Embrace the Fire

by Felice Stevens

  “Hi. I’m Brandon.”

  The reaction was almost comical, in the way their eyes widened and their mouths formed perfect Os.

  Finally, a tall young man with finely etched features and light brown hair stepped forward. “Hi. I’m Steve. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you and Ash.” His voice dropped. “You’re so lucky to have him as a brother. If it wasn’t for him and Dr. Drew and the others, I don’t know where I’d be.”

  Pride swelled in his chest at what his brothers had accomplished. Thank God they’d all come through their journeys to get to this point, stronger and able to help. “I’m glad he was able to help.”

  “They’re all great; Dr. Drew didn’t know he was inheriting a whole group of kids when he started this place, but we’re like a family now.” The young woman whose name tag read Marly finished filing her papers and walked over to join them. “Ash was always sad, even when he was trying to cheer me up. I know how hard he, Dr. Drew, and your other brother were trying to find you.”

  A harsh, resentful voice broke into their conversation. “How come you didn’t try to find them?”

  Brandon’s heart squeezed. Meeting the dark gaze of the angry young man, Brandon recognized that look. He’d seen plenty of young kids like this, like he’d once been. This was a kid from the streets, one who’d lived a truly hard life.

  “I did try. But Luke had changed his last name so it was impossible for me to locate him.”

  “What about Ash?” Steve’s brow furrowed. “I’m sure that’s his real name.”

  His throat tightened, and his chest hurt from the tension of holding himself together and not falling apart. “I figured since he left and never came back, never tried to get in touch with Luke or me again, he didn’t care. That he forgot about us. Then, when I saw how rich and successful he’d become, with a fancy Park Avenue law practice, why would he want to be bothered with me? I wasn’t anything special.”

  At the sound of footsteps behind him, Brandon turned to see Ash’s agonized face. If he’d stabbed himself through the heart with a knife, the pain wouldn’t have been as great.

  “Is that really what you thought? You knew where I was all along, yet chose to be homeless rather than come to me?”

  “Ash, n-no, you don’t understand.” But in all honesty, it was the truth. He’d done it out of love, to protect Ash, not because he hated him but because he couldn’t involve Ash in his ugly problems with Munson. “It wasn’t like that.”

  “What was it like?” asked Ash. “Please tell me.”

  “I…I thought, you’d become rich and successful, and you wouldn’t want someone like me around. I was only going to be a burden and”—he took a deep breath—“a memory of the past you obviously wanted to forget.”

  “Someone like you? We need to talk.” With that, Ash took him by the hand and led him down the hallway, then into an office. His breathing cut sharp and harsh through the air. “Do you know what I did with the first check I got once I joined the law firm? I bought a suit, and I hired a private investigator.” Ash’s eyes glittered feverishly. “All the years I went to school and lived wherever I could, the only thing I could think of was how I’d failed you and Luke and how, if I made it—when I made it—I’d find you both, and we’d be together again and safe.”

  “Ash, I don’t blame you. You and Luke, we all did the best we could to survive.”

  “I almost didn’t.”

  His heart lurched. “Wha-what do you mean?”

  Ash closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before answering. “A year ago, I probably wouldn’t have answered you, but after all the therapy I’ve been through, I need to tell you.”

  “Ash, please.” Brandon moved close enough to his older brother to put his hand on his shoulder. “Tell me.”

  “For years, I hurt myself and a few times even tried to kill myself. But that’s done with now,” he added hastily as Brandon, horrified at what he’d heard, stared at his older brother, his eyes filling with tears. “I’m so much stronger now thanks to all that therapy, and I have Drew and everyone else.” Ash pulled Brandon down to sit next to him on the sofa.

  “Finding you was a reward, the ultimate happiness that could’ve happened for me. Never doubt that I wanted you, that I want you in my life. No matter what happened before, during, or after we were separated, you always have been and will be my brother. Always.”

