Seasons of an Amish Garden

by Amy Clipston

  “It’s not your fault or Darlene’s fault. It just happened, and Mandy can’t adapt to it. That means we’re not supposed to be together.”

  Mamm cringed.

  “What?”

  “You’re permitted to change your plans,” Mamm said. “You can become a brickmason if you want.”

  He shook his head. “No. I told you. That’s not what I want. I’m supposed to be here. That’s what Dat and Daadi said when I was a bu, and I’m going to stick to that plan.”

  Mamm gave him a sideways hug. “No one said you couldn’t change your plans. We didn’t plan for Uria and Darlene to come here, but we’re froh to have them. If you want to build a life with Mandy working for her dat, then your dat and I will support you. This is your life, Ephraim. Your dat and I aren’t going to dictate it for you. We pray our kinner are healthy, froh, and that they stay in the church and follow God. The rest is up to all of you. These are your lives.”

  Ephraim contemplated his mother’s words and then shook his head. “That’s another thing. God wants me here, too, doesn’t he? I’m to honor mei dat. If Mandy can’t live with me on this farm, she can’t be mei fraa.”

  “Ephraim,” Mamm began, “you need to pray about that. I think you’re misinterpreting what I said.”

  “I’m not.” He swiped the back of his hand over his eyes. “I’m certain of it.”

  Mamm nodded. “If that’s what you believe, but I think you need to keep talking to God.” She seemed to study him. “Are you all right?”

  He gestured toward his pillow. “I just need some sleep.”

  Mamm stood and faced him. “I’m here if you want to talk more.”

  “Danki, Mamm.”

  “Gut nacht.” She walked into the hallway, gently closing the door behind her.

  Ephraim changed into shorts and a T-shirt, and then he climbed into bed. As he stared up at the ceiling, he recalled the pain in Mandy’s beautiful face, and grief swelled inside him once again.

  He missed her so much his heart ached, but he couldn’t allow himself to change his roots for her. If his grandfather’s farm wasn’t good enough for Mandy, then how could he satisfy her for the rest of their lives? Nothing he could ever give her would be good enough.

  Was he just self-conscious about the humble life he and Mandy would have on the farm and projecting that onto her? Was he so immersed in his own hurt that he wasn’t thinking clearly?

  He groaned and covered his eyes with his forearm. He only knew he missed Mandy and he grieved for the bright future that was at his fingertips a few days ago. It was as if their future had wilted and died like the leftover summer crops faltered when the cold weather invaded Henry’s garden. Was it too late to save their relationship, or would it wither as the ground grew colder?

  Rolling to his side, he sucked in a deep breath and waited for sleep to find him.

  CHAPTER 5

  Do you need help?”

  Mandy looked at the far end of the porch as Katie Ann walked toward her the following morning. “What are you doing here?”

  “Well, that’s a nice hello.” Katie Ann rested her hands on her hips.

  “I’m sorry.” Mandy sighed as she hung another pair of her father’s trousers on the clothesline that stretched from the porch to the barn. “Gude mariye.” She frowned. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t.” Katie Ann joined her at the laundry basket, picked up another pair of trousers, and handed them to her. “I’m sorry about what happened. Mei mamm told me the news. Ephraim won’t talk to me, but he’s talked to both Mamm and Dat, so I know what’s been going on. Despite mei bruder telling me to stay out of this, I would have come to offer you my support yesterday. But we had to move Darlene and her family to our haus.”

  “I know. Danki.” Mandy’s bottom lip quivered as she hung the trousers on the clothesline. “I don’t understand it. I thought my solutions made sense, but he got so upset, he broke up with me. As of today, I’m single again, and all my wedding plans were a waste.”

  “Mei bruder is stubborn, pigheaded, ridiculous, or whatever word you want to use to describe him.” Katie Ann handed her the last pair of trousers. “Just give him time to understand what he’s done.”

  Mandy hung the trousers on the line. “He was adamant that he’d never consider living here and working as a brickmason, and then he said I think I’m too gut to be a farmer’s fraa.” She looked down at the empty laundry basket and then at the full clothesline. “That’s not true. I can’t deny I’d like living here, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like living with your family. I just thought we had an option for giving you all a less stressful life.”

