Seasons of an Amish Garden

by Amy Clipston

  “You never had any doubts?” Ephraim held his breath in anticipation of the response.

  Dat grimaced, and Ephraim groaned, covering his face with his hands.

  Ephraim rubbed his eyes as doubt and heartache pummeled his chest. The pain in Mandy’s beautiful face and eyes kept replaying in his mind.

  Had he just made the biggest mistake of his life?

  He thought he heard hay crunch, but he kept his face covered. It must have been one of the horses moving in a nearby stall.

  “Talk to me, Ephraim,” Dat said. “Holding in your emotions isn’t healthy.”

  “If she means what she says, I think Mandy’s overreacting. Her family, our family, and her freinden will help her with wedding preparations.” He looked up at his father. “You’re going to build a haus for Darlene in the spring, right?”

  Dat sighed. “I’m going to have to.”

  “Will you still build our haus next?”

  Dat hesitated. “Ya, but it might be a few years before I can afford it.”

  “That’s what I thought. But we can live with you and Mamm until then, right?”

  “Ya, you can. It’s going to be chaotic for a while, though.”

  “Why isn’t that gut enough for Mandy?” Ephraim’s voice echoed in the barn.

  “You need to respect her point of view, even if you don’t understand it yet,” Dat said. “You’ve just broken Mandy’s heart by breaking your engagement. If you try to apologize now, she may not forgive you. Even if she does forgive you, she might not agree to marry you.”

  “You broke your engagement?” Katie Ann’s voice called from nearby.

  Ephraim spun to face his sister. She gaped at him, and he knew his father would elect to stay out of this confrontation. He’d always let his children sort out their own conflicts.

  “How could you do that? She loves you.”

  “It’s a long story.” Ephraim was suddenly exhausted. All the fight had drained out of him, and he was certain his bed was calling him. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

  “No.” Katie Ann shook her head. “You’ll tell me now.” She pointed to the barn floor. “Mandy is my best friend. She adores you. How could you hurt her like that?”

  “And I’m your bruder,” Ephraim snapped. “What about my feelings?”

  “You loved her yesterday!” Katie Ann pointed at him. “What could she have possibly done to make you break your engagement?”

  “It’s complicated. We had an argument after we left here earlier. She wants to delay our wedding, and I got upset.” Ephraim let his arms fall to his sides. “I’m going to bed.” He tried to walk past her, but she blocked his way. “Katie Ann, please let me by.”

  “Not until you tell me everything that happened.” She looked up at him, her eyes looking as if they might spark with her anger.

  “It’s none of your business.” Ephraim picked up his lantern and then slipped past her before stalking toward the house.

  “Wait!” Katie Ann rushed after him. “You have to tell me what’s going on.”

  “I don’t have to tell you anything.” Ephraim marched up the back-porch steps and into the house, where he took off his coat and hung it on a peg. He hung his hat next to it and then carried his lantern into the kitchen.

  “Why are you acting like this?” Katie Ann trailed after him. “What’s wrong with you?”

  He spun to face her. “All I told her is we need a few days to cool off. But I guess she considers that a broken engagement. This is between us. Stay out of it, Katie Ann.”

  She opened her mouth and then closed it, her face lined with confusion.

  Ephraim took a step back. “I’m going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. We have to move Darlene and her family here. It’s going to be exhausting, and we both need rest. Gut nacht.”

  Before his sister could respond, he jogged up the stairs and into his bedroom, and then he dropped onto his bed as his mind spun with questions.

  All he knew for sure was that his heart was breaking. Right now, though, he needed sleep. He’d figure out his problems with Mandy tomorrow.

  CHAPTER 4

  I’ll get it!” Mandy rushed to the back door the following evening, praying the knock she’d heard was Ephraim’s. She’d spent all day thinking about him and worrying that their relationship was truly over.

  When she pulled open the door, her worries evaporated. Her handsome fiancé stood on the porch, holding a lantern.

  “Hi.” She pushed the door open wide.

