Dead Paper Birds

by McKinney, Megan

  “Rick you son of a bitch.” I muttered.

  He greeted his dogs, talking to them and running his hands over them. Only after they’d calmed down did he finish approaching. He smirked at me. “I should’ve known better than to have gone back.”

  “Rick. Why’d you go back? I mean I’m happy that you care that much but why?”

  “Do you really think that I would just leave you back there with those dicks?” He asked.

  “No, you wouldn’t.” I admitted.

  He clasped me on the shoulder and held me with our foreheads resting on each other. “I’m sick of the rain, let’s take this conversation inside.” I followed him into the blazer where he stripped off his outer layers. In between sips of hot broth, he told us what he’d found when he’d gone back. “Everyone was hooting and hollering when I finally arrived back at their camp. Everyone was running in each direction, hell I watched two of them run right into each other knocking. Knocking themselves out. I only stayed there long enough to figure out that you weren’t there, at least not anymore. Like I said I shoulda know that you would’ve gotten out somehow.” he interrupted himself with a coughing fit. “The only thing I couldn’t figure out was why the pandemonium? Sure, some chaos is whatever but this was more than just that.”

  “It was probably because of me.” I filled Rick in on what had happened to me. From the point of waking up in the cell all the way to rescuing Dean.

  Rick opened his mouth to speak but Richard beat him to the punch, “So now that you’ve had closure, do you think you can cut it with the lone wolf crap?”

  I launched myself at Richard. All the anger and fear that I’d been carrying around with me filed itself down to a single point: Richard. I wrapped my hand around his throat. He was too surprised to fight back which gave me the upper hand. Dean tried to pull me off of Richard by first pulling on my waist, then my arms and finally he settled for trying to get my hands from around Richards throat. My vision was narrowed down to Richards reddening face, who was now slapping and hitting me. I bit down on one of his hands. Only dimly was I aware of all the shouting that was occurring around me. Something cold and hard was pressed against my temple. The pressure made me stop squeezing.

  “Let him go! Let him go now!” Dean was nearly screaming.

  Rick on the other hand was speaking calmly and quietly into my ear. His voice was the only reason that I was listening to at the moment. “That was a stupid, stupid thing to say. But you need to let him go or I will shoot you. And this is your one and only warning.”

  “Would you really?” I whispered. “Would you really blow my brains out?” I looked him in the eyes, “If I asked, would you do it?”

  Rick looked at me with horrified eyes. As reasoning slowly drifted back into my brain, I released Richard from my grasp. I kicked the door open to leave but Rick grabbed my arm, holding me back. “Alice,”

  I ripped my arm out of his grasp. “What is it with you people and trying to stop me?”

  “I don’t want you to do anything stupid. That’s why. Look I know who Vince was. I’ve met him before. And just because you got revenge doesn’t mean that it’s a closed case. He was the kind of person who enjoyed inflicting pain on not just others but himself too. He was a sicko and I’m proud of you for killing him. I just wish you could have had the opportunity sooner.”

  Chapter twenty… How did I end up the bad guy, I swear sometimes?

  The red lights from the dash bathed everything in a light that looked like we'd all been dipped in gore. Under the light my pale hands were fragile looking. Other than the headlights we were surrounded by darkness. My hands were stiff and aching from gripping the steering wheel so hard. It was just easier to hold it harder than I should than it would be to yell and scream my frustrations aloud. Each hand had to take turns in being pried off and stretched by the opposite hand. No matter what I did or how long I stretched them, always within a few minutes they just stiffened back up. My back was aching, it was right in the middle of it too. No matter the position I chose within a matter of minutes the ache would return. I’d lean forward, to the side then the other side, I’d slouch in my chair but nothing changed.

  Today, now, actually marked our fifth day of driving. the fifth day of uncomfortable silence and anger. Every little disagreement wound up at some point or another in a yelling match.

  I spared a glance beside me where Dean was sleeping. Coke was sitting in his lap with his head resting on Dean’s chest. Dean had tilted his head where it was wedged in between the seat and the frame of the car. His mouth was wide open and the sounds that were issuing from his mouth sounded more like a chainsaw than human snores. A small delicate line of drool was running from the corner of his mouth down to his shirt.

  With a small smile I turned back to the road. According to the maps and Rick this was a major highway or at least it used to be. But it was empty. On the other side of the barrier cars were piled up bumper to bumper. But it was easy sailing on our side. I’m not saying that it was completely empty but in comparison the twenty or so cars parked on the shoulder every couple of miles was still night and day comparison. I don’t remember the chaos or the panic when the undead took over but the remnants of those few weeks still left their mark. Panic makes you stupid. Stupid gets you killed. That's a fact Ill argue every single day till I die. Desperation though, it's only a few lines away from stupid, and we were getting pretty desperate. Driving into what used to be a major city I couldn't decide if it was that we were that desperate that we were making stupid decisions.

