The Man I Thought I Loved (Two-Faced Book 2)

by E. L. Todd

  “Are you guys doing it all over the place?”

  “Well, we haven’t gotten there yet.”

  “What?” she asked in surprise. “If you aren’t screwing, what are you doing?”

  I shrugged. “Talking and stuff…”

  She stared at me like I was the biggest weirdo she’d ever met. “Who are you right now? You went from juggling boy toys and playing the field to being in a monogamous relationship without sex?”

  “We’re just taking it slow.”

  “But you’ve already slept together.”

  “I know. But it’s different…”

  She drank her lemon drop and narrowed her eyes, like she wanted me to elaborate.

  “Come on, everyone knows I was sleeping around as a defense mechanism. I was coping in the only way I knew how. But I don’t want to do that with Dax. When I sleep with him, it’s going to be…different. It’s gonna be meaningful. That’s just a lot for me right now, and I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

  “You mean you’re going to make love instead of fuck?”

  “I guess. And I haven’t done that since I was married…”

  Her eyes softened once she understood. “That’s pretty romantic, actually.”

  “I really like him, and while I’m fucking terrified, I want to do this. I want to have a relationship. You know…a deep one. I’m not even angry with him anymore for the lie he fed me. I’m just…totally hung up on him. I hate it, but I am.”

  She gave me a slight smile. “I think this is great. You know, it means you’ve really moved on, emotionally.”

  “Not quite…because I have to sleep with him still.”

  “Come on, it’s going to be amazing.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it will.”

  She drank from her glass again then moved to the nachos. “I’m happy for you. I know Dax was a little shady in the beginning, but you can tell he’s a good man. Come on, a man doesn’t kiss like that unless he’s totally sprung.”

  It was a damn good kiss.

  She kept picking at the nachos.

  We did the small-talk thing, caught up, discussed work, and our relationships…and now there was nothing else to talk about.

  That meant I had to do the thing I absolutely didn’t want to do. “Kat…there’s something I want to talk about.”

  “Alright…” She grabbed another chip and popped it into her mouth, but her eyes were narrowed on my face, anticipating the fall. “Lay it on me, girl.”

  “Well, it’s kinda a rough thing to talk about. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I felt like I should. So, here it goes…”

  “Now I’m officially freaked out.”

  “Denise told me she kinda has a thing for Charlie.” I started with my sister since the truth about Charlie would hurt a lot more. “They’ve been spending time together, and she said she’s attracted to him…thinks he’s great.”

  Her eyes dropped, and the blood drained from her face, like this really stung her. She had been about to grab another chip but dropped her hand instead. “Um…” She released a heavy sigh. “I’m trying to be diplomatic about this whole thing since she’s your sister…but that’s a knife right in my back. There are rules for these things. What kind of friend is she?”

  “Before you get mad, she said she would never do anything because of your friendship.”

  Relief flashed across her eyes, her temper dimmed. “Good. Charlie and I were together for years, and we’ve only been broken up for nine months… That would be just callous.”

  I found it ironic that she hadn’t gotten over their relationship, but people expected me just to bounce back after my divorce when I’d had almost the same amount of time to digest it. “Yeah.”

  “Thanks for telling me…I guess.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t have said anything at all because there’s no point. If she’s not going to do anything, then it doesn’t matter. But…Charlie told me he has feelings for her.”

  Now, she truly looked distraught, the light leaving her eyes as the hope drained from her face. Her gaze dropped, she took a deep breath, and she looked devastated, her fingers fidgeting with her hair.

  I hated this, so much. “I’m sorry, Kat. I’m so sorry…”

  She wouldn’t look at me, like if she did, she would start to cry. “What did he say…exactly?”

  “I guess he’s felt this way for a while…but he would never do anything because of the situation.”

  Her eyes stayed down. “I…I thought we might get back together. He broke up with me so suddenly, and I thought he would realize it was a mistake and come back… But he doesn’t feel that way at all, does he?”

  I didn’t want to lie and give her false hope, but I didn’t want to tell the truth and crush her spirit either.

  She lifted her gaze and looked at me, like a frightened animal.

  “No…”

  She inhaled a deep breath, her eyes slowly starting to well up. “Oh fuck…” She dropped her gaze again and looked at the table so she could control her emotions.

  My hand moved to hers on the table, and I squeezed her fingers.

  She sniffled then grabbed the cocktail napkin to dab the corners of her eyes.

  I knew she still cared about him, but I hadn’t understood how deeply until now. “I thought things were going well with Nathan?”

  “I mean…they’re fine. We’re having fun. But…that’s it.” She pulled her hand away from mine.

  “Just because Nathan isn’t the right one doesn’t mean the next guy won’t be. Kat, you’re amazing. You’re going to find an amazing guy who will love you so much he can’t imagine his life without you.” She was so gorgeous, so fun, so interesting. I knew Charlie’s feelings for Denise were strong if he would walk away from Kat without looking back. So, they just weren’t meant to be.

  “I know, but I really loved Charlie. When I pictured myself in a wedding dress, he was the man watching me walk down the aisle.”

