Awakened

by Amy Brock McNew

  Anger flared hot and bright in her gut. “Stop it.”

  “What? You need a target.” He shrugged. He may have looked relaxed, but she felt the tension in him. Sensed the vibrating need bubbling in his veins. “Better me than some unsuspecting wolf on the training field.”

  Her fist itched with the need to hit him. To release her fury at him and the world. Maybe unleashing on him would help work off that restless energy. If she couldn’t have him like she wanted him, she could settle for putting him on his ass. Or beating him to a pulp for what he’d done to her. To them.

  “Don’t tempt me, Trys.” Her limbs trembled as the fire within grew hotter.

  Trystan smiled. “That’s it. Let it out. You know you want to.”

  His words began to run together as a haze descended. Rage at him. Fury at her sister and the situation she’d put them all in. It all came to a head as he circled her, urging her to lash out. Red erupted on her skin again as she began to shake with the need to take the leash off. The need to feel his skin under her hands, in any way she could get it.

  “Come on, Manda. Do it. Give it to─”

  Her fist impacted his jaw with the speed of a striking cottonmouth. She followed him as he staggered back, tackling him to the ground. They landed in the mud with an epic splash.

  Trystan laughed as she mounted his hips. Amanda stopped the laughter with a vicious volley of punches. She hit him in the face, the chest, wherever she could. Mud flew as his head swiveled with each punch. Tears poured down her face as she let her pain seep out of her.

  She took a deep breath and reared back for a devastating blow, when she realized his hands laid harmlessly at his sides. He hadn’t even tried to defend himself. Her hand dropped to his tight stomach when she saw the look in his eyes. He believed he deserved it.

  Amanda scrambled off of him, slipping in the mud and landing on her ass. She used her hands and feet to scoot away. “Why aren’t you fighting back?”

  Trystan sat up. “I told you. I was letting you get it out of your system.”

  She slapped her hands, sending brown goo spraying. “Fight me! We’ve sparred a million times.”

  Rage surged hard and fast, along with desire, as she watched his hard jaw tick. The cut of his muscles as he leaned back on his arms. The long legs that had held her up and propelled him into her as he’d taken her against the wall. The lean hips she loved wrapping her legs around.

  She embraced the rage. Since she couldn’t have the other.

  Her wolf raked her claws inside her skin.

  Trystan shook his head. “Not gonna happen.” A flush slashed red across his sharp cheekbones. “This is all I can give you. The only way I can help you. Take it.” He pushed at her knee with his foot, forcing a grin.

  Amanda growled long and loud. He shoved at her knee again. She wanted to fall into the levity he was trying to create to keep her distracted. Yeah, she knew what he was doing. It pissed her off, at the same time warming her heart.

  “Come on, Manda. Are you chicken shit?” His eyes glistened, a bit of joy mingling with the pain and want. “Afraid I’ll be more than you can handle?” He leaned forward, his lids lowering. “I know you like it rough. Give it to me hard.”

  Amanda sucked in air, the double entendre sending a shiver skittering through her, firing her veins. She was flustered, needing him, riding a razor’s edge, and wanting to tackle him again and shred clothes until she got to hot, smooth skin.

  Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed a handful of mud and flung it right at his head.

  He jerked to the side so the glob hit his shoulder. “Oh, you’ll pay for that.”

  Trystan scooped up his own handful. Amanda tried to get away, but kept sliding in the mud. His toss hit her dead center, covering her breasts and stomach.

  She gasped and crawled to her knees. Her wolf yipped, overjoyed to play with their mate. Amanda lurched forward, taking Trystan down.

  They wrestled in the muck and mire, coating themselves with it as they rolled. Each trying to smack the other in the face with hands full of mud. A laugh bubbled up inside Amanda, and she let it loose.

  Soon, they were both letting out gales of laughter as they rolled around like lunatics. Trystan dug his fingers into her side. She laughed and gasped, begging for him to stop. Damn it, he knew how ticklish she was. If he made her pee her pants, she was going to kill him.