  “I believe you, Mandy,” Katie Ann said.

  “But I also keep thinking maybe this isn’t just him. It takes two for a relationship to work. Maybe I made a mistake, but if I did, I don’t know how to fix it. If I hurt him by accident, how do I fix what’s broken between us? My parents say I should talk to him and really listen, but I don’t know when he’ll be ready. I’ve never seen him like this.”

  “Why don’t we go inside and have tea?” Katie Ann rubbed Mandy’s arm.

  “Okay.” Mandy lifted the laundry basket and followed Katie Ann into the house.

  After storing the basket in the utility room, Mandy filled the kettle and set it on the stove while Katie Ann took mugs and tea bags out of a cabinet. From upstairs her mother’s sewing machine chattered, telling her Mamm and Rhoda were busy working on projects for their customers. She set a container of iced oatmeal cookies on the counter and then pulled out sweetener and milk. Once the kettle whistled, Katie Ann filled the mugs and brought them to the table.

  They sipped their tea and ate cookies in silence for a few minutes. Mandy lost herself in regret, analyzing what she’d said, wondering what she could have said to Ephraim that might have changed the outcome of their conversation the night before.

  Katie Ann’s voice broke through Mandy’s mental gymnastics. “Mei mamm said Ephraim was really upset last night. She talked to him when he got home. He was heartbroken, so I think he’s going to realize he made a huge mistake.”

  Mandy fought the tears filling her eyes. “If he regretted it, why didn’t he come back to see me last night and make things right? He said some terrible things to me. He even called me spoiled because mei haus is bigger than yours.” Mandy wiped her eyes with her fingertips. “He was really mean. It was like he became another person.”

  Katie Ann pressed her lips together. “He’s always had a terrible temper. Do you want me to talk to him? I can try to make him realize how ridiculous he’s being.”

  Mandy shook her head. “I don’t think so. He’ll think I asked you to, and it might make things worse.”

  “I don’t think it could get any worse.” Katie Ann picked up another cookie and took a bite.

  “I just don’t understand it. I thought I was suggesting great ideas.” Mandy waved a cookie around for emphasis as her eyes stung with fresh tears. “Why does it matter where we live if we truly love each other?”

  “You’re exactly right. I understand he’s always wanted to be a farmer, but mei bruder is being a dolt. He’s letting his pride get in the way.” Katie Ann shook her head as she scowled.

  Mandy took a sip of tea. “How is your family adjusting now that Darlene and her family have moved in?”

  “It’s noisy.” Katie Ann crumpled a paper napkin as she spoke. “And it’s a little tight in my room with the girls there.” She smiled. “But we did a lot of giggling last night. It will take some time to get used to having two people with me, along with two more dressers and a cot. Thankfully, my room is fairly large.” She smoothed out the napkin again. “Mei dat said he’ll get started on their haus as soon as he can in the spring. This will be temporary. I love mei bruderskinner. It’s just an adjustment.”

  “Just like it would be for Ephraim and me if he’d consider what I suggested.” Mandy rested her chin on her palm as guilt rai
ned down on her. Maybe she’d made a mistake by suggesting they take another path. Had she not taken everything Ephraim might be feeling into consideration?

  She had to find a way to talk to him.

  “Hello.” Mandy stepped into Emma’s kitchen and set a container of lemon bars on the counter. “I brought you a special snack.”

  “Mandy!” Emma moved across the room’s expanse to meet her. “It’s so gut to see you. How are you?”

  She shrugged as she touched the container. “I’ve been baking a lot. Mei schweschder says it’s a coping mechanism.”

  “A coping mechanism?” Emma opened the container. “Oh my! Look at those lemon bars.”

  “Have one. They’re pretty gut.” Mandy leaned back against the counter. “I’m going to try a similar recipe later when I get home. I’ll bring you some.”

  Emma picked up a bar and then looked at Mandy. “What’s going on?”

  “You haven’t heard?” Mandy asked. When a meow sounded, she looked down. Hank was walking back and forth, rubbing against her shins. “Hi, Hank.”

