Married to Krampus (My Holiday Tails)

by Marina Simcoe

  “Lucky for you.” I finished my food and put away the container.

  “May I?” He suddenly reached for my foot.

  I managed only a brief noise of surprise as he grabbed my leg around the ankle then placed my foot into his lap.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Massage helps relieve muscle ache.” He took off my ballet flat, then squeezed my foot in his large hand. “Does it work the same for feet, too?”

  “Ohh,” I leaned back, propping myself with my hands, as he expertly rubbed my sole and heel. “It most certainly does.”

  Who would refuse a free foot massage? I forgot all about being self-conscious about my toes in front of a Voranian.

  “These are very curious appendages.” He gently pulled on each toe, massaging them all in turn. “So cute and tiny.”

  I lifted an eyebrow in amusement.

  “Now, you find them cute? Not repulsive?”

  “No part of you could ever repulse me,” he said confidently, making my heart skip.

  This man. How was I supposed to play cool around him for the rest of our year together, when he made my heart so warm and my body so impossibly hot?

  What would I do when the year was up?

  Drawing in a long breath, I shoved the worrisome thoughts aside. This had been an amazing morning, and it promised to be an even better day. Humor had helped me get through many awkward moments in life in general and with the Colonel in particular.

  “You like my toes?” I teased, wiggling my eyebrows. “Here, I have another set for you.” I placed my second foot in his lap, happy to see him laugh as he took my other shoe off.

  “Ten times the fun!”

  FOR THE AFTERNOON, the Colonel had planned a trip to the Zoo.

  The twins jumped with excitement in anticipation, and I kind of did too. I hadn’t been to the Voranian Zoo yet. Other than a few small birds and the pretty flying insects in the flower garlands at the mall, I’d seen no local animals.

  The Zoo was a group of large glass hemispheres interconnected by arched passageways.

  A guide drone accompanied us on our tour. It flew next to us, telling us, in a monotonous, androgynous voice, facts about the Zoo and each of the animals it housed.

  After about two hours of browsing the spacious enclosures, I’d seen so many otherworldly animals, it felt like my brain was about to explode from being overloaded with new images and information.

  “Bilgro Uchoit,” the drone hummed, hovering in front of the fenced enclosure with an animal that strongly reminded me of an overinflated tire tube, set on its edge upright. “From the Gaxeon Forest of Neron.”

  Two eyeballs, suspended on two skinny antennae, extended from the very center of the “tire.” As it rolled on its way, hundreds of small black feet where the traction on the tire would be propelled it along.

  “The eyeballs of Bilgro Uchoit are suspended in liquid inside its sealed eyelids. When the animal is moving, its body rotates. However, the eyeballs remain stationary, floating in the clear eyelid capsule.”

  “This one is probably the most bizarre one of all.” I gaped at the black, puffy “tires” rolling up and down grassy hills inside their enclosure.

  “You said that about the last one, too,” Olvar reminded.

  Zun found it exceptionally funny for some reason, tossing his head back and laughing exaggeratedly loud.

  “The last one was super weird, too,” I agreed, remembering the fuzzy orange spiral on six legs. It had expanded, like a released spring, to eat leaves off the tree branches with its mouth located at the higher end of the spring. “Now, I’m confused which one is the most bizarre, to be honest.”

  “Well, it says here,” the Colonel pointed at a holographic display in front of the enclosure, “that Bilgro Uchoit obtain nourishment by absorbing nutrients from the dirt with their feet as they move around. So, would that make them half-plant, half-animal?”

  “Not sure,” I giggled. “But it definitely just made them the most bizarre beings in my book.”

  For a snack, we bought some fruit that looked like a long juicy string curled into a multi-colored spiral.

  “Ready to go home?” the Colonel asked as we circled the last glass dome.

  The boys were acting much more subdued now, obviously getting tired after the long day of fun.

  “The new, limited time exhibition is just ahead,” the guide drone informed us. “If you take the north exit to the parking area, you can see it on your way out.”

  “Can we, please?” Olvar perked up.

