Forever Shade

by Shayne Ford

  A few bangs slide over his eyes.

  He brushes them back with his long-fingered hand, his muscles shifting. making his shirt pull open at the neckline. That’s when I notice his low dangling necklace.

  “You haven’t changed much,” I say, voicing a thought.

  He takes a long drag and slips his lighter into his pocket, a soft stream of smoke flowing from his lips.

  “You did,” he says.

  “What do you mean?”

  He cocks his head to the side and looks at me, his lips curled around his cigarette as he inhales. He lets the smoke out before he speaks again.

  “You are more beautiful than you were,” he mutters, drinking in my face.

  “Why are you smiling?” I ask.

  “Because it’s true. It’s a different kind of beauty. You’re more confident.”

  He shifts his arm to flick his cigarette, his watch catching the light and my eye for a moment.

  “Usually…” he adds, humor tinging his voice.

  He grins again.

  “You mean... not when you find me crying on the beach.”

  “Yeah... not so much.”

  An amused smile colors his voice.

  “You didn’t tell me who was that woman?”

  He rolls to his side, props himself on his elbow, and locks my eyes.

  Light shines down on his face, highlighting his handsome features while a smile tugs at his lips.

  “You mean the one that got you upset?” he asks, laughing softly.

  He slips his cigarette between his lips, his eyes squinting behind a drape of smoke while a sly grin beams on his face.

  I pull up to my elbows as well and study him for a moment. He holds my gaze.

  I roll to my side to face him, and prop my head on my hand.

  “Who is she?”

  He takes another drag, his eyes trained on mine, dancing with a smile.

  “She’s an escort.”

  My mouth pulls open in surprise not because he’s never been with escorts but because she’s not just any escort.

  Entertained, he gauges my reaction.

  “Are you only going out with women who look like me?”

  “Are you?” he shoots back at me, his smile wiped away in a split second.

  I should’ve known that he was setting me up. In that regard, he hasn’t changed much.

  “Are you going out with men who look just like me…?” he questions me before he blows the smoke to the side.

  Raising an eyebrow, he gives me a lopsided smile pretending that it doesn’t matter to him, yet I feel him tense.

  “Hmm?”

  “I, um...”

  My answer lags.

  “Don’t lie to me right now,” he says, flicking his eyes to the ocean.

  I don’t detect anger in his voice, yet I feel him pulling away from me fast.

  “I’m not lying,” I say softly, prompting him to turn his eyes to me.

  “I’m not going out with anyone. And yes, that man looks like you.”

  He smirks.

  “He likes you.”

  “I don’t know.”

  He takes another drag and leisurely breathes out the smoke.

  “It wasn’t a question. He does,” he says, studying my eyes. “What about you?”

  He pauses. I offer him nothing.

  “Do you like him?” he asks.

  I feel the warmth of a blush spreading across my face.

  “Do you like the woman who accompanied you this evening?”

  A chuckle falls from his lips.

  “Fair,” he says, tossing me a playful smile. “But...” he adds and pauses, flicking his cigarette. “That is different.”

  “How?” I ask, mystified.

  “First off, I hired her, and secondly, I didn’t sleep with her,” he says before he ashes his cigarette again.

  I give him a questioning look.

  “Seriously. I paid her and let her go as soon as you vanished from the terrace. I never had the intention to sleep with her because… ”

  My eyebrows go up.

  “She looks like me.”

  “Yes, because of that. It took me an entire afternoon to find her.”

  “And not sleep with her.”

  He nods.

  “And not sleep with her,” he says, chuckling.

  “Was it worth it? I guess you wanted to make a point.”

  His grin fades away.

  “No. It was stupid. But seeing that man captivated by your charm didn’t sit well with me, so I did what any caveman would do. I paid it back.”

  “And why it didn’t sit well with you?”

  He tosses his head back.

  Grinning, he runs his hand through his hair.

  “Jealousy? I guess...” he mutters.

  “You’re not sure?”

  We lock eyes for a moment, his smile and dimples making him look so young. The way I remember him.

  “Yeah. It’s really hard to admit, but I was fucking jealous.”

  “Really? What about your women, Shade?”

  To my surprise, my question pulls a veil of sadness over his eyes.

  “What about them?”

  “Should I be jealous?”

  “Probably not. There weren’t that many.”

  He studies my eyes for a moment. I stay silent.

  “Mostly professionals and I don’t mean––”

  “Yeah. I know what you mean,” I say, suddenly annoyed.

  His eyes shift to me.

  “We shouldn’t talk about this. It doesn’t matter,” he adds, and a blizzard blows through me.

  “No. I think we should,” I say adamantly, my voice trembling. “I need to know the truth.”

  “What good would do to you? It doesn’t really matter. There wasn’t anyone that mattered.”

  “Who were the rest of them?”

  “Random hookups.”

  “Relationships?”

  He pauses.

  “No.”

  “Please don’t lie,” I say.

  “I’m not lying. I didn’t spend time with any of them. I didn’t fucking care about them. All right?” He flicks the cigarette away. “No matter who they were I couldn’t feel anything. It was all a fucking blur. And I stopped completely after the night I spotted you on that terrace.”