  Amanda bucked and twisted, trying to dislodge him. Trystan pinned her hands above her head, trapping her body with his. He settled into the vee of her legs. A choked moan escaped her as his full and ready erection pulsed against her. Her eyes flew open on another gasp. His were full of fire, blazing with the same hunger burning her alive.

  Reservations, all the reasons they shouldn’t, fell away as she met him halfway. His lips smashed into hers with a force that shook them both. Their hunger exploded as he consumed her.

  HE SHOULDN’T BE DOING this.

  He shouldn’t be pinning her luscious curves in the mud, grinding himself against her and eating at her mouth like it was his last meal.

  Trystan couldn’t stop himself. His wolf gave a howl of pleasure. Urged him to strip her bare and bury himself inside her. He sucked her lip between his teeth, growling at her whimper. Then something else within him growled.

  The beast.

  Trystan froze. He scrambled off Amanda so fast he slid in the mud, fighting to gain purchase.

  Amanda sat up, her eyes wide, then narrowing. She yanked down her shirt that had risen up as they writhed against each other. Her voice flared with hurt and anger. “I get it. You don’t want me. But could you at least not look at me like I disgust you? Especially when you just had your tongue down my throat.” She fought to her feet and tried to scrape some of the mud off, just making it smear.

  Trystan shook his head, climbing to his own feet. “It’s not you, Amanda.”

  “Yeah, it’s never really been me, has it?” She spit the words at him and whirled, slugging her boots through the mire to solid ground. Trystan followed and grabbed her arm. “What, Trys?”

  He dropped it like he’d been bitten. The beast roared within, raging at him for depriving him of touching her. He scratched and clawed to get to her, tearing Trystan up. He bit his lip until he drew blood and clenched his fists at his sides.

  Bowen’s words whispered in his mind, that maybe the bond with Amanda would heal him. Then Brianna’s warning rushed back. How the spell couldn’t awaken something that wasn’t already there. He couldn’t let the beast harm Amanda, even if he had to hurt her to prevent it.

  She threw her arms in the air. “Fine. Be alone and miserable. I’ll do the same. It won’t be any fucking different than when you’re around anyway.”

  “You’re right.”

  It was Amanda’s turn to freeze. “What?”

  Trystan took a deep breath, preparing himself to shatter her precious heart. It was the only way to get her to stay away. To move on, to be free to heal when he left.

  “All I’d do is make you miserable.” He met her eyes, blanking his. Hiding the thick emotion that was like sludge in his veins. “I can’t commit to one female anyway. You know that. Like the other day, when I took Deidre into the woods. I needed to fuck somebody, and she was there.” His heart cracked.

  Amanda glared at him. “You said you didn’t. Swore to me.”

  Trystan smirked. “Yeah, well...she always was a good fuck. Maybe even better than you.” He let the outright lie hang in the air as his heart twisted, then dried up.

  Her face fell, disgust and heartbreak written all over her. “You’re an asshole, Trystan. I can’t believe fate would pair me with someone like you. I must have fucked up good in another life.”

  “I guess so. I’m honestly not even sure we were supposed to be mates.” It physically hurt to say the words. To repudiate her. His wolf howled and viciously clawed him. He held back a wince. “We were probably just really hot for each other and misunderstood. Maybe you built me up in your
mind as something I’m not. I don’t know. But I don’t think it’ll be any problem for us to just walk away. Chalk this whole thing up to bad judgment.”

  Gods, the knife in his gut burned. He watched, helpless, as a million emotions flicked across her face. The final, rage. They stared each other down, neither moving a muscle. Until Amanda lifted her chin and turned on her heel, preparing to run.

  Trystan swallowed hard before delivering what he knew would be the final, killing blow. He’d do anything to protect her. Anything.

  “Just so we’re clear,” she paused but didn’t turn around. “When I said I loved you, I was just saying what I thought you wanted to hear.” His dried-up heart blew away. “You need to know, in case you get it in your head you can change my mind. It won’t work.”

  Trystan fought the voice in his head screaming at him. Fought every urge to go to her, apologize. Take her and mark her. Tell her he loved her and always would.

