold her.

  After a few minutes passed, I pulled away.

  She released me, but reluctantly.

  I pulled out a folded piece of paper from my pocket and left it on the table.

  “What’s this?” She grabbed it and opened it.

  “I’m in no rush. I just want you to know where I stand.” Whenever it was time for us to be together, I wasn’t wearing a condom. Condoms were for one-night stands and partners who didn’t mean anything. That didn’t apply to us at all. If she wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy, I would wait. I’d rather wait for the real thing than settle for less.

  She folded the paper then slipped it into her pocket.

  I sat down at the table and drank my beer.

  She sat down too. She was usually quick with the words, but when it was just us, she had less to say. I loved hearing every thought in her mind, but I loved the silence too, as if our relationship had deepened so words weren’t required to have a connection.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  She gave a slight nod. “Anything.”

  I liked that answer. “Was that the first time you’ve seen him?”

  She seemed to understand exactly who I was asking about. “The last time I saw him was over a year ago. We signed the divorce papers, then I grabbed a couple things that were still in the apartment. And that was it.”

  “You haven’t spoken?”

  She shook her head.

  When I’d kissed her, I’d done it because I didn’t want her to focus on the past, to think about the lies of omission that demolished her heart. I wanted her to focus on the man who would do anything to have her, that I was her future and not a repeat of the past. It was different with us, and that kiss was enough proof that we had something real. I didn’t spend a lot of time kissing women. It happened, but it always accelerated into something more sexual. But with her, a kiss was sexual enough. “Is he married to the woman he left you for?”

  “I would assume so, but I really have no idea. I don’t stalk him online or anything.” Her hand moved to the table, and she beckoned to me with her fingers.

  I pushed the beer to her, like I was the bartender and she was a cowboy in a bar.

  She took a drink then pushed it back.

  I caught it and steadied it before it tipped over. “Do you want to talk about it?” I wanted to know how she felt in her own words, but I didn’t want to push her into something she didn’t want to do.

  She looked away and gave a shrug. “Not much to say. When I first saw him and spotted his wedding ring, I did feel terrible. It was like he’d cut me again, in the same place where he’d done it before, sliced right through the scar tissue. And that pain isn’t because I still had any affection for him. It was just because it reminded me that I never mattered, that he never really loved me, that it was all just a big mistake…and he never cared for me. It made me feel like shit that I didn’t realize it as it happened, that I didn’t see the signs, that I didn’t question his actions or behaviors. I was totally blind. It’s just humiliating, you know?”

  “Yeah, I do know.” I didn’t want her to know the pain of a bad relationship, but it did make me connect to her better, because she knew exactly how it felt to be used and spat out.

  “But when you walked to me, I knew what was about to happen. It was like a long pause, where time stood still, where everything became quiet. And then you kissed me…and I forgot about everything else. Evan left my thoughts, and I didn’t think about him again. All I thought about was you. Couldn’t care less if Evan saw me or not. Couldn’t care less if it bothered him or not. It just…felt right. It grounded me, pulled me to the present, showed me that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.”

  My face remained stoic, but those words burned me from the inside out, made me feel alive and dead at the same time. This deep connection I felt for her was reciprocated, and she was finally allowing herself to feel everything she was afraid of. She was giving herself to me, handing over pieces of her heart, one at a time. My lie had ruined what we’d been developing, but we came back stronger than before, because what we had…was real.

  Charlie and Matt walked inside with the pizza. “Why isn’t the TV on?” Charlie barked.

  I ignored them and continued to stare at her, holding on to that emotion a little longer before the energy turned casual and the moment was gone entirely.

  She stared at me too, as if she wasn’t quite ready to let go.

  “Oh, sweet.” Charlie carried the pizzas to the dining table and placed them in between us. “You brought beer. Thanks, man.” He headed into the kitchen to grab the plates.

  “No problem,” I said, still looking at Carson.

  Charlie and Matt came to the table and started pulling the pieces out of the box between us.

  “Did you talk to Kat?” Charlie asked.

  She tilted her head back and sighed. “I will tell you when I do, alright?”

  “But when?” Charlie pressed. “You said you were doing it this week.”

  “We’re having dinner tomorrow,” Carson said. “So chill.”

  “About fucking time.” Charlie shoved a slice into his mouth and headed to the couch.

  “You gonna eat?” Matt handed me a plate.

  “Sure.” I took it.

  “What about me?” Carson said in offense. “I feel like you’ve replaced me with Dax.”

  “We have,” Charlie said from his spot on the couch facing the TV.

  “He’s much better.” When Matt had all his pizza, he headed to the couch to join Charlie.

  She looked at me and shook her head.

  I stood up and set my plate in front of her. “Here, sweetheart.”

  She took the plate with a slight smile. “At least someone here likes me.”

  When the game was over, Matt left. “See ya.”

  “Bye.” Charlie carried the plates to the sink then put all the empty bottles into the recycling.

  I didn’t expect to stay, but I also didn’t want to leave either.

  When he was finished, he headed down the hallway. “Night, Dax.”

  “Night, man.”

  Carson sa
t on the other couch, and she watched him leave the room with her arms raised. “Uh, bye?”

  Charlie shut his door in response.

  “He teases you because he loves you.” I leaned forward with my arms on my knees. “It’s one of the perks of being so close to someone.”

  “I wouldn’t call it a perk…” She got to her feet and grabbed the remote to turn off the TV.

  I knew I wouldn’t get an invitation to stay, so I rose to my feet and headed to the door.

  She followed me, coming close to me and immediately circling her arms around my waist as I turned to face her. Her eyes went to my lips, like she wanted to kiss me all over, but she didn’t. Her eyes flicked back to mine.

  My arms wrapped around her, and I held her with the same enthusiasm, wanting to drag my hands all over her body and feel the curves my fingers could never forget. All the other women in my bed were a disappointment because they didn’t have what she did. She was fucking perfect.

  “I’d ask you to stay, but…” Her eyes lifted from my mouth to my eyes.

  “There’s no rush, sweetheart.” My hand cupped her face, and I kissed her, getting a taste of what we could have whenever she was ready to give me all of her, not just a piece. She used to use sex as a distraction, a meaningless act to cure the loneliness while guarding her heart. But now that she was emotionally available, it actually meant something to her, and that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted her, all of her—heart, body, and soul. “You’re worth the wait.”

  Sixteen

  Carson

  “So, how are things with Dax?” Kat sat across from me and waggled her eyebrows. We got a drink after work and split an appetizer. “Girl…that kiss.” She licked her lips. “You’re a lucky woman, I’ll say that.” She grabbed her lemon drop and took a drink.

  “Yeah, he’s good at the kissing thing.”

  “He’s good at everything, right?”

  “Yes.” I hadn’t had it in a while, but my memory hadn’t faded. But I also suspected the sex would be totally different…whenever it happened.