Unspoken Fears (The Unspoken Love Series Book 4)

by H. P. Davenport

  A million different emotions race through my mind. Defeat, anger, loneliness, relief.

  Fury knots inside me. That bastard will live. He will eat three meals a day—at my expense. He’ll continue to breathe air he doesn’t deserve. What he did warranted the death penalty. I hate that he will continue to live his life after destroying mine. My mind considers the fact that with this news, we are both in our own prisons, and the irony isn’t lost on me.

  My stomach clenches tight. My mind wanders to that night, drifting to the worst days of my life… days where I begged the Lord to heal him. Where I prayed to the same man and asked Him why? Why was this happening?

  His voice echoes in my head. You are strong, Rory. You can get through this.

  Clenching my eyes tightly, I push those thoughts away. I can’t fall down that rabbit hole again. I fought too hard to get out of the depression I’d surrendered to, and I’m honestly not quite there yet.

  Red lights illuminate on the monitor. Sounds gush in from the room across the hall. Reaching to grab the monitor off the nightstand, babbling from my little princess fills my bedroom.

  “Is that my girl?” Brandon asks.

  “It is.” Maybe it is a good time to return to Philadelphia. With the guilty plea, perhaps we can try to find some closure. It will never bring him back, but it may help all of us heal.

  “You know what, I think I will come visit you my next weekend off. You can spend time with both your girls. I’ve been craving my favorite fries and a real Philly cheesesteak anyway.”

  When I open the door to the nursery, Leah continues with her baby talk. Once my little angel realized the noises were coming from her, she never stopped chattering. Her feet flail up and down as she clutches her plush grey stuffed elephant against the side of her face. It warms my heart that Leah’s favorite toy is this elephant and that she really doesn’t even know why. It’s almost like in some way he’s got this connection with her. When I told Keith I was pregnant, he came home with a bouquet of flowers for me, and the plush elephant for our unborn child. The look of excitement on his face lit up the room when he explained to me how he fell in love with how soft it was and that he just knew that our baby would be just as in love with it as he was when he bought it.

  “Good morning, princess. Did you sleep well?”

  Leah is finally sleeping through the night. Getting her on a sleep routine was difficult with my work schedule. Having my parents here in New York was another reason why moving was the right choice. I needed help. Raising a baby on my own with my career has been challenging.

  Of course, I didn’t anticipate returning to Philadelphia so soon, but I think the trip is needed for more than just myself.

  Scooping Leah in my arms, she lays her head on my shoulder and sticks her thumb in her mouth. “Let’s get you changed, pretty girl.”

  Placing her on the changing table, I set my phone down by her feet.

  “Brandon, talk to her. You’re on speaker.”

  “Good morning, precious. I miss my little girl,” he says.

  Leah’s dark hair that she inherited from her father sticks up in every which direction. Her deep green eyes that match my own widen. She is a perfect blend of both of us. Leah’s face lights up when she hears Brandon’s voice. Her feet kick rapidly, making it a challenge to unbutton her yellow onesie pajamas.

  “Someone is happy to hear your voice. Her feet are going a mile a minute,” I tell him.

  “My girl misses me. That should be enough to bring your ass to visit for the weekend.”

  “Language. She understands what you’re saying.” I make a funny face at Leah as my fingers tickle her belly, making her laugh. Her gummy grin widens, and her pale green eyes brighten.

  I wrestle her to get the dirty diaper off. Once I have her legs out and a new diaper on, I dress her in the outfit I had laid out.

  Brandon’s hearty laugh fills Leah’s room. “I said ass, and the last time I checked, it’s a hoofed mammal of the horse family. I’m sure she’ll hear worse as she gets older. Plus, what are you concerned about anyway, she doesn’t talk.”

  “Her first word should be mama, not ass.” I chuckle to myself.

  “Her first word will be Brandon, who are you kidding?”

  My mouth curves into a smile. “Has anyone ever told you you’re insane?”

