You After Hell

by Manuela Ricci

  I fall on my bare knees, beat his fists against the cold tiles up to feel the pain of those shots in the hands. I crawl on all fours into the shower and rest there, he curled up, knees toward your chest and his hands clasped on his legs. I let the water as an illusion can take away all that pain, dragging down the drain ... But do not go away ever ... ever

  Zac

  All the way I would like to ask why you did not believe? I would understand his thoughts, because I see that it is immersed in his own world. He starts to turn towards his house.

  "Sorry ... but I prefer to go home," only he gives me a look and operate in reverse without commenting.

  "I'm sorry about tonight," mumbles just before arriving in front of the alley.

  "Me too," I hiss just, the car stops and she turns off the engine. I to open the door.

  "I judge it?" He asks with his eyes fixed on his lap. I honestly do not know what to say, but I do not understand why it has not stayed with her. It is, or was her friend, because he turned his back like that?

  "I'm nobody to judge, but I think you should talk to her"

  "I do not know ..." leaving the sentence suspended and two fingers around her chin toward me.

  "You're right, but maybe now he needs you, do not you think?" Remains silent and not continuous, do not want to impose anything, but I still imprinted those blue-gray eyes so empty, disappointed and angry after his words.

  "See you tomorrow," he says, dry and feel the frustration that makes its way into his voice.

  "See you tomorrow," I say and get out of the car that starts causing the screeching of tires on asphalt. Pass your hand on his head trying to shake those thoughts. That his reaction so impassive. So unnatural.

  The morning comes too quickly, I spent most of the night to turn around and turn over in bed. I rubbed his palms on his face to wake me up better. I notice that Ian is not there, he must have gone to breakfast. At twelve I have to see the father of Courtney, I would call it, but I do not think it's a good idea, after the way we left last night.

  Then I think of her, the gesture that begged me not to talk. Although those eyes wanted to somehow intimidate so they actually testified against terror. I see the keys on the small little table next to the couch. I change on the fly and grab leaving the studio.

  I lift the hood of the t-shirt without sleeves and put on my glasses. The sun is too bright for my sleepy eyes.

  When I'm in the driveway of the house, the thought of finding yet Noha, disappears shortly after that I do not see her car parked in front of the door.

  Stare that door of white lacquered wood. Why am I here? Plug the march to turn around and then nailing. To the devil!

  I go down without thinking more than we've already thought and ring the bell. The door opens slowly showing her with the face of one who was just woken up. He wears purple shorts and a white tank top. He rubs his eyes and with that gesture seems even more helpless.

  His image huddled in the wall that hid his face I will never out of my head.

  "What the heck are you doing here?" I do not mind his anger, his vulgar way.

  "I just wanted to know how you were doing ..." the phrase that testing does not let me finish to slam the door in his face. D'instinct put a foot on the door to prevent it closes.

  "Wait, I just want to talk," I explain in the calmest possible tone. I do not want to make her angry, I will not be another cause her pain. He turns his back to me and I interpret that as a yes and within richiudendomi the door behind him.

  "Because?"

  "Why what?" I ask in my turn

  "Why do you care?" Continues, snuggling up on the couch, I remain standing. I want to leave that space for her, I remain on the arc from which unfolds before my eyes the entire living room.

  "I want to know if I can help you," broke out into laughter, but I feel it is strained, I do not know, but I sense that he's just refraining from tears.

  "Then you go if you want to help me. Go back to your girl! "Retorts angrily, then he looks away from mine and I see you torture your nails with your mouth.

  "I could tell that it was true!" I say, spun around, his eyes are full of every possible emotion. It is incomprehensible how he feels and looks at me.

  "He did not need confirmation, he had to believe my words. She had to believe in what once was her best friend. He had to understand my pain only look at me, because I myself see it reflected in my image ... I do not see each other every day, "his words end up in a barely audible hiss.

  "Now please go away!" Commands with the face that begins to rigarsi for some tears.

  "No!" I say, and I sit in the chair in front of his couch.

  Chapter

  16

  Medyson

  "We hide behind impenetrable walls,

  but only jotting down those bricks,

  we can really breathe "

  I look at him, and let slip the hood of his sweatshirt from his head, his eyes are fixed on mine. His voice, that night is still clear in my mind. I often wonder if he had not helped me, what would I do? I really had the strength to go home?

  "Stop looking at me like that," blurt irritated his eyes, he raises his hands from the sofa arm as a sign of apology.

  "Talk to me"

  "What's wrong with you?" I smiled bitterly and I curl up in the shoulders. He gets up and I hope he has finally decided to leave me alone. Circumventing the glass table between us and sits down on the sofa beside me. Step back instinctively.

  "I just want to talk to me," he insists

  "You want me to thank me? Thank you, happy? "I say with anger that I feel do battle inside me.

  "You have to talk about that night ..." leaves the sentence unfinished and I look away. No one knows what really happened in that hotel room. Only my body and my soul bear the marks. indelible marks that can never be erased.

  "I ... can not ..." I admit.

