Dead Paper Birds

by McKinney, Megan

  I leaned my head in my hands trying to fight off waves sleep. As sleep tried to push itself on me, I realized how much I actually hurt. My face especially. The cuts on my face throbbed, but they itched like crazy. I always healed fast, so it wasn’t a surprise that they were already itching more than throbbing. My hand was throbbing. I shouldn’t have punched that car. But it was either punch it or them. I pulled my face away from my hand to inspect it. The knuckles were swollen and bruised. I flexed my hand and it was fine, it just ached. Weariness settled on my body like a blanket, it set up shop in all my joints. None of them are going to want to move when I get up. But maybe tonight I’ll a get a couple of hours at least a good hour or two of sleep. I could only hope. I stood up and staggered a little. I felt Brody’s eyes on me but I ignored him and headed up the stairs. Maybe there’s a bed I could crash on. No matter how dirty or disgusting it is it beats the floor.

  Brody lingered in my mind through, he has a steady, ok somewhat steady girl. When she’s not out shagging every guy out there, she takes care of him. The kids though, I don’t think they’re real. Only a story to get pity. I sighed. I never liked spending too much time alone with him, it always felt like he was trying to look into my soul with his eternally moist eyes. Within the first few times of doing runs with him I figured out that he had a crush on me or at least it had started out as a crush and now I don’t know what to do about it besides ignore him. I had enough trouble without taking on his family too. But the way he was scarfing down the food. Was that another ploy for pity? Or did he really not have food?

  I don’t know and I don’t really care right now. I just didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with him besides doing business with him. I wasn’t looking for romance. I just had too much to do. Besides the day a man actually finds me desirable, and not just in a dependable kind of way would be the day that Emmie quits blaming me for Dad’s death.

  Once up on the second floor I found myself in a small hallway. The door to my immediate right was the bathroom. The two ahead of me must be bedrooms. As long as the two jerks didn’t take them, I could at least crash on a bed. The second door on my right was empty, but it had a bed and all the other furniture that a bedroom was usually composed off, a dresser in the corner and a bedside table. On the ceiling above the bed a swimsuit model was striking a pose. A boy’s room. On the shelves and on the dresser model cars stood covered in dust. I stepped into the room and stripped off my backpack, shoes and finally my jacket. I put them right beside the bed so they could be thrown on in a moment’s notice. I dusted off the bed, wrinkling my nose at all the dust and mold. Screw it. I ripped the blanket off the bed and flipped it over laying it back down on the bed. I turned the pillow over too before laying down. I pulled my jacket over me like a blanket. I stared blankly at the wall for a few seconds before my eye lids started to droop. Normally I have trouble falling asleep but tonight just wasn’t the case. Last night had been dealing with Romero and listening to his plans, not sleeping. Although it had been boring enough to fall asleep, I hadn’t dared to. I yawned and forced my brain to go blank. I needed sleep and that was what I was going to get tonight.

  Chapter six… Death really is everywhere

  I scanned the street again. It was clear. I dropped my face onto the back of the couch. It’s not that I wanted to deal with infected, it was more of a matter of time before we would. I was genuinely surprised that we had a quiet night. The most exciting thing to happen was an infected went running down the street screaming at the top of its lungs. The screaming woke me up from a dead sleep. Automatically I slipped my feet into my boots, threw my hands through my coat and grabbed my bow and knocked an arrow. I ran to the window and looked out, wide awake. The infected had ran all the way down the street and turned the corner at a full sprint, just screaming the whole while. I stood and watched, barely breathing. After it turned the corner nothing else moved. After a few minutes the screaming tapered off. Silence resumed. After that it had taken me awhile to go back to sleep, my nerves were twitchy. An attack could happen at any time, one noise and they could descend on us. One noise and it would mean our deaths. It had been a long time since I spent the night on this side of the wall. I could count on one hand the number of times I had slept out here. But this was about as secure as we would be for a while, it definitely beat some of the places I’ve stayed. My dad had taught me to meditate, to keep myself calm and to relax my nerves, especially when I needed to calm down before trying to sleep. That’s what I did. It didn’t take me long to fall back asleep after that. Then about three hours before dawn Brody woke me up when it was my turn to take watch and for him to go back to sleep.