  He chuckles. “A time or two, possibly. So, am I picking you up from the train Friday or Saturday?”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  Lifting Leah, I carry her to the kitchen and place her in the highchair. She pounds her fists on the tray. “I know, sweet pea. Mommy will feed you. Give me a second to heat your cereal.” Placing her binkie on the tray, her little chunky fingers grab it, shoving it in her mouth. Sucking is her favorite thing in the world, and bonus, it gives me a few minutes of quiet to prepare her cereal.

  “Why don’t you come today?” he asks.

  “No can do, not today, my friend. I have to work at ten. I need to feed her and drop her off at my parents. They’re keeping her overnight. A few of my co-workers are going out after work tonight, and I agreed to join them.”

  My mom watches Leah most of the time. She only goes to daycare twice a week, even then, my mom picks her up later in the afternoon. With twelve-hour shifts that occasionally run longer, my mom either keeps Leah at their condo, which is the penthouse in our building, or stays with her here.

  “I’m glad to hear that. Have fun and be careful.”

  “Yes, sir. I have to check my schedule and let you know from there.”

  Chapter Two

  Rory

  After my shift at the hospital, my legs hurt, my back aches, not to mention my feet are on fire. Hence why I am sitting on a stool rather than dancing with my few coworkers turned friends.

  My body yearns to crawl into my warm, comfy bed. When my shift ended tonight, I wanted to go home, but had already made plans with my newfound friends. Lucy, a nurse I work with, made me promise I would go out with them tonight. Figuring I would bail, Jacqueline, one of the other nurses from the hospital, forced me to pack a bag and get ready at her place since it was down the street from Aces.

  Week after week they’ve asked me to join them, and week after week I declined. Yesterday, I wanted to step out of my comfort zone, so I decided to take them up on their offer. Now, I’m counting the minutes until the band starts, so I can go home.

  Lucy told me I needed to check out the band, Side Effects, that performs at Aces every other Friday night. The bar has a laid-back feel with old rock and roll nostalgia on the walls, a stage, and a few pool tables. Sitting on a stool by the pool tables, I wait for the band to take the stage for their second set. Glancing at my watch, I realize it’s a little after midnight and I’m dead on my feet and just want to go home.

  My life differs from the few friends I’ve made while in New York. They’re all single. They enjoy going out after work, enjoying the nightlife New York has to offer. I, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury. Not that I’m complaining, I just have different priorities.

  The singer’s dark eyes scan the crowd, and the crowd roars. His attention drifts to the table closest to the stage. There’s a group of people surrounding the table, but one woman seems to have his attention. My eyes bounce from the stage to the group, and I notice he taps his lips then points to a pretty brunette. She, in turn, touches her fingers against her lips and nods her head back at him.

  Her facial expression screams adoration. I recognize that look. It’s a look that frequented my face a long time ago. Not anymore. I haven’t felt like that in some time and a big part of me misses the feeling.

  The man is handsome, over-the-top good-looking. Your typical rock star sexiness. He wears a black, fitted, long-sleeve shirt and jeans that hang low on his hips. The sleeves of his shirt are pulled up, showing off arms full of colorful tattoos.

  He runs his hand through his unruly hair. Slowly he walks over to the microphone and adjusts the height of the stand. The
girls in front of the stage scream louder, causing him to laugh and shake his head in amusement. Raising his hand, he silences the crowd.

  “Are you having a good time tonight?” he asks, getting a boisterous reaction from their adoring fans. “We have an exciting night planned for you.” His voice thick, and soothing.

  The girls at the table next to us scream, “We love you, Jamie.” If I had to take a guess, I would assume Jamie is the lead singer with the way the women in the front of the stage keep reaching up to touch him.

  “In case this is your first time watching us, let me take a few seconds to introduce the band.” He points to his chest, “I’m Jamieson, but everyone knows me as Jamie.”

  The crowd erupts.

  Jamie points to the drummer, “This here is Isaac.” He bows his head, acknowledging the introduction, then twirls his sticks in his hands with the skill of a master craftsman.