  “I haven’t heard what?” Emma asked.

  “Ephraim and I broke up.” Mandy went to the table and sat down in a chair. “It’s been two days. I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I’m baking to stay busy.”

  Emma gasped as she sat down across from her. “What happened?”

  Mandy told her the entire story while drawing imaginary circles on the tabletop with her fingertip. When she finished, she looked up and found Hank sitting next to her, his attention focused on her.

  “What do you think, Hank?” Mandy rubbed the cat’s ear, and he tilted his head toward her and purred.

  “Hank and I think you shouldn’t give up.” Emma smiled at her. “The issues may be deeper than what you’re seeing on the surface. I think you’re feeling overwhelmed, and Ephraim is doubting the wisdom of marrying you because your suggestions may have made him feel less-than. If you take a step back and look at the whole picture, you might agree with me.”

  “So it’s all my fault?” Mandy felt as if the breath rushed out of her lungs at the possibility that she caused the breakup.

  “No, no, no.” Emma reached for her hands. “Your suggestions are mature. I commend you for wanting to slow down and not rush your wedding. Many young women are so obsessed with the wedding that they lose sight of what’s really important—their marriage. That’s your future. Taking your time and doing what’s right is a grown-up decision. But you also need to look at this from Ephraim’s perspective. He loves you so much he doesn’t want to wait to marry you. But he comes from a line of farmers. He might have taken your suggestions as an insult to the way of life his family has lived for many generations.”

  “So I need to forget the idea of living with my parents? And I was wrong to suggest that he learn a new trade?” Mandy’s heart ached as she recalled the pain and anger lining Ephraim’s handsome face when he told her their relationship was over.

  Emma touched one ribbon of her prayer covering and paused as if contemplating the correct response. “No, I don’t think you were wrong, but I believe he reacted out of hurt. Married to Henry, I learned I had to take his feelings into consideration, no matter how certain I was that my point of view was right. Two people make a marriage, and the only way it will work is if those two people listen to each other and compromise. Together you and Ephraim can find a solution. Just like our crops in Henry’s garden needed both sun and water, you two need to work together to nourish and grow your relationship.”

  “Oh.” Mandy’s thoughts were spinning so fast she thought she might pass out. Guilt and shame wrapped around her chest, squeezing at her lungs. “I was selfish and pushy when I insisted he consider my ideas, let alone just go along with them. I didn’t consider how he might feel.” Her bottom lip trembled. “What if he doesn’t forgive me?”

  “Everything will be fine, Mandy. You just need to talk to him, calmly.” Emma stood and retrieved the lemon bars from the counter. “These are positively scrumptious. Danki for sharing them with me.” She set the container in the center of the table and took another bar. “Talk to Ephraim and discuss your options. Also pray for him. Ask God to help him see that you do love him and want to marry him.” She smiled at Mandy. “Don’t give up hope. You and Ephraim can work it out, but you can only do it together.”

  “Okay.” If their hearts could get past the hurt.

  “Now, are we going to get started on canning today?”

  “Ya, I’m ready. And Katie Ann and Clara plan to be here a bit later.” Soon she and Emma were gathering supplies, and Tena came downstairs to join them. It felt good to talk and even laugh as they started canning the last of the beans, carrots, and corn they’d grown in the garden.

  When the back door opened and then clicked closed, Mandy turned her attention to the mudroom doorway.

  “Do I smell lemon bars?” Wayne asked.

  “Ya, Mandy made them,” Tena told him. “Come have one.”

  Wayne stepped into the kitchen, and Mandy’s stomach seemed to drop when Ephraim appeared behind him. He froze in the doorway as his striking brown eyes focused on hers. Then his lips formed a thin line, but his eyes seemed to plead with her. Did he want to fix things between them? Or did he want her to leave? She longed to read his mind as the intensity in his gaze sent goose bumps ripping up her arms.

  Wayne took a lemon bar from the container and took a big bite. After swallowing, he turned to Ephraim. “These are fantastic.” He held up his half-eaten bar. “You need to try one.”

