Forever Shade

by Shayne Ford

  Ugh!

  10

  TARA

  I look around the room, looking for the exit. Other than taking the fire escape, I have no other choice but to walk across the room and face him.

  Her.

  Them.

  Damnit.

  Even the words make me sick.

  Sure, I can pull a tough bitch stance, parade in front of everybody and compete, but it’s not my style.

  Not with him, anyway.

  Somehow I catch Maya’s gaze. Her eyes fill with concern as she gets a glimpse of my expression. I motion her to meet me on the side hallway where I spot a bathroom door. Tearing my gaze away from her, I head that way.

  She follows me shortly.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she says closing the door behind her.

  “I need to get out of here.”

  “Why?”

  She’s not only asking me why. She’s scolding me as well.

  “I think it’s pretty obvious. I can’t stand seeing him with that woman.”

  “What are you like? Fifteen?”

  Tipping my head to the side, I shoot her a stern glance.

  She clasps her hands on her hips, cueing me in that she’s not willing to put up with my shit.

  “You don't even know who that woman is.”

  “Oh... Excuse me. Isn’t that obvious? She looks like me, Maya. She’s not only the woman who’s going to warm up his bed tonight. He wanted to make a point.”

  “Which is?”

  My mouth drops open, words failing me.

  “What do you mean?” I mutter.

  “What is his point, Tara?”

  “I don’t know. That he doesn’t need me. That he can have someone like me whenever he pleases. That I’m replaceable. How the hell am I supposed to know?”

  “She looks like you, but she’s not you. Besides, if he puts so much effort into making a point don’t you think that he still cares about you?”

  “This is not about him caring about me, Maya. He wanted to get back to me. And guess what? He did. Does it affect me? Yes, it does,” I burst out. “I didn’t think it would affect me, but it does, and it makes me sick. Why? I have no fucking idea.”

  “Why would he get back to you?” she asks.

  “Why? He has a million of reasons.”

  “Name one.”

  “He knows about Thor.”

  “And?”

  I search her eyes for a moment.

  “You think he’s jealous?” she asks incredulously.

  I shrug and lean against the sink, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “It’s probably more than that. I’m not saying that the striking resemblance between them hasn’t spurred his jealousy, but his payback is also a way of pointing out how shallow I was, and how empty my words were. He knows me well. He knows what bothers me the most.”

  “You don’t know all that.”

  “That’s how I feel.”

  “Because you think you let him down?”

  I nod.

  “I did let him down.”

  She sighs.

  “Okay. Let’s say you’re right. It wasn’t only your fault. He vanished into thin air. He could’ve called you. He must’ve had his reasons why he stayed away from you all this time. That’s not even like him.”

  “No, it’s not like him. But that’s precisely the problem. He can’t make peace with it. It’s something he doesn’t know how to process. He doesn’t understand compromise when it comes to his heart. It’s all or nothing for him. He doesn’t know how to deal with me, right now. And seeing me with Thor has complicated things.”

  She gives me an incredulous look.

  “He couldn’t possibly expect you not to meet other men.”

  I shake my head.

  “No, no. That’s not what I’m saying. He reads through everything. Myself included. And right now, there are parts of me that have stirred doubt in him. When he can no longer trust someone, everything crumbles inside him. That’s not how he loves someone. He needs trust more than anything else. That’s how he is. If he gives you his heart, it’s yours. He gave it to me, and I pulled back for whatever–– more or less justifiable, reason. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Deep inside, he knows that I love him, but the things that I’ve done to him have shattered a part of him. That’s why he acts the way he does. That’s why he’s jealous.”

  She stares at me, her mouth open.

  “If that’s the truth, why do you want to leave?”

  “I told you already. I can’t see him with someone else.”

  “How are you different than him then?”

  “I didn’t say I am.”

  “You can’t just leave. We’re doing business with them.”

  She searches my eyes for a moment.

  “We’re still doing business with them, aren’t we?”

  “Yes. Yes. We are,” I say, irritated.

  “Okay, then. You need to adjust your attitude,” she says, a shred of humor lining her voice.

  I give her a small grin.

  “Don’t smile at me like that. I just saved you from looking stupid. You run a multi-million dollar company, and you never falter. And now that you have him still thinking about you and going the extra mile to teach you a lesson, which in my opinion is–– even if somewhat twisted, still a form of love, all you wanna do is scurry away like a weasel.”

  I breathe out a chuckle.

  “Did you just call me a weasel?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Okay. Fine,” I say, turning to the mirror and checking my makeup and my hair.

  “That’s better,” she says, doing the same thing.

  I shoot her a side glance in the mirror.

  “How are things with Chad?”

  Her lips curve into a soft smile.

  “Good. We’re getting there.”

  We lock eyes in the mirror.

  “Where exactly is there?” I ask.

  “His bed.”

  “Is that your plan?”

  She pivots to me.

  “No, that’s part of the plan. If I get another chance at him, he’s going to be mine,” she says, laughing softly.