  They hugged each other, unrestrained. This time no one needed to tell them what to do. Tears mixed with laughter as they hugged. A part of Brandon, the one part he’d kept to himself that still believed Ash hadn’t wanted him in his life, released the heavy burden anchoring him to the past. “We can start again, the three of us. It’s all different now. You and Luke are settled, with lives of your own. There’s no need to worry about me.”

  Humor returned to Ash’s face. “That’s what you think. Since I’ve been with Drew, I’ve inherited an entire family who worries.” He leaned back, contentment evident in his relaxed body. “I never thought I’d get to a place where I’d feel secure, accepted, and loved.”

  “Drew seems like a special man. He knows everything you went through? I mean, with Munson?”

  The love shining from Ash’s bright eyes amazed Brandon. Happiness had been a remote concept growing up in their house, except for those rare times when the three of them managed to steal some time away to spend together.

  “He does. It’s not an exaggeration when I tell you Drew saved my life. He and Esther both. I’d do anything for that woman.” He grinned. “You’ll see what I mean. She’ll capture your heart and twist you around her finger without you knowing what happened.”

  “I plan to move in there next week.” He’d take what Ash said more as a warning to be on his guard, not reveal too much.

  “Good.” Ash jumped up. “I think Tash is having his session now with Johnny. We can go to the back and prepare the room for the others, and heat the food up.”

  “Sounds good to me.” He followed Ash. “We brought some Italian food from the place Tash said you guys like.”

  They walked down the hallway to the back until Ash casually asked, “Is something going on between you and Tash?”

  Remembering their earlier conversation, Brandon honestly answered, “I have no idea.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “So, Johnny, sit down and tell me what’s been happening since our last session.” Tash took out a notebook from the desk and looked expectantly at the young man sitting across from him.

  To say Johnny had been completely transformed would be a lie, but there was little left of the angry, scraggly-looking teenager Tash had first met. He’d had a haircut, gotten some new clothes, and the sullen look on his face had been replaced by one Tash had seen before in the kids he’d helped in the past—cautious optimism warring with a defensive bravado. These kids were waiting for someone or something to snatch away the elusive happiness they’d only begun to understand existed.

  “Nothin’ much.” But Johnny bit his lip, and his eyes refused to meet Tash’s.

  Recognizing he needed to take a different tactic, Tash put down his pen. “How do you like the Clinic? It looks like you and the others get along pretty well; am I right?”

  “Yeah. They’ve taught me a lot, and I think they like me.”

  “I’m hearing a but in there. What’s the matter?” Tash pressed Johnny gently, not wanting to freak him out. He knew the young man worried about retaliation from his drug-dealing former boss.

  “What’s gonna happen to me? I ain’t in school. I don’t have no place to live, really.” He dropped his gaze to the floor and kicked the edge of the rug with his sneaker. “I don’t wanna go back on the street no more.”

  Tash’s heart went out to this boy. Johnny had never been given a chance to make something of himself. Another runaway kid with big dreams who’d come to learn life in the city wasn’t all bright lights. “You won’t have to. As long as you keep up with the program and work here, take
your GED classes like you have been, you’ll be fine. We’re working on it. I promise.”

  “I have been. I did well on the test I took, and my caseworker said she thinks I may even be able to graduate when I was supposed to if I study hard.”

  “That’s great. I’m proud of you. I know your temporary foster family, the Ortegas, reported how hard you’ve been working.”

  A rare smile touched Johnny’s lips. “I like Mr. and Mrs. Ortega. They’ve been really nice to me. I felt so bad when they told me how their son had been killed in a drive-by shooting.”

  Tash sensed Johnny’s discomfort as he watched him squirm in his seat. “It’s why what the Center does is so important. Every gun they get off the street is one less gun in the hands of a killer. One less innocent death.”

  “I know,” mumbled Johnny. “I still don’t believe Dr. Jordan doesn’t hate me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you. I happen to know he’s proud of you and how you’re trying to help yourself; we all are.” Tash came around from behind the desk to sit in the chair next to Johnny. “It takes a lot of courage to do what you’re doing. You’re helping not only yourself but preventing innocent people, children, from getting hurt by drugs and guns. Everyone makes mistakes. The hard thing is admitting it and learning from them.”