  Now I wished Denise had never relocated here. I wished I weren’t having this conversation. I wished I didn’t have to watch my best friend get crushed the way Evan crushed me. “I know, girl…”

  She grabbed her drink and finished the rest of it. After a few deep breaths, she calmed herself, cleansed her emotions, and stared out the window somberly. “I guess I really need to move on…because it’s not going to happen.”

  “Yeah.”

  She turned back to me. “I guess I needed to know the truth…as much as it hurts, so I can have closure and move on.”

  I respected her attitude. She was strong. “So…you think I should tell them about the other’s feelings and give them your blessing?”

  She looked totally caught off guard. “What?”

  “You know…because they want to be together.”

  “You’re serious right now?” She cocked her head and turned vicious. “They should be together while I just stand there and watch? That’s completely inappropriate. She’s my friend, he’s the guy I’m still in love with, you’re my best friend… That just sounds like a fucking nightmare.”

  I’d hoped this wouldn’t be her reaction, but she was emotional and upset, and she wasn’t ready. “So, I should just keep it to myself?”

  “Yes. We were together for two years. How could anyone expect me to just shrug it off and be okay with it?”

  If she knew Charlie’s feelings were much deeper, she might have a change of heart, but I could never tell her that…because that would be too much.

  “Absolutely not. You take that shit to the grave.”

  I didn’t react to her words, didn’t show my disappointment. “Alright.”

  She grabbed my drink and took a sip.

  “I just think…if you really care about Charlie…you would want him to be happy.” He’d been feeling this way for Denise for a long time, but he didn’t do anything about it out of respect for Kat’s feelings. He even ended their relationship because he didn’t want to lie to her, pretend those feelings did
n’t exist when he was strongly attracted to someone else. He did every honorable thing possible.

  “Of course. He meets someone and falls in love and proposes…I would understand. I would be happy for him, even if it hurt. But to have to watch him be with my friend and have to look at it all the time…that’s rough. Because we’re always hanging out, so they’ll always be together. It’ll literally be in my face all the time. No, I can’t do that.” She shook her head. “Could you?”

  If I had to see Dax with Denise, it would kill me. When she’d made a comment about having him, it had made me possessive when he wasn’t even mine. It would be difficult to be in those shoes and deal with that pain every day. It would be difficult for anyone, almost too much to ask. But I knew I would, because it was the right thing to do. “Hard to say…”

  Instead of heading back to the apartment to talk to Charlie, I texted Dax. I need you. Charlie wouldn’t text or call out of fear that Kat would see his message, so I wouldn’t have to deal with him until I walked in the door. So, I wanted to avoid that as long as possible. I wasn’t the one with a broken heart, but I was devastated, and I reached out to Dax like a lifeline…which was a first.

  He texted me back instantly. Sweetheart, I’m here. What do you need?

  Can I come over?

  Always.

  I walked a few blocks to his penthouse, checked in with security, and rode the elevator to his floor. His whole world was vastly different from mine, but instead of seeing him as some rich suit, I saw him as Dax…the man. The doors opened and revealed him standing there, in just his sweatpants. His expression was focused on mine, his eyebrows rigid, his jaw clenched tightly, like my well-being was the single most important thing in the world to him. He cared about every emotion I felt, volunteered to carry my baggage like he wanted to be miserable with me rather than happy alone.

  I moved into his chest and rested my face against his hardness, feeling those thick arms wrap around me like armor. He pulled me closer, his chin resting on my head, his arms squeezing me tightly. He didn’t flood me with a million questions. He gave me all the time I needed, provided silent comfort that was better than a long-winded conversation.

  I already felt better.

  I pulled my head back, feeling him brush his lips across my forehead and kiss me before he loosened his hold on my body. “Talk to me.”

  “I just had dinner with Kat.”

  Understanding entered his gaze as his hands slid down my arms until they released me altogether.

  “She was so hurt…devastated.”

  His eyes softened.

  “And I hated doing that to her, hurting her like that.” Making your best friend cry was the worst feeling in the world. I wished Charlie had never met Denise, that this whole thing had never happened. I had to do the dirty work because I was the only one who could make it as painless as possible.

  His arm circled my waist again, slipping underneath my shirt to my bare back as he guided me to the couch.

  I took a seat, kicked off my shoes, and tucked my feet against my ass.

  He sat beside me, his large hand moving to my thigh, his gaze on me.

  My arm hooked through his while my other hand rested on his sculpted forearm. His skin was so warm to the touch, and while his hard body was irresistible in that moment, I couldn’t really appreciate it. “I asked if I could tell Charlie and Denise how the other feels, but she said no.”

  He didn’t pass judgment or give a reaction. He just watched me.

  “When I go home, Charlie is gonna be sitting there waiting for me, and I have to tell him what Kat said, which will disappoint him and make her look bad. This just sucks. I hate it.”

  His fingers gripped my thighs gently, his fingers stroking me through my jeans. “Give her more time. You dropped a lot of information on her at once. Let her sleep on it for a bit.”

  “Yeah…”

  “It made her emotional, so she reacted emotionally. Don’t judge her for that.”

  I nodded. “I understand. I mean, she’s still in love with him, so of course this hurts. And no one wants to watch their ex, who they are in love with, be in love with a friend…all the time. It’s totally reasonable.”