  “Hi.” Ephraim spun his straw hat in his hands. “Can we talk?”

  “Ya. Just let me get my coat.”

  Once outside, she pointed to the glider where they’d spent hours talking. It seemed like just yesterday Ephraim had asked her to be his girlfriend, and now they were facing a crossroads in their relationship—delaying their wedding or calling it off. Her chest constricted at the possibility of losing his love forever.

  “How was your day?” she asked. They both sank onto the cool, wooden glider, and then she gave it a gentle push with her toe.

  “Long and exhausting.” He set his elbow on the arm of the glider and then rested his head on his hand. “Katie Ann helped Uria and Darlene pack at their rental while Dat and I made space for their belongings at our haus. Then two men Dat hired met me at the rental while Dat stayed behind to take care of the cows. We had to load it all into their truck, and then unload it.” He paused and cupped his hand over his mouth to shield a yawn.

  “We had to carry a lot of it up the stairs. We set up Uria and Darlene in the former sewing room, and we got the girls situated in Katie Ann’s room. They’ll have to finish unpacking all their stuff during the week. We put a lot of boxes in the attic and basement, and what extra furniture didn’t fit in the attic or basement had to be transported to one of the barns.” He rubbed his eyes and then yawned again. “I think every muscle in my body hurts.”

  “Ach, Ephraim. You should have gone to bed, then, instead of coming over here.” She rubbed his shoulder.

  “No.” He looked at her, and the intensity in his eyes sent a tremor through her. “I couldn’t leave things unsettled between us.”

  She held her breath, and her pulse tripped.

  “You were right. Our haus is not just crowded, but chaotic. But we’re family.” He swiveled toward her. “I love you, and I can’t wait to start the rest of my life with you, to make you part of my family. There’s room for you, too, even before mei dat builds Darlene a haus. He can’t guarantee when he can build our haus, but I don’t care where we live. I just want to be with you, Mandy.”

  She swallowed against a swelling ball of emotion. “If you don’t care where we live, then I have an idea for us.”

  “What?” His expression seemed skeptical.

  “What if we lived here instead of at your parents’ haus?” She pointed to the porch. “There’s plenty of room, and mei dat said—”

  “Wait a minute.” He held up his hand, silencing her. “I can’t live here and work for mei dat. It would take me too long to get there for the morning milking, and I’d have to make too many trips back and forth.”

  “I understand. I have a solution to that too. Mei dat says you can come work for him at his brickmasonry business. You could be his apprentice.” When Ephraim looked unconvinced, she spoke faster. “Dat said he’d love to have you work for him, and he would even build us a haus here.”

  “No.” Ephraim’s voice was so forceful that she jumped.

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want to be a brickmason. I want to be a farmer like mei dat and his dat before him. That land has been in our family for generations, and it’s my birthright to live on that land and raise my family there. If I have a sohn, he’ll inherit that land and run it.”

  Mandy’s shoulders wilted. “You won’t even consider another plan for us?”

  “That’s not what I want,” he insisted.

  She pointed to her chest. “What about what I want?�
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  He lifted his hat and held it, leaning forward as if ready to leap up and leave. “So we’re back to this again.”

  “What does that mean?” Her voice vibrated with frustration. “This is a gut plan. We can delay the wedding, and—”

  “So not only do you want to still delay the wedding, but you also want to change our plan to live with my family on mei dat’s farm and change my vocation?” He gestured widely. “Why does everything have to change? Why isn’t our original plan gut enough for you, even if Darlene and her family are moving in?”

  She shook her head as angry tears filled her eyes. “It’s not a question of being gut enough for me. It’s a question of what makes sense for us. Your dat’s haus is too full of people now, and even though that’s temporary, you just said he has no idea when we can build a haus of our own.”

  She motioned toward the back door. “We have plenty of space here, and room to build another haus. Mei dat’s business is thriving. Why wouldn’t you want to work for him, especially now that your dat has Uria’s help? Being a brickmason is gut work. Is it not gut enough for you?” She pointed to him.