  Ephraim took one from the container, bit into it, and nodded at Mandy. “It’s appeditlich.”

  “Danki.” Mandy cleared her throat as she tried to hide the sadness his formal tone caused her.

  Ephraim looked at Wayne. “We should get outside and start on our project.”

  “What project?” Tena asked.

  Wayne swiped another bar from the container. “We’re going to replace some of the boards on the shed doors. I want to get this done before it gets any colder.”

  When Mandy felt Ephraim’s stare burning into her, she kept her focus on Emma. “Why don’t we go through your cookbooks, Emma? We could find something fun to make when we’re finished canning.”

  “Wunderbaar.” Emma stood and turned to Wayne. “Danki for fixing the shed doors. Let me know what I owe you for supplies.”

  “It’s no problem.” Wayne held up his hand. Then he winked at Tena. “See you soon.”

  “Ya, you will.” Tena grinned at him, and the love that passed between them made Mandy’s heart crumble even more.

  Ephraim gave Mandy a brief glance and then walked out the back door with Wayne.

  “Am I missing something?” Tena asked Mandy after the men disappeared outside. “You and Ephraim were a bit cold to each other.”

  “I’ll tell you while we work.”

  “You’re telling me you broke up with Mandy because she suggested you wait a few months to get married, then move in with her parents, build a house on her dat’s land, and have the chance for a new career?” Wayne asked as they removed the old shed door from the hinges.

  “Ya, I guess that sums it up.” Ephraim shrugged.

  “Don’t you think you overreacted?” Wayne turned toward him.

  “No, I don’t.” Ephraim looked down at the rotten wood to avoid Wayne’s accusing stare. By this morning, he’d decided he hadn’t made a mistake. No matter what she said, deep down, Mandy was having doubts about their relationship. He was sure of it, but he didn’t want to tell Wayne that. “She knows I’ve always planned to be a farmer and take over mei dat’s farm someday.”

  “But plans can change,” Wayne said. “Isn’t being together the most important plan of all?”

  “Why don’t we stay focused on this repair instead of my breakup?” He pointed to the door.

  “Hey,” Jerry said as he and Chris approached. “Are we ready to work on the shed today?”

  Ephraim looked past them
to where Katie Ann and Clara climbed the porch steps and headed into the house. Why didn’t his sister mention this was the canning day at Emma’s? In a matter of minutes, all the women would know he and Mandy had broken their engagement and ended their nearly one-year relationship.

  Why should he let Wayne make him feel guilty? Mandy was the one who suggested they change their plans. She was the one who was changing her mind about him. This was her fault, not his!

  But then why did he lie awake at night, analyzing their argument over and over? Why did he find himself contemplating what life would be like if he became a brickmason?

  “Ephraim?”

  “What?” He looked up at Jerry.

  “What has you so distracted?” Jerry asked, a grin tugging at his lips.

  “You haven’t heard?” Wayne asked. “Ephraim and Mandy broke up on Tuesday.”

  Ephraim swallowed a groan. Here we go. Now they’ll all analyze my life and tell me what I’ve done wrong.

  “Are you serious?” Jerry asked. “Katie Ann didn’t say anything on the ride over here.”

  “Katie Ann told me yesterday.” Chris frowned at Ephraim. “You’re honestly going to let her get away because you’re too stubborn to even consider living with her parents and working for her dat?”

  “That’s why you broke up?” Jerry asked.

  “Worse,” Wayne told him. “This all started just because Mandy suggested they delay the wedding a few months. She had gut reasons too.”

  “Look. This is my business.” Ephraim held up his hands. “I really don’t need your opinions.”

  “That’s too bad.” Jerry sat down on a plastic crate and looked up at him. “You’re going to get our opinions, so take them like a man.” His other friends mumbled their agreement. “Don’t you love her?”

  “Ya.” Ephraim leaned back against the shed. “Of course I do.”

  “Then why are you letting a little change of plans ruin your future with the maedel you love?”

  “A little change of plans?” Ephraim gestured widely. “Are you kidding me? Moving off my parents’ farm would be a huge change. And what do I know about being a brickmason?”