  “I’m never gonna go back to selling drugs,” Johnny spit out with vehemence. “I don’t want no one to die because of me.”

  “I believe you.” And he did. Tash could now send a silent prayer to whoever was listening that this time, a life had been saved, and Tash helped.

  “Thanks, Dr. Tash. I don’t know why you’re so nice to me, but I owe you one. You and Dr. Jordan.” They walked out of the office together and headed down the hallway to the front, where Tash heard the familiar voices of his friends.

  Everyone had gathered around the front desk and greeted them with broad smiles.

  “Tash, come congratulate Mike and Rachel. They’re engaged.” Drew waved him over, a huge smile almost splitting his face in half.

  He said good-bye to Johnny and grabbed hold of Mike to give him a hug. “That’s great news. I’m so happy for you both.” He leaned down to give Rachel a kiss on the cheek.

  Her green eyes glowed, and a smile of happiness lit up her pretty face. “Thanks so much.” Her arm was linked with Mike’s, but Tash caught a flash of a diamond on her hand. “We stopped by on the way to my grandmother’s house.”

  Drew raised his eyebrows. “You told us before Nana? You are in trouble.” He leaned against Ash, who put his arms around him. “I wouldn’t tell her you told us first.”

  They all laughed, and then Mike and Rachel left. Drew checked his watch.

  “Okay, gang, time to close up shop. See you tomorrow.” The three young people behind the front desk—Marly, Steve, and Johnny, busied themselves with shutting down the computers and locking the drawers. “Marly, honey, do you need a ride home?”

  The young woman shook her long dark hair free from the collar of her down jacket. “No, thanks. I have a ride with Javier and Steve.” She threw a grateful smile over her shoulder at Steve, who returned it.

  Steve checked his phone. “Javier said he’ll be here in five minutes. He can drop you off too, Johnny. We’ll wait in here until he comes, okay?”

  Drew nodded. “Of course. I’ll fix the door so it automatically locks behind you when you leave.”

  As the rest of the men broke into smaller groups, Tash noticed Brandon hadn’t left Ash’s side. Obviously, the brothers had a heart-to-heart talk that had brought them some type of closure. Even as he watched, Ash pulled out his phone and showed both Brandon and Luke something that caused them to break out into laughter.

  “What’s so funny?” asked Jordan, who walked over to them after hanging up his coat. “I could use a good laugh after hours of surgery.” He flexed his shoulders.

  “You’re angling for a massage tonight, aren’t you, Prep School?” Luke teased, as he placed his hands on Jordan’s back. “Hmm, you are one big knot.” He massaged Jordan’s shoulders and kissed his neck.

  Brandon caught his eye, and Tash recalled the massage Brandon had given him yesterday, which ended with a blowjob of such epic proportions it had rendered him weak at the knees. From the intensity of Brandon’s stare, it was obvious he remembered it as well.

  Shit.

  “Need a moment?”

  Tash inwardly groaned at Ash’s amused voice in his ear. Don’t let him get to you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He spun back around. “Everyone want to get started? There’s food in the back so we can eat while we talk.”

  He didn’t wait for anyone to answer and strode down the hall. To his great relief, he heard everyone follow him, and they streamed into the conference room. After they’d all taken their food and sat around the table making small talk, Tash cleared his throat. Avoiding Brandon’s glare, he began to speak.

  “In continuation of our discussion last month we here are teaming up with the Center and Wanda at the shelter to bring as many kids and teens together in a safe environment, whether it’s to talk to a counselor, like myself or Rachel, work with Brandon on their schoolwork, or simply have a place to go when they think there is no place for them.”

  “Brandon, you’re on board with this now, right?” Gage had finished eating and pushed his plate away as he faced Brandon. “No more freaking out and running?”

  “No.” Brandon shook his head. “I’m good. Since the last time we met, I’ve been helping out Noah and Tash with the call center. It’s been so incredibly fulfilling. Now as for the Center, I invited the two boys from my school who get bullied constantly. They seemed really eager.”