  I sighed, all this debating was wearing on my nerves. I should be enjoying the peace and quiet, the relative comfort of being inside instead of being exposed to the elements but there comes a point where you get restless. Restless wasn't quite the word since I was all for enjoying some deserved comfort but I wanted to be driving the other way. Back home instead of further and further away. The anticipation that was building inside I was ready to finish this. This trip has gone on way too long. I propped my elbow up next to the base of the window and rested my cheek in my palm. When we get back I'll have to try to find my family. I hope that everything worked out like it was supposed to. I hope so. I tried to stifle a yawn but it split my mouth wide open. I swear this is so boring. The red luminescent clock read 2:31 am. Only half an hour to go then sleep. It was my fault really, if I wasn’t so damn adamant about getting there so we could get back out then I’d still be on watch but I wouldn’t be driving. That had been an argument.

  “No, we stop for the night. We stop. There's absolutely no point in us driving when we cannot see! What if we get lost or run into a freaking herd of the dead?”

  “But we’ll make up for it instead of sitting with our thumbs in our mouths by at least doing something instead of just sitting like a bunch of sheep. Yes, we take the risk but we take the same risk by camping on the side of the road. There's nothing that we gain by sitting and waiting for the sun to come back up.” id countered.

  He jabbed a finger into my chest, “You act like you know everything that's out here. you don't. You don't know what can happen!”

  “Do you really think that I don't know anything? Then how did I survive this long? With my good looks? of course not. All we have to do is take precautions like make sure that we map out our route with alternates to take if we have to. If we plan it out ahead of time then we can make it work.”

  Rick and I went back and forth for hours. Even with the other two supporting my idea, he didn't like it. He was adamant that we don't move at night. That we would waste too much fuel and get stuck or lost then we’d be dead. Then what.

  The three of us coordinated everything purposely leaving him out of it. We would drive-in four-hour shifts, this way no one was doing all the driving. After the second night of driving through Rick gave in and we added him to the rotation. We only stopped to change drivers, replace fuel and bathroom breaks, otherwise we continued through.

  I sat back up and had to adjust my back. W
e were on the last bit of fuel now. I’d personally added the last ten gallons that Rick had left. The dial on the gauge was sitting just under half a tank. Tomorrow we would have to scavenge some. Most of the fuel that would be pulled out of these cars would be full of rust and stink to the high heavens. Rick had some sort of stabilizer that he would pour into it after filtering the fuel to make it usable again. It had to be one of the slowest processes left on the world though. We would probably lose a day in just trying to refuel.

  Movement in the rearview mirror caught my attention. Habitually my eyes snapped straight to it. There was enough residual light that filtered into the back seat to show that Rick was fiddling with something.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered. There wasn't much point in waking everyone up if I didn't have to.

  He shrugged, “Nothing.” He dropped whatever it was into the pack next to him. “How's the fuel?”

  “A little under half. So, I guess tomorrow we should get some more.”

  He nodded, “Yeah.”

  Ahead of us the headlights illuminated a pile up of cars. I turned the wheel and we squeaked past the crash by driving on the shoulder. In front of the accident, what looked like the cause, was a large semi-trailer that was lying on its side. I accelerated losing sight of the accident in the darkness. We rode in silence before Rick spoke up again, “How much longer do you have left?”

  “About twenty minutes,” I glanced at the clock. “But Dean made it clear that I’m not allowed to wake him up until exactly 3am.”

  “Alrighty then.” He chuckled. “Listen, I want to apologize about some of the names I called you when we uh… had that argument. I uh, said some things that I shouldn't have said.”

  “Wow, is that an actual apology here? I feel like it should be documented in some way.”

  “How about you shut up and accept it. Ok?”

  I waved my hand in the air. “Alright, alright I’ll accept your apology. But I’m not going to let you forget that.”

  “Forget what exactly?”

  I turned around to grin at him, “I was able to hold my temper and you weren’t.”

  He huffed but didn’t add anything. At three am on the dot I woke Dean up by shaking him lightly. I let Dean deal with Richard, he was the hardest man to wake up, so that’s why he rotated after Dean and not me. I stopped the car long enough for us to stretch, go to the bathroom (this was mostly for the dogs, they would get too ancy if we didn’t let them out). The air hurt my lungs in comparison to the air in the car, this air felt too rough. It was cold and sharp. Unforgiving. Back in the car I wrapped myself up with a blanket and let the soothing purring of the motor lull me to sleep.

  Chapter twenty-one… So close but so far away

  When I woke up weak sunlight was shining. Under me, the car was vibrating from the road and the road noise was a dull roar. Strangely comforting. I pulled my arm out from where it was pinned under me. I shook it trying to bring feeling back into it. Within a moment the pins and needles started. It hurt to let it lay there but it hurt to move it. While still under the blanket I used my other hand to try to rub it and see if that would even help.

  Wed been driving and going nowhere it seemed. The scenery didn’t change until sometime last night. We were still surrounded by trees but these weren’t the tall firs, they were the decorative trees that city planners used to make their cities look greener. Behind the trees, houses were lined up. Hundreds if not thousands of homes and businesses were still here, all they needed was people. Ahead of us the rest of the city was covered in fog. It reached out in tendrils surrounding the area around us making everything seem just ever so slightly out of focus.

  “The fog won’t last long with the sun.” Rick stated from the back. “It’ll burn it off within the next couple of hours.”