  Biting my lip, I push back a grin.

  “Seriously, now,” she says, her smile fading away. “I’m going to be frank with him and tell him. I can’t do this thing again if it’s going to end the same way. I can’t be with him one night and then be broken for everybody else years down the road.”

  A grin tickles my lips.

  “I think he has an even better plan for you.”

  “What do you mean?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow.

  “I saw how he looks at you and touches you. I don’t know what his life was all this time, but one thing is sure. He hasn’t forgotten you.”

  “That’s what he says.”

  “Believe him.”

  11

  TARA

  Maya goes back to the bar while I put on my best face and start mingling with the guests.

  It doesn’t take long before I start glancing in his direction way more often than I’d like.

  As I shoot my gaze over the crowd, I spot Shade walking to the terrace. The woman follows him closely, clinging to his arm like a vine.

  My confidence begins to crack. Me pretending that I don’t care is not going work, and as much as I’d like to do something about it, there is nothing I can think of right now.

  Suddenly, leaving this place seems like a winning idea again.

  As I surveil my surroundings, looking for an escape, I spot a set of stairs descending to the beach not far from me.

  I sneak behind a group of people, and discreetly take my sandals off before I scurry away.

  The sound of voices, laughter, and music, stays behind me as I near the water.

  Soothing silence and the soft sound of lapping waves, envelopes me.

  My heart begins to slow down as my breathing steadies.

  Not far from the house, a patch of faint lig
ht stretches on the sand. I drop my heels and my purse on the ground, lift the hem of my skirt and lower myself on the sand.

  Hugging my knees, I stare blankly at the water, my eyes misty with tears.

  Minutes later, the noise of the house morphs into a quiet hum as the party draws to an end.

  Running my fingers beneath my eyes, I sob quietly, a few tears breaking away from my lashes.

  “Why are you crying, Tara?”

  His voice enters me at light speed, reviving every little thing I feel for him. He doesn’t sound like him.

  His voice is cold and distant.

  I flick my head in his direction, squinting into the darkness as I try to get a glimpse of him. He takes a step forward, walking out of the shadow.

  A small, metallic noise travels through the air as he flicks his lighter open. A trembling flame sets the unfiltered end of his cigarette ablaze, bringing his face into focus–– his chiseled cheekbones and irresistible lips.

  He steps closer, the red light of his cigarette glowing over his face again as he takes another drag.

  His eyes burn through me.

  “Hmm?” he mutters.

  “Why do you care? Isn’t there a woman waiting for you inside?” I throw at him, picking up my shoes, and my purse.

  Standing, I brush sand off my dress and legs.

  My feet sink into the ground as I rush past him, the orange tip of his cigarette tumbling in the air as he closes his arms around me and locks me in.

  “Don’t you dare,” I growl at him, my shoes and purse falling from my hands.

  He flips me to face him, and I start throwing fists at his chest.

  “Let me go.”

  The harder I hit him, the harder his arms close around me. Quickly, I run out of breath and steam, and my voice becomes a painful whimper.

  “Please let me go, Shade. Please.”

  My voice fills with tears as my heart beats broken. Sadness pours over me, and regret.

  “Please...” I say softly.

  The last ounce of resistance drains from my body. His arms relax, his hand slipping into my hair–– the same way it used to, his thumb slowly trailing down my neck.

  My body vibrates under his touch.

  “Please don’t do this...” I whimper again when he brings the other hand to my face.

  “Why are you crying, Tara?”

  His voice envelopes me, soft and warm this time, his hand sweeping my shoulder, and brushing my hair back. His his fingers trail down on my neck, and then across my collarbone.

  “Don’t do this to me… Please… I can’t go through this again. You’ve abandoned me once.”

  His finger travels up to my chin, and then his thumb brushes my lips. It’s a soft, tender touch that makes my heart ache.

  A slow grin curves his lips.

  “I’ve never abandoned you, Tara. You let go of me.”

  My eyes flick up to him.

  I look at him incredulously.

  “Yes, you did…” he says.

  “That’s not what it was,” I say, trying to defend the indefensible.

  He softly nods.

  “That’s exactly what it was. What did you expect?”

  I search his eyes for a moment. They glint faintly in the dimness. Like his voice, they speak of anger and resentment.

  Something collapses inside me.

  After all this time, my hope finally turns to ashes. What the passing of time and his absence couldn’t do, the sound of his voice has done it.

  All this time, my heart couldn’t quit.

  It was always there, lurking in the back of my mind, this crazy thought that we are still entangled, still connected, bound to each other.

  All this time, I thought that one day, he’d be back and prove to me that what we had, stood the test of time.

  But now, I realize… There’s nothing there.

  A stranger looks at me. His heart is empty of the feelings he once had for me.

  Oh, I was so right. And I was wrong at the same time. I made him lose his trust in me, but I never thought that it could never be undone.

  “You wanted me to stay away from you, so I did,” he says.

  “That’s not what I wanted,” I say, breathing out my desperation.