  “I’m tired,” Zun complained.

  “What do you think?” The Colonel turned to me.

  I shrugged. “Well, since it’s on the way, why not? We need to get to the parking garage, anyway.”

  The Colonel lifted Zun onto his shoulders, and the boy grabbed on to his dad’s horns with both hands, like onto the handle bars of a bike.

  “Let’s go then.”

  The drone led us through yet another walkway under an arched glass roof. A large crowd gathered inside the next glass dome.

  “What’s there?” Olvar hopped around me, trying to see between the people.

  “Something big,” Zun replied. Sitting on his dad’s shoulders, he had the best vantage point. “It’s moving.”

  With the hard expression of authority forever etched on his face, the Colonel moved through the crowd with ease, making it part for us. I followed in his wake, firmly holding Olvar by his hand. The boy didn’t particularly like being led this way, “like a baby” in his own words. With this many people, however, it would be impossibly hard to locate a five-year-old child if he wondered off.

  The “something big” turned out to be the “space blob,” like one to those I saw attacking the Colonel in the video he had sent to me.

  A fescod.

  This one seemed even bigger in person than in the video. Its shapeless bulk hulked over the crowd. Skinny protrusions with eyeballs and pincers randomly appeared and disappeared from his body.

  Fear ran down my arms in goosebumps when I thought about the Colonel having to face several of them, all on his own.

  The creature was on a low platform, surrounded by a glowing metal barrier set with sharp spikes. He appeared agitated, lunging at the barrier with force. Every time the glow touched his concrete-gray skin, it sparked, leaving black scorch marks on his body. The spikes left pale welts on his sides.

  He didn’t yell, roar or howl, though I was certain the barrier was causing him pain. The complete silence from the fescod was eerie and unsettling, especially in contrast with the lively noise of the crowd. The Voranians idly walked by, pausing to take a look at one of the beings who’d invaded their planet and lost.

  All battles of that war had been fought far away from the City of Voran, I’d learned. For most people under the dome right now, the fescod was not much more than a curious creature, very much like the rest of the exhibits in the Zoo.

  “What’s that?” Olvar asked, attempting to step closer to the barrier. I held onto his hand tighter, drawing him back to me.

  “It’s a fescod, the species your father fought in the war. Right?” I glanced back at the Colonel for confirmation.

  He stared at the fescod, his expression dark. I worried that seeing his enemy in person again might trigger something inside the war hero.

  “Shall we go?” I asked quietly, touching his arm.

  “Yes.” He turned away, heading toward the exit.

  “They shouldn’t have him here,” he said as we walked down one of the narrow walkways toward the parking garage.

  “Because he is a sentient being displayed like an animal in the Zoo?” I asked.

  “No,” he bit off. “Because it’s not safe for the public.”

  “Oh.”

  “Fescods’ intelligence is in their Common Mind. Once cut off from its signal, they aren’t capable of processing problems or creating solutions. The debate about whether they’re even self-aware is still ongoing. That
must be what allowed the Zoo to organize this exhibition in the first place.”

  “So, without their ‘mind,’ they aren’t intelligent enough to attack?” I asked, hurrying next to him down the walkway.

  “Oh, they attack any chance they get. An individual fescod is not much more than a mindless robot, unable to plan or organize without the Mind. His inherent aggression, however, still makes him very dangerous. The barrier they have is not adequate to contain an enraged fescod. He’s aggravated by it. It’s only a matter of time before he gets angry enough to break through it. I’ll need to talk to Drustan about this. As the Governor, he would be able to put a stop to this.”

  A sudden noise came from behind us. Screams of panic and the thundering sound of hooves rushed in our direction.

  “What’s going on?” I turned around to look back.

  “Come.” The Colonel promptly grabbed me by my arm, dragging me toward the end of the walkway, which still was quite far away. “Faster.” He broke into a jog, forcing me to keep up, Olvar running beside me.

  The crowd around us thickened, nearly blocking the narrow passage.