  Three hours later the sun decided to rise, the eastern sky was pink and orange with gold tinged clouds. I was sitting on the couch switching my gaze from the sunrise and watching the streets, making sure nothing was trying to sneak up on us. We wouldn’t get much more of these sunrises. Soon it’ll be grey and wet. When it rained it seemed to zap all color away. I stared hungrily at the sunrise. It didn’t take long for the sun to have climbed high enough on the horizon for the brilliant colors to start fading away and being replaced by blue.

  Should I go wake them up? Or will they wake up on their own? Eh, screw it if they aren't up soon I'll jump on their beds. I smiled at the thought. Wouldn’t that give them a heart attack? I had to hold back a giggle. They wouldn’t even expect it.

  I finished with my rounding of the house not too long ago so it should be clear in the back, I won’t have to worry about that for a bit but I’ll have to check again soon. My stomach was making little gurgling noises, it was time for my meal of the day. Breakfast was usually the only one I cared about but I made sure to eat quite a bit for breakfast. I made sure I had protein and what scarce vegetables I could get my hands on. I mean who has the time to eat when you’re out on a run and when you get back home you’re ready to collapse in bed? Breakfast was enough for me most of the time. Depending on my day sometimes I would break for lunch or come home early enough to eat dinner. But breakfast time was the time that Lily and I had to ourselves. Whatever I made myself for breakfast, I made enough for her too. Like me she was an early riser. We always used that time to talk and giggle together. She would draw while I cooked. Sometimes she would convince me to play some music and we would dance in the kitchen. She was always the highlight of my day. Full of smiles, nothing could get her down. This morning would be the first morning where I wouldn’t be there to have breakfast with her. I wonder what Jack and mom told her? The truth? Knowing Jack he would go for the truth while Emmie would opt for a white lie, while mom would probably just stay out of it. I’ll miss her birthday but maybe my present will make up for it. I could only hope so.

  I curled my hand into fists. If it hadn't been for Brody tricking me then I wouldn't be here. Hell, at the root of it all it was Romero's fault. It was all his fault that I was out here with strangers. I punched the couch. I left my fist there while I focused on my breathing, trying to get my anger pushed back down. It still shocked me how quickly and how angry I could get. I focused on my breathing, and pushed all thoughts away.

  Creaking on the stairs announced someone’s presence and interrupted my meditation process. I turned to see it was Dean coming down. He nodded at me and I nodded back. Ok never mind he can go back to bed. I don’t want to have to talk and if it’s just us then I’ll feel obligated to talk or to answer him… dammit! Why can’t I be a normal person and be able to talk to people without getting pissed off or being awkward? This was the worst time he could have picked to come down.

  I looked back out the window. At that point my stomach growled loudly. I winced, why now of all times? Dean snickered behind me. “Sounds like someone is hungry.”

  I shrugged, trying to play it off. “Yeah, but I felt that eating while on watch kind of defeats the purpose of standing watch.”

  “Why do you say that?” He actually sounded interested.

  I turned myself so I could still
see out into the street but also see Dean. He was leaning against the far wall with his hands in his pockets. I took a small breath before answering. “Out here you want to be as quiet as possible while moving quietly and quickly too. These things are attracted to sound and movement. While you’re eating, you’re moving around too, and depending on what you are eating it can be crunchy and loud, which then it can impair your hearing. And usually food isn't quiet and if it is you have to use utensils to eat it. Then your attention is divided between eating and moving, but that’s if you’re on the move." I tried to sound friendly as I could, even though I wasn't in the best of moods.

  He frowned. “So, what you’re saying is that whenever you’re outside the walls you don’t eat?”