  Amanda’s chin shot up. Her shoulders went back. But instead of marching away from him, she whirled around and stomped straight toward him. Finally within arm’s reach, she reared back her fist, uncharacteristically broadcasting her intent, and slammed a wicked right cross into his jaw. Trystan’s head snapped to the side as his cheek exploded in pain. He staggered.

  Her eyes blazed actual fire. Her skin covered in flame.

  She glared hard at him, but there was something else in her eyes. Knowledge.

  “Why are you lying to me, Trystan?” She stepped closer, and he couldn’t stop the involuntary reaction of stepping back. “We are meant to be mates. You know it. Our bond was already starting to form.” Shit. “Which means I can feel almost everything you do.” She clenched her fists, ready to give him some more. “So what makes you think I’ll buy the bullshit you’re spewing?”

  Panic tightened his chest. Panic and pride. His female was even tougher than he’d thought. Still, Trystan’s brain scrambled for a way to recover. A way to get her far away from him and the beast.

  He pulled back his shoulders. “I’m not what you need, Amanda. And you’re not what I want.”

  She shook her head. “Stop lying! Why are you doing this?”

  Amanda unleashed on his chest, beating it over and over with her fists. He shook with the opposing forces within him. Some saying “hold her. Love her. Take her.” The other telling him to run far and fast. He snapped as she dissolved into tears. Tears he’d caused. Proving he was a danger to her.

  Trystan pushed her back. “Because you’re not safe with me!” He shook his head furiously. “I can’t keep you safe from me.”

  Amanda stilled. “What the hell are you talking about? You’d never hurt me.” Her eyes narrowed. “What’s going on, Trys? Why do you think you’ll hurt me? Why won’t you claim me?” Her voice broke at the end, tearing him in two.

  He pulled at his hair with both hands. Before he knew what was happening, the truth spilled from him.

  “Because my fucking father killed my mother!” He stalked toward her as she backed away. “And then I killed him. And my grandfather beat the piss out of my grandmother. My uncle did the same to my aunt, nearly killing her.” Trystan grabbed her arms as her eyes flew wide, tears flowing. “My blood is cursed, Amanda. They were all good men, treated their females like queens until they bonded. Then everything went to shit.” His own tears heated the backs of his eyes. “Don’t you see? If I claim you, I’ll hurt you. Maybe even kill you. I can already feel it rising in me. That beast is ready to take a bite out of you, and he won’t stop.”

  He dropped her arms and turned. He couldn’t see the truth in her eyes. The hate. Long strides took him away from her. She’d be safe once he was gone. That’s all that mattered.

  He’d only taken a few steps when a wisp of air sounded and long, lean arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. He froze and squeezed his eyes shut. Why wouldn’t she listen to him? He turned, trying to unwrap her arms.

  She held tight, lifting her gaze to his. Only it wasn’t full of the anger or revulsion he’d feared.

  It was full of love. Love he felt down to his toes.

  Amanda grasped his face. “Trystan, you’re so stupid.” That wasn’t what he’d expected. She shook her head. “When I thought Kylian was my father, you told me my blood didn’t make me what I am. Didn’t make a difference. It’s the same for you.”

  Trystan again tried to untangle her to no avail as his resolve wavered. “No. It’s different. There’s gotta be a curse on my family. Triggered by the mating bond.” Even as he said it, it started to sound stupid to his own ears.

  “There’s no curse. They were always cruel. The bond doesn’t change that. They made their choices. You can make yours.” She kissed his chin. “You’re a good man, Trystan. You’ve got demons, just like everybody else. But we’ll fight them. Just like you’ll help me fight mine. Together.”

  He shook his head, afraid to believe. “But what about this thing inside me? It’s too strong, Manda. I can’t fight it forever.”

  “Brianna’s spell could’ve uncovered the things you’ve been hiding. Everything you feared.” Amanda placed her hand on his heart. “You forget I can see deeper. And I see a good man who’s terrified he’s like his family. So scared, he’s pushing away anything good.” She laid her head on his chest. “Don’t let them win, Trys. Don’t let what they did dictate what you do. You deserve love and happiness and everything good in this world. Don’t let someone else’s choices take that from you.” Her pleading voice shredded the last of his resolve.