  “Over here, we have Parker.” The guy slings his guitar around his body, then lifts his hand in the air to the mass of people here to listen to them perform.

  Jamie turns his attention to the other side of the stage and points, “Alex, our bassist.” Alex nods his head but continues to fine-tune his bass.

  “We’re going to play some of your favorites and a few new ones. Are you ready?” he asks seductively, raising his eyebrows.

  He moves closer to the crowd, “I don’t think I heard you. I said, are you ready?” He raises the microphone out toward the wall-to-wall people.

  The noise in the bar deafens as everyone hoots and hollers.

  All the lights in Aces shut off, leaving the room black except for the lights lining the back of the bar. You could hear a pin drop until Isaac taps out a few thumps on the drums. Parker joins in with a few simple chords on his guitar. The crowd explodes, Jamie’s voice fills the air with the first few words of the song and goosebumps blanket my skin.

  A spotlight casts down on Jamie, and his gaze is steady as he sings, never breaking eye contact with the brunette at the table in front of him. As he sings What About Me, my heart pounds in my chest as I listen to the lyrics. They are beautiful, yet painful at the same time.

  When he gets to the chorus, the hair on my neck stands at attention. He continues with how his love has grown over the years, and that no matter what happens he will never leave her. Then he sings, “What about me? Why can’t it be me?”

  His voice is filled with so much love, but at the same time, I hear his pain. His eyes never leave hers while he sings. I can’t bring myself to look away from their interaction. The girl wipes tears from her face and moves her hand to cover her heart. His singing radiates with care and sincerity that captivates the crowd.

  He is entrancing. Every single female in the packed bar has their eyes on him. He makes the crowd feel the pain of what he sings. Tears build in my eyes as I remember once being loved that much.

  When the song ends, the lights go out and the mood is completely changed when Isaac starts the beat on his drums. He plays for a few seconds before Jamie’s voice starts in singing Criminal by Disturbed, and the crowd goes wild. This is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I run. It gets my blood pumping as the lyrics flow through my ears and my feet pound on a treadmill or the pavement.

  The audience sings every word with him. People have their hands in the air, rocking to the beat. When Jamie gets to the chorus, he holds the microphone out over the group in the front near the stage and they sing into the mic.

  The crowd is loving this song, and everyone is moving to the beat of the music.

  Jamie looks over at me, nods his head, smiles at me and sings of being free from life.

  My body remains motionless for a moment.

  Girls scream at the front of the stage and Jamie continues to work the crowd, owning the stage and captivating the audience.

  The band plays what seems to be a few more fan favorites, as the crowd sings along with the lyrics. The songs are fast-paced, several of the people in front of the stage are dancing.

  My body jerks to the side, bringing me out of the trance from the music.

  As the music pulses, Jacqueline shouts. “Do you like them?”

  Clearing my throat. “Yeah, they’re great. They have quite the following,” I say as my eyes bounce around the packed bar.

  “I’ve been following them for about a year. They’re all single, except for Jamie, he’s married to the girl at the front of the stage.” Jacqueline points to the table where the pretty brunette sits. “I totally crush on Parker. Which one do you have your eye on?”

  Not wanting this to become awkward, I nod my head. My coworkers don’t know about my past. The past I’m trying to find closure with. A new city, a new me. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  “I’ll be right back, I have to use the ladies’ room.”

  Pushing back my stool, I get up and grab my wristlet, needing a moment to gather myself. Talking about dating makes me uneasy. Working my way through the crowd, I continue to push my way toward the back of the bar where earlier I saw the signs for the restroom.

  A weird feeling that someone is watching me comes over my body. My eyes draw toward the pool table and I’m stunned to a stop by a pair of dark eyes framed by a boldly handsome face.

  His dark hair gleams in the lights above the bar. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to his elbows, exposing the muscles on his arms. He has a decorative sleeve of tattoos on his right forearm. Instantly, I wonder how far up they go. Does he have any more? If so, where?