  “I don’t usually stay out long enough to worry about lunch.”

  “Based on that information, do you even know what you’re doing? Should I be worried about shoving food down your throat?” he asked quizzically.

  I glared at him. “Don’t be stupid. Even I have to eat sometime. It may not be much but it will be something.”

  I watched him dig into his pocket. “Here.” He tossed me a protein bar, same flavor as the one from last night. “If we had some I would shove some extra food into you. You look like you could use it.”

  I caught the bar in midair and stared down at it, holding back laughter. “Dean, no matter how much I eat I don’t gain weight. Believe me, my mom tried.” I ripped the bar open and scarfed it down, to mainly quiet my stomach’s growling and to get him off my back about eating.

  Dean laughed. “So, you’re one of those people. Before all this, I was the fat kid in class. I’d look at cake and gain ten pounds. Coming in last in gym class and being the bully’s favorite victim. If they knew that I’d outlive them all they wouldn’t have teased me so much.”

  Feet coming down the stairs saved me from having to reply to Dean’s last statement. Richard and Brody were both coming down. I went back to staring out the window, looking but not really seeing anything. They do see me as some little girl. Even Brody had me by a good 60-70 pounds. One of the other guys could bench press me if they really wanted to. I started chewing on my cheek, running my tongue over the rough patches where it was trying to heal. But what could I do? I can’t make myself grow anymore. I wasn’t lying, no matter how much food mom shoved in me I just didn’t gain weight. Maybe I should take up weight lifting. I snorted. Dean shot me a weird look.

  Brody sat down on the couch next to me. He offered half of his protein bar and I shook my head at him. He took it back miserably. I was not taking his food. He needed it too, maybe even more than anyone else here. Richard and Dean looked well fed. I know I was slim but Brody, his sunken eyes and tight skin said otherwise. If anyone needed the food it was him. He tore into the bar and sat back into the couch.

  Richard was sitting on the stairs, he spoke up. “We were talking last night. Hey girl, look at me when I’m talking to you.”

  My hands tightened themselves into fists and I turned my neck stiffly to stare at him.

  He cleared his throat. “Like I said we were talking, Dean and I. We decided that you aren’t leading no more. We will.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”

  “You, yourself admitted that you’ve never been out here before. And,” his hands curled into fists. "The way you killed it. You're a monster."

  “So just because I haven’t been out this far before automatically gives you authority? That doesn’t change the fact that I have more experience than all three of you put together! I know how to survive out here, while you don’t. And no, I'm not a monster. The 'it' I killed would have killed me if I hadn't stopped it. Out here it's kill first then ask questions later. Unless you want to die.” I don’t remember standing. But I did.

  Richard stood up, veins popping out in his forehead. “They are still people! You can’t just go around killing them! That's why we are out here, we are trying to fix this! So, you have no excuse for killing them! And as for your experience? Blah. I don’t believe it for a minute. Anything could take you down. A gust of wind could take you for a ride. Please explain to me as to why I should follow a murderous, mud loving girl like you?”

  Before anyone could react, I was moving. I stomped over to him, reared back my fist and punched him square in the face. Something cracked underneath my hand. He took a couple steps back, astonishment spreading over his features as blood burst from his nose and covered the lower half of his face in a flood. Then anger. Before he could try to hit me, my fist connected with his chest. He dropped back onto the stairs, grabbing his chest and wheezing. I stood over him, lifting my leg to stomp down on him. Someone grabbed me from behind, wrapping their arms around my waist. They lifted me up and threw me onto the couch. I landed on my face. I rolled over to see a gun barrel pointed at my face. Behind it was Dean.

  “Just stay down for a bit.” He backed off after I nodded. He leaned over Richard.

  I sat up and saw that Brody was standing near me. I rolled my eyes and stared down at my knuckles. They weren’t even red. I smiled to myself. I’m small but I do pack a punch.