  "Yes you can, if you do not you'll just swallow all over," I try for a moment his eyes after that. I find comfort in those eyes of a green so deep that I observe with care and attention as if they wanted to be careful as it remained on me.

  "I do not ... I do not understand ... 'my wants to be more a question than a statement, because they really do not understand why it is here to give me support. It seems me read my mind and responds:

  "I saw your eyes, the same that night, only this time they were a disappointment ..."

  "I will not talk about her," I can not think who did this to me. My best friend did not believe to my pain that if you want you can touch on how much is visible. Because I see it. I see it in my desperate gestures, I see it when I just try to force myself to look at my naked body in the mirror and that image alone causes me nausea.

  "Tell me what you think," I is irritating his voice, so calm and peaceful, and I that I just want to drink, I want to feel that burning sensation in the throat that gives me a bit 'of relief with each sip, until they collapsed exhausted and forget a moment everything.

  "You want to know?" I say sarcastically and go, "well, he pushed me on the bed, I felt as if my heart was going to explode from his chest. Fear spread like gasoline on the fire. When her hands were pinned me I realized that I would have stayed there, on that bed. I never raised the most and they are still there, they are not here right before your eyes. The girl you've saved on the street is not the same one that came into that room, because she's dead, there's more ... "

  Now it's her look that turns away from mine, his fists are clenched, resting on his knees. I still can not understand why it is so engrossed in my story. He does not even know me. Yet, it flaunts to want to listen, to want to know and I like a fool I lose time to answer. When the sensible thing would be to get up and chase him away. But I do not ...

  "You have to fight against yourself, you know? You can not get drunk, you will lose what little is left of you "gets up and leaves the room, I certainly do not hold back, indeed, I hope he's going, I do not know what came over me occurred to you in telling you how
I felt.

  A few moments later he returned, he hands me a pen usb.

  "What?" I ask raising it toward him.

  "Look what's inside. That's my world and helped me get out of my hell, "he turns his back and only the sound of the door closing gives me the certainty that this time is really left. I admire with curiosity that object, I rise with slow movements and reach my father's office. I turn on his PC, he buried himself in the chair brown skin and appearance. From the window I see his car out of the driveway. I do not know what it's called, maybe Zac, I think I heard.

  I enter the pen and look to the screen materialize a number of tracks. Each has a name, I am drawn to one in particular, on which is written "Hope", and shortly after I click on a strange melody fills the room. I hear a tinkling, close my eyes and reminds me of one banishes thoughts with glass pendants I owned when I was little, the sound is so familiar, follows a little laugh in the background, it seems that of a happy child and then the whole thing is mixed with other sounds, and each of them has its own soul and what I feel is absurd ... it is music. Each sound is joined in an almost inseparable another way and together they become one, a unique track. Finishes off and put it back, raise the volume and let the sounds s'

  Zac

  Well, he pushed me on the bed, I felt as if my heart was going to explode from his chest. Fear spread like gasoline on the fire. When her hands were pinned me I realized that I would have stayed there, on that bed. I never raised the most and they are still there, they are not here right before your eyes. The girl you've saved on the street is not the same one that came into that room, because she's dead, there's more ...Fuck, fuck. I hit the steering wheel several times and that voice that tells what her body was forced to accept blows my head. I knew that she had been raped. It was more than evident, but her voice, the desperation in his eyes ... it was like to be there and witness to the scene of her helpless while someone profaned without respect his body, his soul and nothing more could gliel'avrebbe return.

  I do not even notice that he arrived to Richard studies. Parking in the stands for personnel and reach the floor of the incisions, after asking several times the directions and got lost twice in the midst of all these corridors and doors cream-colored steel, hear my name.

  "Zac ..." I see Courtney who greets me from down the hallway, I smile and reach.

  "I do not know how many times I got lost, sorry I'm late," I admit, she throws me right away my arms around him without me time to finish the sentence. His face seems to be hiding leaning on my neck.

  "You okay?" Deviates to look.

  "Now you're here, yes," his lips shortly after pressing against mine, I feel embarrassed for a moment and step back, noted her disappointed expression.

  "Not here," he smiles mischievously and she nods and makes me way to a double door that opens by showing my playground. Console, sliders, turntable ... in short, everything is under my unbelieving eyes.

  "So, there you are," begins Richard, gives me a pat on the back and later adds:

  "Show me what you got '

  "Did you bring your own music?" Reminds me of Courtney and I think those blue eyes watching with interest that simple pen and I really hope that it is holding on to that and not to a bottle of alcohol neck.

  "I do not need my music, I can do it here ... now" Perhaps I say too presumptuous, but it's true, I do not need more than mere noise. I pull the phone from his pocket and register the noise that produces Courtney while playing with the zipper of his jacket, then the clock ticking on the wall and go under their confused looks. I position it to the console and begin to shape those simple sounds, each one fits the other, are repeated, one after another, chasing each other and then explode into music.

  "But ... it's crazy!" Said astonished Richard, Courtney lights and retains fatigue enthusiasm for me.

  And I ... I am happy with the result, but confusing for the way it came out. Because I do not know if it's because I now know those thoughts, those details, but it was his eyes that inspired this track. She? I think for real? Did it really happen?