  My gaze flicks slowly down his body, then back up to his eyes, landing on his lips. I can’t bring myself to look away from his face. My body feels things it hasn’t felt in a long time. I take a deep breath and let it out, attributing this feeling to the environment I’m in and the little bit of alcohol I’ve consumed.

  He raises his eyebrows at me while he takes in my appearance. Starting at my feet, his seductive eyes roam my entire body. My nipples harden when they fixate on my chest. His gaze drops to my mouth for a split moment, and a flutter hits my stomach, overwhelming me and igniting all my senses.

  I lick them nervously and pull my lower lip between my teeth, biting it hard as my pulse quickens.

  The beginning of a smile tips the corners of his mouth. He stands up and pushes his hands deep into his pockets. Dark jeans and a baby blue shirt cling to his pecs and hug his biceps. The top two buttons of his shirt are unfastened giving me a glimpse of his sculpted chest.

  I made an enormous mistake. I should never have made eye contact with him. The man staring back at me is a level of gorgeous I’ve never seen except on the covers of magazines. He is breathtaking. When he looks at me, electricity seems to run through my body. I feel it. I feel it everywhere. In places I shouldn’t, or at least haven’t in a long time.

  Not knowing if he is going to approach me, I give him a curt nod of farewell and continue my path to the ladies’ room.

  When I look over my shoulder he’s standing there, and his jaw clenches, his eyes slightly narrow, watching my every move. They pierce me from across the room, a good thirty feet away. I swallow the lump in my throat and turn quickly away.

  Shaking myself free of the spell he cast upon me, I weave my way through the crowd and push through the door. I turn on the cold water, wetting my hands, I pat my face to cool myself down. Taking a few deep breaths to calm my nerves, my reflection stares back at me.

  What is wrong with you?

  What the hell was that about? I shouldn’t have felt that. It’s wrong. It can’t happen.

  ‘Have fun’. A deep, baritone voice tells me. A voice I recognize. A voice I still hear sometimes, mostly in my dreams.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I force myself not to go there. Not now. Not tonight. I’m here with my coworkers enjoying great music. I straighten the hem of my dress and tuck a few stray hairs behind my ear.

  I dig through my tiny wristlet, reapply a coat of lipstick, then throw the tube back in. I do a once-over in the mirr
or, running my fingers through my wavy auburn hair. Happy with my appearance and now finally composed, I leave.

  I make my way back to the table where my friends are. Sliding the stool out gently, I sit down. Jacqueline slides a shot glass over to me. “Bottoms up, you missed the first round.”

  Taking the glass, I swallow it with one gulp. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try not to cough as the clear liquid burns my throat. Quickly, I grab the piece of lemon wedge covered in sugar Lucy hands me.

  “Here, this is yours, too, catch up,” Jacqueline yells over the music.

  I lift an eyebrow and grin at her. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

  “You don’t get out much. We need to make sure you have a good time,” she hollers across the table to me.

  I take the second shot and place another wedge of lemon between my lips and suck. The sweetness of the sugar and the sourness of the lemon help mask the sting of the liquor.

  My stomach drops when I see the man from earlier approaching. My eyes trail along his body. He openly studies me in front of my friends. This man is more handsome up close than from afar.

  He sets a pint of Blue Moon on the table near my almost empty one. I try not to acknowledge him, but I can feel his eyes on me. Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll go away.

  With a raised brow, I pull the lemon wedge slowly away from my lips. He matches my expression, lifting his brows at me suggestively. Witnessing the exchange between us, my friends giggle quietly, then clear the area a bit, giving me a little privacy. He scoots a stool over and sits next to me. His head dips and his hot breath tickles my neck as he speaks. “Lucky lemon.”

  I shut my eyes as a fire burns within me. The heat of his breath against my skin causes my nipples to pebble beneath my black lace bra and goosebumps blanket my skin.

  Sitting back on the stool to create some space between us, I take a few deep breaths to help steady my erratic pulse. With heat in my eyes, I inspect his face. Being this close to him makes me feel things. My pulse races, my lady parts tingle. Damn treacherous body.