  “Fescod! Fescod broke loose!” Voranians screamed, rushing to the exit along the walkway and sweeping us with them.

  “Oh no!” Just what the Colonel had been worried about. And it had happened even faster than he’d predicted.

  “Keep moving, Daisy!” the Colonel shouted.

  I concentrated on not losing the sight of his carved horns as the crowd spilled between us, separating me from him. In the chaos, I didn’t even realize when Olvar’s hand had slipped out of mine.

  “Olvar!” I screamed in horror, noticing that he was gone. Peering through the mass of panicking people, I searched for the little boy. “Come back! Where are you?”

  “Daisy.” The Colonel made his way to me. Wrapping an arm around me, he half-carried me to the exit then finally out of the tunnel and onto the parking platform. He then pushed me to the wall around the corner, away from the Voranians rushing by.

  “Olvar!” I fought his grip, desperate to run back inside the glass tunnel. “He’s back there. Olvar!”

  Pure horror flashed through the Colonel’s expression, then his calm focus returned.

  “Here.” He took Zun off his shoulders, handing him to me. “Take Zun to the aircraft. You two get inside and lock the doors. Stay there, until I come back. Don’t get out, no matter what happens. Understood?”

  I nodded rapidly several times, clutching Zun to me. “Oh God, please find him.”

  “I will.” He rushed off, heading back into the tunnel against the rushing crowd.

  “Come, baby,” I muttered to Zun.

  Holding him to my chest, I ran, keeping close to the wall for as long as was possible. I refused to set Zun down, even as he seemed to grow heavier in my arms by the minute. Dodging the people who dashed all around us, I turned toward the centre of the parking platform where our aircraft was located.

  “Here we go.” I clicked the doors open as soon as I reached the aircraft. “You come right here, honey.” I put Zun into his seat and buckled him in.

  “Where is daddy?” the boy’s voice was so tiny, it made my eyes swell with tears as the inside of my nose prickled.

  “He’ll be right back, sweetheart. He’ll just need to—”

  Something enormous slammed at me from the side. The air was knocked out of my chest. Every single bone in my body seemed to crack and shutter as I crashed to the ground.

  “Zun! Lock the doors, baby!” I screamed.

  A huge, shapeless, gray mass moved over me, blocking my view of the boy...and the world around me.

  GREVAR

  “Olvar!”

  Shoving people out of his way, he moved against the current of the panicking crowd. A few of the Zoo security personnel joined him, trying to make their way back to the fescod exhibit.

  They should’ve been there all along. Bitterness fueled his anger at the failure of the management to foresee this. If they had only consulted someone who’d actually been to war with those things. If anyone had only asked him before deciding it was a good idea to exhibit a fescod, seething with aggression, for the peaceful weekend crowd.

  “Olvar! Where are you?”

  “Daddy!” a child’s voice came from up ahead.

  Olvar!

  He increased his efforts, moving faster while pushing against the avalanche of people. Squeezing all the way to the wall, he saw his son up ahead. Curled against a support arch, Olvar crouched low to the floor by the wall. It was a miracle he’d managed to escape a crushing blow from one of the many hooves rushing by.

  Grevar couldn’t get to him yet, though. The crowd seemed to be thickening by the minute.

  “Is he yours?” a man in bright civilian clothing asked, scooping Olvar off the floor.

  “Yes!”

  “Daddy!” The boy reached for him over the moving forest of horns.

  “Come here, you.” He snatched his son from the stranger.

  “Hurry,” the man said urgently. “Get him out of here. The monster back there has been trampling over anyone who tried to stop him.”

  Fescods weren’t easy to stop. With no necks to snap or heads to smash, with thick skin, and all their appendages often completely hidden inside their bodies, they were nearly invincible. Someone who had never faced them in a battle before wouldn’t know what to do.

  Well, at least the Zoo security had the right weapons on them as they rushed past. They should be able to stop the carnage.

  His priority was to get his family to safety as soon as possible.

  Carrying his son under his arm, Grevar hurried back to the parking platform.