  “What did you want then?” he asks.

  I almost hear the gritting of his teeth.

  “You thought that I would compromise? Is that what you thought? You thought I’d give up on the woman that I love because of Elia’s setup? Was that it?” he asks, his voice growing angry, filled with disbelief.

  Tears blur my eyes.

  “I put everything on the line for you, Tara. To me, it was fucking worth it to take that gamble. To risk everything. At some level, I expected that you would do what you had done, and yet I went ahead and did it anyway because I hoped that you would surprise me,” he says quietly this time. “And you did surprise me. It’s just that it was the wrong kind of surprise. How could you possibly think that I’d hate you if I lost my inheritance money? How many times have I told you that it wasn’t my money? I grew up in it. It was handed to me. But I was no fool. I knew that it came with a price. A price I couldn’t pay because it meant to give my heart away. That was never up for trade. Elia couldn’t understand that, and as it turned out, you couldn’t either. Was life without me better?” he asks.

  I just look at him, unable to speak.

  “Hmm?” he mutters. “Was it?”

  Our eyes lock for a moment as I try to read behind his words and find my lost hope.

  “No, it was not,” I say quietly. “But I didn’t know back then.”

  “And you didn’t think much about it either. You weren’t willing to take a chance on me, and see where it could’ve taken us. You said you loved me, Tara...” He sounds beyond disappointed. “That’s not what love is. At least that’s not how I see it. Had you truly loved me, you would’ve trusted me.”

  “I did love you,” I say, frustrated. “It wasn’t about me trusting you, or about us.”

  “Yes, it was. Elia knew it. That’s why she messed with your head. She wanted to test you. She did. And you failed miserably. She wanted to teach both of us a lesson. To show me that you didn’t have enough strength to hold onto me and that your love wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. And in the end, she wanted to show us both that money always plays a role, one way or another. Whether we like it and admit it, or not. She made a point out of the fact that you weren’t ready to take the good and the bad when it came to the man you thought you loved. She did all that, and you fell right into her trap.”

  His words make my heart go still.

  He puts the cigarette out, his eyes not leaving mine.

  “I opened my heart to you, Tara, but in the end, it made no difference. No matter how much I loved you, she got to you faster than I could. She planted the idea in your head. And she played you just the way she liked it. All she wanted was to destroy our bond and trust. And she succeeded. That day I wanted to ask you to come with me. I wasn’t sure you’d say yes, and I was ready in case the answer was no. I would’ve waited for you to make up your mind, but that was no longer possible because you were already set on what you wanted to do. And you wanted to appease Elia.”

  “That’s not what I wanted...” I murmur, pulseless.

  “It didn’t make a difference what you wanted. And clearly, you didn’t learn much from it either.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  A sad chuckle rolls off his lips.

  “Then tell me what you learned.”

  “She did get to me because my mind wasn’t completely free as yours was, and she knew how to plant the seed of doubt in my mind. She made me feel guilty for what was happening to you. She knew that I’d do anything to protect you. Her instinct told her that. She knew that you were my only weakness. And she was right. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you–– and certainly not because of me. I truly believed that if I stayed away from you, you’d fix that mess with them. There
was nothing else I could do. I thought it was a sacrifice worth making to protect you. I didn’t think that it would turn out to be a big pile of crap and us would end up being apart. I didn’t think you’d disappear on me. It crushed my heart.”

  I lower my head and wipe away a few tears, smudging my mascara. More tears roll down my face.

  “I never thought that you’d actually leave me and never come back for me, but the more time passed by, the more I realized that the money and your note were my clues. In time, it dawned on me that you must’ve known that we’d go different ways. But how could you possibly know?”

  “You weren’t ready to leave everything behind and follow me, and Elia’s successful ‘intervention’ confirmed that.”

  “But––”

  “She used you. Tara. That’s all that was. She knew she couldn’t get to me, yet she was so determined to pull us apart she wrapped it in this grandiose story and made you feel as if you had to sacrifice for me–– the man you loved. It was nothing more than a bunch of crap meant to break us apart. And it worked. It just fucking worked...” he says, his voice trailing off, drowned in sadness.

  In the distance, the house gets quiet.

  I toss a glance in that direction before I shift my gaze to him.

  “When did you move down here?” I ask as my tears begin to dry up.

  “I didn’t. I bought the house a few months back. It’s one of the several real estate investments I have made.”

  “Where is the woman you brought to the party?” I ask after a moment.

  A soft chuckle rolls off his lips.

  He walks to a ridge of sand and pulls his shoes off. He lifts up the hem of his tailored pants, folds his legs under him, and lowers himself to the ground.

  12

  TARA

  “Is that why you ran away?” he asks amused, fishing another cigarette out of his pocket.

  I close the space between us, slide my skirt up to my thighs and sit on the ground next to him, my back leaning against the mound of sand.

  As the lighter rolls out a trembling flame, I get another glimpse of him–– his head tipped down as he takes a drag off his cigarette, his beautiful hands shielding it from the breeze.