Love or Lust 2

by Rachael Brownell

  Twenty minutes later, Lennon is leaving me to get ready for my date with Jace, both of us feeling lighter for talking it through. Jace had been right, he was playing the game. Courtney had made a snide comment about him liking me that made him think she was going to try sending him home, which made him panic and think the other girls were out to get rid of him, or Jace, or both. He did what he had to do.

  It makes me wonder if the guys are plotting against me as well. If I’m not giving them a fair shake, and because of that, because they know how I feel about Jace and Lennon, if they want to send me home too. I don’t plan on letting that happen, but I’m also not about to whore myself out to stay in their good graces. I’m more of a wiggle my way into your heart so you feel bad for voting me off kind of girl. You know . . . the person you like despite the fact they’re not interested in you. Your best friend of the opposite sex. The one you want here with you because you like hanging out with them even though you realize there’s no chance you’re going to get them in bed.

  That’s me and that’s who I plan to continue to be.

  Callen, Drake, and Milo will have to understand that or else I’m going to be headed home sooner than I want to. Which means no more make-out sessions with Lennon or Jace. Which makes my heart hurt more than it should considering I’ve only known them a few weeks. I shouldn’t be this attached to either of them, let alone both of them. A fact that’s currently causing me more trouble than I think my heart can handle.

  The crowd threatens to swallow us as Jace tugs me along beside him. We’ve been walking around for an hour, stopping to play games, ride a few rides, and visit the animals in the barns, but now it’s time for food. And as bad for you as it is, nothing tastes better than food from a truck at a local fair. The smells alone make my stomach growl in anticipation of salt and vinegar fries or fried sweet treats.

  When Jace told me to dress comfortably, that he was taking me on an epic adventure that included food, games, and scary attractions, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised when I spotted the lights from the Ferris wheel as we approached.

  He’s already won me a giant stuffed unicorn and a goldfish, though we opted not to take the fish with us, giving it to a little girl with pigtails who couldn’t manage to win one herself. Where would I put it? I’m not exactly in a position to take care of an animal right now, even if it is one that requires minimal attention.

  Now, though . . . we eat. And I plan to eat a little bit of everything because I know I won’t be able to choose just one thing. Who would? It all smells amazing.

  “Vinegar?” Jace asks in disbelief as I shake the jar over my fries multiple times.

  “There’s no other way to eat fries at the fair.” At least, not where I grew up.

  His hands are loaded with fresh-squeezed lemonade, corn dogs, and fried Oreo’s. I’m carrying the fries and two gyros. It’s a small feast, and my mouth is watering in anticipation of every flavor.

  “I did good, didn’t I?” Jace asks after we find a corner of a picnic table to share with another couple.

  “Yes. Very good.” I shove a fry in my mouth, savoring it.

  “I thought you might like this.”

  “What was your backup plan if I wasn’t impressed?” I tease.

  “Me.” The serious look on his face as he deadpans in my direction causes my heart to skip a beat.

  He was prepared to impress me any way he could. And if the fair didn’t cut it? Was he really going to throw himself at me? Not that I wouldn’t have been happy to catch him, especially after this afternoon.

  “Well, I guess it’s my lucky day, then,” I reply cheerfully, shoving another fry in my mouth and chewing slowly. “I was rewarded with both.”

  Pressing my lips together to keep from laughing, I’m not prepared when Jace leans over the table and presses his against mine. Unlike most of the kisses we’ve shared before, this one is sweet but just as passionate. Sensual and intense but not greedy.

  His kiss tells me more than his words ever could. And if I’m reading it right, I should be scared of kisses like this from Jace. They beg for more than just my mouth. They demand everything from me. Including my heart.

  Chapter Six

  Day 21

  After an amazing day with Jace, I was exhausted. He wanted me to stay with him again. To snuggle. And I wanted to, but I also knew I wouldn’t get much sleep if I was that close to him. I’d be up all night staring at his beautiful face, tracing every muscle with my fingertips or thinking about jumping him.

  It was that last thought that sealed my decision.

  Because I want him. All of him. His heart, his body. Yesterday was a teaser for what could be next. When I’m ready to take that step with him. Before I do, I want to be certain I’m not still wavering between him and Lennon. I need to decide because, once we go down that road, there’s no turning back. At least not in my mind.

  I already feel like I’m cheating on both of them to a degree. This may be a game, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel awful at times. Sleeping with one of them and continuing to play the game after . . . that would clearly be cheating.

  And whenever I think about cheating, I’m reminded of Wren.

  And I want to curl up in a ball when visions of what I walked in on are once again brought to the surface.

  Those same images hurt less these days. My heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to shatter in my chest all over again. It’s a stinging pain, like when you’re getting your blood drawn and the needle punctures your skin. It hurts for a brief second, but then it’s over and life goes on around you.

  Checking the time on my phone, I notice I have a text from Naomi. It’s been a few days since I talked to her last. We’ve been playing phone tag a lot lately, which makes me wonder what has her so busy right now. She’s supposed to be on spring break, yet my calls are still going to voicemail more often than not.