  “It is.”

  “I wish Denise had never moved here. I love my sister and I’m happy I see her all the time, but life would be much easier if she’d stayed put.”

  “Maybe.”

  I looked up to meet his gaze.

  His scruff was coming in thick, matching the color of his eyes. “But if these two are meant to be together, it had to happen.”

  “It’s too early to tell.”

  “But if there’s a chance…any chance at all…”

  I rested my face on his shoulder.

  His lips kissed my hairline. “I know things are rough right now, but they’ll get better…eventually.”

  “Or I could just stay here and never deal with it at all.”

  He chuckled quietly, his breath floating over my forehead. “I’d love that.”

  “No, you wouldn’t.” I stared down his hard body, seeing the flat abs that went all the way down to the top of his sweatpants. The dramatic lines formed a V shape that I wanted to trace with my fingertips. “I’d eat all your food, get popcorn in the crevices, drink all your beer. Charlie has warned you extensively.”

  “I can handle it.”

  I pulled away so I could look at his expression instead of his perfect body. “I don’t know…Charlie knows me better than anyone, and he can’t.”

  “I’m a bigger man than he is.”

  I gave a slight smile then glided my fingers over his chest, feeling all the hard muscle. The attraction was there, and I wanted to drag my tongue from the bottom of his abs, all the way up his neck, and then to his sexy jawline. I wanted to stick my hand down his bottoms and rub his dick as I tasted his skin. But those urges would have to wait.

  He must have read the desire in my eyes, because his hand dug deep into my hair and pinned it back from my face, his eyes looking at my lips.

  My heart stopped beating.

  He stared at me for a while before he pulled me into him, guiding my mouth to his, his hand fisting my hair harder, getting a strong hold of it.

  Once our mouths were connected, my thighs squeezed together and a breath escaped my lips. My nails instinctively dug into his chest, clawing into his flesh. I stared into his eyes as I kissed him, but then they closed when the passion made my hands shake. It was like the kiss in the bar, but a million times stronger, a fire that grew into an inferno.

  He breathed into my mouth between kisses, his mouth turning to the other side before he gave me some tongue. When he felt them circle together, he released a quiet moan, his fingers clenching deeper in my hair.

  My hands explored his body, moving all the way down over his stomach, across the hard abs I wanted to lick. My fingers ached to go farther to feel his big dick, but I stayed above the waist.

  He started to guide me back to the couch to move on top of me.

  My hand slid back to his chest, and I steadied him, our lips breaking apart, our eyes locking together with lidded gazes. “I…I don’t trust myself.” If I let his muscular body lie on top of mine, I would pull down his bottoms and get mine off soon after. It would turn into a moment I wasn’t ready to have, and we’d rushed too quickly last time and destroyed the entire thing in the process.

  He cradled my head and stared at my mouth. “But you can trust me.”

  My hand slid down his chest again, toward his stomach.

  “I want that moment when it’s perfect, when you’re ready to have me the way I’m ready to have you.” His eyes moved to mine. “So, you don’t need to worry about it going somewhere it’s not supposed to go. It’ll be what it’s supposed to be.” He looked at my lips again, as if asking for permission.

  He’d rushed me last time, but he was determined not to rush me again, to let me have exactly what I wanted. That made me trust him, despite his lies. It m
ade me believe this could really be the right thing, because the finish line was in sight, so there was no need to sprint to it.

  I nestled back into him and let my lips land on his.

  He inhaled a deep breath as he kissed me, his hand fisting my hair once again, his strong body guiding me backward as he moved on top of me. His thighs separated mine so he could fit on top of me easier.

  My ankles locked together around his waist, and I dug my fingers into his hair, my kisses increasing in intensity right away, becoming more carnal, more aggressive. My hand snaked up his back and dug into his skin, clawing at it like he was inside me, making me writhe.

  His passion matched mine, and even though this wouldn’t end up with us in bed together or our clothes on the floor, he was just as excited, like the moment was enough for him.

  His mouth left mine and lowered to my jawline and neck, placing his kisses all over my body, moving to the collar of my shirt without going further. His teeth gently bit at my collarbone before he rose back up again, kissing me hard, like he wanted all of me, every single piece.

  It was the most passionate moment of my life, feeling him kiss me like that, want me like that. Lust was sharp in my touch, digging into his flesh, but it was more than that, a sensation in my chest, a closeness of our souls that I could feel distinctly. Emotional and deep, it was more than just a make-out session on the couch.

  A lot more.

  It was almost ten when I walked in the door.

  Charlie jumped up from the couch, the spot where he’d been waiting all night. “What happened? What did she say?”

  Dax had chased away all my problems with his affection and powerful kiss, but now that I was back in the apartment, reality had returned. Now that Charlie was staring at me with the expectant expression, I wished I’d just spent the night. “It was rough, Charlie.”

  He walked past the couches and joined me in the entryway. “At least it’s over, right?”

  It was far from over.

  “Did she give her blessing?”

  I understood Kat’s position, it was totally reasonable, but I hoped she’d change her mind. “I need more time with her.”