  He snorted. “You’re just spoiled.”

  “What?” She stood up and faced him. “How am I spoiled?”

  “Your haus is bigger than mine, and your dat’s business is more successful than mei dat’s farm. I’ll never be able to satisfy you with the life I can offer you as a farmer. My family isn’t gut enough for you. Maybe that’s what this is really about.” He picked up his lantern, stood, and started toward the porch steps. “Let’s just forget it all.”

  “Wait!” She lurched forward, grabbed his arm, and spun him to face her. “How did we wind up here?” She gestured between them. “I want to marry you. I want to raise a family with you and grow old with you. That has never changed. All I did was suggest we wait a while—”

  “And then change all our plans.” His expression crumbled into a frown. “It’s like I’m not the man you want or need anymore.”

  “That’s not true.” She cupped her hand to his cheek. “I want to be your fraa, but I think it might not be best for us to live on your dat’s farm. Circumstances have changed. Why is that so difficult for you to see?”

  “Because this is who I am.” He pointed to his chest. “If that’s not what you want, then it’s over.”

  “So that’s it.” She took a step back and hugged her arms to her chest as if to shield her crumbling heart. “You want to just break our engagement and end it all because I suggested living here and your working for mei dat?”

  He shrugged. “I guess so.”

  Mandy sniffed as her tears broke free. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too.” He spun and walked down the steps toward his waiting horse and buggy.

  Mandy choked on a sob before stumbling into the house and the family room. Her parents and sister were sitting in their usual spots, reading.

  “Mandy?” Mamm set her book on the end table and leaned forward. “Was that Ephraim?”

  “Ya.” Mandy dropped onto the sofa beside Rhoda, her coat still on. “It’s really over this time. He doesn’t want to delay the wedding, he doesn’t want to live here, and he doesn’t want to work for Dat. He said if their haus and life on his dat’s farm isn’t gut enough for me, it’s over. He’s going to throw it all away because I suggested a different life for us.”

  Mandy succumbed to sobs as despondency whipped through her. She covered her face with her hands, and her lungs felt as if they would burst with her grief. How could things go so badly so quickly? It felt as if she were stuck in a nightmare!

  “Ach, Mandy.” Rhoda’s voice was close to her ear as she rubbed her back. “It’s not over yet.”

  “Ya, it is.” Mandy’s words were muffled by her hands. “It’s really over. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I was so certain he’d agree to live here. He said it didn’t matter where we live, but he meant where we live on his farm. He said he can’t abandon his family’s land. He has to be a farmer like his dat and his daadi. Shouldn’t it only matter that we’re together?” She tried to swallow back more tears, but her sobs overwhelmed her.

  “Shh.” Mamm appeared beside her and rubbed her shoulder. “Everything will be okay.”

  “No, it won’t.” Mandy looked up as Dat sat down on a footstool in front of her and handed her some tissues. She swiped them over her eyes and nose. “Nothing can fix this.”

  “That’s not true.” Dat glanced at Mamm, and they shared knowing expressions. “Your mamm and I had a bad argument shortly before we married.”

  “Really?” Rhoda asked.

  “You never told us that.” Mandy tossed the crumpled tissues on her lap and shrugged out of her coat.

  “We had a few disagreements, and we broke up for a couple of weeks,” Dat said. “We took some time to cool off and realized our pride was standing in our way.”

  “That’s true,” Mamm agreed. “But then one night your dat came to see me, and we talked for a couple of hours. Then he proposed again, and we were married a couple of months later.”

  Dat smiled at her, and the love in his eyes made Mandy’s chest ache. Would Ephraim ever look at her like that again?

  “I realized I wanted to be with your mamm more than I wanted to feel as if I were right about everything.” Dat touched Mandy’s cheek. “Your mamm and I had to talk it through. I think you need to find out why Ephraim is so upset. There must be more to it. Ask him to share more about how he feels, and listen to him.”