  Gage’s eye lit up with approval. “Dwayne and Wilson are so excited. I heard them this afternoon planning what books they want to bring with them.”

  “Yeah,” said Brandon. He put down his fork and stopped chewing his baked ziti. “I want to get them into helping some of the kids from the neighborhood around the shelter.” He glanced over his shoulder. “That’s okay with you, right, Luke?”

  Luke had his arm around an exhausted Jordan. “Of course. It’s what we envisioned the Center to be, right?” He nudged Jordan, who lay drowsily against his shoulder.

  “Hmm?” Jordan yawned and stretched. “Yeah, exactly. Keep the kids off the streets and out of the way of the people who might hurt them.” He drank some water and wiped his mouth. “Say, I meant to ask you. I know you can’t give any specifics, but how’s the kid, Johnny, doing? Has he been working out?”

  “Good news to report on that front.” Tash shared a smile with Jordan. “He’s following everything we’ve asked of him and made friends with the others here. I think he enjoys it” Tash’s eyes softened. “Honestly, I know how hard it was for you, but it might have been the best thing that ever happened to him to get involved with you. It may have saved his life.”

  “Well, I’m not saying it was worth it, but it gives me tremendous satisfaction to know that boy is off the streets and getting helped.” His pale blue eyes lit up. “I guess you could call me a lifesaver.”

  Luke groaned and appealed to Tash. “Now why did you have to go do that? You know how big his ego is.”

  Jordan leaned over and ruffled Luke’s curls. “Matches the rest of me.”

  With that comment, Drew rolled his eyes, Brandon cackled with laughter, and Ash’s facial expression was a picture of pained resignation. Luke, accustomed to Jordan’s overinflated opinion of himself, ignored him and spoke directly to Tash.

  “I’m happy the kid is getting help. I know he’d be going nowhere if he was still with the guy he worked for.”

  The humor wiped clean from Jordan’s face. “In all seriousness, I spoke to Jerry earlier today.” He glanced at Tash. “You remember him; he was Keith’s partner.”

  At Tash’s nod, Jordan continued. “Jerry said with Johnny’s help they were making good progress on nailing down this Donovan bastard, and they hope to make an arrest
shortly.”

  After today’s session, he couldn’t have received better news. “I know Johnny will be relieved. That kid really wants to make something out of himself.”

  “And you think he can, don’t you?” asked Luke, a thoughtful look on his face.

  Tash knew Luke was still somewhat suspicious of Johnny because he’d sold Jordan his drugs. But Johnny wasn’t the one who’d beaten Jordan, sending him to the hospital, nor did he control a gun-running, drug-dealing cartel in New York City. The kid was only seventeen, after all.

  Before he could answer, to his surprise, Brandon cut him off. “I do. I know kids like him. Hell, I was a kid like him.” He dragged his hand through his hair. “Not the drug dealing, but the gutting hopelessness of life, when you wake up in the middle of the night wondering why you were even born.”

  There was no need to wonder anymore, as Tash watched Ash place a comforting hand on Brandon’s back and lean over to speak quietly in his ear. The three brothers proved sometimes good things happen. It might’ve been a journey through hell for them, but through sheer determination and a strong will never to give up, these three men had survived, though each had to go through a very different personal hell to reach the point where they were today.

  As young as Brandon was, he seemed to have come out of it the most unscathed. Despite losing two siblings, an abusive father, and life on the streets, he’d risen above it all and become a teacher, untouched by bitterness. It was a remarkable story.

  Minutes ticked away as the men continued to talk among themselves. Tash busied himself cleaning up the table when Gage slipped up behind him. “I’m happy for you, man.”

  Tash faced Gage. Losing a lover was heartbreaking, losing a sibling, inconceivable. For a moment, he thought of Valerie. “I—we…” There was nothing he could say to Gage. The man could always read him. Plus, as Valerie always told him, he was the lousiest liar; every emotion showed on his face.