  “Terrace? What terrace?”

  He leans back against the drift of sand and folds his arm beneath his head.

  I wait, grappling with a bad feeling.

  He flicks his free hand up.

  “Two weeks ago,” he says with a quiet voice.

  “You were there...?” I murmur, grappling with disbelief.

  “Yes. I was there. I saw you... and you almost saw me.”

  His eyes shoot a glance at me, filled with worry, as I push up to my arms and leap up to my feet, ready to bolt.

  “Tara?”

  13

  TARA

  He knocks me down before I have the chance to take a step.

  Entangled, we tumble down and roll onto the drift of sand. I fight him before he slides on top of me and pins me down, and then we stop.

  “Please stop playing with me,” I say, no longer squirming beneath him.

  “I’m not playing with you.”

  “Yes, you are. You always had the upper hand, and you always knew stuff ahead of time because you had a hand in everything. I’m not a toy, Shade. I’ve told you right from the beginning.”

  “And I’ve told you that it’s not going to be easy, haven’t I?”

  His voice strains, pushed through his clenched teeth.

  “You’re not telling me the whole truth,” I say.

  “Ask.”

  “Why did you have to leave? You knew you were going to leave me. You fucking knew it. That’s why you took me to Bariloche. You gave me a taste of you… And who you were. You let me imagine what we could be together. You made me fall in love with you, and then, you planted all those ideas in my head. That I was the one f
or you… That you wanted me for good. ”

  I pause. He releases my arms, his fingers tracing down my face.

  He stays quiet, his eyes speaking instead.

  “You messed with my head even before that. When you took me to Italy. I lost my fucking head because of you. You made me hate my old life, my job... everything that could’ve kept me in place. And yet you knew that sooner or later, the day you’d need to leave me behind would come. Unknowingly, Elia did you a favor. It happened that I fell into her trap. All along it was about you getting out of there. That’s why you had the money ready for me. And I imagine there was a stash for you as well. No one could’ve pulled that off on the spur of the moment––not even you, especially when they cut your access to the money. You had everything planned out carefully. It just happened that I came along and you sort of wrote me into your story without fully knowing where and how and if you could pull me back. That’s why you didn’t call me. That’s why you ran away from me. That’s why you weren’t sure if you wanted to talk to me that night on the terrace.”

  He lets out a long exhale, sorrow and regret washing his eyes.

  I feel the sting of tears.

  I always suspected what I read on his face now. But I’ve never seen it as clearly as I see it now.

  “I finally learned you, Shade. You broke free from your cage, and you said that you’d free me as well, and you did. And then you caught me and put me back in another prison. One made of love. Your love for me, of course, but in the end, you had no problem leaving me there. You hooked me to you and made me love you. Madly. Desperately. You shackled me to you, and then you abandoned me. Despite whatever else happened in my life, my heart was always tangled with yours. All you left me with was a big hole in my heart, filled with grief, and unanswered questions, crammed with guilt and regret.”

  His fingers gently trail my face, his eyes glistening in the dimness.

  “It was the worst cage I lived in. Worse than the one you found me in. That’s why I want you to let go of me now. Please...” I say with a softer voice, fighting back my tears.

  He stays quiet for a moment, his fingers tenderly brushing my face before he lowers his mouth and softly kisses me on my cheek.

  “I can’t let go of you, Tara. You’re mine. I never wanted to shackle you, but I had no other choice. I didn’t want to lose you. I would’ve lost myself as well. The time we shared together was the truth. None of it was a lie. I wanted to make you mine, but the time was not right. I had planned to break free, well before I met you. I only had one shot to make it right, and I couldn’t afford to screw it up. There were people who were helping me. That’s why I had to leave for Europe. I indebted myself to them, and I was in a tight race to break even and then, finally break free. I couldn’t pull you into that.”

  “But––”

  “It’s not a matter of trust, Tara. I trusted you, but I couldn’t have you dependent on me when I depended on other people. I had planned this business for at least a year before I met you. It took me time to gather the capital. I had to find people who knew me and were crazy enough to trust me. I had no credentials to go out there with and ask random people for money. That’s why I couldn’t alter my initial plan. But I knew I wanted you. You just came earlier than I expected. I didn’t mess up with your head and heart more than I’d done it with mine. I had to put you in a cage because I wanted to find you there when I came back for you.”

  “Why did you run away the night you saw me on the terrace?”

  “I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I couldn’t predict whether we’d have this conversation or not. Whether you’d hate me or love me. I didn’t know if I still meant something to you. And just to make something clear. I didn’t run away from you a year ago. I wanted you to come with me, but deep down inside, I knew you weren’t ready, so I prepared myself. That’s why I had the note and money ready for you. It wasn’t easy for me either. I couldn’t make peace with what you chose to do. But that was you, and your integrity. Honestly, I couldn’t blame you for that. You did the right thing according to your values. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t questioned your love for me. You showed character, and I loved you for that, but at the same time, I was hurt. I wanted your heart to be stronger than that, and it wasn’t. I wish things were different... The night I saw you on the terrace I knew you wouldn’t be there had you completely given up on me. Sadly, I feared the way you’d react. And I was right to fear. You bolted out the first time you saw me in the business center.”