  Out of the tunnel again, he headed straight in the direction of their aircraft. First, he had to get his family out of danger, then he’d have to see what could be done about the raging fescod on the loose.

  He stopped in his tracks at the sight of the amorphous body of the fescod suddenly rolling out of another walkway and onto the parking platform.

  Then, his heart nearly skidded to a stop as the creature rammed into Daisy at full speed, knocking her off her feet. Before the fescod had a chance to go after Zun, who was gaping at him in horror strapped to his seat inside the aircraft, Daisy screamed, diverting the creature’s attention back to herself. Zun slammed on the button, lowering the door.

  Sprouting long protrusions tipped with sharp pincers, the fescod rolled over to Daisy.

  His wife screamed again, making his blood curdle with horror.

  Putting Olvar down, Grevar remotely clicked open the aircraft door on the opposite side of the fescod.

  “To the aircraft.” He gently pushed his son in that direction. “Lock the doors behind you.”

  The boy nodded, a somber focus on his little face. The Academy’s training must’ve kicked in, as his son sprinted to the aircraft at full speed, then jumped inside it and hit the door lock button—all without a word of fear or protest.

  At the same moment, Grevar charged the fescod.

  The old, familiar rage flared high. Only this time, it seemed a million times stronger as it was fanned by fear. Fear for his wife. The horror of any harm done to her blinded him as he rammed his horns into the fescod’s meaty side at full speed.

  Shoved to his side and away from Daisy, the alien switched his attention and his pincers to Grevar.

  Dark blood gushed from the two puncture wounds left by Grevar’s horns.

  Since his claws had been filed to better suit the peaceful life in Voran, Grevar was unable to pierce through the fescod’s thick skin by using his hands. His fingers slipped, getting no grip on the bulging mass.

  The fescod’s pincers dug into Grevar’s arms and shoulders, tearing at his clothes and his flesh underneath.

  He growled in agony, shoving against his enemy with all his might. They rolled on the ground together. Clawing at the fescod’s skin, his hands slick with the creature’s blood, he stuck one finger into the wound left by his ho
rns then quickly inserted another finger.

  The massive bulk of the fescod shuddered with pain as Grevar sank his fingers deeper. The pincers ferociously ripped at his army coat, fur, and flesh, but Grevar wouldn’t let go.

  Yanking at the edges of the wound, he ripped the fescod’s flesh open. It quivered under his fingers when he reached inside with both hands. Feeling the cluster of fescod’s beating hearts inside, he wrapped his fingers around it and ripped them all out in one hard yank.

  The fascod’s convulsing body slumped, spreading into a shapeless heap of torn flesh on the ground. He collapsed on top of it, catching his breath, his hands shaking from strain and stress.

  “Grevar...” Daisy crawled over to him, climbing up the grisly mess that used to be the fescod. “Please, please tell me you’re okay.”

  She touched his face. Fear and worry floated in her lilcae-colored eyes.

  Did she even realize she’d just called him by his first name? For the first time ever?

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders drawing her into his side.

  His boys were safe, and his wife was in his arms.

  “I’m fine, sweetheart.” He smiled at her. “Better than ever.”

  Chapter 18

  GREVAR’S INJURIES WERE treated right there at the Zoo. My own toll after the ordeal with the fescod, miraculously, turned out to be just shock and a few bruises. Thankfully, both children were completely unharmed. After the two of us gave our statements to the Security Forces, we were free to go home.

  From the aircraft, Grevar called the Governor Drustan, telling him in no uncertain terms exactly what he thought about displaying their war enemies in public places.

  I fed the children dinner from the food container given to us by the Zoo officials. Extremely excited after having watched their dad “punch the bad guy,” the boys had taken a while to settle down in the aircraft. Utterly exhausted, however, they had only made it to the main room after we came home, passing out on the couch on top of each other.

  His arm draped over my shoulders, I helped Grevar upstairs to his bedroom, then led him into his bathroom.

  Letting go of me, he sat on the edge of the tub while I ordered Omni to fill it.