  “Move Dean! I’m going to teach her a damn lesson! MOVE!” Richard roared. My head snapped up. Dean stood in front of Richard with both hands on his chest. He was speaking too quietly for me to hear over Richards yelling. But after a few moments Richard quieted down and backed off, blood was still streaming down his face in copious amounts. He pressed his shirt to it and tilted his head back.

  Dean then turned to face me with his finger pointed at me. “You two, stay away from each other.”

  I didn’t respond, at least not out loud. Dean stood there glaring at me as if everything was my fault. I glared right back. I could take them on. I was much stronger than I looked. Even though he was angry, there was hesitation in his posture. He wasn’t going to take me on. Not after what I did to Richard. I knocked the wind out of him with one punch. Dean finally turned away to follow Richard.

  I pushed myself off the couch and Brody moved in front of me again. Was he worried that I was going to go off and attack them again? Not right now at least. There were better times than right now. I shoved him hard enough away from me that he fell to the ground but not hard enough to hurt him. There was just enough sense left in my brain to keep from doing that. I had my shoes on already and my pack was by the door. I stooped over to pick it up and fastened it on my back while I opened the door. I didn't even look around me before I stepped out, I just needed to get out. I walked quickly through the grass. The grass was weighed down by dew but it still hit me about mid-thigh. It left my pants wet and heavy.

  I wanted to scream. Me a murderer? Those 'people' were not people anymore. They all had died a long time ago. The idea of curing them was ridiculous. Maybe as a preventative it would work to keep healthy people safe but other than that no. No point. I am not a murderer. How can you be a murderer when what you’re killing is already dead?

  The sun had finally made its presence completely known. All pretense of dawn had all but disappeared, all that was left was the crisp morning air. I could see everything clearly although it resembled twilight instead of morning. Not waiting for them I marched down the street keeping to the sidewalk. It was covered in layers and layers of dead leaves. My feet made squelching noises every time I picked them up off the ground. It must have rained sometime last night while I was sleeping. The sound was going to drive me insane. I stepped off of the sidewalk and I slid. I yelped while trying to catch my balance. I finally regained my balance before carefully taking another step. I would have liked for it to dry up a bit more before moving out but because of mine and Richard’s yelling we should be moving out quicker. If anything had been in the area our presence had been announced loud and clear. I zipped my jacket up to keep my body heat in, it was almost cold out. My breath misted around my face, I know after a couple hours I’ll be missing this cool morning air. The mornings were cold but the afternoons were still warm enough to be almost hot when c
ombined with exercise.

  It wasn’t long after sliding I heard heavy breathing coming up behind me. I pulled out my knife and whipped around with it raised. Brody stopped and stared at me wide eyed with his arms held out away from him. I dropped my arm that was holding it and turned back around with a sigh. I stood there for a moment, letting him catch his breath. Even though it broke my rules, I couldn’t help but ask. “Why did you come?”

  “What?” He gasped. He was holding onto his side, like he had a stitch.

  “My arm was forced into coming,” I turned back around to face him. “But yours wasn’t? You have a family that needs you just as much as mine needs me. So why?”

  He looked down at his feet and mumbled something.

  “What?”

  He stared me in the eyes and opened his mouth but before words could come out there was horrific scream from behind him. He whipped around and we both watched Dean and Richard come running around the corner with a group of infected chasing them.

  “Shit. Run Brody!”

  Brody didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him. I jerked my arm out his grasp.

  Great just great. I knew we should have left sooner. I should have said something instead of just leaving them. That was my fault. Ok Alice, think what’s the best way to lose them? The problem with infected was that they would chase you till they caught you or they died. They were determined bastards I had to give that to them. But they weren’t that smart. If we could get out of their line of sight and hide we could have a chance. They were primarily sight hunters, they would still look for us at the last location they saw us. They just didn't have the mental capability to search the area. They would gather in the last area that they saw us and move around there until they wandered off or other prey distracted them.