Wanting to Love You (Houston's Finest Book 3)

by Erin Rylie

  Becky tried to work through what he was saying, her mind putting together the puzzle pieces he was throwing at her rapid-fire. There was a frantic frustration to his words and a desperation that seemed to beg her to understand what he was saying without him having to actually say it out loud. He hadn’t gotten any of her calls—how was that possible? Unless…

  “Did your mom block my calls to you? Why would she do that?”

  Hurt washed over her as she realized that the woman she’d loved as a mother had helped cut her from Reese’s life. It had been bad enough when Beth had told Becky to stay away, but knowing that she had actively kept the two of them from connecting both injured and infuriated her. If it hadn’t been for Beth doing that, she could’ve told Reese she was pregnant. They could have found a way to keep Ryker safe.

  “She knew, Becky. She knew that you were pregnant with Ryker.”

  “I don’t understand. If she knew I was pregnant, why wouldn’t she want to help us? Why would she keep us apart instead? This doesn’t make any sense.”

  She fought acceptance, unwilling to believe what Reese was explaining to her. “Apparently your parents talked to her before I did. They told her that you were pregnant and that you had agreed to an abortion. They also mentioned that they’d threatened me and my future at the Police Academy. She said she was trying to protect me, both from the pain of losing a child with you and from losing a future as a cop.”

  Becky’s mind reeled with the realization that yet another person had come between her and Reese. All these years they’d harbored so many negative feelings toward one another when truly, neither of them had been to blame. They had been young and in love and the people that they should have been able to trust above all others had sought to control their lives and make their decisions for them.

  Tears flooded her eyes and she clutched Reese, burying her face in his chest and holding him as tightly as she could. “All these years,” she sobbed. “We lost all of these years with each other and with Ryker because our parents interfered when they shouldn’t have. I’ve hated you needlessly for most of my adult life.”

  His fingers gently cupped her chin and pulled her face out of his chest. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her softly. “I know, Becs. But we’re here now, and I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  When Becky finally managed to stop crying, she and Reese stayed up talking late into the night. Instead of sleeping, they talked about all of the things they’d missed in each other’s lives. Reese talked about his job and how much he loved following his father’s footsteps. Becky told him about the long, hard battle she’d fought to get Ryker back, and all of the ways that battle had shaped her life. They spoke of the hard times and the good ones, of the friendships they’d made and lost, and of the relationships neither of them could ever make last.

  Then she pushed him to talk about his mom, about all of the sacrifices she’d made when he and Jesse were children to ensure that they were provided for. Nurses make good money, and she knew that Beth had worked that second job to ensure that they could afford to live in Dallas’s best school district on a single income household. She’d worked impossibly long days so that Jesse could go to the college he wanted, and so that she could afford to buy the things Reese needed to play football. She pulled out of him stories of his youth that shined a light on the fact that Beth’s number one priority always had been and always would be her children.

  She did all of this because although she hated the part Beth had played in their breakup, she also understood it as a mother. Beth had fought to ensure that her children could have the future they wanted, despite the fact that it couldn’t have been easy as a single parent. Of course she had encouraged Reese to pursue his future, even if it came at the expense of their relationship. If she placed herself in Beth’s shoes, she might have even made the same decision for her own son.

  Early the next morning, they both called into work. Reese told his captain that his brother had come to town and that he needed a day to spend with his family, getting his mother settled in her home. Over the years Becky had taken so few personal days off that her boss had given her that day and the next off of work to handle what she needed to without asking for any explanation.

  They got out of bed in the morning, showered, and had breakfast with Ryker before taking him to school. Their son said nothing of the fact that they dropped him off together, and instead spent the car ride talking about all of the structures he was excited to build with his new magnetic tiles. It warmed something in Becky to see that their son was growing comfortable enough with Reese to talk more openly in front of him.

  When he got out of the car to head to class, he still called Reese by his name instead of calling him Dad. She knew that it would take time, but hoped that soon their relationship would grow into one as special as the one she had with Ryker.

  After they dropped him off, they headed to Beth’s apartment to speak to her. During their sleepless night, they’d talked a lot about the decision Beth had made ten years ago, and wanted to discuss it futher with her. They needed the full story, and then Becky needed to help Reese forgive his mother.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Reese’s night with Becky had helped soothe some of Reese’s ragged edges and had helped him see things rationally. He was still livid with his mom for the choices she’d made when he was young. Her actions had almost cost him the incredible woman next to him as well as a relationship with his son. However mad he’d been, though, he couldn’t settle all of the blame on her.

  His mom had been acting with his best interests at heart, and without all of the information. She’d been threatened, just as he had, and having always done what was best for her children, took action. That was the thing about Beth Petrov—she always had her kids in mind. When he and Jesse were younger, they’d taken for granted how hard she worked. To them, it had been normal that their mom worked two jobs and was rarely home.