  “Your dat is right,” Mamm chimed in. “You might have hurt his feelings without realizing it.”

  “What if he won’t talk to me?” Mandy felt the tremble in her voice.

  “I’m sure he will. You just need to gently push him.” Dat brushed a tear from her face. “You and Ephraim love each other, but marriage is a lot of work. You both need to learn how to listen and to respect each other’s opinions and feelings. That’s a vital part of marriage.”

  “It’s a tough lesson, but it will help you work through any problems you face.” Mamm touched her hand.

  “Okay.” Mandy shuddered as more tears filled her eyes. “I just can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t want to lose him.”

  “You won’t lose him if you show him you care,” Mamm said.

  “And take a gut look at what you’ve said to see if you’ve accidentally hurt him,” Dat said. “You can work this out together if you’re both willing to be honest.”

  Mandy leaned against her mother and hoped her parents were right.

  Ephraim felt as if exhaustion and grief might drown him as he made his way from the barn to the house. He was grateful no one was in the barn when he stowed his horse and buggy. Now he just had to make it to his bedroom without a family member questioning him. He wanted to be alone with his confusing and agonizing thoughts.

  After hanging his coat and hat in the mudroom, he breathed a sigh of relief. The kitchen and family room were both empty.

  As he climbed the stairs, he heard voices echoing from the bedrooms above him. When he hit the second-floor hallway, he slipped into his own bedroom, closed the door, and set his lantern on his dresser. He sank onto the corner of his bed and covered his face with his hands.

  He’d never imagined his day would end with truly breaking up with Mandy. As he’d headed to her house, he envisioned they’d repair their relationship and agree to the original plan to marry in six weeks. He’d tell her they could ask some of their friends and other family members to help her with the wedding preparations, and she’d realize it didn’t matter if his father’s house was crowded for a while or how long it would be before they had a house of their own. Instead, their conversation had gone completely off the rails.

  How would he go on without her? She’d been his life, his future, and his heart for almost a year. Now he was left with nothing, alone. His eyes burned.

  A knock on his door startled him. He sat up straight and cleared his throat.
r />   “Come in.” He hoped his voice sounded stronger than he felt.

  The door opened, revealing Mamm standing in the doorway.

  “I thought I heard you come home.” She stepped inside. “Did you go see Mandy?”

  “Ya.” He tried to sound causal.

  “How is she?” Mamm studied him with what looked like suspicion.

  “Fine.” Ephraim rubbed at the stubble on his chin. “Why?”

  Mamm closed the door and leaned against his dresser. “We both know why.”

  Ephraim blew out a deep sigh. “Did Dat tell you or Katie Ann?”

  “They’re both concerned.” Mamm’s eyes filled with concern too. “Did you work things out with her?”

  Ephraim shook his head as a messy knot of grief choked back his words.

  Mamm sank onto the bed beside him and looped her arm over his shoulders. “What happened?”

  “We broke up for gut.” He tried in vain to clear his throat. “The wedding is off.”

  “But you two were so in love, and you had such a strong relationship.”

  “Everything fell apart.” He wiped at his eyes, hoping to keep his emotions at bay until after his mother left. But that was difficult as he told her about Mandy’s latest suggestions. “That’s not what I want. I don’t want to live with her parents, and I don’t want to be a brickmason. We argued, and then we broke up.”

  He paused as he tried to analyze his raging feelings. “I feel like she thinks our life here isn’t gut enough for her, as if being a farmer’s fraa isn’t as gut as being a brickmason’s fraa. Or maybe it’s not her. Maybe I’m worried that our life on the farm is too humble, and I’m projecting that onto her.”

  “You have no reason to be embarrassed by our life, Ephraim, and I doubt Mandy wouldn’t be froh living here. I think you’re both reeling from all the changes our family is facing with Darlene’s problems, and I’m sure planning a wedding so fast is stressful for her.” Mamm shook her head. “I’m sorry all your plans are in question because of your schweschder’s problems.”