  As he faced the beast, he saw the truth. Fear of hurting Amanda. Rage at this war. At everything she’d been through that he couldn’t fix. At the males in his family. It all coalesced into a monster he’d created to protect himself.

  Could he really set all of that aside and reach for what he wanted most?

  For Amanda, yes. He’d do anything. She was worth the risk.

  Amanda’s love and devotion, her trust, seeped into him. Her essence wrapped around the monster’s throat, strangling the life from it. It howled, and Trystan flinched, fear flickering. But as she held him tight, her magic cocooned them.

  The beast lost its power as Amanda proved her strength. The strength of her love.

  The female who was his world fought like the most vicious warrior. For him. Trystan’s knees buckled.

  Amanda held tight and slid to the ground with him. There, on their knees, she held him as he dropped his head to her shoulder. Everything he’d kept bottled up burst free on a grating sob. She clung to him as he shook, letting it all go.

  There was no longer anything standing in their way. Nothing stopping him from claiming the female he loved beyond reason.

  Trystan lifted his head slowly. Amanda’s bright smile at feeling the beast die slid into a knowing look. One full of undiluted hunger.

  He lunged, taking her the rest of the way to the ground as his mouth found hers.

  Amanda pulled her knees up and flipped them, pressing her hands into his shoulders. The look of victory on her face had him chuckling through their kiss. Despite the battle they’d had to get to this point, how badly they both wanted what was finally happening, she wasn’t going to make it easy on him. She fought him for control.

  Oh, he couldn’t have that.

  He rolled them again, at the same time whipping her muddy T-shirt over her head. A swipe of his claws had her bra flying to join it. She gasped, then shredded his shirt to ribbons. She raised an eyebrow.

  So that’s how she wanted to play it. His wolf howled, loving the game. Utterly relieved he was finally claiming his mate.

  Trystan gave her an evil grin before sitting back on his heels. At her frown, he popped the button on her jeans. A mischievous look flitted across her face as she tried to scoot away. He grabbed her ankle with one hand while flicking her zipper down with the other. Then he yanked them from her body. Her brow knitted together as she rose up to meet him, their lips colliding.

  Keeping his mouth busy, she pus
hed him over and made quick work of his jeans. He couldn’t stop his satisfied grin as she took him in. Her eyes flared when she realized he’d gone commando. She flashed a wicked smile, then bit and kissed a line down his chest and stomach. He let her play. Let her think she’d gotten the upper hand.

  He looked down as her warm mouth engulfed his dick. Trystan’s eyes rolled back in his head at the rush of sensation.

  It was then he finally heard the music. That sweet tune he’d heard so many times when he was with her. But there had always been something missing. It hadn’t been complete. Until now.

  Her head shot up, a look of awe on her face.

  He took the moment to slide away. Before she could argue, he flipped her around and pressed a hand to her back, pushing her to her hands and knees. She resisted for all of two seconds. Then she relaxed, letting him do what he wanted. In submitting, she sliced his heart in half. This time in the good way. An approving growl rumbled up his throat.

  Trystan leaned over her, wrapping her lithe, muscular body in his own. “I love you, Amanda.” Guilt pressed in on him at what he’d said to her, even though he’d thought it necessary at the time. “Never doubt that. I’ve always loved you. Only you.”

  His voice cracked at the end, but he didn’t care. This was the one female who knew all of him, yet still loved him. She saw every flaw, and was still here with him, submitting to him.

  Amanda twisted her head to look in his eyes. “I know, Trystan. I love you too. Only you.” She kissed the hand holding her shoulder. So much love in her eyes, so much acceptance, it nearly set his tears free.

  Trystan kissed the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Right there. That’s where he’d put his mark. But he had to hear it from her lips. “Are you sure you want this? You want to wear my mark and be bound to me forever?” He held his breath.

  Her lips creased in the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. “I’m sure. Make me yours, Trystan.”