  There were even times when Reese resented that her two jobs had made her miss a football game, or had kept her from being home when he needed her help with homework. Looking back, he realized that she had done every single thing she could to ensure that her children were provided for and could enjoy their childhoods.

  He knew that Becky’s plan was to get Reese to reconcile with his mom today, and couldn’t help but admire her strength. She had no reason to forgive Beth. His mom had been in her life for only a year and had been a large part of the reason that the two of them had stayed apart for so long. Becky didn’t seem to see it that way, though. After her breakdown last night, they had stayed up all night talking and she had steered the conversation multiple times to his childhood and brought to attention all of the things he’d taken for granted about his mom when he was younger.

  After their breakup ten years ago, all Reese had wanted to do was wallow. He wanted to rage at her parents for forcing this decision on them. He was mad at Becky’s parents, mad at Becky, mad at the whole damn world. His mom had let him sulk and cry and be mad for about a week before she’d taken him to task. She told him that life wouldn’t wait around for him to recover and that if he wanted the future he had always dreamed about, he needed to pull up his pants and get the work done. Nothing worth having in this life came easy.

  When they pulled into the parking lot of his mom’s apartment complex, Reese turned to Becky, grabbing her hand gently to stop her from getting out of the car. “I know what you did last night and what you’re doing right now.”

  Becky blushed and looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He couldn’t help but smile at her weak denial. “Yes, you do. You steered our conversation to my mom and all of the ways that she has helped and supported me. I can tell that you’ve already made the decision to forgive her, despite what her decision did to us. Becky, you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. I am in awe of you.”

  She turned her attention to him; her gaze was watery, but the smile
she had for him took his breath away. “I just don’t want you to lose the last bit of time you have with Beth over a past that we can’t change. What was done to us was awful, but the part your mom played in all of it was so small. You and I both know how manipulative my parents can be—they find a person’s weakness and press on it until they get what they want. Under that kind of pressure, how can we blame her for something that my own parents orchestrated? Hell, who even knows if we would’ve made it into adulthood as a couple. We loved each other, but we’ve both grown and changed so much. That love was puppy love—it was love in its infancy. Sure, it might have grown into something that sustained us for the rest of our lives, but that growth would have come at the expense of your career. I just don’t feel like you and I can build anything stable and real now on a broken foundation. We need to move past what happened ten years ago and focus on the fact that we found each other again, and we have a second chance with not only each other, but with our incredible son.”

  “I’ve been thinking a lot over the past day about something Kate said to me. She told me to be sure that I was with you because of who you are and how we feel about each other, and not because you’re a crutch that I’m leaning on to get me through my grief. Becky, you’re not my crutch, you’re my backbone. You give me the strength to do the right thing, every single day. You make me want to let people in, even if those people are Carlos and Rafe. Your strength and determination on a daily basis astound me and make me want to be a better man.”

  He wiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks, and she put her hand over his, stilling the motion. “You’re such a softie. I’m telling Carlos and Rafe that you’re just a big ol’ sap.”

  He laughed, not the quiet chuckle he’d adopted over the years, but the booming laugh of his youth. The laugh that only Becky would ever be able to pull out of him. “If you tell them that, Carlos will never let me live it down. He’ll come up with some stupid nickname for me at work. Shit, he’s going to start calling me a teddy bear, isn’t he? I swear, if Carlos tries to make me hug him, I’m going to be so mad at you.”

  Becky shrugged. “He’s a hugger. That man is basically the human equivalent of a golden retriever.”

  She leaned across the center console of the car and kissed him, stealing any further discussion from his lips. “Let’s go inside and talk to your mom. I’ve missed her.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  Beth Petrov passed away in her sleep two months after she’d been released from the hospital. Reese’s mom had spent her last day on Earth surrounded by her children and grandchildren, and died knowing that she was loved. It had been one of the hardest periods of Reese’s adult life. Watching his mother slowly lose her strength had nearly broken something in him, but Becky had been there to hold him together.

  Over the last two months of her life, she had developed an incredible relationship with Reese and Ryker, who had surprised everyone by taking an immediate liking to Beth. Having raised a son with Asperger’s herself, she knew exactly how to talk to him, and how to keep him feeling comfortable and invested in their conversation.

  When the hospice workers had pulled Reese and Jesse aside and told them to prepare to say goodbye, Jesse had called Kate and flown his own kids down to Houston to soak up as much time with their grandmother as possible. Despite the grief they all felt over what was coming, Beth’s small apartment was filled with love and joy and laughter. She refused to let anyone focus on her death, instead insisting that they focus on the life they’d all shared.

  On her last day, she’d pulled Reese to the side for a conversation he hadn’t known would be among their last. Looking back on it, Reese wondered if she’d known somehow that she didn’t have the strength to make it another day. The cancer had ravaged her once healthy body, making it hard for her to move. As Becky and Jesse prepared dinner, and Kate kept all of the little ones occupied, Beth and Reese sat in the living room, just soaking it all in.