  His voice softens as he smoothly cups my face, pulls to his side and rolls me to him, pressing me against his body.

  Our eyes connect. Different than before. There are no longer walls between us. But there are questions. And I sense a lot of fear between us. His and mine.

  “You have no idea how many times I pushed this image out of my head, afraid that it would never happen again,” he says softly, his eyes burning with emotion.

  I bring my hand to his face and trail my fingers along his jawline, caressing his skin. He takes my hand and kisses my palm, the touch of his lips spurring pleasure in my body.

  Curling my hand around his neck, I pull closer to him. Our lips touch in a soft kiss, filled with unspoken emotions, the air electrifying between us.

  It feels like heaven again.

  TARA

  “They’re almost finished,” Danielle says as we both rush past her office.

  I stop short, bringing her to a halt as well.

  “Is the boardroom ready?”

  “Yes. Ms. Torres left a few moments ago. She’ll be back around noon. Mr. Hennessy and his business partner are in your office. Everybody else is there.”

  “Okay,” I say before I tear away from her.

  By the time I reach the end of the corridor, the lawyers and accountants stroll out of my office, smoothly transitioning to the boardroom.

  I close the photo studio door just as the last member of my team walks by, heading to the other end of the hallway.

  I enter my office.

  Shade leans against my desk while Chad sits in an armchair, his ankle resting on his knee.

  A slim fit, blue shirt brings out Shade’s eyes. Chad’s white shirt sets off his raven hair.

  Shade uncrosses his arms and straightens his back as I stroll to him.

  Smoothly, he curls his arm around my shoulders and leaves a kiss on my cheek when the door of the photo studio opens, and loud voices and music spill outside.

  Shade’s eyes shift to the door, instantly darkening.

  I glance at the door as well just as Thor passes by, tossing me a smile.

  As if it’s not enough to stir up trouble, he gives me a soft wink as well.

  Smoothly, he vanishes around the corner.

  “That wink is going to cost him his job,” Chad mutters.

  I swing my eyes to him, then back to Shade who doesn’t seem to be amused at all.

  I break away from him.

  “The boardroom is ready,” I say, evading their eyes. “Maya will be back soon. We can start without her.”

  Chad pulls out of his chair and walks out of my office. Shade doesn’t move.

  I make myself busy, tidying up the desk while furtively glancing at him. He walks to the window, folds his arms across his chest and glances outside.

  I suddenly feel cold.

  “Are you coming?” I ask, my voice tense.

  He stays quiet. Emotions spin inside me.

  “He wasn’t what you think he was,” I finally say.

  He looks at me over his shoulder, his eyebrows tilting up.

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “Why are you so upset then?”

  “I’m not,” he says.

  I read right through it.

  He’s beyond upset.

  “Why does it bother you so much?”

  He turns around and leans against the window sill.

  “It doesn’t.”

  Planting my hands on my hips, I give him an
incredulous look.

  “Not in the way you think,” he adds.

  “In what way then?”

  “Every time I see him, I see me,” he says bluntly. “Aside from the physical resemblance, of course… It’s his youth and cockiness. He’s me, the way I used to be a few years back. It’s what you liked about me. Am I right?”

  I grin.

  “Yes, it’s true.”

  A smile tugs at his lips.

  “So, in a way, I put him in your bed.”

  I let out a chuckle.

  “It’s the past Shade,” I say.

  A mysterious grin spills in his eyes.

  “Is it?”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “He doesn’t seem to know that.”

  “He knows it, but I think he likes to mess with you,” I say. “He’s smart like you. He figured you out.”

  “Do you think he knows that I’d kill him with my bare hands?” he mutters without batting a lash.

  I laugh.

  “He probably does.”

  “And yet, he still likes to taunt me?”

  “What can I say, he has a playful nature,” I say, smiling.

  Sinking into my chair, I pin my gaze on him.

  “I can take his modeling gig away from him, but it wouldn’t make much sense. For one, he’s good.”

  His eyebrows tilt up, a smile flashing through his gaze.

  “Is he now?” he mutters.

  “Yes, he is,” I say.

  He purses his lips.

  “And what was the other?”

  I look at him, a bit lost.

  “Thing?’ he helps.

  “I don’t know. I forgot...”

  “Hmm.”

  “Oh... Yes. Firing him would make his story more important than it is.”

  He lowers his head, softly rubbing his chin.

  “Hey. Look at the bright side.”

  “Oh, there’s a bright side?” he says, amused.

  “It could’ve been worse. I could’ve been married by now to someone else.”

  His smile fades away.

  “Yeah, you could’ve been all that, but only if I failed at making you love me,” he says seriously.

  The air stops flowing into my lungs.

  14

  TARA

  We leave the restaurant in two cars.

  Chad takes Maya home while Shade and I head to his beach house. We ride in silence, the windows rolled down, a soft breeze playing in my hair.