  Instead of going out at night, Lennon opted for an afternoon date. Since I still have an hour before we are scheduled to leave the ranch, I dial her number.

  “Best friend!” Naomi screams into the phone after only one ring. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Miss you too. Where have you been? You never answer your phone anymore.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she states firmly, her voice trailing off, a clear sign she’s hiding something from me. Neither of us is very good at lying, especially to one another.

  “Right. I mean, you’ve been off work for over a week, right? And instead of being around at two in the afternoon, you’ve been where exactly? Doing what? Without your phone.”

  The line goes silent for a second, and then I hear her whispering in the background.

  “Is someone there with you?”

  Her voice shakes, her words coming out rushed. “What? No. Why would you think that?”

  “Spill,” I demand.

  Naomi, in true fashion, makes me wait in silence for at least thirty seconds before she begins rambling. She tells me all about the new guy she met. The fun things they’ve been doing. The fact he slept over last night for the first time.

  “Is this your way of telling me I need to move out?” I joke when she’s finally finished.

  “Of course not. You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. Just expect company more often when you get home. And if all goes well, I have a feeling you’ll have a friend over too. Speaking of . . . how are things with you and the boys?”

  “Ugh! Complicated.”

  “Simplify things then. Pick one. Don’t overthink it, just choose. Whoever comes to mind first.”

  “What if I pick wrong?”

  “You won’t. It’s been almost three weeks, Presley. You know them as well as you’re going to. You see both of them every day. Which one lights your fire? Revs your engine? Kisses better? That’s the one you want. And if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least you had some fun. But if it does . . . imagine how great the sex is going to be. Week
s of buildup. Tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. God, it’s going to be explosive. Probably quick, but still.”

  Shaking my head at her even though I know she can’t see me, I let out a giggle just as there’s a knock at my door.

  “I gotta let you go. Lennon’s here for our date.”

  “Is he the one?” she asks.

  “I don’t know yet. Maybe.”

  I want to add, maybe not, but I don’t.

  “I think you do know, and after you admit it to yourself, call me. I want to know if I’m right or not.”

  She hangs up before I can ask who she thinks the right one is. That’s probably a good thing. I would hate for her to sway my decision. It’s going to be hard enough to choose as it is. If I let her influence me at all, I’d probably be second-guessing my choice, especially if I went along with her.

  “Ready?” Lennon asks as I open the door. His hands are tucked behind his back, and he has a devious grin on his face.

  I turn and lock my door. “Yep. Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?”

  “Not a chance. I want to see the surprise on your face. In fact, I need you to put this on.”

  When I turn back around, Lennon is holding my favorite tie, the one that matches the color of my eyes.

  “You want to blindfold me? Remember how that turned out for me last time?” I raise my eyebrow at him in challenge.

  “Don’t worry,” he starts, placing the tie over my eyes and making a knot just beneath my ponytail. “I’ve got you this time.”

  And he did have me. Tucked next to him for the ride to wherever, I’m not bothered by my inability to see. He smells divine, wearing the cologne I could bathe in.

  Lennon helps me out of the van, and as soon as I’m on solid ground, he slowly begins to remove his tie.

  We’re somewhere crowded. I can hear the buzz of conversation around me. There’s a distinct smell floating on the soft breeze, but I can’t place it immediately.

  “Okay, you can open your eyes now,” he encourages me as the tie falls away.

  Blinking a few times so my eyes can adjust to the light, I look around in search of a clue as to where we might be. I don’t have to look far. A little boy in a baseball cap and jersey is standing only a few feet away, waving a foam bat around.

  “Well?” Lennon asks as I watch the little boy hit his dad’s leg over and over again in excitement.

  “You brought me to a baseball game.” I state in astonishment.

  “I did. It’s not the big leagues, but I heard the team was pretty good.”

  Returning my attention to Lennon, I can’t help but wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him square on the lips. When I pull back, his smile matches my own.

  I’m smiling, but the butterflies in my stomach aren’t fluttering today.

  My heart isn’t swelling in my chest.

  I don’t feel weak in the knees.

  And my vision becomes perfectly clear.

  I choose Jace.

  Lennon must notice the shift in my demeanor because he laces our fingers together and pulls us toward the VIP entrance to the stadium. He doesn’t let me go until we’re in our seats. Our chairs have signs on them with our names and the Love or Lust logo along with a baseball cap for each of us.

  Adjusting mine, I pull my ponytail through the opening and then slide it low on my forehead to block my eyes from view. Not that Lennon didn’t already see what I think he saw.

  “So why is baseball your favorite?” he asks, waving over a vendor carrying bottled water and snacks.

  “There’s just something about the game that I’ve always loved. My dad used to take me to watch the Cardinals a few times a year. It was our thing, and he always made it a lot of fun.”

  Lennon keeps the conversation going straight through the first inning. At first, I was annoyed that he was cutting into the game. I wanted to watch, to see what the team had to offer. When I realized he was making his play, I let the anger wash away.