  “I should have known that the two of you would find your way back to each other. When I made the decision I made, I tried to convince myself that she was just your first love and that you would move on someday. You never really did though, did you?”

  He’d smiled as he watched Becky laugh at something Jesse said. “No, I didn’t. I don’t know that I ever could.”

  “Please tell me you’re going to marry her.”

  Reese’s heart had clenched when he’d realized that Beth wouldn’t be there on his wedding day. Neither of his parents would. He’d always imagined that if he got married, it would be something he’d get to share with his mom. He’d assumed that she would be there for all of the big events in his life, and couldn’t imagine not having her there to share his joy.

  He had pulled a small ring box out of the pocket of his jacket. He’d bought it last week and had brought it today to show his mom, in the hopes that she would approve of the ring he’d picked. Last week, he’d enlisted Kelsey and Sophie’s help to choose the ring that he hoped would grace Becky’s finger for the rest of her days. Naturally, when they’d heard the nature of the day’s activity, both Rafe and Carlos had joined in the festivities. Though he’d told them multiple times that they were hindering the process more than they were helping it, they’d insisted on staying.

  The ring was a simple one; he knew that Becky would never need anything flashy. It was a small pear-shaped diamond with a halo, on a simple white gold band. The moment he’d seen it, he’d known that it was the right choice for Becky. It wasn’t entirely traditional, but the understated beauty of it was perfect for her.

  About a month after she’d helped him forgive his mom, he’d been leaving Becky’s house in the morning to head to work and drop Ryker off at school (their new Wednesday morning routine), and as he’d walked out of the bedroom where Becky was getting ready for work, he’d kissed her quickly and told her he loved her. It hadn’t been some big declaration, rather it was something that they both knew they’d felt and finally wanted to acknowledge. His heart had leapt in his chest when she’d said it back, and they’d said it every single day since then.

  He hadn’t known if he would propose that week, or even that month, but he knew that he was never letting Becky out of his life again. He’d handed the small box to his mom and heard her gasp softly when she looked at the ring.

  “It’s perfect, Reese. She’s going to love it.”

  He pulled the small box out of the pocket of his suit now, toying with it as he watched Becky get ready in their bathroom. True to Carlos’s word, he and Kelsey were getting married mere months after he’d popped the question. Carlos, Rafe, and Reese had spent an insane amount of their free time over the last couple of months learning the dance that Carlos insisted they would be performing at his wedding reception.

  For a moment, he stood and simply watched Becky get ready. Kelsey had asked that her maid and matron of honor wear blue dresses, but had not specified what style of dress needed to be chosen. Kelsey had said she wanted her best friends to feel comfortable in what they wore on her wedding day, and Reese wondered if Becky would repay the favor when they got married.

  The dress Becky had picked looked incredible on her. She had explained the cut to him excitedly when she’d found it, telling him that it was a one-shoulder chiffon dress with a slit up one leg. He had no idea what any of that meant, but the color highlighted the creaminess of her skin, and the cut of the dress had him thinking indecent thoughts and wondering how quickly they could leave the wedding reception tonight so that he could get it off her. She’d worn her hair in the way that he liked most: curly and down, the red locks cascading across her shoulders.

  When he’d seen her in the dress, putting the finishing touches on her look, he’d known that he didn’t want to wait to propose to her for even a minute longer. He took the ring out of the box and placed the box on the dresser. She came out of the bathroom and threw her arms wide before spinning in a circle.

  “What do you t
hink? I want to wear this dress every single day.”

  He pulled her to him and turned her to face the full-length mirror on the wall next to him. He stood behind her and kissed her shoulder lightly. “You look just about perfect, but I don’t think you can wear the dress every day.”

  She threw her head back dramatically and groaned. “Why not? I look like a damn princess.”

  “Well,” he started slowly, reaching for her left hand with his own and wrapping his right around her body. “Someday, I would like to see you in something white.”

  “Hmmm, maybe that could be arranged.”

  He slid the ring on her finger and then released her to stand back and admire his handiwork. “Now you look perfect.”

  Becky looked down at the ring and then back up to meet his gaze in the reflection of the mirror. “Reese, you’re supposed to ask me something before you just slide a ring onto my finger.”

  He adopted his most confident smirk. “Why ask a question I already know the answer to?”

  She turned around to face him and poked him in the chest with her finger. “You don’t know everything. Maybe I would say no.”

  “You’re still wearing the ring; I don’t think you’re saying no.”

  “You know, when Carlos proposed to Kelsey, there was skywriting involved. You just slide a ring on my finger and call it a day?”

  He lowered himself to one knee, and took her left hand in his. He slid the ring off of her finger and looked up at her. “Becky, I’ve known since I was seventeen that you were the one for me. You challenge me on a daily basis, you are the most incredible mother to our child, and I want to spend every single day loving you. Will you marry me?”