  "Boy, we will do great things and I 'hint a smile and then Richard leaves us alone apologizing to have another appointment.

  "Did you see?" Courtney made his debut in a little cry and threw himself at me.

  "Have you solved everything for Daphne" True, now with this work I can give you everything you deserve, Courtney takes my face in his hands.

  "Tonight we go out to party and not take no as an answer!" Pronounces provocatively rubbing his nose against mine, a hint yes Head. But I do not understand why at the same time ... I feel like a sense of guilt.

  Chapter

  17

  Medyson

  "I really believe that the word" end "

  can close forever something? "

  Step between tracks, my stomach growls and only then throw an eye on the pendulum clock in the corner of my father's office. There are already seven in the evening?

  I did not realize the passage of time, I let myself be carried away by this "music" which is actually something more than simple sounds that can transport you to another reality, it's a whole universe that begs to be discovered. Each track seems like a story, one in particular stood out even further. It's called "Daphne", the sounds of the track start soft, light, just touch your ears gently, but then, in an instant, everything changes. The sounds are intertwined with more loud noises, darker and feel like ... if I felt something that hurts inside. Maybe that's why I missed in all these hours. Do not touch food from breakfast and I do not remember where I left the phone. I reach the living room and I see my cell phone on the couch, the famous display a lot of calls and messages,

  God as I was mean to her, when I caught rummaging in my room. He says that if he can come to me a little 'company. Decline the offer, it was a year waiting for such leave to spend time with his family. So after you have calmed down, my name is Noha, before you send me some SWAT team kicking down the door.

  A few rings and responds.

  "Where the hell have you finished? I could not come because I had class and then the workout, but I swear I was going to call the police, "I hear him take a breath after going completely in apnea as he spoke.

  "Sorry, still quiet'm fine, I just forgot the phone in the living room and I fell asleep," Actually I'm fine ... well, better, at least they are not desperate race to alcohol research with which to drown my anger.

  "Tonight I had a party ... God, he and his parties. I sincerely hope that I did not ask.

  "It's a party in memory of ... Kylian ... today ..." I carry a hand to his mouth and just feel his breath on the other end of the line.

  "Two months ... have two months' admit with disappointment essermene forgotten. How could that happen? I forgot the absence that is constantly present in my life?

  "You also have to be there, you owe it to yourself and to him. If you will not will cancel everything. It makes no sense if there is not you 'regrowth back tears, and comes in makes me one of the fiestas in Noha home, I did not really want to go and words of Kylian was precisely those "makes no sense without you”.

  "Med? Are you still there?"

  "I'm coming," I say almost without thinking.

  "Thing?"

  "I said that I came from. Stop Noha, before I change my mind. I only do it ... "

  "For Kylian, I know," after telling me that he would come to get me in two hours and after I already regretted having accepted, a sense of anxiety seizes me. My mind goes under analysis all that has upset my existence in recent months. Each flash is a tug that pulls me deeper and deeper, more and more thrust. His hands tremble and the frenzy circulates in every drop of my blood.

  I rush in Consuelo's room to check if there are other bottles, but finding none, racing down the stairs, I grabbed the bag, placed on the cabinet near the entrance and decided to go to buy it. Steven will believe me if I tell him that's my father, would never think that it could be for me, is our dealer.

  I open the door and I
find him before. His eyes are as perplexed, perhaps because my recall a desperate need for alcohol that I can not even wanting to hide.

  "Going somewhere?" Asks and does not stop to look for my gaze caught off guard him repeatedly dodges.

  "I'm coming ... I'm sorry '

  "Actually, yes, because I have to take my pen. I'm sorry, but Noha from a party and I need "He's the DJ? But be sure that the Dépendance which spoke to me ... Courtney Cox!

  "Of course I'm going to take it, I have not had time to listen to" I make the mistake of not closing the door and his feet are behind my, I turn a few times impatient and this time he does not want me to look at, just because it is clear that my eyes are incinerating it for its intrusiveness. As before in my father's I rush to the computer, it does not waste time.

  "So you do not have time to listen to it?" I look up and I see smirks.

  "All right, I heard it! It's just music, "I minimize, her gaze darkens for a moment and then back together soon after.

  "Give me my music then," he asked, pronouncing the last word and handing your palms open toward me. The extension and I offer it to him. He turns instantly and shakes his head in dissent. Do not walk you to the door, I let myself into the chair behind the desk. Because I have been so bad? Because I did not tell the truth? What that his music has been able to keep me out of trouble?

  Zac

  It's just music, It is repeated in the mind as a screwed loop. For many it is just noise. For others it is just a bunch of rhythmic words. For some it is almost like a drug for me, well, 'for me is my life, and told engraved on every single track and really thought it would help her to get distracted for a moment, not to make her feel alone, to make her understand that needs get up even if it seems impossible, although around for now is all black, it must seek the light that will illuminate a new path. I wonder why I'm wasting my time.

  Courtney was not very happy when I told her of Noha party, although I thought he already knew, he begged me to go to her for a dinner of pizza and a good beer and a few movies. It seems like he was avoiding something and I can not figure out what.