  He said he wouldn’t go down without a fight. And right now, he has me all to himself. He’s taking advantage.

  We leave to get real food during the seventh-inning stretch. As we’re walking out of the stadium, we pass a vendor selling custom photographs from the game. Lennon pulls me close, hands the guys some money, and he snaps a few pictures. We each have to fill out a form of where we want the pictures sent, and then we’re on our way.

  “You do realize we won’t get those until we’re back home, right?” I ask as we walk hand in hand down the sidewalk.

  “Think of it as something to remember me by.”

  There’s no denying the disappointment in his voice.

  “Lennon, I—”

  “You don’t have to say anything, Presley. You don’t have to explain yourself. Today you want to be with him. Tomorrow you might change your mind, though I doubt it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying.”

  There are a million things I want to say to him right now, but my words feel jumbled and there’s a giant egg lodged in my throat. Instead, I accept his statements, and we continue to walk. The cheers from the stadium are hard to hear by the time Lennon stops in front of a bistro and asks my opinion.

  I nod, still unsure of my words.

  It’s not until the waitress walks away after pouring us each a glass of water that I find the nerve to speak up.

  “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear that, but I am. Because you’re an amazing guy, and I know you could make me happy. You do make me happy. I love spending time with you. You find a way to make me smile every day. Treat me like a princess.”

  “Then why? Why him? Why not me?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly as the waitress returns to take our order.

  Taking a sip of water, I clear my throat and wait for Lennon to say something, anything. The air between us is thick, unsettling. I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

  “I meant what I said, Presley. I’m not giving up. There are still three weeks left. That’s plenty of time for you to change your mind.”

  “And if I don’t? Then what? I don’t want you to hate me.”

  “I could never hate you. Probably because I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you. You’re everything I’ve been looking for in a companion and so much more. You’re sweet, caring, considerate, and sexy as hell. You have a great sense of humor and constantly keep me on my toes. Like right now.

  “This is my moment. My turning point. I haven’t put in enough effort yet. Consider it a wakeup call. Because I will try harder. I’ll do whatever it takes to win your heart in the end. The game is called love or lust, and I’m here for one thing and only one thing. You. There is nothing else that matters to me.”

  Fuck!

  If I can change my mind, so can he. I mean, he said it himself. There are three weeks left. We’re only halfway through and that’s if we both make it to the end.

  Lennon finds a way to change the subject, and we fall into casual conversation again. As if nothing just happened. As if our relationship didn’t just fracture.

  Right now there is no Jace. No competition. No reality show.

  There sure as hell aren’t any cameras watching us.

  Not that I notice them anymore unless they’re literally in my face.

  The date ends almost the same way it began. On my doorstep. Lennon with a devious smile on his face. Me nervous about what happens next.

  “I’m going to kiss you, Presley. I thought I should warn you since the last time you saw me kiss someone, you panicked,” he jokes, stepping forward, placing his hands on my hips.

  “Not funny. I can’t help I was caught off guard.”

  Reaching behind me, I fumble with the door knob, before finally pushing open the door. Stepping backwards into my villa, I never take my eyes off Lennon’s.

  “Yeah, well, so was I,” he replies, leaning in. “Not this time, though. This time I’m prepared. I’m ready. Are
you?”

  He doesn’t give me time to protest before his lips capture mine in an all-consuming kiss. His hands holding me captive against his body as my back hits the wall. His lips are relentless as they draw out a single moan from deep within my soul.

  When he finally pulls away, I understand the devious smirk he was sporting. He knew what he was doing with that kiss. Confirmation that he wasn’t giving up. That he wasn’t going to stop kissing me even though I chose the other guy.

  Or was he just playing the game?

  Keeping me close to get to the end?

  The thought crosses my mind as I close my door, Lennon leaving without so much as a goodbye. My breathing is still ragged, my heart pounding against my rib cage as I rest my forehead against the whitewashed wood.

  What if Jace is doing the same? Keeping me close until the end so he can win?

  I don’t want to doubt either of them, but that’s where my mind has taken me right now. Down a dark path I don’t want to travel. The idea of being used causes a shiver to run up my spine.

  Or at least I thought that was the cause of it until I notice Jace standing in my kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be out with Courtney tonight?” I ask, pushing off the door and slowly making my way toward him.

  “I was. She didn’t feel well, so we cut it short.”

  “And you thought you’d, what? Break into my place and wait for me to get back?”

  “Well, my plan was to be naked in your bed when you came home, but then I wasn’t sure if you would be alone or not.” His voice has a hint of laughter in it, but there’s something else lurking beneath the surface.

  Jealousy?

  “Well, you’re in luck. I’m alone. You have me all to yourself,” I state firmly, stopping just outside his reach.

  He makes no move to close the distance between us, which surprises me.

  “Do I really? Or should we expect Lennon to make another move tonight? Because I have to be honest with you, I saw how he kissed you just now. If I didn’t know better, the man looked like he was kissing you with purpose. Did something happen on your date? Something I don’t want to know about?”