  I turned back to the houses and buildings that could be seen. From here as long as I didn’t look too hard it was almost easy to pretend that there were still people living there. Normal people that had families, they’d go to work or school, grocery shopping, pay their bills, they had lives that revolved around more than just surviving day to day. They didn’t have to worry about being eaten alive every second of every day. They had the same routine every day.

  The engine started stuttering pulling me from my thoughts. We were losing speed. Dean brought the car to a stop and turned off the stuttering engine.

  “Dammit.” Rick kicked the back door open.

  I sighed. We knew this was coming. I was just hoping we would be further along. Dean dropped his head on the steering wheel. “Hey, it’s going to be fine. Plenty of gas to choose from we just got to get it.” I tried to keep my tone light and humorous.

  He shook his head, dragging it across the steering wheel. “It’s not that… I’m just… I don’t know.”

  Um… Hesitantly I reached out and tentatively I touched his back with my fingertips. When he didn’t react, I rubbed large circles on his back. I always felt better after mom had rubbed my back, so fingers crossed. I let my hand do my talking for me since I was at a loss. I kept my nails short mostly due to them getting ripped off, I did have some nails that I was able to use though. I used them to scratch his back gently through the shirt. Words were only words. There was no meaning to them unless you meant it and what was the point in saying something unless you meant it. So, until he could tell me what was going through his head I wasn’t going to say anything. After a few minutes during which Richard had slinked out of the car, he lifted his head.

  “I wish I could just spit it out.” He finally said. His voice was flat, void of emotion. “I can’t erase what happened. I can’t even stop thinking about it when I sleep. About what they did to me.” He looked me in the eyes with his green ones, “I was able to be strong for you. You were covered in blood, whiter than a ghost. I could see it, that you were hurt just as deep as me. I was able to pull myself together for you. But it’s all crashing down. It’s not even over yet.” He trailed off.

  “It’s ok. I know that sounds horribly cliché. Yes, you’ll remember it for the rest of your life. But it will lose its edge. It’ll still be able to cut you but it won’t leave you raw and dying on the inside forever.” What else was I supposed to say? I don’t even know how to handle my own baggage; how do I help someone else with the same issue? I kept my hand on his back, rubbing the endless circles. “Dean I wish I could say that everything is going to work out. I wish, absolutely wish I could say that and have it come true. The only thing that I can tell you that is one hundred percent true: You don’t have to face it alone. I’m here, so is Richard. I’m sure you can even talk to Rick. He’ll probably have much better advice than me. The point is, that you’re not alone. We can all help each other.”

  There was a pause while I assumed Dean was processing my words. “Thanks, I just, it just seems so hopeless. Every step of the way we've had trouble after trouble and we've gotten by with the skin of our teeth. But what's going to happen in there? That's all that my brain keeps focusing on.”

  “Well take it one step at a time. That’s all we can do. One step at a time, even if they’re small steps.” I stopped rubbing his back so I could leave the car. “Well get through this. After this were going home.” That earned me a small smile that faded quickly.

  “If I had had the chance, I would have killed them all.” He savagely hit the steering wheel with both hands. “I would have killed them and I wouldn’t have regretted any of it. They were the monsters. To purposely inflict pain like that onto someone while enjoying it, while getting off on it. Then I think about what they did to you. Tried to chase you down like an animal.” He squeezed the steering wheel. “I just need a minute to calm down.”

  “Ok,” I stepped out of the blazer and stood in the sunlight. It wasn’t very warm but I still lifted my face up to it all the same. I loved the sun. I just felt like it wasn’t around enough. I took one last glance at Dean who was now staring off into the distance. At the back of the blazer Rick was gathering
all his equipment to start gathering fuel; gas cans, filters, hose, etc. I picked up one of the ten-gallon gas cans, but before I could even lift it up Rick set a hand on top of mine.

  “I can get the gas. I’ve been doing it on my own for years. What if I draw up a map and you three go in while I secure our retreat.”

  I frowned at him. “Wouldn’t it be safer for all of us if we just stuck together?”

  “Normally. But were only a mile or two out from the exit that we needed to take anyway. And this’ll give me time for me to get the gas ready. Once we hit the exit we would be on foot anyways. So, we just add a mile maybe two onto the trek and call it good.”

  “Ok, fine. Say you draw us a map. What if you get it wrong? Or we get lost because we had to go an alternate route? What then?”

  “You know you’re acting like I was born yesterday. I have a map Ill outline a couple of routes and if you have to improvise then you improvise. But you’ll have a map at least. Killing two birds with one stone. Can’t you at least agree to that?”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “What if you get attacked while were gone? Then were stuck.”

  He crossed his arms across his chest. “Again, you are acting like I haven’t been living out here for the past decade.”

  “No, it’s just common sense for us to stay together. Its asinine to split up.”

  “Do you want to find the cure? Do you want what’s left of your family to be safe? Or do you want them to die from the infected? If we split up we can achieve two things instead of just one. Gas is easy. It’s literally lying around for me to pick up. It’s just time consuming. Do you really think were operating with an unlimited timer?”